Nobody Gets The Girl (6 page)

Dr. Knowbokov waved back.

"I don't see a missile, Richard," he
said.

Richard pinched himself on his arm. The woman
veered off, descending. The steel rails she rode seemed to
materialize from the air before her.

"Oh. My. God," said Richard, fully grasping
what he'd seen. "That was... that's... that's the woman who's
always on the news. I mean, she's always fighting giant robots
and... I don't believe this. I thought she was just a joke! What's
her name? Blade Something? I-I... I mean, she's real?"

"Rail Blade," said Dr. Knowbokov. "She's not
only real, she's my daughter."

Richard slapped his forehead with his
palm.

"Of course," he said. "Of course she's your
daughter. You have a time machine. You've got a private jet,
furniture on hydraulic lifts, and a gun that shoots knockout gas.
You have a seven-foot-tall bald woman for a chauffeur! Why wouldn't
you have a comic-book hero for a daughter?"

Dr. Knowbokov smiled. "Two daughters,
actually. The media has christened my other daughter 'the
Thrill.'”

Richard went to the window and stared. Rail
Blade was nowhere to be seen now, though the gleaming rail she had
ridden remained visible as a shining line across the ocean.

"OK," he said. "You're the physicist. Where
does that rail come from? How does it stay up like that? I'm no
engineer, but shouldn't those rails she rides buckle under their
own weight? There's nothing holding them up."

"It is curious. By all the known laws of
physics, not to mention the laws of biology, the ferrokinesis my
daughter exhibits is categorically impossible."

"Must have made for interesting family
arguments," said Richard. "Young lady, since you insist on breaking
the known laws of physics, there's no dessert for you tonight."

Dr. Knowbokov shrugged. "She had an answer
for that."

"Oh?"

"She said it wasn't her fault I didn't know
all the laws of physics."

THEY ARRIVED AT
the island moments
later. Richard emerged from the plane into a tropical wonderland,
with bright flowers and even brighter birds almost everywhere he
looked. Reaching the tarmac, he felt as if he were stepping into a
scene from a postcard.

"Having the weirdest time," he said. "Wish I
were here."

"Come now," said Dr. Knowbokov. "Things will
look up soon. You'll find that even in your condition there are
still many pleasures to enjoy in this world."

"'In my condition' makes me sound
pregnant."

"You'll feel better once we go to the mansion
and have a nice meal. Afterwards, we can discuss your situation
further."

Suddenly, in utter, eerie silence, a pair of
railroad tracks sliced through the air heading straight toward
Richard. Richard jumped as the ends of the tracks plunged and bit
into the ground mere feet from where he stood. Then, with a
whistling roar, Rail Blade shot toward him, leaning back as she
approached, sending sparks shooting from her steel boots.

Richard cupped his hands over his ears and
winced at the horrible squeal the rails made as she slid to a halt
beside him.

"Father!" said Rail Blade, in cheerful
greeting.

“Amelia," said Dr. Knowbokov, somewhat
coolly, thought Richard. "How was the mission?"

"Things went as planned," she said. "The
subject is safe and secure in the bank."

Dr. Knowbokov nodded knowingly.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your
friend?" Rail Blade asked.

Dr. Knowbokov's mouth dropped open. He
cleared his throat, and said, "You can—"

"—see me," finished Richard. "You can see
me!"

Rail Blade looked more than a little
confused. "Yes?" she ventured.

"And hear me?" asked Richard.

"I think I may be missing the point of your
questions," she said.

"This is a wonderful development," said Dr.
Knowbokov.

"I'm cured!" said Richard.

"No," said Dr. Knowbokov. "But I suspect that
other descendents from my bloodline may share my ability to see
you. After all, consciousness does derive from brain structures,
which of course have a strong genetic component."

"You make this stuff up as you go along,
don't you?" said Richard.

"Father never makes anything up," said Rail
Blade, with an oddly humorless tone.

"Amelia, may I introduce you to my new
associate Richard Rogers? Richard, this is my eldest daughter,
Amelia."

Richard held out his hand. Amelia nearly
crushed it with her grip. She stared at him as they shook hands,
and he became acutely aware that he was dressed in a pink robe with
neon green flip-flops.

When they ended their handshake, he ran his
hand across his uncombed hair, then scratched the three days' worth
of stubble on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry if I acted a little spaced out,"
he said. "It's just that, thanks to your father, I've kind of never
been born."

"I'm sure Father has his reasons," said
Amelia.

"Richard's condition is an unfortunate side
effect of one of my experiments," said Dr. Knowbokov. "While he may
not seem extraordinary to you, to almost everyone else in the
world, he doesn't exist."

"I see," said Amelia. "This could have
advantages, I suppose."

"Advantages?" said Richard. "Have you been
reading your father's script? He was telling me what a wonderful
life I have in store for me. But all I want is to be normal
again."

Amelia shrugged. "Normal is only a state of
mind. You can be normal anytime you want."

Richard didn't have a comeback to that.

"We were just going up to the mansion," said
Dr. Knowbokov. "Richard is in need of a good meal. Go and find your
mother and sister, and tell them we'll be having a guest for
dinner. I've phoned ahead to Paco. He'll be ready to serve us in an
hour."

"I doubt Sarah will come," said Amelia. "You
know her."

"Tell her Richard tried to strangle me
earlier today," said Dr. Knowbokov. "She'll come."

Amelia cut her eyes toward Richard, with a
brief, dismissive glare. She turned. The rails she’d rode in on
crumbled to blood-red dust, swirling in the wind. New rails shot
into the air before her. She leapt up onto the rails, and was
gone.

RICHARD ENTERED THE
dining room
feeling more alive than he had felt in a long time. He’d showered
and shaved, and was wearing new clothes. But the thing that really
brightened his mood was that he’d brushed his teeth with a
toothbrush he could call his own for the first time in days.

But it wasn't just his recent ordeal that he
felt was improving. He was genuinely intrigued by the events
swirling around him. He felt as if he had finally mastered the
horrible wave that had been drowning him, and was now surfing atop
it.

Of course, he couldn't help but
remember—eventually all waves crash.

Dr. Knowbokov rose from his chair as Richard
entered the room. The doctor wore a white linen suit and smiled
brightly. There was a woman seated next to him.

"Richard," he said. "Welcome. This is my
wife, Katrina. Katrina, this is the young man I was telling you
about, Richard Rogers."

Dr. Knowbokov motioned to the woman. She was
regal looking, with a strong jaw and dark eyes. Diamonds flashed
upon her fingers and ears. She looked in Richard's direction, then
back to her husband.

"I assure you this is not amusing," she
said.

"Um, pleased to meet you," said Richard.

Richard reached out to take a chair. His hand
passed right through it.

"
Mumble grumble gripe
," said
Richard.

"Katrina," said Dr. Knowbokov. "Would you be
so kind as to close your eyes?"

Katrina sighed, and closed them.

Richard pulled out the chair and took his
seat. "Thanks," he said.

"May I open them now?" she asked.

"Please," said Dr. Knowbokov. "Our guest is
seated."

"Hate to be a bother," said Richard.

"Nonsense," said Dr. Knowbokov.

Katrina scowled at him. "I suppose I'm
expected to believe our invisible guest pulled out the chair."

"He did. He's sitting before you right
now."

"I would have expected something more
elaborate from you, Niko."

About this time, Amelia entered the dining
room. She had changed clothes and now wore a sundress and sandals.
Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She carried herself
with an unnaturally perfect posture.

"Mr. Rogers," she said. "I trust you feel
refreshed?"

"Yes, kind of. I think all the stress of the
last few days has just sort of numbed me."

"Amelia," said Katrina. "I would expect this
from your father. But I would have thought you would be above this
sort of petty torment."

"Pardon?" said Amelia.

"She can't see me," said Richard.

"Not yet," said Dr. Knowbokov.

"Not yet?" asked Richard.

"The couple whose house I found you in
eventually came to believe in you, and were able to see you, after
a fashion."

"Don't remind me."

"My hope is that Katrina will also come to
accept you as real."

"I think this has gone on far enough," said
Katrina, pushing back from the table.

"What's gone on far enough?" a woman asked
from the next room.

Richard turned to the sound of the
approaching voice. He saw an angel. The Thrill had decided to join
them for dinner.

On television, the Thrill possessed the same
trumped up beauty associated with models and actresses. She looked
too good to be real. And yet, here she was, tall and slender, with
a short tee shirt exposing her midriff and torn jeans that revealed
more skin than they concealed. She was barefoot, with toenails
painted red. Her feet hovered inches above the ground. She
literally floated into the room. Richard tried to remember what the
news had said about her. He knew she could fly, and that she had
some sort of mind control power; people had to obey her spoken
commands.

"Don't tell me I've missed something," she
said.

"Have they brought you in on it, too?" asked
Katrina.

"In on what?" she said. "I heard that there
was some guy here who wanted to kill Dad." She looked at Richard.
"You him?"

"Yep," said Richard.

"Sarah sees him, dear," said Dr. Knowbokov to
Katrina. "Do you really believe she would play along with any joke
of mine?"

"What joke?" asked Sarah.

"Mother thinks we're playing a joke on her,"
said Amelia. "She can't see Mr. Rogers."

"You're Mr. Rogers?" asked Sarah. "Funny, you
look older on TV."

Richard rose from his chair, and held out his
hand. "Richard Rogers," he said. "And you look... Wow! I mean, I've
seen you on TV, and..."

Richard couldn't think of a clever way to end
the sentence. Sarah didn't reach for his hand.

"So what did Dad do to you?" she asked.

"Thanks to his time machine, I was never
born," said Richard. He furrowed his brow. "That doesn't sound at
all crazy, does it?"

"Around here?" said Sarah. "Wait until Dad
tells you the bit about destroying and recreating the
universe."

Katrina stood up and threw her napkin to the
table. "Enough," she said. "I will not talk around your ‘invisible
guest' any longer. I'm going to the library."

"Don't leave," said Sarah, turning her gaze
toward her mother.

Katrina stopped dead in her tracks, smiled
cheerfully, if a bit glassy eyed, and immediately sat down.

"Sarah!" shouted Dr. Knowbokov.

"How dare you!" shouted Amelia.

"You are not to use your powers on your
mother, young lady," Dr. Knowbokov said firmly.

"Chill out," said Sarah. "I just didn't want
her to leave because she thinks we're joking. Mother, there really
is a man sitting across the table from you."

"If you insist," Katrina said wearily.

Sarah turned to her father. "I could use my
powers to make her believe us. She might see him then."

"No," said Dr. Knowbokov. "You gave your word
it would never happen again. I won’t condone it for even the most
benign reason."

"I really feel bad about this," said Richard.
"I would’ve offered to eat alone if I'd known my presence would
cause an argument."

"Feeling like you've caused an argument
around here is a little like an Eskimo shaman feeling he's caused
snow," said Sarah.

Sarah looked at her mother. "Sorry," she
said. "I did kind of nudge you to stay—but just lightly. It should
wear off any second."

Katrina rose from her seat once more, looking
pale. "We'll speak further of this tomorrow," she said to her
husband, before stalking from the room.

"I said I was sorry," said Sarah.

"Never do it again," said Amelia. "Or I may
do something we'll both regret."

"Oooh," said Sarah. "Gonna cut me? Gonna go
rail-blading on my ass? Try it."

"Sarah," Dr. Knowbokov said. "Language. Both
of you calm down. Neither of you will be using your powers in the
house. Period."

"She's flying," said Amelia, plaintively.

"Oh, grow up," said Sarah, stepping down from
the air to the floor as if she were stepping from a stair.

"So," said Richard. "Flying. Is it like in
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
? Throwing yourself at the
ground and missing?"

"Not really. It's tough to describe," Sarah
said with a shrug. "Dad didn't know all the laws of physics."

CHAPTER FIVE

RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES

A WEEK LATER,
Richard Rogers became
Nobody.

They were standing on the White House lawn,
getting ready to fight Baby Gun, and the Thrill said: "Hey, we need
to give you a code name. Get you into the spirit of things. How
about 'Ghost Man?"

"How about 'Nobody?"' said Rail Blade.