No Regrets (6 page)

“Has the journal helped at all?” Dr. Houseman asked.

I shrugged and picked at a loose string on my purse. I should buy a new one. “I guess. I mean, I don't talk to her out loud anymore, really. I want to write her the letters, even if I know she'll never see them.”

“Because you still feel like you owe her something?”

“Yeah.”

Dr. Houseman just stared at me, waiting for me to say more. I didn't really know what he wanted when we got to this part. Was he waiting for me to finally tell him I'd forgiven myself? That I didn't feel like I needed to live just as much for Julie as I did for myself? That wasn't going to happen, at least not any time soon.

“I do owe her,” I finally said.

Dr. Houseman typed on his iPad. Writing something in the notes about our sessions. I wish I could see what he had to say about me. That way I'd know if he thought I was crazy or not.

He looked up, but kept his expression blank. He was good at that. “What have you done for Julie this week?”

My cheeks got warm and I squirmed even more. I was there to tell the truth and I knew anything I told him stayed in the room. Dr. Houseman wasn't going to run off and tell my parents what I said or anything. But it still wasn't easy to admit.

“Not much . . .” I looked down at my hands. “I flirted with a couple guys. Ryan's friends. I made out with this one guy in the bathroom of a restaurant.”

“Do you like him?”

I raised my head and met Dr. Houseman's gaze. He knew I didn't or he wouldn't be asking. “Not really. I mean, he's kind of good-looking, but he's also kind of an asshole. Ryan would be super pissed if he knew I made out with Mitch.”

“So why did you do it? If this guy is such a jerk”—he raised his eyebrows to accentuate the fact that he hadn't cussed, and I found myself smiling—“and your cousin doesn't like him. What made you do it?”

“I felt like Julie would be proud of me.”

“Then you wrote her a letter about it?”

I nodded.

“Did you feel good about yourself when you wrote the letter?”

I took a deep breath and stared at Dr. Houseman while I tried to figure out how to respond. “It's hard to say. I don't really feel good about myself any time I write Julie a letter. Or when I talk to her.”

“Do you think it's from the guilt, or is there something else to it?”

I didn't have a freaking clue.

 

I wasn't sure if my little flirting session with Liam had worked until Thursday. Annie and I went out to get our hair done, and since my hair was way shorter than hers, I was finished in record time. I opted for some red streaks that really popped. It kind of made me feel like a rock star, which would have been awesome.

While I waited for Annie, I admired my reflection, rocking out to a tune of my own making as I imagined hundreds of cheering fans. Hundreds? No. Thousands!

My phone rang right in the middle of an epic sob. I would have ignored it, but when I pulled it out, Liam's name was on the screen. I'll be honest, I almost screamed like one of the fans I had conjured up.

I took a deep breath as I slid my finger across the screen to answer the call. “Liam,” I purred. “I didn't expect to hear from you for a couple more days. Isn't there some rule all men are required to follow, saying you can't call for three days after you get a girl's number?”

Liam chuckled, and the sound was so smooth it reminded me of silk. “There is, but there are also exceptions to that rule. Like calling about a time-sensitive event.”

“Time-sensitive, how?”

“Beach party my frat is having this weekend for rush week.”

“Party?” I immediately went into full-on Cami mode, doing a little dance in the middle of the store. If he could have seen me, I was certain he would be running for the hills.

“Yeah. Thought you and your roommate could come with Ryan and Chris.”

If Ryan and Chris were going, there was absolutely no reason for Liam to call me, which made me stomp my feet even faster. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Be sure to look for me. Wouldn't want to miss you.”

My heart hammered in my chest and I swallowed. I wanted to scream, but I managed to swallow down my enthusiasm and keep my voice level. “I wouldn't even think about leaving the party without seeing you.”

We hung up and I bounced around on the balls of my feet. I was still jumping up and down when Annie came out, and I was so excited I couldn't even be angry with her for barely changing her hair.

T
he beach house was huge and gorgeous, and the beach was literally right in the backyard. It was one of those houses you pass and wonder how the hell anyone could possibly afford it. But when we stepped inside, all I could focus on was finding Liam in the crowd. He had invited me, and even though it wasn't really a date, I wanted to be sure I took full advantage of the situation.

The room was already crowded with college students, all eager to get as much drinking time in as possible. Ryan and Chris pushed their way through the crowd in search of the kegs, and Annie stepped closer to me like she was afraid the crowd would swallow her whole. I couldn't stop scanning the room, but Liam was nowhere to be seen.

By the time the guys came back with red Solo cups, I had given up for the moment. I knew Liam had to be around, but I was too short to be able to get a really good look over the crowd. So I took the cup Ryan held out to me and bopped to the music like I didn't have a care in the world. Really, though, I was already plotting a sweep of the room.

“Let's take a walk,” I said, not to anyone in particular. “See what's going on.”

No one argued, so I headed out. I had to nudge my way past girls in skimpy dresses wearing too much makeup and three-inch heels. I'd dressed Annie in a sensible jean skirt, but my own dress was just as form-fitting as the girls I passed, most of whom were grinding against already intoxicated frat guys. It was early, but already a few couples looked like they were on the way to having sex right there in the middle of the house. I doubted anyone would even try to stop them.

We reached the other side of the house and found a room with a pool table in the center. A game was already in progress, and Liam stood with his back to me, clutching his pool cue. He reminded me of a knight who was ready to jump on his horse and enter a jousting tournament. He'd look super hot in a suit of armor too.

I stopped in my tracks and Annie almost plowed into me. Ryan and Chris kept moving. My cousin patted Liam on the back and he turned. I couldn't hear what they were saying over the roar of the crowd and the music pulsing through the house, but it made Liam throw his head back and laugh. He tilted his head toward the pool table and handed his cue stick to Ryan, then turned toward me. My whole body buzzed when his eyes met mine.

Liam's mouth turned up and he winked. He held up one finger in my direction, then turned back to the guys. My heart pounded while I waited for him to say something to Ryan. When Liam was done, he headed my way. His gaze moved down my body, making my skin flush in an intoxicating way. I could get used to him caressing me with his eyes like that.

He stopped in front of us and his eyes moved to my right. “Annie.”

I blinked and followed his gaze. Annie stood there clutching her red cup so tightly the cheap plastic looked ready to crack. I'd forgotten she was there.

When I turned back to Liam, he was studying me again. “Glad you came.”

“Did you think I wouldn't?”

He shook his head and stepped closer to me. “I knew you couldn't stay away.”

He was so close I could feel his body heat even over the swell of the crowd at my back. My pulse picked up and Liam leaned down, putting his lips to my ear. His warm breath brushed against my face and sent a shiver down my spine. “I have some things to do for rush right now, but maybe later I can give you a tour of the house?”

I nodded and bit down on my bottom lip. When he leaned back, he stopped within an inch of my face and his eyes went straight to my mouth. The grin he gave me was sexy and devilish and suggestive all at once. I wanted to suck the smile off his face.

He headed through the crowd without saying anything else, and Annie shot me a confused look. “What was that about?”

I shrugged and took a big gulp of my beer. “Liam's a flirt.”

Annie called out to me, but between the music thumping through the air and the people around us talking, I couldn't hear her. I shook my head and she leaned closer.

“My feet hurt!”

My frown deepened. Was she serious? We'd only been at the party for a few hours. It was only a little after ten and there was no way I was ready to leave. I could have gone all night, which I figured was the perfect opportunity to knock an item off Annie's list. Plus, I hadn't gotten my
tour
from Liam yet, which I was pretty sure was just code for sex.

“You're not ready to go home, are you? I thought we could work on number eleven!” I yelled back. She looked like she didn't have a clue what I was talking about, so I stood on my tiptoes and yelled. “Stay out all night!”

Just then, I caught sight of Liam on the other side of the room and my heart jumped in anticipation. Damn, he looked hot. He scanned the room like he was looking for someone. Me, maybe? His eyes met mine, and even from across the room his smile made me weak in the knees.

Annie said something, but I couldn't really hear her. I was pretty sure she'd said she wanted to rest. Whatever that meant. I couldn't imagine going to a frat party and resting. Sometimes I worried Annie was a lost cause.

Liam held up two drinks and tilted his head like he wanted me to follow him. He didn't have to ask me twice. Or once, for that matter.

Annie grabbed my arm when I took a step toward Liam. “Cami, you know what Ryan said about him.”

Ugh. Ryan was
not
my boss.

I brushed her off and took another step, but stopped. I didn't want her to mention this to Ryan, though. Sure, he wasn't in charge of what I did, but he could be a huge pain in the ass when he thought I was about to screw up.

I turned to face Annie and gave her my most serious and adult look. “Don't tell him, okay? You have your list and I have mine.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “What's on your list?”

“Liam.” I giggled just thinking about it.

“Cami.” Annie's tone reminded me of Ryan. Geez, those two would be perfect together.

I flashed her a smile and shrugged like it was no big deal. Which it wasn't. I knew what I was getting into, but it seemed worth it. I mean, Liam was hot. “I know he's not looking for a relationship and I'm cool with that. Just this once, Annie. I promise.” Then a few times after that . . .

She sighed, but I could tell she was giving in. She wouldn't mention it to Ryan. “Be safe.”

I grinned and spun around. Liam was still waiting for me, thank God! “I will!” I yelled over my shoulder as I pushed my way through the crowd.

The room was packed so full it had to be a fire hazard. Not that I was complaining. There were few things in life that gave me a thrill the way a good party did, and this was an amazing one. Liam's frat had gone all-out, even getting a DJ. The kegs were never-ending and the guys were hot. The house was worth more money than most of us would see in our entire lives. Who owned it, I didn't have a clue. I was just happy they'd let us use it.

I shoved my way through the sweaty bodies until I was standing in front of Liam. He handed me a beer and leaned in close. So close his lips brushed my ear when he said, “Fancy a tour?”

When he pulled back, I smiled. “Of course.”

He took my hand and led me toward the stairs. Even they were packed full of people, so we had to nudge our way through. The second floor was quieter than the first, but all the doors were shut. I had a sneaking suspicion naked bodies lurked behind those closed doors.

“Who owns this place?” I asked as he led me down the hall.

“Uncle of my mate. He's in our frat, and his uncle is always on the road. Said we could use it as long as we had the place cleaned after.”

“And washed the sheets,” I muttered.

Liam chuckled and glanced over his shoulder at me. “You sound a tad jealous.”

I pressed my lips together and eyed him. I couldn't tell if he was teasing me or flirting or fishing for information. “I'm not going to lie, it's been a while. I may not be a guy, but I have needs too.”

Liam laughed and stopped outside a closed door. He slid his hand into his pocket, and when he pulled it out, he held up a key. “They're all locked.”

“All of them?” I looked back at the doors we'd passed. The place had to have at least six bedrooms, but they were all empty. And Liam seemed to have the key.

He unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Part of the agreement.”

“I see . . .” I stepped inside while my mind swam with this new bit of information.

The room was dark, but moonlight shone through the windows on the other side of the room. They took up almost the entire wall, just like downstairs, and in the distance the sparkling waters of the ocean were visible. There were also a set of French doors leading out onto a balcony. The door clicked behind me and Liam flipped on the lights. The room was huge, probably three times the size of my own bedroom back home. In the center sat a massive king-size bed made of dark, ornate wood.

I turned to face Liam and gave him a questioning look. “I thought we were going on a tour?”

He motioned across the room. “Wanted to show you the view.”

Sure...

“Okay.” I turned and headed toward the wall of windows. I was going to call his bluff. There was no way in hell he brought me to this bedroom just to show me the ocean. I'd seen the ocean. A lot.

I threw open the French doors before Liam was halfway across the room. The warm ocean breeze swept across my face and I walked out until I could lean against the rail. The music from the party below pulsed through the air, but the roar of the waves was even louder.

Liam stopped next to me and leaned his hip against the rail so his body was facing mine, but he stared at the water below. “Spent last spring break here.”

I turned away from the ocean and focused on his face. “In this room?”

He nodded. “Couldn't go home and I didn't have the money to head down to Florida with the rest of my mates. The dorms were closed.” He shrugged as if that somehow explained how he'd ended up staying in this mansion on the beach. It didn't, not by a long shot.

He looked so adorable and vulnerable that I couldn't keep myself from stepping closer. His eyes met mine and he smiled. I knew he was attracted to me and I expected him to make his move, but he didn't. I wasn't sure why. Hadn't Ryan said Liam was only after one thing?

I raised myself up on the tips of my toes and pressed my lips against his. He made a small sound that was halfway between a groan and a grunt, then grabbed my arms. For a brief second it felt like he was going to push me away. Then I traced my tongue across his bottom lip, and he pulled me closer. He ran his hands down my arms and over my back as his mouth moved over mine. There was a rough edge to the kiss that made my insides quiver with desire.

After only a few seconds, though, he pulled away and stared down at me. He didn't smile and there was uncertainty in his eyes, as if he wasn't sure how we'd ended up where we were, which was insane because he'd brought me here. Then he ran his thumb across my bottom lip and grinned as his blue eyes swept over my face.

“Ryan's not going to like this,” he whispered. He didn't look like he really cared, though. He looked more like he was considering devouring me whole.

“Don't talk about him,” I whispered.

He traced his thumb across my lip again. “What should we talk about?”

“Nothing.”

I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to his once again. Liam's hands were still on my face, and he slid one around to grip the back of my neck. His lips were hot against mine, and when his mouth opened, I followed his lead. Our tongues tangled together as his lips moved against mine. He tasted like beer and salt, with just a hint of tequila.

Liam twisted his hand in my hair, pulling slightly, and I gasped into his mouth. His lips moved faster, crushed harder on mine. He pulled me to him and my breasts pressed against his chest.

After a few seconds he began to walk, moving us into the bedroom as we kissed. I was so much shorter that I had a hard time keeping up. I had to walk on the very tips of my toes. He stopped and slid his hands down, grabbing my ass, lifting me until I could wrap my legs around his waist, then he carried me across the room. Right to the massive bed that seemed to be calling our names.

My heart was pounding by the time he dropped me on the bed. I landed on my back, bouncing on the soft mattress as Liam stood over me, staring down like he couldn't wait to dive in. Then he lowered himself next to me. Pulled me closer. Covered my mouth with his as he draped his body over mine. His mouth moved so fast I had a hard time catching my breath. My mind was dizzy with want and desire, and my body hummed at his closeness. Being with him was better than I'd expected. More intoxicating.