Never Say Never (Lakeview Contemporary Romance Book 3) (29 page)

F
rom her bedroom
window the following day, Catherine watched them giggling and laughing with one another outside Olivia’s house like they were a couple of teenagers. Tears sprang to her eyes. She was losing Matt, she knew it.

Despite what Matt had described as their ‘disastrous’ weekend away, despite all the hullabaloo about Ellie’s hair, they still seemed crazy about one another. If Matt had thought of taking Catherine away for a weekend with him, it would have been far from disastrous. Olivia didn’t know how lucky she was that he kept going back to her, despite her carry-on.

And talk about being overprotective! Jeez, the woman was close to obsessed with that child. Catherine supposed it was because she’d been widowed, and Ellie was all she had in the world, but still! If Olivia wasn’t careful, her daughter would grow up terribly spoiled. Not that she was a bad kid, Catherine thought, a little guiltily. Ellie
had
taken some time to settle on Friday, but she’d over-exaggerated when she told Olivia her daughter had had a tantrum. She was very good-natured really, and Catherine felt bad about using her to try and upset her mother’s new romance.

Matt seemed fascinated by Olivia, though – it was as though he felt some sort of kinship with her, simply because they were both widowed. Catherine felt what lately had been an all-too-familiar sense of panic. What if Olivia and Matt and their respective children started playing happy families? What would happen to her if they all lived happily ever after?

Yesterday, after Olivia had gone off in a strop over Ellie’s new haircut, she’d quizzed Matt about the woman’s husband, and how and when he’d died. She’d been naturally curious about it, but more importantly, she wanted to find out if the two had had the heart-to-heart over the weekend that Matt expected.

But to Catherine’s utter delight, it turned out they hadn’t shared any stories, past or otherwise.

“She was totally preoccupied with getting home to Ellie,” he said, over the hearty meal she’d prepared for him. “The time wasn’t right. I told her a little bit about Natasha, but she seems very hesitant to talk about Peter. All I know is that he was her first love, they’d been together since their college days and she presumed they’d be together forever.” He shrugged. “Obviously, things didn’t turn out that way. I’d imagine she’s finds it hard to let go.”

“It must be very difficult for her,” Catherine said, using her most compassionate tone. “Matt, I know you like her a lot, and she seems a lovely woman but …” She faltered, as if unsure how to say it. “Olivia might not yet be ready to move on. If she’s still not over her dead husband, well, you could be in for a very difficult time.” She patted him on the hand. “And as far as I’m concerned you’ve been through enough already these past few years. Don’t bog yourself down in a relationship that might not be going anywhere.” Her heart thudded as she waited for his reply.

“I know what you’re saying, and you’re right to be concerned – it’s just …” Matt’s expression softened and his eyes took on a faraway look, “she’s the one woman, the
only
woman since Natasha to make my heart beat faster.” He gave a short laugh, while Catherine desperately tried to keep her sympathetic smile from slipping. “Sorry, that sounds like something from a cheesy film.”

“Well, I’m glad you said that and not me,” she teased, although in truth she felt sick to her stomach.

“Seriously, Catherine, I want to stick with this – I think it could be something special. She’s wonderful, Ellie’s great and, more importantly, Adam seems to really like both of them.”

“Yes, but, Matt, do you think it’s a good idea to have the children so involved at this early stage? If things don’t go according to plan then it will be very difficult for them.”

Matt stroked his chin. “Of course I’ve considered that too, but something in my gut tells me that things
will
work out between me and Olivia – and for the better. Just think, Catherine,” he said, his eyes shining with pleasure, “Adam might finally have the mother figure he’s had to do without for so long and –” he broke off, when he saw her crest-fallen expression. “Oh, of course, I didn’t mean it that way, and you’ve been great with him – the best, but it’s not quite the same thing, is it?”

This time, Catherine couldn’t hide her true feelings. Whatever about losing Matt, she couldn’t bear to lose Adam too. She loved that little kid with all her heart. “I know it’s not the same,” she protested. “But I love him as much as any mother could.”

“I know you do and I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean that like it sounded. You’re wonderful to him, you’re wonderful to us. As I keep telling Olivia, we just couldn’t have coped without you.”

Have
coped? What the hell did that mean? she wondered.

Now, seeing how well those too were getting on, and how determined Matt seemed to make it work with Olivia, she would have to work harder to make sure that Matt and Adam didn’t discard her like some old piece of furniture. For the past few years, she’d made those two the centre of her life.

And she wasn’t going to give them up without a fight.

L
ater that afternoon
, Catherine decided to pop down to the small corner shop nearby. She rarely shopped there, preferring to get a full grocery shop in the larger supermarket on the outskirts of town, but today she had an ulterior motive. In the few times she’d been here since moving to Lakeview, mostly popping in for milk or after a day out with Adam, she’d realised that the shop’s proprietor was a bit of a gossip. Catherine hoped that today the woman would be in fine fettle.

To her delight, the small shop was empty and the shopkeeper, Molly, gave her a friendly wave. “Warm outside today, isn’t it?” she said, rolling her eyes and fanning her face.

Catherine gave her a winning smile. “It certainly is. I’m painting my dining-room at the moment, but it’s hard to keep going in this heat.”

Molly leaned forward, her eyes shining with interest. “Oh, are you living locally?”

“Yes, Cherrywood Green. I’ve been there a few months and it doesn’t need a lot of work, but still, you have to make it your own.”

“Of course, you bought Eileen Kavanagh’s place, didn’t you?” She made a half-hearted sign of the cross. “God rest her, she was a lovely woman.”

“So I believe.”

“Yes, I thought I’d seen you in here before. You moved in just before Easter, wasn’t it?”

Wow, you don’t miss a trick, do you? Catherine thought
.
All the better
.

She nodded. “It’s a lovely place and very quiet, but at the same time, it can be hard to get to know people.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry to much about that, pet. Given time you’ll know everyone, although in fairness most of them keep themselves to themselves up there on the Green. They’re all a lot older than you too, of course – I can’t see stuffy old bridge parties being your thing.” She laughed gaily before supposedly adding as afterthought. “So, you’re there on your own then?”

“Single white female, that’s me,” Catherine agreed, with a self-effacing grin.

“Ah, I can understand then why you might find it lonely. No man on the scene at all?”

Wow, Catherine thought, this one really goes in for the kill.

“Unfortunately, no. All the good ones are either married or gay, and the rest aren’t worth bothering about – not the ones I meet anyway.”

Molly laughed along, but then her eyes grew serious. “I suppose you have to be careful these days too, don’t you? What with all these stories you read in the papers.”

“Absolutely,” Catherine answered. “And in a way, that’s why I’d like to get to know a few more people around here – you know, just so they can keep an eye if needs be.”

“Well, you know me now,” the older woman laughed and extended a hand. “Although we haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Molly Cronin.”

“Catherine Duffy,” she said, shaking Molly’s hand with enthusiasm. “Although, now that I think of it,” she added, as if just remembering, “I do know one of my neighbours, although not very well really. Olivia Gallagher?”

“Of course. Wasn’t I one of the first people Olivia met when she moved into the area? She’s a dote, so she is. And I suppose she was a bit like yourself – you know, a single woman, no husband or boyfriend to look after her.”

Catherine held her breath and waited for her to continue.

Molly shook her head sadly and then lowered her voice slightly. “Poor thing, in my opinion she deserves a nice romance, so she does.”

“Well, I really don’t know her all that well, she’s a little bit shy and I didn’t want to ask, but I guessed she lost her husband …” She let the sentence trail off in the hope that Molly would take the bait.

The older woman looked pained. “Yes, it was a terrible thing, a terrible tragedy altogether. She often pops down town with the little one to buy flowers for the grave, and it would break your heart seeing the two of them head off – Ellie with her little pictures and everything …” She trailed off, a sorrowful expression on her face.

“A tragedy?”

“Yes.” Molly went on to fill Catherine in on the situation with added gusto. “Oh, it happened before she moved to Cherrywood Green, and Olivia doesn’t say much about it, but reading between the lines …”

“Between the lines?” Catherine made a mental effort to stop behaving like a demented parrot.

Molly leaned forward and gave a quick glance towards the back of the shop, apparently not wanting to be overheard, but unable to resist passing on the rest. “Apparently, she’s somehow to blame for what happened to her husband. He had a turn and she wasn’t there to help him. You do know she used to be a vet but, of course, she had to give it all up when the child was born. I think she does a bit now and again though for the Animal Centre up around Enniskerry.”

“Yes. But you said he had a turn? Like a heart attack?” Now Catherine too was leaning forward. “He died of a heart attack?”

“Supposedly – and him only a young man. Isn’t it terrible? But according to Maeve McGrath one who lives a few doors down from her – and who if you ask me is an awful motor-mouth –” she added disapprovingly, “Olivia is still cut up with guilt about it because she wasn’t there to help him.”

“But how was that her fault?”

“It happened at home, not above in the green mind, they were living nearer Dublin at the time, but anyway, the way I heard it, that day she was supposed to be home early, but she was called out on some emergency, and she was late back. Apparently, if she’d been back a bit earlier she might have been in time to help him.”

“But that still doesn’t explain why she blames herself for it.” Catherine was thinking out loud. “He could have had a heart attack at any time.”

“That’s what I thought, but sure, who knows how people deal with these things? Obviously the poor crature felt she should have been there and, if she was, then she might have saved him, and all the rest of it. It’s a very big if, but if that’s how she feels, then God love her, that’s how she feels.” Molly blessed herself again.

Catherine nodded absently.

“And of course, wasn’t it ten times worse because, apparently, hadn’t she only just found out that they were going to have a baby? They’d been trying for years, seemingly,” she added authoratively.

“How awful,” Catherine murmured, although her mind was elsewhere. “You say the neighbour told you all this?”

Molly reddened. “Well, no, not all of it … I mean, I know Olivia well of course, but some things you don’t ask straight out. No, Maeve let slip a few things, and a lot of it I figured out for myself.”

“Oh.” So it was just tittle-tattle, gossip and nothing more, Catherine thought.

Still, she had shed some light on why Olivia was still so obsessed by her husband – because she rightly or wrongly blamed herself for his death. And oh, wouldn’t Matt just love to try and help her through that? He was soft as marshmallows at times, and the fact that Olivia was carrying this so-called burden of guilt would probably make the silly sap fall for her even more.

“The poor thing,” Catherine said, plastering a compassionate smile on her face. “Now I understand why she can be so shy and mysterious sometimes.”

“Yes, she can be like that. Now, you won’t tell her about our little chat, will you?” she said, backtracking slightly. “I’d hate Olivia to think I was talking about her behind her back. She’s a lovely girl and a good customer and normally I wouldn’t say a word but …”

“My lips are sealed,” Catherine soothed. “And sure, you only told me because you know I’m anxious to make friends, isn’t that it?”

“That’s exactly it,” Molly agreed, apparently satisfied with this idea. “And if you two are going to be friends, it was only fair to fill you in on Olivia’s background, just so you wouldn’t put your foot in it or anything. I think you two might be just what the other needs actually – you both could go out hunting for men together, maybe.”

“Maybe,” Catherine said with a smile, before adding, “Of course, I’d hate myself for Olivia to think
I
was – ”

“Don’t worry about that, sure if she asks, I’ll let on I hardly know you,” Molly said with a maternal smile. “Although, now you’re a bit more settled in Lakeview, I do hope we’ll see a lot more of you from now on.”

Oh, you’ll see plenty of me, don’t worry
, Catherine thought to herself, as she smiled and said goodbye to Molly.
I’m not going anywhere just yet.

L
eah saw Josh that afternoon
. She had agreed to meet him on neutral ground – in a café near the apartment – and it was amazing, she thought, how calmly and maturely she was managing their break-up. There was no going back, she had told him, no second chances. He hadn’t said much, but she had been shocked upon seeing him. His eyes were bloodshot, his face pale and he looked as though he hadn’t slept in weeks. She’d tried desperately not to let his appearance get to her. Somehow, the calm, mature, adult way they were dealing with the situation made things much harder. In some ways, she longed to have a screaming match with him, hoped he would act like the typical cheating scumbag by begging for her forgiveness and swearing that he would never do it again. But Josh didn’t do that. He seemed to calmly accept that their relationship was probably over, but kept telling her that he would go along with whatever she wanted to do. “Whatever makes you happy,” he had said, and Leah thought mournfully that it would be a long time before anything made her happy again.

In the time that followed the viewing of the tape and Josh’s admission, she had thrown herself into work at the shop, experimenting with different flavours, different textures and producing way more fresh chocolate than could possibly be sold.

She sighed inwardly. She wasn’t particularly looking forward to this get-together at Kate’s house tonight. The invitation had been issued ages ago, and much as she needed to get away from her own company and her own thoughts, she wasn’t sure that a night with the neurotically maternal Kate would do her any good.

But when Leah and Olivia reached the house, Kate seemed in flying form.

“Dylan’s fast asleep,” she said gleefully upon their arrival and, despite her own heavy heart, Leah was gladdened to see Kate looking much better.

This time at least she was fully dressed, although clearly she wasn’t yet back to herself, the shapeless tracksuit hanging off her rakish frame. By contrast, and in an effort to make herself feel better, Leah’s hair was freshly styled, and she was wearing a bright multi-coloured Pucci-style top over blue jeans. Blast it, she’d thought, she might as well look as though she was coping.

“Come through,” Kate said, leading them through to the kitchen, which, normally spotless and uncluttered, had now been taken over completely by baby-related appliances and paraphernalia. There were babygros drying on the radiator, stacks of Milupa lined against the wall, a whole vat of Johnson’s baby powder on the counter-top, and enough nappies to cover every baby born in Ireland for the next twenty years. Who’d have thought babies needed so much? Leah thought eyes widening, as she tried to take it all in.

She sighed deeply, not sure if she was able for this tonight. Olivia looked at her, a silent question in her eyes.

Kate didn’t seem to notice. “Now, I thought I’d get Dylan down much earlier,” she twittered, “and I completely underestimated how long it would take to get dinner organised. So, if you two don’t mind, do you think we could order Thai or Chinese or something?”

“Fine by me,” Leah said easily, and took a seat at the table alongside Olivia.

“Me too.”

“Great. Now where did I put that menu – although at this stage Michael and I know it almost off by heart and …” She stopped, only then sensing the atmosphere. “What’s wrong?”

“Josh and I have broken up,” Leah said, as calmly as she could muster. “I just wanted to let you know, and I don’t want my problems to get you all down. I came here tonight to try and forget about it – so Kate, don’t look like that.”

“But – but, when did this happen? More to the point
what
happened?” Kate spluttered, sitting down alongside her. “No, hold on – don’t tell me anything yet – I’ll open a bottle first.”

As Kate rummaged in the fridge, Olivia gave Leah’s hand a reassuring squeeze. She didn’t want to have to relive the whole scenario by telling Kate, but it was clear she didn’t have much of a choice.

“The stupid …!” Kate exclaimed, when Leah explained about the tape. “How could he?”

“He made a mistake, Kate, anyone can do that,” Olivia said, a note of warning in her tone.

“A mistake?” said Kate incredulously. “He went and did the dirt on Leah with his ex-girlfriend. What, did he forget which woman he was actually with at the time?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Leah shook her head. “Things had been a bit funny between us, before. We hadn’t been getting on all that well, and I was up to ninety trying to prepare for the opening and – ”

“I’m sorry, Leah, but I sincerely hope you’re not blaming yourself for this,” Kate interjected. “
He
’s the one that did the dirt.”

“I know that, Kate, and thanks very much for reminding me.” Leah said through gritted teeth. “But the truth is, I might well have contributed to the fact the relationship wasn’t going well.” And this was true. As much as she’d love to blame it all on Josh, as much as she could blame it all on Josh, Leah had to admit that she wasn’t exactly guiltless in the entire scenario.

Olivia spoke carefully. “Leah, as much as I would love to choke Josh Ryan at the moment, I’m inclined to agree with you. You were very preoccupied, you told me yourself that you thought things were a bit stale.”

“Oh, for goodness’ sake, I don’t believe what I’m hearing here. Have all those romantic novels you two read gone and fried your brains, or what? Leah, Josh
cheated
on you. Please don’t go down the road of thinking that it might have been ‘all your fault’. He’s a grown man, not some immature schoolboy. He has to take responsibility for his own actions. Why do women in these situations always blame themselves?”

“Kate, I’m not just a woman in a ‘situation’ – I’m your friend. And it might be very easy for you to see him as just another ‘cheating scumbag’ but I’ve spent nearly two years of my life with this man. I love him and I know that, despite what he’s done, he loves me.”

Kate shook her head. “I don’t believe this. Surely you’re not saying that you’re thinking of taking him back, are you?”

“It’s not that simple, Kate,” Olivia said. Then she turned to Leah. “He admitted it right away, didn’t he? There were no grand denials or lies?”

Leah nodded. “He didn’t have to – I knew by the look on his face when he saw the tape. But, the weird thing was, Kate, he didn’t even ask me to forgive him or anything like that. He just came right out and admitted that he’d messed up. He was in an awful state. And today, today was the same. I just think now that maybe I made some mistakes too.”

Unmoved, Kate shook her head. “Try and put yourself in his position. Would you have done the same thing? Would you, supposedly so in love with Josh, have gone out one night, got totally plastered and ended up with some bloke you knew in college or something?”

“Well, now that you say it, Kate, I really can’t say whether I would or I wouldn’t have. The thing about being drunk is that you’re not really yourself – you don’t really know what you would or wouldn’t do in that state.” She tried not to sound so touchy but Kate’s callous attitude was getting to her.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake.”

“Kate, I don’t know, OK? You’re not in this situation, so it’s easy for you to sit here and judge. I can’t say categorically that no matter how drunk I was, or no matter what situation I was in, I would never, ever cheat on Josh. Things aren’t that simple.” Sick of Kate’s prodding, by now her voice was shaking with anger.

Leah didn’t need Kate to point out Josh’s betrayal: she was trying her best to make sense of all of this, was trying to come to terms with how, if he loved her, Josh could cheat on her.

It was a mistake coming here tonight, she thought. Kate could only ever see things in black and white – for her, grey just didn’t exist in any colour chart. Yet things weren’t always black and white – rarely if ever.

Olivia broke the silence. “Everyone has moments of madness and can do things they wouldn’t normally dream of doing. Some people aren’t as strong as you are, Kate. I think that, yes, Josh did make a big mistake but he’s well aware of it.”

“There’s something else,” Leah said, refusing to look at Kate. “He told me that the night of the launch party, he was planning to propose.” She paused, trying to blink back the tears. It was this admission that had got to her the most. “But once he met up with her he …”

“Changed his mind?” Kate cut in and, seeing how much her remark stung, softened her tone. “Look, I’m sorry – I’m not trying to hurt you. But even you have to admit that it was a bit convenient of him to mention this when he was looking for forgiveness.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Josh never once asked me for forgiveness, he never once tried to explain his guilt away. All he asked was that I understand that he loves me and that he made a big mistake. He seemed to accept that he had messed things up and he didn’t ask me to take him back.”

People did make mistakes, didn’t they? And didn’t some couples go on after infidelity? Didn’t they work even harder as a result? Didn’t they forgive and forget?

She looked at Olivia for some assistance. “Surely you can understand this?”

Olivia nodded. “From what you’re telling us, I think Josh behaved pretty admirably since – OK, besides the fact that he cheated on you,” she added, seeing Kate shake her head in exasperation. “But at the end of the day, you’re the one that knows him best. You said before that you feel like you know him inside out. Do you believe that he is genuinely sorry for what has happened? Do you believe him when he says that he loves you, that he’s always loved you and that he simply made a mistake? Do you think you can forgive and forget?”

Leah was silent for a moment. Those were the questions she’d been asking herself these last few days and she knew in her heart of hearts that her answer was of utmost importance.

“Do you think you can forgive him?” Olivia asked again.

It took Leah an age to speak. Then …

“I don’t know … I … think so,” she answered hoarsely.

“Oh, come on!” Kate put her head in her hands in blatant disbelief. “Olivia’s hardly the best person to be giving advice, is she?”

Leah frowned. “Kate, that’s not fair – this is about me.”

In fairness, Olivia didn’t seem too disturbed by Kate’s comment, but as she turned to answer, Leah noticed her hands were tightly clasped together.

“Despite what you might think, Kate,” Olivia said, her tone measured and calm, “I have no problems with forgiveness – in fact, I think it’s good for the soul. Leah’s entitled to ask my opinion and I’m entitled to give it.”

Kate sniffed, annoyed at what she perceived as her friends’ weakness. “You two are unbelievable. Is there anything you
wouldn’t
forgive, Olivia? Oh, and speaking of which, I see our old buddy Robin is finally returning to the fold too, fresh from making money out of other people’s problems. Typical, wouldn’t you say? Here’s an idea, Leah, why don’t you ask
Robin
how to deal with this? I’m sure she’d only be too delighted to give you advice – before of course, turning around and stabbing you in the back.”

Leah shook her head sadly. “I really thought that motherhood might soften you up a bit, Kate, but no, you’re the same unforgiving, grudge-bearer you’ve always been, aren’t you?”

“What? I’ve only ever tried to stick up for you two – can’t you see that?”

Kate just couldn’t comprehend that sometimes people made mistakes, that it was inevitable, human nature, a simple fact of life. “It’s not your fight, Kate – it was never your fight. We’re not in college any more, and things are bad enough without your judgmental attitude.”

“I can’t help it if I don’t like to see my friends get walked over.”

Leah tried to speak evenly – otherwise she knew Kate would really go off on them. “I know that, but unfortunately you can’t impose your will on your friends, and you certainly can’t fight our battles for us either.”

“But Josh really let you down …” Kate slumped further in her chair.

“I know he let me down, but I let him down too, can’t you understand that? That’s why I’m so confused, that’s why I can’t trust my own feelings on the subject.” Her expression softened. “But Kate, when I ask for advice, I’m looking for advice, not recrimination.”

“Recrima wha’?” Kate said, but she seemed to have calmed down a little. “Look, I’m sorry. I just care about you, and I hate to see you upset.” She glanced at Olivia. “You too.”

“It’s OK, in a way I can understand what you’re saying. But you can’t keep harping back to the past and really, Kate, that crack about Robin was uncalled for.”

“What? I can’t believe you sometimes! How long are you going to keep defending her, forgiving her for turning out to be the most selfish, disloyal, unfeeling –”

“She was thousands of miles away,” Olivia interjected calmly. “It would have been impossible – ”

“It’s not too impossible for her to come home to promote her crappy book though, is it? Such a cheek. And yet she wouldn’t dream of coming home for something as unimportant and inconsequential as a funeral.”

“That was all a long time ago,” Olivia said, “and
I’ve
forgotten all about it –
I’ve
let it go, so why can’t you?”

“Because I just can’t,” Kate cried, and Leah was taken aback by how strongly she felt about it – still. “I can’t forgive her for that. So much for our grand reunion, so much for figuring out what would happen to one another. We all know what happened to Robin, so good at playing the shy innocent in college – the one we all had to look out for because of her and her blasted peanut allergy.”

“Don’t you think that maybe Robin’s suffered too?” Leah asked. “When was the last time you spoke to her? What – five, six years?”

“I have nothing to say to her, not now, not ever and certainly not when she comes over here on her ‘rub our noses in it’ tour.”

“Kate, that’s crazy,” Olivia said, laying a soothing hand on her arm. “You shouldn’t carry that kind of hate around with you. There’s no point. Robin is Robin and,” she shrugged, “I’m sure she has her own regrets about not coming back that time. Anyway, that’s not why we’re here. There’s no point in getting upset and arguing amongst ourselves over what Robin should or shouldn’t have done. It’s in the past. And we have to let it go.”