Not Another Soldier (18 page)

I spot the excitement in her eyes and it scares me.
She’s seeing this as an end to all this, but personally it feels like it’s just
the beginning. What if we do find the drugs? Then what? I get the feeling these
guys aren’t going to roll over and play dead if we hand them over to the cops.

“Come on. Let’s go check this out.” I grab my car keys
off the kitchen counter and wait while she grabs her handbag and stuffs the
keys in them. “I’ll drive.”

“Nick…” She puts her hands to her hips and I know I’m
in trouble. “You should be resting.”

“I’m fine. I’ve got a hard head.”

“I can go on my own.” That cute chin thrusts forward.

“Nuh-uh. No way in hell.”

Sienna huffs but doesn’t argue anymore which surprises
me. Maybe she’s getting better at letting me take care of her. Good. Maybe it
will make it easier to persuade her to marry me.

Sienna

I’m smiling as we drive into the city. I shouldn’t be.
It’s not over yet but it’s like a big weight has come off my shoulders and now
I can focus on… on Nick. I glance at him. He doesn’t look so happy. His jaw is
tense and there’s a slight scowl on his face.

I love him. Oh my God, I can’t believe I said it last
night. But I’ll admit it felt good.

Maybe I’ve loved Nick for so long that I’ve just been
dying to tell him. I don’t know. I always thought it might be only friendship
and insane attraction, but perhaps I never wanted to admit I’d fallen for my
husband’s best friend.

I’m a little giddy really. A little high on love. I
want to remind myself to be wary, to recall some of that cautiousness, but I
can’t summon any. It’s like Nick’s erased all those doubts. I’m waiting for
them to come rushing back but it’s not happening. How the hell I can be so
happy when life is still so up in the air, I’ve no idea.

But hopefully we’ll find these wretched drugs and I
can move on with my life. And figure out exactly where things are going between
me and Nick.

My feet are twitching by the time we reach the storage
place. Nick still looks anxious. I see the tension in his arms, the veins
standing out and I’m convinced he keeps checking his rearview mirror more than
necessary. Did that strange car put him on edge?  When we left, it had
gone so I’m pretty sure I was just being paranoid.

We park up and I climb out before Nick has the chance
to come round and open the door. Not that I’m trying to be stubborn but as much
as I’m beginning to enjoy his gentlemanly behavior, I’m not going to wait
around. I need to see what’s inside this locker. Somehow, I just know this is
it. This is going to unravel everything. The full truth about Rob’s secret life
is about to come out and I’m hoping—praying—this will not only ensure my
safety, but bring me closure.

Maybe then I can take a close look at what’s happening
with Nick.

He locks the car and takes my hand. I have to try real
hard not to simper like an idiot. I can’t remember the last time I held Rob’s
hand. Shortly after our wedding day, perhaps? No, he would hold it sometimes
when we went to events. In a sort of possessive way. A ‘look what I’ve got’
way.

But that’s not how Nick holds my hand. It’s a strong
enough grip but it’s reassuring and comforting, and still somehow sexy. Geez, I
have it bad, don’t I? Since when is holding hands
sexy
?

“Have you got the letter?” he asks.

I pull it out of my shorts pocket with my free hand
and study the header. “Yep, this is the place.”

I haven’t been to a storage place before but I’ve
driven past this one to get to work when traffic has been bad. The lockers are
huge—big enough to hold a car. Part of me wonders if we’re going to find
millions of dollars’ worth of drugs… why did he need a locker so damned big? My
stomach twists into a tight knot.

We approach the gates, still hand in hand and find
them open. No one’s around, apart from a security guard in his little box at
one end. He glances up and I wave the keys at him. This seems to satisfy him
and he turns his attention back to his newspaper. Nick pauses and we take a
moment to check out the locker numbers.

“This way.” He tugs me forward, down the wide road
separating two rows of lockers. “2664, wasn’t it?”

I double check the letter. “Yeah. It must be up here
somewhere. Look, 2653.” I point to one on my left. If my stomach was knotted
before, it’s practically cramping now. Why am I so nervous? Maybe because what
happens next in my life all hinges on this.

We turn a corner and I count the lockers under my
breath. “2661… 2662… 2663… Here it is.” I whisper the last part but we both
stop. Pulling the bunch of keys out of my pocket, I find the first one I didn’t
recognize and draw in a breath.

“You want me to do it?”

I shake my head. Fingers wrapped around the padlock, I
try the key, one way, then the other, but it doesn’t work. I pick out the other
one, slip it in and close my eyes.
Please work, please work.
If this
doesn’t, I’m going to be gutted.

The lock clicks open and I think we both blow out
breaths. Now my hands are trembling as I draw out the padlock and hand it to
Nick. Both of us slide the door up and stand back.

I blink. I was expecting loads of packets of white
stuff or something but not this…

“Shit…”

I glance at Nick. Shit is about right. Apparently
drugs weren’t the only thing Rob was hiding from me. The locker is jammed full
of stuff.
Pricey
stuff. A motorbike to one side, paint gleaming and
obviously new. State of the art TV, a Bang and Olufsen stereo… Essentially
enough goodies to furnish a very expensive house.  There’s a ton of boxes
at the back too. God knows what they have in them.

“Do you think it’s stolen?” It’s the first thing that
comes into my head.

“I don’t know. It might be stuff he bought with the
drug money. You guys never owned anything that expensive, did you? So maybe
this is where the money went.”

He’s right. We lived okay, considering we were both
earning and his pay wasn’t too bad because of his rank, but we were never
rolling in it. I guess I didn’t really wonder what he’d spent his drug money
on. Women and nights out, I would have assumed, but perhaps not.

“Why though? What’s the point if it’s all in storage?”

“Maybe…” He scrapes a hand through his hair. “I hate
to say it, Sienna, but maybe he was planning on setting up house somewhere
else.”

“Without me,” I say softly, wrapping my arms about
myself. It’s ridiculous. Why should I care if he was planning to leave me? I
was going to leave him anyway. But the idea that I was the one going had given
me a little boost. Like
I
was being strong for once. This just adds yet
another layer to the farce that was our marriage.

God, in spite of everything, I actually thought he
still wanted to be married to me. Even if it was only because I was some weird
trophy wife type thing. My battered ego is about to shrivel up and die.
Apparently I was no good at that either.

Nick wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Hey, you don’t
know that. He might have hoped you’d go with him, you know? Rob was pretty
possessive over you. I can’t see him wanting to let you go that easily.”

I snort. “Possessive? I don’t get it, Nick. I really
don’t. Even if he saw me as a possession, why didn’t he want anything to do
with me? You don’t treat a prized possession like he treated me.”

 “Sienna, if I understood what went on in Rob’s
head, then perhaps it never would have come to this. Maybe I could have talked
him out of all this crazy shit.” He tugs me closer, into his side, and peers
down at me, a thoughtful look on his face. “Didn’t you ever own anything just
because it was beautiful?”

“Yeah, those damned red shoes.”

“I guess he thought of you like that. His perfect,
beautiful wife. He obviously went to great lengths to keep things from you. I
suspect Rob knew you were the only thing he ever did right and wanted to keep
the bad side of himself from you. Maybe… hell, maybe he thought he was
protecting you from himself.”

He holds me tight so I can’t leave his side. “You’re
defending him now?”

“No. I’ll never defend the way he treated you.” Nick
turns to face me, hands braced around my waist. “But I don’t want you thinking
you were worthless to him. I suspect—in spite of it all—you were probably the
most valuable thing in his life.”

I mull over his words. Is he right? Was that what I was?
I tried so very hard to be the perfect wife. And maybe he saw me that way and
attempted to shield me from himself. Did Rob actually understand how messed up
he was? My mind is whirling. I don’t know what to think. I’ve swung from
feeling sorry for him, to feeling angry, to regretting never understanding my
husband properly.

But I think I finally no longer blame myself.

Nick drops a kiss to my lips, a brief one, and
releases me. “Just so you know, you’ll always be the most valuable thing in my
life. And I do want to possess you, I can’t deny that. But first and foremost,
I want to love you.”

I gape, probably like a goldfish. Where Rob possessing
me was kind of scary, the idea of Nick possessing me isn’t at all. Maybe
because he knows and respects me. I’m not sure Rob ever understood me. Perhaps
if he did, he wouldn’t have seen me as the perfect wife who needed to be kept
locked away
—
looked at but never touched.

“Come on, let’s see if we can find these drugs.” He
steps into the locker, leaving me still gaping.

While I shake myself from my thoughts, he wheels the
bike out so we can get to the boxes at the back. I slide in, fighting my need
to sneeze as dust swirls in the air. Nick lifts the top boxes down and passes
them to me so I can dump them outside the locker. When we have half a dozen on
the ground, I can’t wait any longer so I peel back the lids. My heart sinks.

Paperwork.

Stack and stacks of paperwork.

What was a soldier doing with so much paperwork?

I kneel and leaf through it briefly. It looks like
real estate stuff. Something to do with his plans to leave?

“Uh… Sienna?”

Jumping up, I go back into the locker and peer over
his shoulder. “Holy shit.”

Hidden carefully under more papers is what I’m guessing
must be coke. It’s white anyway. Which is about all I know about cocaine.

“Do you think all these boxes have drugs in?”

Nick nods. “I expect so. I can’t see why else he’d
have all these file boxes.”

“No wonder those guys wants it so bad. It must be worth
thousands.”

“If not more…”

“Shit.”

He turns, places his hands on my shoulders and gives
me a grave look. “What do you want to do now, Sienna?”

I scowl. “What do you mean?”

“Are we calling the police? Or…?”

“Or what?” I stare at him in disbelief. “Handing it
over to the bad guys? Nick, we can’t do that!”

“You can’t. I can. Go home, pretend nothing happened
and I’ll sort it.”

“No. No way.” I shake my head. How does he even expect
to get a hold of these guys? I can just see Nick strolling into the roughest part
of town and asking who’s missing some coke. “One, I’m not letting you do that
and, two, we can’t hand over these drugs to those guys.  I’m not going to
be responsible for all this cocaine being on the streets. I would have thought
you’d feel the same.”

A pensive expression comes over his face, his teeth
grind audibly. “I don’t like it any more than you do, short stuff. But I’ve got
to admit, I’m scared for you. If you hand this over, what’s to say they’ll stop
coming after you.”

I sag a little, my righteousness disappearing fast.
He’s right. I could probably put a banner across my apartment and declare I no
longer have the drugs but who’s to say they’ll believe me? And Skinhead said he
quite looked forward to killing me.

But this is ridiculous. I can’t get involved with drug
dealers and I definitely can’t let Nick handle it for me. Time to stand on my
own two feet. I pull out my cell and skim down my calls until I get to the one
received from Detective Matthews.

“I can’t, Nick.” I give him an apologetic smile. I can
see the fear he has for me burning bright in his eyes. I understand because I
feel it too. My hands shake a little as the phone rings. But this is who I am.
I’m a nurse. An upstanding citizen. An ex-army wife. I’m a good person and I’m
going to do the right thing.

***

Actually,
it’s weird because by the time we’re done with the cops, I don’t feel scared
anymore. I feel elated. Maybe this is closure? I don’t know. Detective Matthews
was quite nice to me—probably because I just handed over the biggest stash of
drugs he’s seen in a long time—and didn’t even look like he was remotely
debating arresting me. Everything was in Rob’s name so I guess they couldn’t
have made anything stick to me.

Nick and the detective had a long chat about
something. Then Detective Matthews started going on about my safety. He seemed
pretty concerned when Nick told him everything. They’ll be sending patrol cars
by and making sure the bad guys know I don’t have the drugs anymore. He
muttered something ensuring the news picked up on the story. I should have paid
more attention but I was so exhilarated, nothing was going in. I feel like the
biggest weight has come off my shoulders. This is it. I can move forward.

I peek at Nick out of the corner of my eye. He’s still
tense, his knuckles white as he grips the steering wheel. I get that he’s
worried but I don’t see why. I don’t have the drugs anymore so what would be
the point in coming after me now? It would only draw attention to them. This is
it. Call it womanly instinct if you want, but everything’s looking up from now
on.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Nick says through
gritted teeth.