New Leaf (23 page)

Sarah spun away and ran back into the building. Barney felt as if he’d just gone several rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson. His diaphragm felt as if it had been punched by an iron fist. His jaw ached from
clenching his teeth. His eyes burned with what he feared might be tears.

“Well, hell,” Cameron murmured. “That went well.”

Barney struggled to collect his composure. He never should have come here. Not only had he cemented in Sarah’s mind that he was a sneaky bastard, but he’d also turned the child against her mother again. Would Taffeta ever forgive him?

When he finally found his voice, he said, “My wife is going to hate me for this. It was a crazy idea, and I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Nonsense.” Cameron opened the lunch pail, placing a bagged sandwich and apple slices in front of Barney before serving himself. “I’ve already talked with Sarah’s teacher. Trust me when I say she is no fan of Phillip’s, and your willingness to make yourself scarce for a while to mollify Sarah totally impresses her. She told me that, if this visit didn’t go well, she is going to launch a policeman awareness week, starting this afternoon. She would like you to culminate her campaign by coming an hour before lunch next Tuesday to give a lecture in the auditorium to all the children about your job as a deputy sheriff. She believes that her efforts, combined with yours, may bring Sarah around.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Barney asked, his voice gruff with emotion.

Cameron toyed with his still-packaged apple slices. “Then we’ll try plan B.”

“Which is?”

The older man shrugged. “Damned if I know, but we’ll think of something.”

•   •   •

Barney felt like a robot as he drove back to Mystic Creek. He kept hearing Sarah’s voice, commanding him to tell her mother never to call her again.
What have I done?
The question circled endlessly in his mind. Sarah had accepted her mommy back, and things had been going great between them until Barney had interfered and screwed everything up.

He felt so sick at heart that he finally pulled over into a rest area, parked away from the restrooms where travelers flocked back and forth, folded his arms over the steering wheel, and battled tears. His father had taught him at a young age that it was perfectly fine for a man to cry, and Barney believed it to be true. Real men could shed tears and still be masculine. But for some reason, his losing control now over the lunch-hour debacle in Erickson, which had been his fault, seemed more like a self-pity party than a real reason for grief. What he needed to do was get out of the truck and give himself a good ass kicking.

Taffy
. She loved her little girl with every ounce of her being, and now Sarah might never trust her again.

Barney groaned and relaxed on the seat, letting his head loll on the padded rest as he stared through a blur at the cab ceiling. There was no way around it. Sarah had been taught to detest and fear law officers, and those feelings might remain deeply ingrained within her for years. Barney knew people
who feared doctors, dentists, snakes, spiders, and even dogs. There never seemed to be any rational reason behind those phobias. The individuals who suffered with them just went through life hoping they never ran into the person or thing that terrified them.

He loved his Taffy girl. He’d lived all his adult life searching for her without even realizing that he was looking—or what he was yearning for. Now, at long last, he’d found her, and for a short time they’d been so happy, the kind of happy that made marriages last forever. He didn’t want to lose her. A part of him felt as if he might die if he did.

But he had to walk away. Even if he changed careers, Sarah might never trust him. In her young mind, the adults in her life had tried to trick her. And in a way, Barney knew he was guilty as charged. That little girl had been to hell and back. Under ideal circumstances, gaining her trust wouldn’t be easy.

No question about it, he had to remove himself from the picture.

•   •   •

After a long Tuesday at her shop, Taffeta was in the kitchen—Barney’s beautiful kitchen—when her cell phone rang. She knew Barney’s ringtone and nearly tripped over her own feet racing to the table to answer the call before it went to voice mail.

“Barney? Oh, I’m so glad you called.”

“Hey,” was all he said in response.

“I miss you so much,” she said. “How did your workday go?”

“I didn’t work today. Instead I drove to Erickson and totally destroyed any chance you may have had to rebuild a relationship with your daughter.”

Taffeta sank onto a kitchen chair. “You what?”

“Cameron had this brilliant idea of how I could slowly get to know Sarah on neutral ground where she would feel safe and less likely to be afraid of me.” He quickly told her about the parent-day lunches at the school and how he’d been invited to attend with Cameron. “Even though I wore civilian clothes, she took one look at me and went ballistic. She said her grandpa had tried to trick her. She said you had lied to her about me being out of your life, and she said for me to tell you never to call her again.”

Taffeta pressed her free hand over her heart. “Oh God.”

Barney’s voice went thick. “I love you, honey. I’d never deliberately do anything to hurt you, but I’ve managed to anyway. I’m so sorry. We need to call it curtains, you and me. From this point forward, you have to focus on nothing but your daughter. It kills me to say it, but we’re done.”

Taffeta sensed that he was about to hang up. “Wait, Barney. Don’t hang up. Please don’t.”

“Why? So you can blast me with your anger? Okay, fair enough. Let me have it, and then I’ll hang up.”

“I’m not angry.” As Taffeta pushed out those words, she knew she truly meant them. “Not angry with you, anyway. Angry at Phillip, yes.”

“Phillip didn’t sneak off to see your child behind your back. That was me.”

“But you had nothing but good intentions.”

“The road to hell is paved with them, Taffy, and I’ve just reached that destination.”

Her heart twisted, and tears filled her eyes. “You promised me forever at the chapel.”

“And I didn’t mean a word of it. Remember that, our fake wedding? Those vows meant nothing.”

Taffeta realized that he was doing his damnedest to hurt her and make her hate him. Without even needing to ponder on it, she knew why. If she was hurt and hated him, she’d get over losing him faster. His honorable streak was rearing its ugly head again. Barney seldom allowed anything to be about him. He always wanted to look out for everyone else, especially those he loved. Maybe that was what made him such a great cop. He really cared about people.

“Bullshit,” she shot back. “Maybe our vows meant nothing when we made them, but they mean something now. Do you really think I’ll allow you to chicken out and run the first time we hit a rough spot, Barnabas Asher Sterling? Well, think again, because we’re life partners, and we don’t run to hide our heads in a hole when life throws us rotten hands of cards!”

She heard him swear under his breath. “I may have destroyed your chances to get your daughter back, Taffy. Do you
get
that?”

“Yes, I get it, and I’m also very upset about it. But
it isn’t your fault, I don’t blame you at all, and I’m not going to let Phillip Gentry’s sick lifestyle and total lack of responsibility toward my daughter destroy what you and I have.” She took a deep breath. “I’m going to call Cameron and ask him to explain to Sarah that I’ve changed my mind about kicking you to the curb. It’s absurd to allow an abused little girl to run our adult lives!”

He cursed again. Before he could say more, she broke in. “We’re going to tackle this problem together, Barney. I won’t accept no for an answer because I need you beside me for strength. I need your arms around me when my heart is breaking. I need your advice when I’m not sure how the hell to deal with Sarah.” She heard her voice going shriller with every word, but she couldn’t stop herself. “I need you to hold me at night! I need to make love with you until all the pain goes away! I—need—my—husband! Do
you
get
that
?”

Long silence. For a full second, she thought that he’d hung up on her. Then he said, “Yes, I get that. I’ll be there in thirty. But just for the record, I think you’re out of your mind to choose me over your kid.”

“I’m not choosing you over my kid!” Now she was mad. “I’m choosing to be with the one person in the world who stands beside me, the one person I can trust to advise me, the
only
person I can trust to lay down his life for me, and the only man I know who’s wonderful enough to be a wonderful dad to my daughter! Without you, I may never get Sarah back. You make me a better person, a stronger person,
and a wiser parent. Come home. That’s an order. If you aren’t here in thirty, I’ll hunt you down and drag you home by your ear.”

With a slam of her thumb on the
END
button, she hung up on him.

Barney stared at his phone, not quite able to believe that the woman who’d just been screaming at him over the airwaves had been his sweet, tolerant wife. Then his mouth quirked in a suppressed grin. Maybe she was right about them solving this problem with Sarah together. His parents had faced many fierce storms during their marriage, nearly going bankrupt once, almost losing their Sarah to pneumonia once, and God knew what else. They’d always stood shoulder to shoulder to face problems, and they had always prevailed in the end, even if all they could do was pray together for God’s help.

He grabbed his satchel and started stuffing his clothes and toiletries back into it. As he started down the exterior stairway that led from the loft, Ben emerged from his house and stood on the side porch, arms folded, feet spread, a bewildered expression moving over his sun-darkened face.

“You leaving already? I thought the honeymoon period in the landlord-tenant relationship would last for at least a week.”

Barney stopped at the bottom of the steps to face his brother. “Taffy is screaming at me to come
home. I’ve messed everything up, Ben, absolutely
everything
, but she still wants me there.”

Ben lifted one hand to stroke his jaw, his hazel gaze moving slowly over Barney’s face. “What the hell did you do?”

Barney glanced at his watch. “I don’t have time to tell you. She gave me thirty minutes to get there before she comes to find me and drag me home by my ear.”

Ben threw back his head and guffawed. When his mirth subsided, he shook his head. “Go, then. But I want to hear the details of this story when you’ve got a minute to fill me in.”

Barney made good time getting home without taking the curves of the windy road on two wheels. When he pulled up in front of his house, Taffeta stepped out onto the porch. He cut the engine to stare at her for a moment, realizing that she had been the final, missing touch needed to complete his restoration of the old farm dwelling.
Taffy
. With her dark hair spilling over her shoulders, her lovely figure outlined against the smoke-blue siding, and the toe of one shoe tapping the plank veranda with impatience, she epitomized what every man with brains dreamed of when he pictured home, the place that would wrap around him like an embrace after a long day and warm him from the marrow of his bones out, the place where he could turn loose of all his worries, the place where he would always find love.

He climbed out of the truck. His wife bounded
down the steps to run toward him. He broke into a sprint and met her halfway.

“Don’t you
ever
leave me again!” she cried as he caught her in his arms. “Never, never,
never
.”

“I won’t.” He pressed his face against her hair. “It was a stupid idea. It just—well, never mind. I won’t do it again. We have to stand together and solve our problems.”

“Yes.” She breathed the word out on a sigh. “I can’t face the hard things without you, Barney. And as much as I love her, Sarah is a tangled-up mess. It’s going to take both of us to straighten her out.”

He led her into the house, ignoring his urge to take her to the bedroom. Something far more important than his physical needs required attention and had to be discussed.

They sat at the table and talked about Sarah’s fear of lawmen. Taffeta summed it up with “When a person is afraid of snakes, allowing him to avoid snakes will never cure his fear. By removing you from the picture, we were doing the same thing, Barney. We’re essentially telling Sarah that she has good reasons to be afraid of you.”

Barney mulled that over and nodded. “So, where do we go from here? Aside from going there together, what’s your plan?”

She stretched her arm across the table to place her hand over his. “I think your idea to visit her school for parent-day lunches is fabulous.”

“Actually it was Cameron’s idea, not mine, and it backfired, big-time.”

“But you saw the wisdom in it. I think you need
to accept the invitation to lecture at Sarah’s school in the auditorium. It’ll make a strong statement to Sarah. She’ll see the principal, the teachers, and all the other students hanging on every word you say. She’ll see their admiration and respect. Even if she doesn’t immediately come around, she’s a smart child, and I think she’ll eventually come to realize that maybe her father had good reasons to be afraid of cops, but she has none.”

Barney sighed. “I’ve never talked to a group of kids. Adults, no problem, but what’ll I say to a slew of children?”

“Tell them about your job. Do you have any pictures of yourself while you were rescuing a cat?”

Barney tried to recall. “I made the front page of the newspaper a few times. They may have photos on file. Once, I had to go up in a boom lift to rescue a kitten at the top of a tree.”

Taffeta’s eyes shimmered with fascination. “What’s a boom lift?”

“It’s a box that can be raised up high. It’s a piece of aerial equipment that will lift a man—well, I don’t know—thirty to fifty feet up.”

Her mouth quivered into a smile. “Tell me about it.”

“Well, by the time we got a boom lift into Mrs. Dominique’s backyard, which meant removing part of her privacy fence, a local reporter was on the scene. I was the officer on call, so it was my job to get into the box and go up. It was icy that night, and the fire department had its hands full with wrecks and couldn’t be bothered with a cat. The sound of the
equipment and the box itself terrified the kitten, and it kept climbing higher to get beyond my reach. To gain some height, I climbed up on the edge of the boom box and held on to the spindly treetop to keep my balance.”

Taffeta’s eyes went wide. “Dear God, at possibly fifty feet up? To save a kitten?”

Barney couldn’t help grinning. “This was a very special kitten to Mrs. Dominique. I’m pretty sure she would have had a coronary if I had left Hercules up there to freeze to death—or she would have tried to climb the damned tree herself. So I stood on the edge of the box, holding on to spindly branches for balance. Did I mention that it was icy out?”

“Oh God, you fell.”

He chuckled. “No, but I did slip off the boom box and wound up clinging for dear life to a wobbly treetop.”

Taffeta’s face paled.

“I’m agile. The operator moved the box closer to me, and I was able to swing a leg back into it. The kitten, terrified by all the swaying, decided I was a safer bet than the tree and leaped at me, digging all its claws into my shirt to hold on. I was a hero who wasn’t. I’m pretty sure the newspaper office has heaps of pictures of that, not that any of them are very flattering to me as a deputy.”

“You risked your life for a kitten. That’s pretty awesome.”

“That’s my job, Taffy. I climb trees and risk breaking my neck to save kittens. One time some kids lifted the lid off a gutter drain, and a dog fell into the hole.” He laughed at her horrified expression. “Lucky for me, the department pays for my dry-cleaning bills, because another deputy had to lower me into the manhole to get the dog and bring it back up. It had broken a leg, and before transporting it to the vet, we had to splint the bone. Not much excitement happens in Mystic Creek, so that made it into the newspaper, too.”

“Barney, that’s perfect. Kids will love to hear those stories and see pictures of things like that.”

He shook his head. “They think cops or deputies are like the ones on TV, facing dangerous criminals who are shooting bullets at them. In larger cities, it can be like that on a bad shift. Other times, a cop deals with slightly less exciting stuff. But in Mystic Creek? My job gets so boring sometimes that I’m glad to get a kitten, cat, or dog call. It even relieves the boredom to play referee when two geriatric neighbors get into a dispute over whose garbage can is whose.”

“Do you enjoy your job?” she asked. “I assumed that you do, but I never thought to ask.”

“I love my job. Well, sometimes I get frustrated, but mostly I enjoy dealing with people and crazy situations. You remember Crystal, the natural redhead who runs Silver Beach Salon?”

“Yes.”

“Well, just to show you how nutty my job is, one night she called in about a tarantula loose in her kitchen. Given that we don’t have indigenous tarantulas here, I was dubious. When I got upstairs to her flat, she wouldn’t get off the table to answer the door, so I had to shoulder my way in. There she stood on the kitchen table, clinging to her cell phone, wearing nothing but one of those slip things that you like to fantasy-dance in. She swore to me on her mother’s grave—though I doubt that her mother is dead yet, because she isn’t that old—that a huge tarantula had scurried across her kitchen floor and hidden under her stove.

“Now,
that
was a lot of work. I moved her stove. No tarantula. I moved her refrigerator. Before I finally found the spider, a little guy that resembled a daddy longlegs, I’d also moved every stick of furniture in her house.”

“She’s
gorgeous
,” Taffeta whispered. “I mean, I bet she makes every man within a mile of her drool. Did she reward you with sex?”

Barney jerked back to the moment, studied his wife’s sweet face, and realized she had the green monster called jealousy digging its claws into her heart.
Shit
. “Hell, no. Sex? With Crystal? She isn’t my type.”

“What is your type?”

Barney felt on solid ground again. “A man doesn’t really know what his type is until he finds her. I searched and searched until I found
you
.”

She tipped her head, gazing dubiously at him. “So you didn’t try Crystal on for size?”

“Nope.” Barney tried never to lie to this woman. She was the heart of his heart. “I tried a lot of women on for size, Taffy, but never Crystal. And just so you know, I never spent the night with any of those women. I engaged in intimacy, yes, always taking safety precautions, but as soon as it was over, I left. No morning wake-up coffee. Few second dates. I never found anyone who called to me the way that you did and still do. Please don’t be jealous of Crystal. She’s a nice lady, and she might be a great friend for you.”

Taffeta finally smiled. “Okay, I felt a stab of jealousy for a second. Crystal is so—” She waved a hand. “Well, she’s everything I’m not, beautiful, smart, friendly, self-confident, fashionable, and—”

“You’re all of those things, too,” Barney inserted. “But you have one other feature that really whammed me.”

“What is it?”

Barney tried to describe it in his mind and came up blank. “I don’t know. It’s a special feeling I get when I look at you or see you smile or hear your voice. It’s what made me fall in love with you.”

She studied his face and nodded. “I understand. That’s how I feel about you, too. So finish the spider story.”

“Well, I found the spider and showed it to her on a paper towel. She screamed and almost fell off the table, telling me to smash it. I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t a dangerous spider, not even one that would bite and
leave an itchy spot. So I opened one of her windows and set it outside on the sill.”

“Was she happy with that resolution?”

“As long as the
tarantula
was out of her apartment, she cared about nothing else. Not even how much it might cost her to repair her door.”

Taffeta sighed and rested her chin on her folded hands to gaze at him. “The kids will love to hear about your job, and I think the reality of being a small-town cop is a better slant for your presentation. Like you said, on TV, cops have shoot-outs with bad guys. The videos seldom feature lawmen like you, who know people personally and help them when they’re scared, or angry, or in trouble. Children need to realize that most cops are their friends, people they can trust. Sarah needs to know that, and maybe, by listening to you talk about your job, she can learn that.”

Barney sighed. “It’s a long shot, sweetheart. That kid is terrified of me.”

“All we can do is try, pray, and be patient.” She toyed with the saltshaker. “Bottom line, we’re husband and wife. We’re committed to each other. It may take time for Sarah to accept that, but in the end, she has to, because you’re a permanent fixture in my life.”

“And if she never accepts it? She’s your daughter. I know how much you love her. I’ll never expect you to put me first, Taffy. It’s your God-given duty to put her first, always.”

“And I am.” Taffeta straightened on the chair.
“There are some bad cops out there. We hear about them all the time on the news. But they are the exception, not the rule. They make the news because they either did something bad or are accused of doing something bad. Officers like you don’t make the news because good cops, the real heroes, are too mundane for the sensationalism required to keep news channel ratings high. What kind of life will Sarah have if she grows up and becomes a stripper or a drug user, or both? I need to get her on the right path, and I can only do that with your help. She needs a good mother and a good father—who just happens to be a law officer.”

Barney loved her too much to argue the point, especially since he wasn’t sure his leaving had been the right decision in the first place. “All right. We’re in this together, for better or worse. Now will you dance for me naked?”

Taffeta burst out laughing. She was already pulling that pink top that he loved off over her head as she rose from the chair. Barney wanted her so badly that he scooped her up in his arms before she could ask him to turn on the music. The stereo wasn’t part of his plan anyway. The tango he wanted to engage in would occur on his king-size bed.

•   •   •

Barney had no clue how to prepare photographs for a slide projector show. He kept saying he needed transparent photos. Taffeta, who had learned how to do slide shows in college, took it upon herself to drive around Mystic Creek, asking people whom
Barney had helped if they had any photographs of the events. Amazingly Mrs. Dominique had taken heartwarming photos of Barney with the half-frozen kitten long after the news crew had left her property. Barney, wrapping the kitten in a heating pad. Barney, dripping thin, warm mush into the kitten’s mouth. Barney, holding the kitten close to his neck with his chin tucked in to form a cocoon of warmth with his body heat to save the kitten.