Nobody Knows (11 page)

Silently, we crept along the corridor. Without knocking, Heidi pushed opened the door and let herself in. Rhiannon was in the kitchen, tea towel in her hand.

There were no pleasantries. Instead, as soon as Rhiannon saw me come through her door, she looked and me and asked, “What the fuck is going on, Gillian?”

Chapter Twelve

Joel

“Mum, I don’t really have time for personal calls at the moment. I’m right in the middle of something,” Joel said, annoyed as he answered the phone.

“I don’t really care what you think you do and don’t have time for. You need to get your arse home now!” Adele commanded. For a prim and proper woman, she could be very persuasive when she wanted to be.

“I have back-to-back appointments until after eight tonight. I’ll be home when I finish,” Joel countered. He could just be as stubborn as his mother.

“No, Joel. You will come home right now! Flowers won’t fix this,” she advised.

Joel gulped. His mother was at his place. She knew about the flowers, which meant there was a very strong chance she knew why he sent them. He was in the shit. Deep shit.

“Let me see what I can reshuffle,” he said quietly.

“Home within the hour,” Adele snapped forcefully before hanging up.

Joel swore and cursed. His day was getting worse by the second. He already had a shocker at work, even telling his boss exactly what he thought of him, landing him a meeting with the CEO the following day. Joel knew that it didn’t matter how good a salesperson you were, there were some lines that, if crossed, were a sure way to prematurely end your career. He may just have jumped the line and kept running.

He leant back in his chair, rubbing at the stubble on his chin. He couldn’t think of anything worse than going home and facing his mother, but the longer he put it off, the worse it would get. Joel had been in enough fights with her over the years to know the more time he gave her to stew in her rage, the worse it grew.

Sighing heavily, Joel took off the headset and tossed it on his desk before shutting down his laptop, grabbing his car keys, and heading for the door.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going now?” Joel’s boss snapped. He was already pissed off at Joel’s confrontational outburst earlier on. Joel was getting not an inch.

“Home,” Joel barked.

“You have work to do. Get back to it.”

“No. I can’t. My mother just called and something’s going on with the girls. I have to go home.” He backtracked as fast as he could. He had used the kids for a million different excuses and each time it had worked without question. Joel just prayed it wouldn’t fail him this time.

“Whatever…just hurry up and get back here! You haven’t even made a sale in the past three months. If you don’t make one soon you’re going to have bigger problems than your daughter breaking a fingernail,” he snorted, storming back into his office and slamming the door to make a point.

In the car on the way home Joel drove too fast, too erratically. He almost caused three accidents in only five blocks. The stereo was up full blast, and he sang along loudly, working out his frustrations on the steering wheel as he pounded along with the beat.

Less than ten minutes later, with a screech of the Audi’s tires, Joel came to a halt at the top of his driveway behind his mother’s champagne colored BMW X5. He hadn’t even made it to the front door before the tirade began. Adele was waiting, arms folded across her chest, and she didn’t even bother to try to hide the incredulous expression on her face.

“What? What the hell was so important that you call me at work and demand that I come home? I’m not twelve anymore. You can’t just make these demands. And I am not going to just drop everything and…” Joel didn’t even get to finish his rehearsed speech.

“Joel Jacob Matthews, don’t you dare talk to me in that tone. You have no idea what you have really done. Get inside,” Adele commanded, her brows furrowed.

Joel looked at his mother. He’d seen her angry before but never this pissed off. She looked like she was about to throw him over her knee and beat him like he was a five-year-old. And when she summoned him by his full name, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sweet talk his way out of this one.

He slunk into the lounge room, head down, a scowl on his face. Adele followed him in without a word. Silently she checked on the girls and wiped Bianca’s runny nose. After making sure they were okay, Adele gently closed the bedroom door, not wanting her granddaughters to hear what was about to be said.

Adele strode purposefully back into the lounge and sat opposite her son. He was nervous. He had already undone the top button on his shirt and loosened his tie, sweat beads gathering on his top lip. “Well?” he asked smartly.

“Don’t you have something that you would like to explain to me?”

“Not particularly.”

“Don’t be smart with me, Joel. I am still your mother and what you’ve done is completely unacceptable. Do you get that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Okay, well, maybe you can start by telling me how your wife got the marks and bruises on her shoulders, wrists, neck and back,” Adele invited, steely cold.

“That’s between us, Mum. It’s none of your concern,” Joel spat back defiantly.

Adele took a deep breath, sighed heavily, and looked at her son. She barely recognized the angry man sitting in front of her. He seemed so lost and alone. Adele understood that Joel’s life hadn’t turned out the way he had envisaged. He had never wanted the wife and kids, especially so early in his life. But he had them. Now he had to deal with it.

“Joel, what happened to you? Why are you so angry with everyone? Including me?”

Running his hands through his hair, Joel was defeated. His head dropped sadly into the back of the sofa. Joel stared longingly at the ceiling, searching for answers. “Why can’t everyone just get off my case? I work hard to give my girls everything they could possibly want. Gillian has everything that she wants. I don’t know why she has to bitch and moan all the time.”

“I raised you to be smarter than that,” Adele sighed, shaking her head. Joel looked at his mother, bewildered.

“What are you rambling on about now?”

“Your daughters and your wife—they don’t need your money. They need you. Gillian needs you to be her husband. Her partner. Her lover and her best-friend. Not her bank account. And your daughters, Joel, they just need you to be there. They barely know you. And that’s your fault. You need to spend some time with your girls. Take them to the zoo. Play Barbies with them. They won’t care what it is. Just be a part of it.”

“I’m trying, Mum, I’m trying.” Joel collapsed. A twisted, crying mess, Joel twitched. Satisfied, Adele held her son. For a long time not a word was said. They just sat in silence, Joel sobbing in the safety of his mother’s arms.

A screech brought the silence to an abrupt end. “I should go and check on them,” Adele went to move.

“I’ll go,” Joel said, jumping to his feet, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and disappearing down the hallway.

As soon as Joel had vanished Adele felt guilty. She had pushed and pushed her son until he had completely broken down. Silently berating herself, she sat and waited for him to return. After half an hour, when Joel still hadn’t reappeared, Adele went looking for him.

Stepping into the rumpus room, an unexpected smile consumed her. Joel’s tie was wrapped tightly around the teddy bear’s neck and Joel sat cross legged on the floor, Bianca balanced in his lap, having a tea party with every doll and teddy in the house. Not wanting to interrupt such a special moment, Adele ran down the hallway before she was spotted and began wading through the mountain of washing.

Chapter Thirteen

Gillian

“What the fuck is going on, Gillian?” Rhiannon demanded as the door slammed closed behind me.

“Rhiannon, just back off,” Heidi instructed, pushing me forwards.

As soon as I was inside I was overcome with not only guilt but also fear. I hadn’t seen Rhiannon’s apartment since she moved in. It was the sort of apartment that everyone wanted. A grown up apartment. Tastefully decorated with suede beige lounge chairs and white kitchen cabinets without the tiny handprints covering them. Everything was immaculately spotless, but it had its own place. I felt bad that even years after Rhiannon had moved into this light and airy place, with a view of the lake, I had never seen it.

“This is stunning,” I exclaimed honestly, taking in the breathtaking view. I didn’t want to sit down. I wanted the grand tour, to see the rest of a grown-up apartment. Secretly I was dying to see the bathroom. For some weird reason, bathrooms fascinated me. The things that they could do with tiles. It just made everything look clean and new and fresh.

With her arms crossed angrily across her chest, Rhiannon was seething. “God, Gillian, enough! Heidi doesn’t send me a desperate text saying you’re coming to see me now if something pretty huge isn’t up.”

“What the hell do you want from me, Rhiannon?” I snapped.

“The truth. For once, Gillian, just tell us what’s going on with you. Let us help you. All you have to do is tell us how.”

I looked at Heidi, who just shrugged helplessly. I stared at my two best friends in the whole world, my family, and I cracked. Suddenly my world started spinning. I felt sick. Something wasn’t right, I knew it wasn’t, but I wasn’t really sure what was wrong. I never got the chance to figure it out. The next thing I knew I was lying on Rhiannon’s lounge, a wet washcloth on my forehead. Heidi was trying to feed me orange juice through a straw. I tried to stand up, but Rhiannon forced me back down.

“What is wrong? Let me up.” My head was foggy and I wasn’t feeling very well, but I was still okay. The spinning sensation was still there and out of nowhere I was exhausted, more tired than I ever remembered being before.

“Gillian!” Heidi snapped. “Shut up, lie there, and talk to us. You just collapsed unconscious on the tiles, so stop being so damn stubborn and for once do as you are told. Just stay there, please.”

After a while I noticed Rhiannon. She was standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip the other clutching a can of Diet Coke. She stared at me with sad bewildered eyes. Then as meekly as a mouse, Rhiannon asked, “Gillian, how did you get the bruises on your back?”

Humiliated, I began mumbling and tugging at my top. “But how did you…how do you…” I knew I was only rambling to try and buy myself some time to think of a plausible lie. It was bad enough that Adele knew the truth, but Rhiannon and Heidi really didn’t need to know. Too many people knew already.

“When we picked you up your shirt rode up. Gillian. We love you, but you’re covered in disgusting black and blue bruises. They’re on your neck and your shoulders and your wrists. My God, Gillian, what happened to you?” Heidi asked. “Please let us help you. For once, just stop being so damn stubborn. Stop trying to deal with this on your own. We can help you. All you have to do is let us.”

Looking into my neglected friend’s face, I burst into tears. Instantly my nose was running, my eyes were blurry, and I was struggling to breathe between sobs. I cried openly and honestly for a long time. I felt like I couldn’t stop. There was just too much pain and misery behind my tears. Nothing could stop them from coming, nor even slow their flow.

After what seemed like a lifetime, I sucked in a deep breath, ran my fingers through my hair, rubbed at my eyes, and looked up again. They hadn’t moved. Not even an inch. Heidi and Rhiannon were still sitting there beside me, patiently waiting for me to pull myself together.

“You okay?” Rhiannon asked, squeezing my shoulder supportively. With all the energy I had left, I nodded.

“So?” Heidi enquired timidly.

Gulping back more tears I confessed everything. I told them about how, after Charli was born, Joel and I grew so tired we barely had time for each other anymore, and then how after Bianca was born the cracks in our already fragile marriage just became too wide to hurdle. How the long hours Joel was working were making him crazy. Eventually I got to the part where I told him I was pregnant again and he blamed me for the long hours he had to work. He confessed that it was my fault he never got to see his family because I was too lazy to work. I surprised even myself when I told them about him pushing me across the kitchen and crashing into the corner of the kitchen bench and the horror that had followed.

Once the barrage started spewing forth from my mouth, there was nothing I could do to stop it. By the end of it, Heidi was a blubbering mess, Rhiannon was the angriest I had ever seen her, and I was just drained. But the emptiness inside me wasn’t a bad thing. It was as if the private hell I had been enduring for so long suddenly didn’t seem that bad. I had someone to share it and help me through it, to take away some of the hurt and anger and bitterness. Someone with new insight and a different way of looking at things.

There was something comforting about Heidi and Rhiannon in that moment. I had been a bad friend—I would be the first to admit it and the last to deny it—but suddenly everything seemed different. All the years of neglect that I had put them though, all the times I had bailed on dinner or cancelled last minute on catching up, even all the text messages and emails that I had forgotten to return didn’t seem so bad anymore. The guilt that I had been carrying around, promising myself that one day I would make things right again, it all just seemed to simply vanish. After a very well timed hug, a few tears, and a collection of expletives, the bond between us was stronger than ever. And that gave me not only the strength to start but also the hope to win.

After an hour I collected up my things. “I’m so sorry. I have to go. Adele will be going mad with the girls by now. I better go and save her.”

I hugged each of them tightly. Heidi squeezed a bit too tight and I let out an involuntary gasp of pain. “Are you sure you’re all right?” Rhiannon questioned again.

“Yeah. Just some deep bruising, nothing to worry about. It will be fine in a couple of days. It looks worse than it really is,” I admitted, tugging at my shirt protectively. I didn’t need a doctor to tell me what was wrong with me. This wasn’t my first rodeo.

I had barely gotten out the door before they surrounded me in the gentlest and warmest hug I had received in a long time. Straining to hold back my tears, we stood there for a long time in the warm, silent embrace.

“You know where we are if you need us,” Heidi reminded me again.

“And there is always a spare bed for you and your girls if you need it,” Rhiannon added.

“You sure you don’t want me to drop you back at your car? It’s no trouble, really.”

“Thanks, but the walk will help clear my head.” I kissed them both again and jumped in the elevator back to the ground floor. And back to reality.

Walking alone along the footpath, the sun setting behind a city of skyscrapers, there was a chill in the air. It was normal in Canberra; a beautiful day, and then the moment that the sun vanishes all the warmth is gone. The cool breeze made the tips of my ears sting and my nose run. But it was exactly what I needed. As I watched my breath condense in small, fluffy white clouds in front of my face I tried to prepare myself for what I would find when I got home. Would Adele be pulling her styled hair out? Would Joel even be there? Would the house still be standing or buried beneath a Barbie mountain? With a million thoughts in my head, I couldn’t help it. I walked slowly.

I reached my car and, as the engine sputtered to life, the clock in the dashboard lit up, revealing the time. I knew I had been gone a long time, I just didn’t realize how long. It was already past seven. I should have cooked dinner by now and be getting the girls ready for bed. Silently cursing myself for being so selfish, I pushed my way into the evening traffic across the bridge and headed home.

Minutes later I pulled into the driveway and was shocked to see Joel’s car parked there. Once the shock wore off, the fear took over. Joel’s car was there, but Adele’s wasn’t. She’d called Joel. He had come home. Now I’d have to face him.

I knew it was coming. Of course I would have to face him sometime. We lived together. We shared a bed together. A life together. Children together. Even if we wanted to end this, we would never be able to just walk away. I would always be a part of Joel’s life and he would be a part of mine. As that realization sunk in, I took a deep breath, slung my handbag over my shoulder, and marched to the front door deliberately.

As I pushed open the handle I couldn’t believe what I saw.