No Regrets (3 page)

Even though no one would think twice about the notebook if they saw it, I still made sure to tuck it under the pile of folders and notebooks in my drawer. I didn't want to take that risk. Didn't want people to know I was writing to someone who couldn't write back. To know I was slightly unhinged.

I turned on some music and sang along as I got ready, trying to keep my mind on the upbeat tune instead of the ache in my chest. Slowly, it eased and I was able to focus on the fun night ahead of me again. It was always a hard transition to make.

When Annie stepped out of the bathroom, I flashed her my Cover Girl smile before focusing on my mascara. I was in good spirits once again. Just a little more eye makeup, some lipstick and I'd be done!

“Ryan is going to be here in thirty, so you better hurry.”

“I thought you said we had two hours?” Annie's voice shook, but at least she wasn't arguing.

I leaned closer to the mirror and stretched my eyes open as wide as I could, trying to wrangle my lashes into the curler. They would obey me! “He called and said they were going out earlier. They want to catch dinner first.”

“Where are you going?” Annie asked.

I blotted my burgundy lips on a tissue. It did not escape my attention that Annie had said
you
. “
We
, and who cares? Anywhere Ryan will take us! It's our first night as college students and I want to have fun.”

She didn't respond, but I could see her reflection in the mirror behind me as she ran a comb through her long hair. God, it was gorgeous. I always loved my dark complexion, but there was something about blondes that made me feel like I was missing out. Didn't they say blondes had more fun?

“Break Free” by Ariana Grande came on and I grabbed my iPhone off the desk. Yes! This was my jam. I bobbed my head as I crossed the room. My stomach jumped with excitement, but when I caught sight of Annie, she looked on the verge of puking. She was blow-drying her hair, so I assumed she wasn't going to chicken out.

She turned the dryer off once her hair wasn't dripping wet, then pulled it up into a ponytail. My eyes narrowed more and more with every move she made. I had a sneaking suspicion Annie was about to tell me she was ready to go, and that wouldn't do at all. No way was I going to let her out of the dorm with those clothes on.

“You're wearing that?” My gold earrings pinged against my cheeks when I shook my head.

Annie looked down at her jean shorts and Air Force Academy t-shirt as if she couldn't remember what she'd put on. “I don't have anything else.”

My eyebrow shot up like it had been launched from a slingshot. “Nothing? No skirts or dresses?” Annie shrugged and I had the urge to shake her. Why did she look so clueless? “You have to at least have something nicer than that shirt.”

I crossed the room in three quick strides. When I yanked open her closet, I exhaled slowly so I didn't explode into a lecture on fashion. Holding it in was probably one of the most difficult things I'd ever done. Just as I'd suspected, there was nothing good. I didn't even have to look through the rest of her clothes to know she couldn't possibly wear any of this stuff out. It was up to me to make her look her age. And female! The way she was dressed reminded me of a ten-year-old boy, not a college student.

A thrill shot through me that felt like a bolt of electricity. Yes! I could dress her up and parade her around like she was my very own Barbie doll. It was just too bad my makeup wasn't going to work for her. I was willing to bet my iPhone she didn't own any.

I searched my clothes, using my fashion expertise to pick out the perfect outfit for her. Even though it took some convincing, for the most part Annie was receptive to me nudging her gently in the right direction. She even seemed a little excited by the prospect of getting all dressed up, which was good to know. It meant I would get to do this again, like I would be her personal fashion consultant or something. Awesome!

Once she was dressed, I circled her like I was Tim Gunn critiquing a contest on
Project Runway
. “Much better. Still, we have to go shopping ASAP! Until then . . .” I turned and grabbed some jewelry off the desk. The necklace I put on her was silver and delicate, and there were earrings that matched.

When I went for her ears, Annie pushed my hand away. “They're not pierced.”

My arms fell to my sides, still holding the earrings. “What? You're killing me!”

“My dad is very protective.”

My stomach dropped and everything I was going to say evaporated. The ache in my chest returned full force and the black cloud that had been hanging over me for the past year was back. I'd been exasperated with Annie's lack of clothing options, but it was all in good fun. Until she said those words.
Overprotective dad
. They made me break out in a cold sweat. Made my heart beat faster. Maybe the whole thing hadn't been such a good idea.

“What about shoes?” Annie asked, making me jump.

I blinked and stared at Annie, who was staring back at me. Waiting for me to tell her what to do. Her honey-colored eyes were wide and hopeful. It was clear she wanted this. Maybe even needed it for some reason. She wasn't Julie. Annie was an adult, not a high school student who was out trying to piss off her parents. I wasn't doing anything wrong this time.

“What do you have?” I managed to get out, swallowing down the pain and pushing the darkness away. I wanted happy Cami back.

“Running shoes and flip-flops.” Annie pointed to the floor and my eyes landed on a pair of cheap-looking white flip-flops.

I scooped them up and dropped them in front of her. “These will have to do. At least they're not those ugly black athletic-looking flip-flops guys wear.”

She pointed to a pair under the bed. The exact same ones I had just been referring to.

“Did a man dress you?” I said, throwing my arms up in disgust.

Annie laughed, but it was tight and uncomfortable. “Yes. My dad.”

That explained a lot. “Where was your mom in all this?”

She turned away and studied the jewelry on the desk, but her back was stiff. I could tell she was avoiding my gaze. “She died when I was a baby.”

The air left my lungs in a big
whoosh
that came out as, “Oh shit.”

All I could think about was Ryan. He'd lost his mom when he was young. Too young. He didn't really talk about it, but I knew it still affected him. Just like it obviously did Annie.

I put my hands on her shoulders. “I'm so sorry, Annie. That sucks.”

She turned to face me and I gnawed on my bottom lip. I wanted to say more, to tell her I'd lost someone too. That I understood. But that wasn't totally true. Ryan would understand, but I couldn't. Not really. My mama was still alive.

My phone dinged, making me jump. Thank God! I needed Ryan to scoop me up and get me out of here. Things had gotten way too real. It was time to lighten the mood.

I grabbed my phone off the desk and just like that, the other Cami popped up, all ready to save the day. “Ryan's downstairs!” I squealed and spun around to face Annie, holding up a tube of lip gloss. “I can't do much with your makeup right now, but this will help.”

A few finishing touches and we were ready to go. My heart was beating so fast, I was pretty sure if I ripped it out of my chest it would twerk across the room. Just thinking about going out helped ease the tension inside me.

T
he elevator stopped and Annie swallowed. I raked my fingers through my hair as my stomach buzzed with so much excitement I had a hard time keeping still. Then the door slid open, revealing Ryan and a bunch of his friends.

I rushed forward, squealing as I jumped into his arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Calm down or I'm not taking you anywhere.” He laughed as his arms went around me.

I smiled and turned to Annie, ignoring Ryan's idle threats. I knew better and so did he. He couldn't deny this adorable face of mine. “This is my roommate, Annie. You have to be nice to her Ryan, she's shy. This is my cousin, Ryan Cole.”

Ryan grinned at Annie, but I was too busy scanning the group to really pay attention. My eyes landed on Amber, and I had the sudden urge to barf, but Mitch wasn't an unwelcome sight. He was cute and flirty, and even though Ryan was always trying to keep me away from Mitch, I had a good time goofing off with him. Of course, it was all for fun. There was no way in hell
that
was going to happen. Mitch was a man-whore.

The one person I'd been hoping to see wasn't there, though, and my heart sank so low it felt like it was between my knees. Crap. I'd really wanted Liam to come along. Oh well, I could still have fun.

I turned to Ryan, working hard to keep a smile on my face. “Are we going or what?”

Ryan didn't take his eyes off Amber, which made an evil smile curl up her lips. Joke was on her, though. There was no way Ryan would ever be attracted to someone as fake as Amber. He usually went for the innocent type—more like Annie. I might not know my new roommate that well yet, but I could totally see her and my cousin together. It was kind of perfect, actually.

Ryan swatted me away and I had to resist the urge to smack him in the back of the head. “We're going. We're waiting on Chris.” A strange expression came over Annie's face. Like she was a little kid anticipating the arrival of Santa Claus or someone equally thrilling. The elevator dinged and we both turned just as Chris stepped out, causing Annie's face to light up when he headed our way.

“ 'Bout time. My hair's turning gray,” Ryan said, punching Chris on the shoulder.

“Hey, Chris,” I purred. I liked to flirt with Chris even though he was like a brother to me. To be honest, I just liked to flirt. “I hear we're neighbors.”

Chris scratched his head, which totally killed the mood. He looked like a total idiot when he did that. “Is that right? What room are you in?”

“Three fifteen.”

Chris's face scrunched up like he was trying to work out a really hard math problem. “Three fifteen? So your roommate is—”

“Right here.” I spun on my heel and pointed at Annie, who looked both thrilled and terrified at the same time. “You know Annie?”

“We met,” Chris said, smiling wider.

Annie returned it and I swear the moment reminded me of something out of one of those corny romantic comedies. So much for thinking Annie and Ryan were perfect for each other!

After Chris arrived, we headed out. The sidewalk was so packed that my insanely high heels weren't much of an issue. I found myself squeezed in between Annie and Mitch, making it impossible for me to fall down even if I wanted to. So much for bumping into my dream man.

Chris was on the other side of Annie, asking her questions about California and who knows what else. Honestly, I tuned him out after about two seconds. My focus was on Mitch. He wasn't as good-looking or even half as charming as Liam, and most of the time when he talked to me his eyes were focused on my boobs, but he did have a flask he was open to sharing. Plus, he obviously thought I was hot. In the absence of Liam and the man of my dreams, Mitch seemed like a good way to start off my college career.

We slowed our pace, keeping to the back of the group as we headed to whatever restaurant Ryan had chosen. I'd forgotten to ask before we left. Not that I cared all that much. Not as long as the booze kept coming and my overactive brain was swimming in alcohol by the end of the night. Sometimes I wished I could just turn it off.

I scanned the street for any signs of authority, and when I didn't spot anyone, I lowered my head to take a swig from the flask. Whatever Mitch had filled it with burned going down. A tickle started in the back of my throat and traveled up, forcing its way out in the form of a cough. I giggled, and Mitch grinned down at me. He had nice, soft brown eyes that looked deceptively sweet. His smile, however, gave him away. It was straight from the devil.

“Easy there, little girl. I wouldn't want you to get drunk. Not with your big brother here.”

I rolled my eyes and passed the flask back to Mitch. My head felt lighter already and I'd only taken a couple drinks. It was probably because I'd skipped lunch. At the time I'd been too busy unpacking to bother with food.

“Despite what Ryan thinks, he isn't in charge of me. I make my own decisions.”

“I've heard stories about your decisions,” Mitch said, grinning. “Ryan says you have a wild side.”

I snorted. Ryan's idea of having a wild side was a little different from mine. I liked to have fun, but he acted as if every time I took a drink I was going to get alcohol poisoning. He was just being protective, and I couldn't really blame him after Julie, but it got old. Fast.

“I just like to have a good time,” I said with a shrug.

Mitch grinned and nudged me with his elbow. “Me too.”

Ryan glared Mitch's way when we got to the restaurant, but we both ignored him. The hostess led us to our table, and Ryan did his best to corral me into a chair near him. He honestly reminded me of a sheep dog the way he inserted himself between me and Mitch, steering me toward the other end of the table. It didn't work, though. I ducked under his arm before he could back me into a chair—yay for being short!—and practically sprinted to the other side of the table. Mitch grinned and Ryan glared and I giggled. I was having a blast.

I ended up in the back corner right next to Mitch. Since Ryan was sitting on the same side of the table, but all the way at the other end, it gave us a fair amount of privacy. It also helped that Amber was doing her very best to keep his focus on her. I swear, she was shoving her boobs in his face every chance she got. It was pathetic.

Mental note: make sure I don't turn into a gigantic slut like Amber.

I frowned at the Diet Coke sitting in front of me when the waitress brought Mitch his beer. Ugh. Being underage in college was going to suck. If I didn't get more to drink soon, my buzz was going to wear off.

Luckily, Mitch noticed my distress and came to the rescue. “You look a little sad,” he said, leaning close to me. “Something I can help you with?”

“Only if you have another flask,” I said with a perfect pout on my face.

Mitch grinned and shook his head, then pushed his beer toward me. “Nope, but I can help in other ways.”

I didn't argue, and I didn't push his hand away when he set it on my leg. Mitch grinned at me like he had won the lottery while I downed the beer. He ordered another when the waitress came by. We shared it, and after that we had a steady stream of alcohol and flirting going back and forth between the two of us. The more I drank, the more charming Mitch seemed. Maybe he didn't have a dead sexy accent like Liam, but he sure was cute. And he knew how to have a good time.

About halfway through the meal nature called. I'd been ignoring it, but it had slowly changed from a quiet whisper to a desperate scream, and I couldn't put it off anymore. When I got to my feet, the room swayed just a little. I blinked and gripped the back of Mitch's chair for support.

“You doing okay there?” he said, laughing.

“I'm fine.” I stuck my tongue out and straightened my shoulders. The gold heels under me wobbled, but I managed to hang in there. “See. No problem.”

Mitch was still laughing when I headed for the bathroom.

It was really far away. Or at least it seemed like it at the time. I had to dodge about a hundred tables, at least fifty servers carrying food or drinks, and more dinner guests than I could ever dream of counting. Then I got to the bathroom only to discover the line was about six miles long. Dammit.

“Problems?” someone said in my ear, so close that his breath swept my hair aside and I got a whiff of beer.

I spun around to find Mitch grinning. “Did you follow me?”

“I had to pee too,” he said, turning toward the men's room. “Which I'm going to take care of right now because there's no line.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him, but he just smiled.

He pushed the door open and peeked inside, then turned back to face me. “It's empty if you want to sneak in.”

“I don't know . . .”

It wouldn't be the first time I'd used the men's room to avoid waiting in line. Let's face it, sometimes it was necessary. But the restaurant was kind of a classy place and something about it just didn't feel right.

“Come on,” Mitch said. “We'll lock it so no one can barge in.”

I sighed and glanced over my shoulder at the line for the women's room. There were five women standing outside the door and I really did have to pee.

“Fine.”

Mitch grinned as I followed him inside and looked around. At least it was clean and didn't reek of pee. He locked the door as I headed for the stall, and it wasn't until I was safely inside that I heard his zipper. Then it hit me. He was at the urinal. Standing out in the open like he didn't care how much of him I saw.

I giggled when I peered through the crack. I felt like a perv at one of those old-time peep shows, but I couldn't make myself turn away. Not that it mattered. Mitch's back was to me so I couldn't see a damn thing. Oh well.

After I had finished my business, I headed out of the stall and found Mitch washing his hands. I lathered my own with soap while I gave myself a once-over in the mirror. Even a little tipsy I looked hot.

“You know if you wanted a good look, all you had to do is ask.” Mitch grinned and shook his wet hands in my direction.

Okay, so he realized I'd been trying to sneak a peek at his goods. It was a little embarrassing, but it's not like he wouldn't have been doing the exact same thing if the situation were reversed!

I swatted him away as little drops of water hit me in the face. “Please! Isn't that why you asked me in here, anyway? I just thought you were putting on some kind of show for me. Like
Magic Mike
or something.”

Mitch took a step closer to me. “No. This is why I invited you in here.”

He gripped my face between his hands as his mouth slammed into mine. It was totally unexpected, but not unwelcome. Heat rushed through my body and I grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer with my still-wet hands. I stumbled a few steps and my back banged against the stall behind me. I swear the whole bathroom shook. Mitch's lips moved over mine, urging them open, and he shoved his tongue so far into my mouth it felt like he was trying to lick my tonsils. Seriously, I almost gagged. There was nothing hot or sexy about it. The guy was all tongue.

I tried to slow the kiss down, hoping he'd get the point and stop giving the inside of my mouth a tongue bath. It didn't exactly work. His tongue was like a giant slug invading my mouth. How did someone who had the reputation of being such a man-whore end up being such a lousy kisser? It was one of the great mysteries in life. Along with the Bermuda Triangle and who actually built the pyramids. The secret would probably die with him.

After a few seconds of literally playing tonsil hockey, I gently pushed Mitch away. I wanted to wipe my mouth, but I held back. “That's enough for now, Tiger. We should probably get out of here before Ryan sends a search party, or someone desperate to use the bathroom breaks down the door.”

Mitch grinned and the expression on his face reminded me of a little kid who had just learned to ride a bike. Like he'd achieved greatness or something. I felt kind of bad for the guy. Someone needed to explain to him that swallowing the other person whole shouldn't be his goal when it came to kissing.

Not that I was going to do it. Maybe one day he'd get lucky and some girl would take pity on him, but I didn't have the time or patience.

When we opened the door, there was a guy a year or two older than me waiting to use the bathroom. He saw me first and his eyes went to the door like he was making sure he was in the right place. Then he noticed Mitch and his face broke out in a huge grin.

“All right, man. Nice work.” He gave Mitch a high-five as we walked by.

I rolled my eyes at the proud expression on Mitch's face. “Don't pat yourself on the back too much. Nothing really happened. Remember?”

“Not this time,” Mitch said, giving me a wink.

Or ever. Ugh. No way was I going to revisit that train wreck. Letting Mitch lick my esophagus once was more than enough for me.

 

After dinner we headed to a bar that was so crowded we had a hard time squeezing our way through. Mitch was pressed up against me the whole time, his hands on my hips. Ryan kept glaring at him, but Mitch wasn't easily deterred. And I didn't really care. It's not like I was going to be heading off to the bathroom with him again, but that didn't mean he couldn't buy me a drink or two. My buzz from dinner had already started to wear off and Ryan wasn't going to help me get wasted.