Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1) (41 page)

“What took you so long to come back?” she asked as soon as she opened the door.

“Something happened my first night in California.” I followed her in and took a seat on the couch. She sat in the recliner across the room from me. “I couldn’t lie to you, and I knew you’d leave me if I told you the truth. I thought avoiding you was the only way to keep you. And yes, I do know how insane that sounds.” I scooted to the other end of the couch to be closer to her.

“Are you hard?” she accused. I took it as a good sign that she was checking out my package.

“I can’t help it. You used to want to fuck every time you were sad or upset or irritated. You programed my dick to respond to that look on your face.”

She lightly moved her head back and forth to shake off my words. “Anyway, what happened in California?”

“I got shit faced and passed out. When I woke up the next morning without you, all I wanted to do was come home and beg for forgiveness. Then I found Kristy naked in my shower and empty condom wrappers in my bed. You have to know that I wouldn’t touch her under any circumstances. I swear to God I don’t remember any of it. I don’t even remember coming home from the bar.”

“You didn’t fuck her,” she said matter-of-factly.

“What? How do you know?” I wished more than anything for those four words to be true.

“Kristy’s best friend, Hailey, was the social worker on Peyton’s adoption case. When Aaron—or BMW guy, as you like to call him—deposed her, she had a sudden flash of conscience. She confessed to trying to break us up before. She also told me that Kristy set you up to think you fucked her when in reality you didn’t touch her.”

“How do you know she’s telling the truth?”

Madison thought about my question for a moment. “You said there were condom wrappers in the bed…”

“Yes.”

“What kind of condoms were they?”

“Just regular condoms, I think.”

“Latex?”

I finally realized where she was going with this. “I think so.”

“If you had used one, your dick would have been on fire afterword.”

“I fucking hate that cunt. Why would she do that to me?”

“Kristy Henderson tortured me my entire life, remember? She wanted me to be miserable. I hate that she got what she wanted and that you gave it to her so easily. I left you a message right after I found out. I guess you didn’t listen to any of them.”

“So, let’s not give her any more satisfaction.”

“Just because you didn’t sleep with her doesn’t change the fact that you abandoned Peyton and me. Not only that, you didn’t respect me enough to tell me what happened right away.” She’d said something similar when she discovered I didn’t tell her when I found out Finn was married to
her
Kristy. I guess I hadn’t learned from my mistake. “You kept me hanging on by a thread for six fucking weeks. I’m not going to be with you just because I’m pregnant. I want to be with someone who loves me.”

“Why were you with me before?”

“I knew you had issues with relationships and love. I was okay with you not saying the words because you showed me you loved me, or at least I thought you did. I realize now that I was wrong.”

“There has to be a way to make this work.”

“I don’t know how. I can’t make you love me, and I shouldn’t have to. I can’t decide if being with you—loving you with everything I have and knowing you will never love me back—is better or worse than being apart. We can be civil for the baby’s sake; I’m just not sure how I can ever trust you with my heart again.”

I refused to give up again. My eyes wandered around the room as I tried to figure out what to say next. I noticed the small plastic Christmas tree still standing in the corner. “Did you get the presents I left on the porch?” I realized I hadn’t seen her present any of the times I’d been to her house.

“Yes, thank you for the toys. Peyton loves them.”

She went to the coat closet and came back with the small box I’d left for her still tightly wrapped in silver paper. She placed it in the palm of my hand.

“I don’t want anything from you,” she said.

“Please, don’t give up on me. I promise I’ll find a way to prove myself to you.”

Madison’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “I really hope you do.”

Madison

Sawyer continued to stop by every night at seven to see if I’d changed my mind. My house was beginning to look like a florist’s shop thanks to the roses he continued to leave on the porch every evening. I decided I’d start taking them to the hospital for the patients that didn’t have any of their own.

I didn’t answer the door again, because I couldn’t think objectively if I had to look at him. I also couldn’t trust myself not to jump his bones. As angry as I was, it had still taken every ounce of willpower I had to keep my clothes on the last time I’d let him in.

I was upstairs gathering Peyton’s laundry when he rang the doorbell Friday night. I turned her favorite sweater inside out and tossed it in the laundry basket. The bell rang again as I checked the pockets of the jeans she had worn to school that day.

“Madison, please open the door,” he yelled just loud enough for me to hear.

Something fell on the floor when I stripped Peyton’s bed. I walked around to the other side and spotted the stray item. I hadn’t realized I’d set my phone on her bed. I picked it up and lit up the screen to see if I’d missed any calls, only to realize it wasn’t my phone.

I browsed through the phone and stopped short when I got to the text messages. Peyton and Sawyer had been in contact the entire time he was gone. He hadn’t completely abandoned us after all. He’d made sure she was okay and told her he loved her. He’d even asked her several times to give the baby and me a kiss for him. Maybe he was just scared and didn’t know how to deal with it. Maybe he really did love me.

My heart finally thawed. I dropped the phone on the bed and ran down the stairs. I swung open the door, and was disappointed when I didn’t find who I was looking for. I ran to the edge of the porch, not caring that I was standing barefoot in an inch of snow or that my teeth were chattering.

“Sawyer!” I yelled. “Sawyer!” A stray snowflake or two landed on my eyelashes as I scanned the street. Relief mixed with intense desire ran through me when I saw his large frame emerge from a dark SUV.

“Are you okay?” His face was covered in worry as he jogged to where I stood. He took my hand and led me back toward the warmth of the house.

“Better than okay.” I pulled him into my arms and pressed my mouth to his. His lips moved hungrily with mine.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”

“I’m not afraid anymore.” My lips melded to his once more. God, how I’d missed this man. “Make love to me.”

“I thought you would never ask.” He swept me into his arms and kicked the door closed behind us. He carried me up the stairs, keeping our lips fused together for the entire journey.

He gently set me on my feet next to my bed and looked deeply in my eyes. “I swear I’ll never leave you again. I’m yours forever; that is, if you’ll have me.”

“Less talking,” I said. I shucked my yoga pants and t-shirt, letting both fall to the floor, waiting anxiously while he carefully examined my new figure.

“You’re even more beautiful than I remembered,” he said before pulling his shirt over his head. He guided me to sit on the edge of the bed and dropped to his knees in front of me.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” I said, echoing my line from an old conversation.

“You’re the only one,” he whispered. There was something heavy about his words.

“What do you mean?”

He pushed my knees apart and leaned in. I nearly combusted at the feeling of a long swipe of his warm tongue exactly where I needed it. “I mean exactly what I said. You’re the only person I’ve ever been with.” He paused to let his mouth explore my center again. “I’ve never touched anyone else. I’ve never been inside of anyone else. I’ve never even kissed anyone else. I’ve certainly never done this to anyone else.” His tongue picked up the pace. “You’re it for me. I’ve never wanted anyone else, and I never will.”

My heart expanded as his words sunk in. He was mine, only mine. My beautiful thoughts were interrupted by his persistent mouth. “Take off your pants. I need you inside me before I come.”

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to prove I’m worthy of your heart.” He stood and opened his fly.

“Hurry!”

“Shh. From now on, I’m always going to take care of you.” He repositioned me on the bed and settled between my legs. He leaned down and kissed me gently. I fought back tears of joy as he pulled back just long enough to position himself at my entrance.

“I thought I’d messed up so badly that I’d never get to be with you again,” he said as he slid into me slowly. “Please, tell me you forgive me.”

“I forgive you. I love you so much,” I said as a tear escaped the corner of my eye. His lips caught the drop before it hit the pillow.

He rocked in and out of me slowly, filling me completely with every thrust. His eyes stayed focused on mine as our connection grew stronger than ever before. He showed me with every movement what he still couldn’t say. Even without the words, I had no doubt that he loved me.

“I’m not going to last much longer,” I said.

“I’m right there with you, babe.”

His lips danced with mine as our bodies fell over the edge in the biggest explosion of pleasure I’d ever experienced.

He fell to his side and pulled me into the crook of his arm. I ran my hand over his stomach while we lay there trying to catch our breath. “What happened to your six pack?” Almost all of the definition was gone from his abs.

“I’ve done almost nothing but sit on my ass since I went to California. I was too depressed to even consider exercising.”

It might have been wrong, but I was secretly pleased that he’d been messed up, too.

“I have something for you,” he said. He pulled away from me to grab his jeans from the floor. He dug through the pocket and handed me the small box covered in silver paper that I had given back to him the last time we spoke.

“I told you I don’t want anything from you,” I said.

“I really want you to have it.” He gave me the cutest puppy-dog eyes that I just couldn’t resist. “Will you, at least, open it?”

I snatched the box from him and carefully peeled away the paper. His face lit up as if the present were for him. “Hurry,” he said.

“Now who’s the impatient one?” I asked as I ripped the rest of the paper from the box. I lifted the lid and found a metal key laying on a bed of cotton. A familiar metal key.

“What do you think?”

“It’s a key.” I wondered if he knew how upset I had been the last time I’d held that key in my hand. Maybe he thought the memento would make me happy, but it just reminded me of what I’d given up.

“Look out the window,” he said as he jumped out of bed stark naked.

I followed him over to my window which faced the backyard. “Over there.” He pointed to the hospital parking lot through the slightly parted curtains. I looked carefully at the cars hiding beneath a blanket of snow.

“Cami?” I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Yes, Cami.”

“But how?”

“Do you really think I’d allow Finn to give that bitch your car? She’s been parked there for a while. I’m surprised you didn’t notice before.”

“There’s been snow on the ground, so I haven’t been cutting through the yard to go to work.” The back row of the parking lot wasn’t visible from where I worked. “This is the second best present you’ve ever given me.” He looked at my stomach; he knew the baby topped the list. I jumped in his arms and gave him a noisy kiss. “You are going to get unbelievably lucky in a few minutes.”

“Why not now?” he asked.

“Because, your son is sitting on my bladder.” I hated that part of pregnancy, especially since I had much better things to do.

“You have two minutes. After that, I’m coming to find you.”

Sawyer

I was lying amongst the tussled sheets waiting for Madison when I heard a knock on the door followed by her footfalls on the steps. I pulled on my jeans and t-shirt to find out who was visiting my woman so late.

“Sawyer,” I heard her say with a shaky breath as soon as I left the bedroom.

She was standing completely still in front of the open door with her back to me. “What’s wrong?” I jumped down the last few steps.

“Call nine-one-one,” she said. “Now.” I was standing beside her before her words registered in my brain. Her pink terrycloth robe had a streak of scarlet that was rapidly growing. I followed the trail up until my eyes stopped at the handle of a knife protruding from her belly.

“Oh, fuck!” I reached to take the knife out of her.

“No! Don’t touch it. Don’t touch me. Just call an ambulance. Now!”

I did as she said while I stepped onto the porch to look for a soon-to-be dead man.

“Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?” a female voice answered after two rings.

“I need an ambulance—my girlfriend has been stabbed.”

“What is the address?”

I gave them the address and gave up my search to return to Madison’s side. “It’s right behind the hospital. Can I just carry her there?”

“No, she needs to remain still, so the knife doesn’t move and cause more damage.”

“Hurry! She’s bleeding a lot.”

“Sir, the ambulance is on the way.”

I hung up the phone and shoved it in my pocket. Madison continued to stand perfectly still and was growing paler with each second that passed. She took quick, shallow breaths.

“Who did this to you?” I asked as we waited for what felt like hours for the ambulance to make it from the hospital just across her backyard.

“It was Ronny from the club.” Her voice was getting weaker, and she started to sway. I held on to her arms to keep her steady. “I can’t lose this baby, Sawyer.” Tears started running down her cheeks.

An ambulance and a fire engine finally stopped in front of the house. Four large men in uniform ran to where Madison was still standing near the front door. They strapped a backboard to her and then tilted her until she was lying flat.