No Regrets (Live Today #2) (10 page)

“I know I do.” I brush a tear from his eye. “But sometimes, I wonder if it’s enough. Sometimes I feel like I can’t compete when it comes to Drew. Don’t get me wrong, I love him like I do Brennan or Matt, but sometimes I wish it was me that you would talk to instead of him.”

“I love you.” I cry. “I do talk to you.”

“Save it Jenna.” He takes my hands and pulls them away from his face. He’s angry. It’s not very often I actually see him angry, and at me no less. “I know you love me. That’s not the issue…” He shakes his head, looking out at the water before returning his glare back to me. “Save it for when you truly are ready to talk to me, okay?” He drops my hands and turns toward the sidewalk leading to the beach.

“Gabe wait!” He pauses momentarily, but shakes his head, waves his hand away from me and continues to walk away. Tears stream down my face as I watch him walk away until I can’t see him anymore. Feeling defeated, I sit on the edge of the chair and stare out at the ocean and begin to cry.

~~~

“Wanna talk about it?” Brennan startles me, leaning on the corner of the small brick and wrought iron fence made to separate the patio to the rest of the house and the ocean. I glare up at him and shake my head. He pushes off the fencing and makes his way toward me. “You know, I could follow him and kick his ass for whatever he’s done to hurt you.”

“He didn’t do anything. It was all me this time.” He sits beside me.

“Well, that’s reassuring. What’d you do now? Give the ring back?” He chuckles at his own joke. I begin to play with the piece of white gold that sits heavily on my ring finger. “Jems, I was just kidding.”

“I know.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “Brennan?”

“What is it Jenna? Whatever it is, I’m always here for you.”

“Do you think it was a good idea bringing Drew on?” I ask for an honest answer. Of course Brennan knows better not to lie to me.

“What do you think?” I glare up at him waiting for a response. He sighs before finishing. “I think bringing him on was exactly what we needed.” He pats my leg. “What’s brought this on?”

“Gabe.” We both say at the same time. He chuckles and I try to smile.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on. But watching your man make his way along the shoreline without you makes me begin to worry, for you both.”

“He says I don’t talk to him.” I say spinning the ring around still. “He went to Drew last night to talk to him instead of coming to me. I… I kind of snapped at him.” He laughs “What?”

“Jems, don’t get me wrong or anything, but talking to you is a lot like trying to get a splinter out of your nail.”

“No it isn’t! I talk all the time.” I defend myself. “I talk to you all the time.” He stands and takes my hand.

“C’mon, let’s go for a walk” Not giving me a choice, he pulls me out onto the sand.

We walk side by side, hand in hand. Gabe is nowhere to be seen, soI’m assuming he walked the other way. The sand is warm, but the water is cool enough to provide an equal balance.

“Sis, the only time you really talk to me is times like this. But look at who had to come to who? Part of it is my fault. I was always too afraid to talk to you, Will was more than willing to take on the task. So of course, I let him.” I drop my head and watch the sand sink under my feet as I listen to him. “Guess Drew picked up where Will left off. There’s nothing wrong with it, but don’t forget you just agreed to spend the rest of your life with Gabe.”

“He’s my best friend Brennan. Besides you of course. He holds the key to my heart. He always has.”

“I know that. Gabe does to.” He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his phone and smiles. I’m assuming Ashley has sent him a text. “I think we both take Drew for granted sometimes.”

“You don’t think Gabe is jealous of him do you?” He shakes his head immediately.

“No. I don’t. I do think that Gabe feels like you’re holding back sometimes. I feel the same way. I know it killed him when Drew locked us out of his room in Kansas. I know this, because it killed me too. I’m your big brother Jenna, your blood, and I’m meant to protect you and keep you safe and sound, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t take care of you. So I turned to the one person who needed me the most.”

“Gabe?” He nods.

“After you left, he went crazy. Broke a few of his mom’s things. Went into town and kicked that kid’s ass for selling you the drugs. Then he had to deal with Carmen.”

“I’m such a shit.” I admit. He pulls me into his arms. “I’ve been so focused on myself, I never thought about him. I was so angry at first.”

“Shhh.” He caresses my back. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, but maybe you could try to open up to him?” I wipe my tears and nod. “So, is this your first official premarital fight?” He chuckles, but I push him toward the water quick. He laughs and raises his phone in the air so it wouldn’t get wet.

Suddenly I’m lifted in his arms and begin screaming. “Put me down!”

“Okay.”

“No! I change my mind! Brennan! Don’t put me down!” I cry, holding onto his neck for dear life. “BRENNAN!” He walks into the water to his knees. I still have his neck in a vice grip. “I swear to God Bren…” His laughter is contagious, so I begin laughing with him. He turns and places me down ankle deep in the water.

“C’mon lets go.” He jokes. “I wouldn’t get you wet.” He says.

“Liar.” I push him.

“You’re right.” He pushes me hard and I land in the water. “You really didn’t think I would do that, did you?”

“I really hate you!” Splashing him with water. “Help me up.”

He reaches his hand down toward me. I take it and he pulls me up. “Sorry sis, I couldn’t resist.” He puts his arm around my soaking wet shoulders.

“I know. If it wasn’t for your phone, you would be just as wet as I am.” I laugh wrapping an arm around his waist.

We take our time back to the house. Once we get to the small boardwalk, I stop.

“Maybe I should go find him.”

“No need.” He waves his phone. “Ashley said he came back a little bit ago. He’s at the pool with the family. Go easy on him.” I begin biting my nails out of nervousness. “Stop that.” He pulls my fingers away from my mouth. “When did you start biting your nails again?”

“I don’t know. Didn’t even realize I was doing it.” I shrug. “Sorry.” He takes me and pulls me into a hug. “Like I said, go easy on him Jems. Just think about what he’s been going through. Okay?” I nod.

“Okay. Thank you Brennan.” He smiles and takes my hand. We slowly make our way toward the gate. Once we walk through, he releases my hand and makes his way toward Ashley who happens to be standing right beside Gabe. His face is filled with sorrow. He’s leaning against the wall with a beer in one hand while his fingers work on peeling the label. It’s something he always does whenever something’s bothering him.

Ashley looks up and smiles when she makes eye contact with Brennan. She pats Gabe’s arm before leaving him to meet Bren. Once they embrace in a hug and kiss, she takes him to the outdoor bar, but my eyes remain on Gabe’s. He watches his sister walk away and glances my way quickly before dropping his head back to the beer bottle. I look around the pool area and take note that Drew is sitting with his parents watching me. His face scrunches in confusion. His eyes ask if I’m okay and with a small smile from me, he knows I’m fine. Matt and Danika are sitting on the first step in the pool. She splashes water on his face and giggles every time he wipes it down.

I finally take a deep breath and focus on Gabe. He looks so sad. It breaks my heart knowing I’ve put this on him. I slowly make my way to him and stop just a few steps away from him. He’s refused to look up even though I know he knows I’m here. “Hey.” The shakiness in my voice is unavoidable. Finally, he raises his eyes to meet mine.

“Hi.” I bring my fingers to my mouth and begin with my old nervous habit of biting my nails. “Jenna, stop biting your nails.” He scolds. I drop my hands and bring them in front of me, playing with the ring. His eyes follow mine and the sadness that once filled his face just a few seconds ago are covered in worry.

“Gabriel.” I take a step toward him. He raises his eyes to meet mine. “I’m so sorry.” I take my last step and rest my hands on his chest. “I love you.”

His body tenses at my touch and he remains silent. We continue staring at each other for what feels like forever. I can feel his heartbeat beneath my hands and its pounding about as fast as mine is. I can’t take this silence from him. I grab his bottle, set it down on the nearest table and move directly in front of him again.

“I love you too and I’m sorry.” He whispers, resting his hand on my hips and making small circles with his fingers on my skin.

Immediately, I shake my head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I should have been more considerate of your feelings. Brennan reminded me that from now on, it’s going to be you and me.”

“Is that still what you want?” His voice is shaky.

“How could you say that?” I reach up and rest my hands on each side of his face. “Gabriel, being with you…” I don’t know if I can get the words out. “Marrying you is what I’ve wanted for a very long time. I’ve dreamt about it.” His face shifts slowly and a shadow of a smile comes across his face. “I want this.” I promise. “I want you. I want the good and the bad. I want to learn things with you. I want to fight with you so we can find out how good it is to make up.” He raises his eyebrow.

“Make up sex?” His voice is seductive. I roll my eyes, but eventually nod in agreement. My thumbs caress the puffiness under his eyes and his face turns serious. “I dream about a future with you, almost every day. I want a house on a ton of property so Brennan can stay close because it’s important to you to keep him close by for you. I’ve had visions of us in our own rocking chairs in the nursery with our twin babies in our arms. Our little girl will look just like you. With eyes that glow as brightly as yours do.”

“And our little boy will smile like his daddy and immediately, he will have me wrapped around his finger, just like his daddy does.” I wrap my hands around his neck and play with the back of his hair like I always do.

“I do?” He asks amused. I smile and nod. He pulls me closer and kisses me softly. “I love you Jenna. Forgive me?”

“I’m the bad guy here Gabe. The question is, do you forgive me?” I bite my bottom lip as he thinks about it.

“We still need to talk.”

“I know we do. Do you want to go now?” I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. He shakes his head and looks around the pool.

“No, let’s enjoy our time with the family. We can talk tonight.”

“Okay.” I reach up and press my lips against his. “I love you Gabriel.”

He smirks down at me. “I love you too, but…” He lifts me up and runs full force toward the pool. I let out a scream just before we hit the water.

“You’re right.” I push him under the water. “I hate you.” He laughs and pulls me down with him. When we come to the surface again I can hear Danika laughing. We begin our swim toward her and Matt.

“Nenna wet.” She say as she splashes the water at us.

“Did Uncle Gabe get me wet?”  Her giggle is contagious. Gabe takes her in his arms.

“Gae wet.” She pats his head and he kisses her cheek.

“Does Dani want to get wet too?” He moves around the shallow end tossing her in his arms. She laughs every time he catches her.

“He’s gonna be a good daddy.” Matt says. I turn to look at him and smile. “Of course, he’s got a great teacher.” He shrugs arrogantly.

“I can’t argue with you there, on both counts.” I smile leaning my head on his shoulder. We watch Gabe and Dani play in the water.

“You two okay?” Concern fills his voice. At that exact moment, Gabe turns to look at me. He smiles sweetly and winks just before getting splashed in the face with water. I can’t help but giggle.

“Yeah, we still have a lot of stuff to work through, but we’re good.” I reassure him. I know we have a lot to talk about and I have to learn to rely on him more than I do Drew, without making Drew feel left out. I’m sure I will find a happy medium between the two. Brennan was right, as much as this band is my family, Gabe and I will be taking a step beyond that, and when all is said and done, it will be just the both of us in the end.

Gabe

“Matty, thank you so much for making my favorite meal.” Jenna rubs her stomach with satisfaction on her face.

She, once again, has stunned me. Not only did she eat everything on her plate, she had seconds and then went for thirds before passing her plate to me when she was finally full. This is by far the most I’ve seen her eat in a long time. And by the look on Drew’s face earlier, he was quite pleased wtching her scoop a third helping of Matt’s famous chicken encheladas onto her plate.

“Anything to see that smile on your face, Jems.” Matt smiles with pride. He’s gotten nothing but praise since the first bite. “Even Danika liked it…. Didn’t you baby?”

Danika rubs her eyes groggily. Playing in the water most of the day has made her too tired to concentrate on her dinner. Patty stands and takes Dani out of her highchair.

“It’s been a long day for my little princess.” She carries her to Matt. “Give daddy a kiss before bath time.” Dani leans in with her mouth open for kisses. She is carried around the table giving everyone her own version of kisses.

“Daddy will be up when you’re done to put you to bed.” He waves at his daughter as she rests her head on her grandmother’s shoulder. “I’ll be surprised if she makes it past the bath.” He laughs. “She’s beat.”

“I know the feeling.” Jenna lays her head against my shoulder. “Who would have thought relaxing for the day could be so tiresome?”

“Is that your cue for me to take you to bed, Angel?” Kissing the top of her head. She yawns and nods at the same time. Standing, I offer her my hand, she smiles and takes it. “If you guys don’t mind, I think I’m going to take my fiancé to bed.” Brennan stands and makes his way to us. He gives her a good night hug before shaking my hand.

“Have a good night guys.” He turns to Ashley. “What do you say we go for some ice cream?” He turns to Drew and Matt. “You guys want to go get ice cream?”

Drew looks at his parents. “Drew, go. Have fun. Don’t worry about us. We’re going to head to our room and watch a movie.” Mrs. Johnson implies.

“I guess ice cream sounds good.” Drew stands and Brennan pulls out Ashley’s chair.

“I’m gonna stay here and put Dani to bed. I’m not sure how many more times I’ll be able to do that once we get her back home.” Matt’s face is fills with sorrow. “But you can bring something back home for me, please? I love rocky road.”

Jenna and I head out but stop when Brennan says something we never thought would happen.

“Um, Dad, do you want to go for ice cream?” Jenna’s hand squeezes mine so tightly, I’m sure I’m losing circulation in it.

Robert stands. “Thank you for the offer son, but I think I’m going to call it a night as well.” His gaze shifts from us back to Brennan. His face is filled with both happiness and sorrow. Jenna has gone out of her way to pretend that he isn’t even in the room. But Brennan has at least tried to include him in small talk throughout the day. He did tell me that he was going to have to talk to Jenna about her attitude, but I immediately shut him down. She is in no way ready to forgive him.

“Yeah, well, goodnight.” Brennan turns and takes Ashley’s hand before walking out toward the front door. Drew follows.

“Goodnight son.” Robert answers. He looks back at Jenna and I. “Goodnight.” He says to her. She glares at him before releasing my hand, turning and walking away. His eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry. I’m trying.”

“I know you are Robert, but put yourself in her shoes.” He looks down and nods. “Give her time. She’s hardheaded as hell.” His mouth turns into a small smile. “Good night.” Turning to find my girl, I hear him mumble his goodnight to me.

I find Jenna is sitting in the middle of the bed. She sits cross-legged with some sort of book between her legs. Her face looks deep in thought, and I’m worried to find out what she’s thinking about.

“This is a journal.” She whispers, not looking my way, because she know I’m here. “Drew bought it for me after we left your parent’s house.” I push myself off the threshold of the bedroom door and slowly make my way to the end of the bed. She’s sharing with me and I don’t want to disturb her. “After I had my first nightmare.”

I remain quiet and kneel on the edge of the bed. My hands cup under my chin as I watch her carefully. A tear falls from her face, but she continues. “Brennan was the one who used to always get nightmares. He’s the one with all the memories. Not me.” Her blue eyes meet mine. “You remember his nightmares, don’t you?”

“Yes.” I cough to clear my throat. “Yes, I remember them well.” I answer as she nods.

“I always knew what he was dreaming about. Either he would mention it in his sleep or he would tell Will. One time I overheard what it was, which ending up confirming my original guess.” She gently wipes the moisture from her eyes.

“Jenna, look.” I say reaching my hands out to hers. Gently, I caress her knuckles with my thumbs. “You don’t have to talk about this now. It’s been a long day.”

“No.” She shakes her head quickly. “We need to talk. We agreed to talk.” Her eyes remain on mine. “I… I just don’t know where to start.”

Being this close to her and not comforting her is killing me. I crawl onto the bed, push the journal to the side and pull her onto my lap. She rests her head on my chest. No words are spoken while I hold her in my arms. Her body relaxes after a few minutes.

“Baby, look at you. You’re so tense.” I try to control my voice as much as possible. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s start from the beginning.” She cranes her head up to me.

“The beginning?” she asks with confusion on her face. “Like how far?” She is so fucking adorable, I can’t help but chuckle down at her. I gently kiss her nose and she smiles back up at me. “What’s so funny?”

“You are, like always Angel.” I tease. “I’m not meaning all the way back to birth.” She begins to giggle. “God I love that sound.”

“Well, I love you.” She lifts her hand up to my face, I bend and kiss her swiftly on the lips.

“I love you more.” The look of happiness in her eyes fills my chest with complete joy. “I think that you should start from wherever you feel like you need to, okay?”

“What if you don’t like what you hear?” She questions.

“Hmmm.” I think about how I want to word my answer. “Well, I’ve known you for a while now, and you know that you’re my best friend…”

“And fiancé.” She interrupts while her fingers pay with my hair.

“And my fiancé.” I smile down at her. “You know that whatever it is, we will work through it together. Because for the rest of our lives, it’s all about us. Right?”  She nods and shifts on my lap so she’s straddling me.

“This is harder than I thought it was going to be, but it’s been bothering me ever since it’s happened. I want you to know that I hate myself for what happened.” Her fingers continue stroking my hair. I’m not sure if this is for her nerves or for mine, but whatever it is that’s bothering her needs to come out now. She takes a deep breath before she begins.

“When we left your parent’s house, I was still high. The drugs were out of my system for the most part, but the effect was still in me. When I woke up, I saw Drew sitting against your door. His face was, stern.” She grimaces at her memory. “I wish it was you that I woke up to, but I was so mad at you Gabriel.” She shakes her head and huffs. “So God damned mad at you. I honestly don’t think that I’ve ever been that upset with you before. Drew had the alcohol next to his chair and he had the rest of the drugs in his hand. And for no good reason, I wanted to erase myself again. I didn’t want to deal with anything that was downstairs. He yelled at me so loudly, it scared the shit out of me.”

“He knew I was high. He fought me tooth and nail, and before I knew it, he had me in the ice cold water trying to sober me up. I’m sure you remember that.” I nod, resting my hands on her hips. She rests her head on mine. “Gabe, when we left your house, he took me to a hotel just outside your town. Of course I wanted to come back, but I also wanted to get further away from you.”

“I wanted to get you.” I say. She rests her finger on my lips shushing me.

“Let me get this out, please. It’s too hard as it is.” I nod my apology. “I was weak. I stayed in bed or laid at the base of the toilet. The withdrawals were horrible Gabe.” She begins to cry. “The entire time, I thought of you. You pulled me through everything.” A small smile forms on her face. “I think after the accident, the coma helped me with the withdrawals the first time.”

Shaking my head. “Your body shook. And you were sweating so badly. I thought you were sick.”

“No, that would have been the drugs.” She reassures me. “But the hardest part was after that. I had sweat and vomit all over me. At the time, I couldn’t even move so he left me in the same clothes. Once I got enough energy to move, I tried to take a shower.” She drops her face. Oh shit. She’s afraid I’m going to get angry at her. Do I tell her I already know this, or do I keep quiet. I bring my hands up and cup her face. Lifting it so she has to look at me.

“Whatever it is, it’s okay. I promise.” I reassure her, wiping a few tears away from her eyes.

“I almost passed out a few times. Drew had to come in and help me. But I swear he wasn’t looking Gabe. I swear he wasn’t. I kept my body hidden as much as possible.”

“Jenna.” I pull her into my arms. “Shhh, I promised it would be okay. And it is.” Her body shakes as she cries. “God angel. As much as I could get upset at him, or you, I can’t. What would have happened if he wasn’t there?” She shrugs. “Things could have been a whole lot worse don’t you think?” She continues to cry. “Would it make you feel better if I wanted to beat the shit out of him?” She chuckles through her cry and shakes her head. “I didn’t think so. I wanted to be there to help you, but I couldn’t. No one wanted me near you. I fought and fought to be in that room when you woke up, but they held me down. All I wanted to do was hold you in my arms and explain to you what happened.”

“I know.” She hiccups. “Well, I know that now anyways. When he was helping me dry and get dressed, all I thought of was you. And because he didn’t trust me to be left alone, he made me stay in the bathroom while he showered. But I promise I turned away every time.”
She slides her hands down my chest. “I realized once I had some time away from us, that I loved you more than I hated you. Of course, Drew was still pissed at you.” I chuckle remembering him cussing me out until I heard Brennan explain to him what was going on. “I’ve felt guilty about it. And then today when you said you spoke to him, I was worried that he would tell you.” My face goes grim. “He did tell you, didn’t he?” She observes my face. I promised I would never lie to her so with a heavy sigh, I nod. “And?” The nervousness in her voice makes my chest hurt.

“And, I don’t care Jenna.” Her eyes widen in shock. “Okay, I do care, but not like that.” She relaxes immediately. “Let me try to explain something.” I shift to the headrest on the bed and pull her to my side. I take her hand bearing my ring and begin playing with it. “So much has happened in the past year, don’t you agree?” She nods. “The accident, Will, your parents. But what shocked me the most was when I found out that Matt was your first kiss.”

“No.” She sits up and stares down at me. I nod aggravated at the thought. “Seriously?”

“Yep.” Her face turns from shock to amusement and she cuddles back to my side. “I was angry when you were in Justin’s arms that night at the club. But you knew this already.” I kiss the top of her head. “And when I heard about what happened in the shower, I can’t say I wasn’t surprised, because I was. But on the other hand, I felt grateful. Of course, I don’t like the fact that he’s seen what belongs to me, but do you remember that day you came out to the pool in practically nothing?” She giggles. “I don’t think I find it very funny Ms. Munson.” Her giggles transforms to laughter. I push her down and begin tickling her. “If you insist on laughing, I will make you laugh.”

“No, Gabe. Stop!” She cries in laughter. “Please stop!” I stop and lay alongside her. “I only did that to make you angry.”

“Did you now?” She bites her bottom lip. “You sneaky woman. That’s the day I wanted to beat the shit out of Drew. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.”

“I know.” She giggles. “But he knew I was doing it to make you mad. He said it wasn’t good to get you all riled up like that.” I roll over her and rest my hands below her, cradling her head.

“Remind me to burn that bikini when we get home.” She laughs harder. “What?” I ask laughing with her.

“I was planning on wearing it tomorrow.”

“Like hell you are.” I push myself off her and begin going through her drawers. “Where the hell is it?” I demand.

“Are you serious?” Her eyes bulge out when she sees the look on my face. But she can’t help keep her laughter down.

“Dead serious. I swear Jenna, so help me.” She climbs off the bed and makes her way to my dresser.

“It’s right here.” She pulls my drawer out and lifts it to show me. “I was hoping you would see it and it would turn you on.” Carefully, I stride my way to her and lift her over my shoulder. She squeals. “Gabe!” I smack her ass.

“I’ll show you what turns me on Angel.” I carry her out to the patio where our own private hot tub sits in the corner. I turned it on earlier in the day to get it warmed up. Standing just before the step, I slide her body down mine and she lands on the first step.

“The hot tub turns you on?” The amusement in her voice causes me to chuckle.