New Leaf (21 page)

Sighing, Cameron stood and left the room. He returned moments later with Sarah’s iPad. Without hesitation, Taffeta set up parental controls on the device. Then she began closing all the site tabs, which told her that her daughter had been visiting pages that no little girl should ever see. The knowledge nearly broke Taffeta’s heart.

When Cameron had returned the device to Sarah’s room, they went back to the living area. Sarah had squeezed in beside Grace on the recliner. Taffeta lowered herself onto a cushion of the sofa, and Cameron resumed his seat on the other sectional. He said nothing and just settled back to watch.

Sarah was telling her grandmother about her spelling bee that morning. “I didn’t do very good. Chantelle won.”

Grace glanced at Taffeta. “Chantelle was once Sarah’s good friend. The two of them were the best spellers in the class. They’re learning only short words, but it’s good for them, I think.”

“I don’t care if I can spell good now,” Sarah inserted. “When I grow up, I’m gonna be a stripper like Daddy’s friend Caitlin and make lots of bucks.”
Sarah looked pointedly at Taffeta’s chest. “I sure hope I have bigger boobs than you do, or I’ll have to get a boob-enticement operation.”

“Enhancement,” Taffeta corrected, feeling incredulous that her daughter spoke mostly like an adult with only occasional mistakes tossed in. “And I believe the proper term is breast augmentation.”

Grace softly said, “You’re far too smart a girl to be only a dancer, Sarah. You should go to college and choose a challenging and interesting career.”

“Smart ladies use their looks to get rich.” Sarah gave Taffeta an inquiring look. “Do you have a job?”

“I run my own business, a shop that sells health supplements.”

“That sounds boring.”

“Oh, but it isn’t. Every day, I help someone, and that makes me feel good.”

Sarah wrinkled her nose. “I still remember you. Do you remember me?”

Tears burned Taffeta’s eyes. “Of course. How could I ever forget my little girl? I keep your picture beside my bed so I can look at you as I fall asleep each night, and I think of you every single day.”

“Why didn’t you ever come see me, then?”

“You cried the last time I came,” Taffeta explained. “I didn’t want to upset you like that again.”

Sarah nodded. “I’m not afraid of you anymore. My grammy says that my daddy told me fibs about you.”

Looking on, Grace said, “Sarah, I think your
mommy would really,
really
like to get a big hug. It has been a very long time since she’s seen you.”

Being careful not to hurt her grandmother, Sarah climbed off the recliner, stretched her little arms wide, and scurried across the room. For the first time in nearly two years, Taffeta got to hold her daughter close again. The feeling was indescribable. Taffeta pressed her face against the child’s hair and breathed in her sweet scent.

“I hope you’ll consider staying for lunch,” Grace said to Taffeta. “Tessa takes care of all that for me now, so it won’t be an imposition. She’s serving homemade beef ravioli.”

Sarah clapped her hands. “Yummy! That’s my
favorite
!”

Taffeta hadn’t expected to see her daughter, let alone share a meal with her. For her, it was a dream come true. A few minutes later, Tessa came into the living room to announce that lunch was served. A plump woman with merry blue eyes and short silver-gray hair, she gave Taffeta a warm and welcoming smile.

“It’s fabulous to see you again, Taffeta.”

Taffeta pushed to her feet and crossed the room to give the housekeeper a hug. “You are a sight for sore eyes.” As they broke apart, Taffeta asked, “How have you been? Do you still make the best apple pie this side of the Mississippi?”

Tessa laughed. “I don’t know if it’s quite that good, but I get no complaints.”

Grace excused herself by saying, “I’ll have my
meal here in my chair, Tessa, if you wouldn’t mind the bother.”

Tessa flapped her hand. “You’re never a bother, and I made you a special stew that should settle nicely on your stomach. I was afraid the ravioli might disagree with you.”

Grace smiled. “You’re a gem. Thank you so much.”

As they adjourned to the dining room, leaving Grace behind, Taffeta noticed for the first time that Cameron seemed to experience pain as he walked. At her concerned look, he waved his hand.

“Diabetes. My circulation in my lower legs and feet isn’t what it should be. Hopefully it’ll improve now that I’m keeping my blood glucose levels in the normal range.”

Over the meal, Cameron focused on eating, which allowed Taffeta to be the center of Sarah’s attention. The child chattered almost nonstop, telling Taffeta about her school, her teacher, and the difficulties she was having with her former friends.

“They don’t like me as much as they used to,” the little girl confessed. “But my grammy is helping me to understand what I’ve been doing wrong.”

Taffeta felt a strong urge to run back to the living room and give Grace a grateful hug. “So, what have you been doing wrong?” Taffeta asked.

“Just not being nice all the time,” Sarah replied. “I was unhappy with my daddy. He doesn’t like little girls. So I felt cross when I was at school.” Flashing a bright grin, she added, “I’m not cross now, though,
and I’m trying real hard not to use naughty words at school. Grammy says honey draws more flies than vinegar.”

Sarah went on to tell Taffeta about her drawings and took her to the kitchen to show off those that Tessa had displayed on the refrigerator. “Oh my, you’re very talented, Sarah.” Taffeta tipped her head, trying to figure out what, exactly, she was looking at. “Tell me about this one.”

“It’s a dog. He lives next door. His name is Mac. He’s old and doesn’t want to play, but Grandpa says maybe I can have my own dog when I’m a little older.”

Taffeta yearned to stop time from passing, but the minutes sped by. She put off leaving by helping Tessa clean up the kitchen. By then it was two in the afternoon. She and Barney needed to hit the road to get back to Mystic Creek. Barney had livestock to feed and water. She dreaded having to go home and fix dinner. It would be a collision with reality, and she wanted to hold on to this dream.

“So, what is the story behind this drawing?” She pointed to a stick figure with long hair on a piece of paper. “Is it a picture of your grandmother?”

“No!” Sarah giggled. “It’s of Caitlin.” She stretched up to press a finger to a star shape. “She wears sparkles on her boobs when she dances naked. She danced at her house for me one night. You know what?”

“No, what?” Taffeta asked.

“Caitlin can make her boobs go in circles. She
says she gets more money stuffed in her G-string than any other girl because she can do it so good. And she gets even more easy bucks if she sits on men’s laps and lets them cop feels.”

An icy sensation crept up Taffeta’s spine. Would Sarah ever overcome what her father had done to her? When Taffeta got custody—and she was more determined now than ever before to achieve that goal—would she have the wisdom and parenting skills to help her daughter put all this behind her?

“Can you make your boobs go in circles?” Sarah asked.

Taffeta heard Tessa make a disgruntled noise low in her throat. In response to her child, Taffeta replied, “Boob swinging has never been one of my aspirations.”

“What’s a aspiration?”

“An aspiration is a talent or accomplishment that someone tries to achieve.” Taffeta crouched beside Sarah. “I hate to bring this visit to an end, sweet one, but Barney and I have a long drive home, and he needs to get there in time to feed his livestock before dark.” Drawing her cell phone from her pocket, she quickly texted her husband to ask him to come pick her up. Then, refocusing on Sarah, she forced herself to smile. “But I promise to come back as soon as I can to see you again.”

“Are you shacking up with him?” Sarah asked.

Taffeta decided that the time had come for her to be honest with the child. “No. Barney and I are married, Sarah. He’s my husband.”

Sarah’s eyes grew as round as coat buttons. “You married a
cop
? Why’d you do something so dumb?”

“It wasn’t dumb. Barney is the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. If you’d only get to know him, I think you would like him very much.”

Sarah shuddered. “You can have him.”

Heavy of heart, Taffeta hugged her daughter and kissed her on the forehead. Then Sarah went with Taffeta while she bade Grace a tearful farewell.

Grace smiled wanly. “You tell that handsome young man of yours that I’m sorry he couldn’t stay for the whole visit. I’d love to get to know him better.”

In the entry hall, Taffeta embraced her ex-father-in-law, who had been the closest thing to a dad that she’d ever known. “Thank you so much for everything, Cameron.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Be strong. Okay? A firm hand needn’t be a hurtful one.”

With tears in his eyes, he nodded and then left the foyer so Taffeta could have a last private moment with Sarah.

“Can you call me sometimes?” Sarah asked.

“If your grammy and grandpa don’t mind, I’d love to!”

“They won’t mind,” Sarah assured her.

“Well, then, I’ll call often. You can tell me more about your drawings and how you’re doing with your friends at school.”

Leaving was one of the most difficult things
Taffeta had ever done. When she stood alone on the front porch to wait for her husband, she finally allowed the tears to come. Silent tears. She wept with a sense of loss that ran so deep it made her bones ache. She’d missed out on so much of Sarah’s life, and she could never get those years back.

They were lost to both of them forever.

As Taffeta hoisted herself up onto the passenger seat of Barney’s truck, he cast her a worried look. “How did it go with Sarah?”

Fastening her seat belt and closing the door with more force than was necessary, Taffeta replied, “It was wonderful in ways and awful in others.”

Barney reached over to thumb a tear from her cheek. “You’ve been crying.”

Taffeta nodded. “My heart is breaking. Sarah says words that a little girl shouldn’t even know. She wears makeup, Barney! Not just to play dress-up, but all the time, even when she attends school. Her behavior and appearance have turned her into a pariah in the classroom.”

“I saw the makeup,” he said, his voice pitched low. “One good thing about it is that her face is washable. And her behavior can be modified over time.”

He pulled away from the curb, and moments later, they merged with traffic on the highway that led to Mystic Creek. Taffeta tried to control her emotions, but she lost the battle and began to sob. It embarrassed her to lose control like that in front of
someone, but she couldn’t hold it all in. Her chest felt as if it might explode.

As Barney drove, he listened to her jerky account of the visit. Then he listed all the positive things that Taffeta had accomplished with her daughter. “Sarah warmed right up and seemed very relaxed with you. And it’s awesome that she asked you to call her.”

Taffeta knew it was a huge step forward, but the mother inside her wanted to scream and pound her fists on the dash. That little girl was her
daughter
. “I have no—idea when—I’ll get to—see her again.”

“Cameron says he will try to get you the right to have unsupervised visitations. The man went against a court ruling today by allowing you to be with Sarah without a court-assigned caseworker present. Both he and Grace are clearly on your side.”

Taffeta clung to Barney’s words, but the bottom line was that she still couldn’t get custody of Sarah. “I won’t be able to have her for visits in Mystic Creek. She’s terrified of you.”

Barney sighed. “While you were visiting with her, I drove around and had a lot of time to think. Sarah has to come first, Taffy. Your relationship with her has to come first. In order to rebuild a strong relationship, she needs to be with you in your home environment as often as possible. I know that our being married may increase your odds of regaining custody, but that doesn’t mean we have to live together.”

His words struck such dread into Taffeta’s heart that she stopped sobbing.
“What?”

“I’m moving out. I’ll find a rental. Until Sarah
gets over being afraid of cops, it’s important for me to stay out of the picture.”

“No.”
Taffeta shook her head. “We’re married. We love each other. Over time, Sarah will come to accept that.”

“Yes, maybe over time. But you need to see her as often as possible
now
.”

“But I’m not even getting unsupervised visitations with her yet. Isn’t this plan a little premature?”

“No. We want Sarah to start feeling eager to come see you at your house. If she thinks I’m there, she’ll dread it instead. I considered leaving when she visits and just staying with my folks or something. But that would essentially be putting a false face on our relationship and lying to your kid. You need to be able to tell Sarah, in all honesty, that we’re not together anymore and won’t be until she likes me and wants me around.” Taking his eyes off the road for an instant, he stabbed Taffeta in the heart with a solemn and indescribably sad look. “Her father never once put her first, Taffy. Don’t you see how important it may be to Sarah to know that you will? That nobody is more important to you than she is?”

Taffeta stared at his profile as he focused on driving again. She’d come to love this man with her whole heart. But did she love him so much that she would rather be with him than make her child happy?
Don’t make me choose!
She wanted to scream those words at him. Only she knew it would be pointless. Barney had already made the choice for her.

It was so like him, she thought in silent misery. Honorable to the core, a man who always tried to do the right thing.

“We don’t want her to be afraid to come visit you,” he said. “If she knows I still live there, she’ll fear that I might show up at any minute even if I leave during the visits. I can’t do that to her. She needs one-on-one time with her mother, with no outside interference or stress. You see that, don’t you?”

Taffeta nodded, her throat so tight that she couldn’t speak.

“It won’t be forever. I’ll think of a way to at least try to win her over. But until then, her father has poisoned her mind so badly against law officers that she actually trembled when she saw my uniform.”

She swallowed hard to regain her voice. “But it’s your house, not mine. If anyone is going to leave, it’ll be me. I can go back to my flat above the shop.”

“No,” he argued gently. “Your living in a real home will be important when you go to court to regain custody.”

“But it’ll go against me if the judge discovers we aren’t living together!”

“No,” he said again. “You can just explain the situation, namely that Phillip told Sarah horrible stories about policemen so he could abandon her in his car without worrying that she might call out to a cop for help. When the judge learns that you and I have temporarily separated for the sake of the child, it will go in your favor, not against you.”

Taffeta realized she was shaking. “What if it takes her years to get over her fear of cops?”

His burnished features drew into grim lines. “Then we’ll be apart for a lot longer than we hope. We’ll deal with it somehow. You can get a sitter for Sarah sometimes, maybe, and meet me somewhere.” He flashed her a forced grin. “It’ll be like dating. We never really got to do that. The sex will be mind-blowing.”

“That isn’t a marriage, Barney.”

“No, but we’ll sure as hell be putting our best effort into being good parents. The important thing is that Sarah isn’t fearful that I might show up when she’s with you in Mystic Creek or anywhere else. Judging from what you’ve said about her behavior and worldview, you’re going to have enough issues to overcome without tossing in a stepdad she’s terrified of.”

Taffeta couldn’t argue the point, and it nearly broke her heart.

•   •   •

Once they got home, Barney swept Taffeta up in his arms and carried her to his bedroom. She was so upset that she didn’t think she could enjoy lovemaking right then, but Barney proved her wrong. She could feel his love for her in every touch of his hands on her body.

“Maybe,” he whispered, “we should start trying to give Sarah a baby brother or sister.”

The suggestion told Taffeta what she had instinctively known about Barney almost from the start;
once he made a commitment, he was totally committed.

“Maybe so,” she whispered. “Only that could be problematic if we aren’t living together.”

He kissed her so deeply that her head swam. “It won’t be forever. I’ll make friends with her somehow. Trust me.”

And then she forgot everything but this man who so gently made love to her.

Afterward, Barney threw on sweatpants and a shirt to go feed his animals. When he returned to the house, he stripped back down to his boxers, helped Taffeta into her chemise, and led her by the hand into the kitchen. “I’m starving!” he proclaimed. “Let’s make grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. That’ll be quick, and I know it’s a favorite of yours.”

“Is this our last supper?” she asked.

“Don’t think of it that way.”

He opened a bottle of wine and filled two glasses, which they sipped from as they cooked. Taffeta found it difficult to feel down in the dumps with Barney teasing her, nibbling on her neck, and telling her how much he loved her.

“I have a confession to make,” he said as they sat down to eat. “Remember that night when I knocked on your door because your music was too loud?” A gleam entered his eyes. “I asked you to put on a robe so you could open the door and talk to me.”

“I remember every detail,” she replied.

“Good. Then you recall asking me not to look while you ran to your bedroom for a robe.”

Taffeta nodded. “And you said you wouldn’t.”

His lips quivered at the corners. “I lied.”

Taffeta touched her napkin to her lips. “You peeked?”

“I more than peeked,” he admitted. “Looking back, I don’t know why it took me so long to realize I was in love with you. From that moment on, I couldn’t get you off my mind, and I couldn’t resist going back to your shop. I had it bad and just wouldn’t accept it.”

“Do you feel uncomfortable about loving me?”

He shook his head. “I feel as if everything in my life is suddenly right. Before meeting you, I never felt unhappy, but I did know something was missing. I also wanted to find the right lady and settle down, but I was in no hurry. Now, when I think about going back to that, I feel a little panicky. I’ve gotten a taste of perfection, and I don’t think I can ever settle for less again.”

“But now you
are
going to settle for less.”

“Only for a while, and only for Sarah. If I’m going to be her stepfather, I’ve got to be the best one I can be. Putting her needs above my own is at the top of my list.”

Tears burned in Taffeta’s eyes, but she blinked them away, refusing to let them fall. “I have a confession to make as well,” she pushed out. “When you
were so determined not to make love to me, I did everything I could think of to seduce you.”

His expression sharpened. “The bourbon sauce.” He didn’t phrase it as a question. “You little minx.”

Taffeta nodded. “Yes, the sauce. And also the spider night. I didn’t really see one, but I’m afraid of them, and it was easy for me to imagine one was on me.”

Barney’s mouth quirked at the corners. “And then I said I saw it in your bra.”

“And I
really
panicked. Just for the record, I never intended to strip naked from the waist up. I just lost it.”

He studied her for a moment, his expression revealing nothing. “And the banana?”

Taffeta drew a blank. “What banana?”

Barney nearly grinned again. “Nothing. Forget I mentioned it.”

“You’re not angry?”

“I don’t get angry; I get even. I’m sentencing you to an undetermined amount of time taking ice-cold showers and not having sex.”

Taffeta giggled. She couldn’t help herself. “You mean my seduction attempts worked?”

“Oh yeah, they worked.”

“I thought I totally bombed and gave up on trying.”

“You didn’t bomb, and you didn’t need to try. Just being near you seduces me.”

Taffeta searched his gaze. “Are you serious about having a baby with me?”

“Dead serious. We already have a child. Why not have another one when we have the situation with Sarah straightened out? I think it would be good for her to have a little brother or sister, and we don’t want the age difference between them to be too great. I grew up in a big family. I’m not saying we should have a whole passel of kids, but a couple more sounds nice.”

“I’ve always wanted to be part of a big family.”

“And now you are. You’ve got mine.”

“But making our own large family would be fun.”

He chuckled. “Let’s start with one more and see where that leads us.”

“I hope our first baby is a boy,” Taffeta said. “I already know the perfect name for him.”

“What?”

“Barnabas Asher.”

His eyebrows snapped together in a scowl. “Over my dead body.” He leaped up from his chair as if to grab her. “You’re going to pay for teasing me about my name.”

Taffeta shrieked and jumped up so the table was between them. Then she darted from the kitchen and ran to the living room. Barney caught her near the sofa, fell onto the cushions with her in his arms, and kissed her. Electricity arced between them. She felt the jolt all through her body.

“What about my sentence to cold showers and no sex?” she asked breathlessly.

“That’ll have to wait until tomorrow,” he replied.
“I’ll start looking for a rental in the morning. Until I find one, I’ll stay at Ben’s. He has plenty of room.”

He kissed her again, and Taffeta slipped over the edge into a vortex of burning need and pleasure. After making love, they lay exhausted in each other’s arms.

“Why are you in such a hurry to get out of here?”

“So you can call Sarah tomorrow and tell her you’ve kicked me to the curb.”

“I don’t know what I’ll say.”

“Just tell her the truth, that she is the most important person in the world to you, and we’ve agreed that I should leave so she can feel comfortable and unafraid when she comes to visit you.”

Taffeta tightened her arms around him, wishing she would never have to let him go.

•   •   •

The next morning, Taffeta awakened to find herself alone on the couch. She drew an afghan around her and wandered through the house, searching for Barney. Instead of her husband, she found a note from him on the kitchen table.

Ben says I can stay in the loft above his garage. I’m all packed up and ready to go, and I don’t want to wake you. I’ll call on the house phone to get you up before it’s time for you to open the store. I’ll come over, morning and night, to care for my critters, but I won’t come in. When Sarah is here visiting, you may have to tend to them yourself if you think my presence on the
property will send her into a tailspin. I love you, Taffy girl. Thank God for cell phones. Sext me whenever you can.

Taffeta smiled through a rush of tears. She went to find her cell phone and typed,
I’m naked in the kitchen and dancing with my fantasy man
. She hit
SEND
. Within seconds, he texted back.
Your fantasy man better be me, or I’ll kill him
. She grinned and typed
You are my one and only fantasy man, and I already miss you so badly that it hurts
.

After getting ready for work, Taffeta called Cameron Gentry to explain that she and Barney were temporarily separating for Sarah’s sake. “Barney thinks it is very important for Sarah to feel comfortable and unafraid if and when she comes here to see me. I was wondering if you’d mind my calling Sarah tonight so I can tell her that he’s gone.”