Never Surrender (15 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

G
ABE
HELD
HIS
BREATH
.
Dr. Cory Torrance stood on the opposite side of Bay’s bed. Since arriving at Landstuhl five days ago, Gabe had felt relief more than worry. The black-haired fortysomething-year-old neurosurgeon had been more like a mother hen to him and Bay than the brilliant doctor she was. She’d patiently led Gabe through the harrowing medical process of looking at CAT scans, MRIs and the multitude of test results, carefully explaining them to him in understandable terms. And now that Bay’s brain was no longer swelling, she had reversed the induced medical coma.

Swallowing, Gabe continued to stand and hold Bay’s warm fingers within his hand. Over the past twelve hours, Bay had slowly started to become conscious. Watching her eyelids move, her lashes quivering, Gabe felt fear mixed with hope.

Dr. Torrance took time to school him in brain injury and the many possibilities. Bay might wake up and recognize him immediately. Or not recognize him at all. That scared the shit out of Gabe as nothing else. He could handle everything, but not that. How could he forge a connection with Bay if she didn’t recognize him? Didn’t remember what they’d shared? Remember their love? He’d gone stir-crazy over those possibilities, and it was all he could do to stand relaxed, as if he were fine. But he was far from it, his gut clenched into a painful fist.

“She’s coming up again,” Dr. Torrance told him quietly, catching his worried gaze. “I want you to imprint her, Chief. I’m going to step out. Bay needs to see your face first. Your voice. Her brain will automatically connect with you on every level. Keep your tone low. Keep holding her hand. If she asks questions, remember what I said?”

It hurt to swallow, the lump growing in Gabe’s throat along with his fear amping up. “Yes, ma’am, I do. I’ll make it happen.”

Dr. Torrance smiled gently. “You press that button when you want some help in here. Otherwise, we’re not going to bother you. Bay needs focus right now, not a gaggle of doctors and nurses flying around her room, creating disruption.”

Grateful beyond words, Gabe watched the tall doctor leave, the door quietly hiss closed behind her. He rubbed his eyes, forcing his fears aside. Forcing back his anxiety. He gently moved his fingers down Bay’s left lower arm, wanting her to know he was here. Wanting her to know she wasn’t alone. Or abandoned. His mind raced with the ton of information. Jesus, he felt as if he’d been to medical school since landing at Landstuhl.

The psychologist assigned to Bay’s case had educated him as well about rape. He had no idea what to expect, completely ignorant of how the rape might affect Bay in the short and long term. The shrink had been compassionate but didn’t waste her words. Both she and Dr. Torrance were afraid if Bay’s memories of both her capture and rape came together, it would create a major emotional crisis for her. How to handle it?

Right now, Gabe felt out of his league. Completely. All he knew was he loved Bay, and he needed to trust his heart and gut. It had kept him alive on some very bad missions. It would have to be his internal compass in knowing how to support Bay, no matter where she was emotionally. No matter how much information the docs threw at him.

Gabe drew in a sharp breath as her eyes slowly opened. Seeing the blue irises set around huge black pupils made his heart race. He held Bay’s fingers a little more tightly, leaning over, trying to get her wandering attention.

“Bay? It’s Gabe. You’re all right, baby. You’re here in a hospital.” Dr. Torrance had warned him to keep his sentences short and speak slowly. Bay would feel overwhelmed with too much information at once. He watched her eyes widen slightly over his huskily spoken words. Did that mean she remembered him?

Oh, God, let it be so...

* * *

B
AY
FELT
MIDWAY
between floating and feeling how heavy her body had become. She was warm, and she heard a man’s voice, but she couldn’t understand all that he’d said, the words garbled. Her mind wandered. And so did her gaze. She saw a light blue wall in front of her. At first, things were blurred, but then they’d come back into focus. What caught most of her attention was someone holding her hand. She felt the roughness of his fingers, sensing it was a man’s hand. Oddly, it gave her comfort. And when he touched her hair, Bay closed her eyes, hungrily absorbing the feeling, how it made her feel safe.

So many emotions percolated through her as she became more conscious. Some were good. Others, well, appeared like a black hole. Fear skittered through her as she teetered on an imaginary edge of an abyss, looking down into it. Bay knew if she fell into it, she’d be lost forever. She wasn’t sure what would be lost, only that it would swallow her up and she’d die.

“Bay? Baby, look at me?”

His voice sounded so familiar. Bay was weak. It took all her energy to move her eyes to the left and look up. Blinking slowly, she studied his ruggedly handsome face. It was his green eyes, so alive and yet filled with wariness, that affected her the most. As her heart took off at a gallop, Bay felt incredible joy filtering through all the other roiling emotions coming alive within her.

She opened her mouth. It felt so dry. She was thirsty. Though she wanted to speak, her throat began to close up on her, pain filtering down through it. Her brows turned down as she struggled.

“Baby, don’t fight so hard. Take it easy...easy...”

His voice was balm blanketing her fear, her anxiety now nipping like a rat terrier at her consciousness. His eyes grew warm and anxious for her. His face was close to hers, but not too close. As her vision cleared, she realized he was standing next to a bed. Her bed. Bay sensed anguish around him. Why? She felt safe with him.
Safe...

Gabe tried to force all his emotions down into his kill box as Bay’s blue eyes became clearer. It took another half hour before he saw her becoming more aware of him. Her fingers curled weakly into his palm. Damn, that felt so good. His spirits surged with hope. Bay kept trying to speak, her voice rough and barely a whisper. Leaning close to her lips, he heard her rasp, “Water...”

Pouring water into a glass, Gabe eased his arm beneath her shoulders. Bay was incredibly weak, her head lolling against him, unable to hold it up. Frightened, Gabe gently maneuvered her around, and he pressed the edge of the glass to her lower, chapped lip. He was heartened as she began to drink and swallow the liquid. It made him want to cry. Bay was awake. She was in his arms. She was drinking water. How the little things in life became suddenly so critically important.
Milestones.

Dragging in a deep, slow breath, Gabe watched Bay drink the entire glass of water. That had to be a good sign, right? Now, he wished Dr. Torrance was here to walk him through it, tell him it was a step in the right direction.

“More?” Gabe asked quietly, holding her upturned gaze. Bay was looking at him, and for the first time, he could see her trying to identify him. Her brows moved up and then down, confusion coming to her blue eyes. Her lips glistened from the water she’d drunk. Lips he’d worshipped as he’d made love with her. Damn, he ached for her in every possible way.

“Bay? Do you want some more water?” Short sentences. To the point.

It took all of Bay’s efforts to move her head to one side just slightly, a “no” to his question. She felt warm and cared for as he held her easily beneath his supporting arm. Nostrils flaring, she inhaled his familiar male scent. Just his unique fragrance chased away a darkness she felt stalking her. Her name was Bay. Yes, she knew that now that he’d mentioned it. Her mind was doing slow cartwheels. She closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted, brow falling against his jaw.

Gabe set the emptied glass on the tray and watched her eyelids droop closed. There was a flush to Bay’s cheeks, although the green-and-yellow bruises on the left side of her face hid it. Her face was half as swollen as before, and she was able to fully open her left eye. Damn, Gabe was euphoric. He wanted to scream with joy. Bay was alert! Her eyes followed his movements. Dr. Torrance had told him to watch to see if her eyes tracked him. If it didn’t happen, they were in deep shit.

His heart pounded with hope as he gently laid Bay down. Feeling shaky and needy, Gabe sat in the chair, holding her hand and waiting. Dr. Torrance warned him she would be very, very tired and most likely sleep a lot, wake up for five minutes and then crash again.

T
HE
NEXT
TIME
Bay awoke, she felt heavier, more “here” than “there.” She slowly moved her hand across the nubby texture of a blanket across her stomach, luxuriating in the sensitive awareness in her fingertips. She heard or felt movement near her, and this time, it was much easier for her to open her eyes. She stared up into a set of green eyes, focused like an eagle upon her. Oddly, Bay didn’t feel threatened by the man. Instead, a warmth flowed through her, chasing away the cold she felt in her extremities.

She slowly licked her lips and was mesmerized by his hard, expressionless face. But his eyes...yes...she could see a fierce glint in them, and she suddenly felt surrounded by an incredible feeling of love. She absorbed it. Thirsted for it without reason.

For long minutes Bay was simply a sponge, his roughened fingers upon her own, grounding her. He fed her energy. It was a feeling. A fierce, quiet, intense feeling that made her become a starving beggar, absorbing everything he would infuse her with. The continued flow of warmth curled gently through her, easing the anxiety that hovered in the wings of her mind.

Gabe watched her, breath suspended. Did Bay recognize him? He swore she did. He felt it, dammit. He saw it in her eyes, as if she knew him. Nothing was more important to Gabe. He stood there, icy fear bolting through him. His mind twisted with the possibility Bay didn’t recognize him.
What then?

Dr. Torrance had slowly gone over what he should say. Not what he wanted to say. His mouth felt dry. His heart continued to hammer in his chest. Just being able to hold Bay’s hand in his meant the world to him. At least she hadn’t pulled her hand out of his. But maybe she was so damned weak, she couldn’t?

Gabe saw her struggling, her brow wrinkling, her eyes growing dark. She had to be trying to place him, and he sensed her panic. “It’s okay, Bay. You’re safe. You’re here with me....” Instantly, he saw her struggles cease. How desperately Gabe wanted to smooth those wrinkles away on her forehead.

Dr. Torrance had warned him not to take for granted that she wanted to be touched. Rape played out differently in the survivor, and she told him until he knew for sure that she was not threatened by his presence as a man, he had to keep his hands to himself. That meant not kissing her, either. He’d have to communicate with Bay, watch her body language, listen to her voice and facial expressions in order to make her feel safe. Not threatened.

“Bay?” he asked, his voice low. “Do you know me?” Adrenaline leaked into his bloodstream as Gabe watched her closely. He ached with fear over her response until her eyes went soft. Bay slowly licked her lower lip, and he could see her thinking. He could feel it. His hand tightened imperceptibly around her fingers.

“I— You seem so familiar to me....”

Shock struck him. Gabe forced himself not to respond, the ache in his chest turning bitter and helpless. “My name is Gabe Griffin.” He choked back his terror and did what Dr. Torrance had told him to do. “I’m a good friend of yours. I’m here to take care of you.”

“Th-thank you,” she whispered, suddenly looking tired. Her eyes kept closing, and she slurred her words. “Thank you for being with me....”

* * *

D
R
. T
ORRANCE
SAT
with Gabe outside of Bay’s room. She’d listened to everything he told her. He’d kept his voice low. He’d brutally shoved his feelings into his kill box. After giving the doctor the lengthy report, he raised his head, staring into her gray eyes. He wanted to scream in frustration. In fear. Bay did not recognize him.

Reaching out, Dr. Torrance gripped his slumped shoulder. “This isn’t a bad beginning, Chief. Give Bay a few days. A coma puts the brain in park. It’s got to fire back up, get back online. From my perspective, she’s coming out of it fast. She’s strong and she’s tough. All that works for her, not against her.”

Gabe was numb with grief. His hope was destroyed, and not even Dr. Torrance, who was very nurturing and kind, could dig him out of the pit he found himself in. “What now?” he asked hollowly.

“I’m keeping her here until I’m convinced she’s got her full brain function back.”

“And then?”

She smiled a little, patting his arm. “You can take her home, Chief. General Stevenson has been working with me behind the scenes to ensure she’ll have a rape counseling therapist, a neurosurgeon who will help her continue to thrive. Bay has a good team, but most importantly, she has you.”

Closing his eyes, Gabe rasped, “I don’t know about that.”

“Take it a day at a time, Chief. Expect nothing, receive everything. Her brain has to heal first. And then, memories will come, both good and bad. You’ve forged a strong emotional connection with Bay. You were the first person she saw when she became conscious. That imprint will work for you, not against you. I’m sure with time, the good memories will surface. She’ll remember you, remember your love and that she is going to marry you.” Torrance frowned. “The brain’s memory is another question. If the trauma is so powerful and the brain feels Bay will become unstable and be unable to cope, it won’t give up the details of the trauma.”

“What will it do then?”

“Sit there like a toxic waste dump.” Dr. Torrance sighed. “The body never forgets the trauma it experienced. The cells remember it. The spirit remembers it. Her brain will withhold the nature of the trauma until or if it feels Bay can survive the impact of those memories and emotions. If the brain feels Bay can’t cope, those memories will never download consciously to her. It’s a primitive knee-jerk system built into the brain to allow the person to survive. So, the brain becomes the keeper of toxic secrets, but the toxicity will leak out anyway, sooner or later, on an unconscious level. Bay may feel anxious. For example, strange men, sounds or smells may trigger and scare her. We don’t know yet what will spiral Bay into a defensive posture of feeling unsafe. You’ll have to watch her closely for reaction and learn what those triggers are.”