Not Another Soldier (7 page)

He visibly winces at the word. Why does that hurt him?
He rubs his head and rakes his free hand through his hair before securing me
briefly with a serious expression. “Rob didn’t take drugs.”

“Okay…” I can hear the ‘but’ in his tone.

“I think he dealt.”

My hand goes to my mouth. Drug dealing? What the
hell…? How could I have been so blind? I fight to find some words to respond.
Did I ever really know Rob? I don’t understand how he could have been doing
something like that without me knowing. But I don’t think I ever knew him well.
Not until the day he tried to strangle me. “Do you… do you know for sure?”

“Let’s just say, a guy got caught using and he named
Rob as his dealer. No one could prove it and you know Rob could talk his way
out of anything.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“What could I have said? He was your
husband
,
Sienna, and your marriage had nothing to do with me. How could I barrel in and
just tear apart your marriage over rumors?”

“No, that’s right. Protect your own, right?” I cringe
at my bitter tone.

“Actually I thought I was protecting you.”

God, could I feel any more of a bitch? I wait a few
moments and try to get my words straight in my mind. “You’re right and I’m
sorry. All of this has left me so confused. It just feels like I’ve had one
shock after the other recently.”

“I know.”

“And I know I haven’t dealt with… everything very
well.”

“I know.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You’re not going to make this
easy on me are you?”

His lips twist into a wry smile. “Should I?”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Nick, but I
really can’t offer much at the moment. I’m sorry I messed up and said some
stupid things. I didn’t express myself well. But I really need you as a friend
right now. I don’t want to lose that.” I put on my most imploring face.
“Please?”

He shakes his head slowly as if he can’t believe he’s
even listening to me. “Damn it, don’t look at me like that.” His face relaxes
and I notice his grip loosen on the wheel slightly. “Of course we can be
friends. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let things slide. I do want more.
And I know you do too. I guess you’re just going to take some convincing.”

Why oh why does that idea thrill me so much? I release
a little laugh but don’t argue. We’ve reached a kind of tentative peace and I
sense our usual bantery relationship slipping into place.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” I say with a grin to try to
soften the blow. I mean it and feel like I have to say it but I don’t want to
break our truce.

“Babe, you forget just how determined I can be. When I
want something, I get it.”

Heat floods my face. I’m that something. Crap,
I’m
that
something. It sends thrills shooting through me even though I don’t want it to.
I study him out the corner of my eye. He’s in sweat pants and a tight T-shirt.
Workout clothes probably. His blond hair is slightly messy as if he’s ruffled a
towel over it. God, things would be a lot easier if he wasn’t so sexy.

For want of something to say, I tug my cell out my
handbag. “I’m just going to call my boss.” I frown. “Didn’t you leave your car
at the hospital?”

“Yeah, I walked.”

“Walked? It’s like miles.”

He shrugs. “Let’s just say I needed to burn off some
frustration.”

I laugh but it’s cut short by the hungry look in his
eyes. I turn away before he can see my reaction to it. My whole body feels
alive with sensation and it’s like I can remember every touch from this
morning. How is it possible for one look to do such a thing?

***

By the time I’ve called my boss and we’ve driven home,
things feel almost back to normal. Nick still seems tense but is at least
talking to me. I’m beginning to think all this was just a coincidence. Attacked
and almost arrested on the same day. Weird coincidence, but maybe I was just in
the wrong place at the wrong time. Security never saw my attacker and no one
else had any problems.

Thankfully my boss had heard of the attack and was
feeling sympathetic enough to let me have the rest of the night off. We have
two beds free for a change which probably helped, though I bet they’ll be
filled by the time I go back to work in two days’ time.

It’s dark in the car but I can almost feel Nick’s gaze
intent on me.

Did he really mean it? That he wouldn’t give up?
Surely he can see it’s not worth his time. I don’t feel like I’m worth anyone’s
time really. I’m not the fun, interesting girl I used to be. Rob, and the
military life, took care of that. Having your life controlled from every angle
does tend to suck everything from you. Problem is, there’s a small part of me
that thinks I might just give in to him one day. That I won’t be able to fight
my need for him. 

But I can’t want him. I keep reminding myself of what
it was like. Never quite knowing where you stand, moving away from your friends
and home yet again. And the loneliness.

We pull up into my parking spot and sit for a
moment.  My heart does a little jump. Nerves or excitement? I don’t know.
Nick’s presence has a way of making me feel as if I’m always on alert.

“Thanks for coming to get me. I know… I know I pissed
you off and I really appreciate you helping me out. I’m-I’m not sure what I
would have done
—
”

“Sienna, I wouldn’t have left you alone behind bars.”

I stifle a giggle. He says it so seriously that it
makes it sound like if he hadn’t have come, I’d have been rotting in jail
forever.

“I wasn’t actually arrested, you know.”

Nick shudders ever so slightly. The smallest of
movements as if he’s trying very hard to suppress his emotions. A pang strikes
me. Nick’s so used to taking care of people, including me. No doubt, he feels
like this was somehow all his fault. I put a hand over his as it still grips
the wheel. It makes my palm prickle but I force my hand to remain there.

“Thank you, Nick. For everything. You have no idea how
much it means to me.”

He gives me a soft smile, one that has his eyes
crinkling in the corners and almost turns me into a puddle in my seat. “You
don’t need to thank me, babe. You know I’d do anything for you.”

I turn away and draw in a slow breath. Seriously? Who
talks like that? The man is too much for me to handle. Opening the door, I
climb out and he follows.

“You don’t need to come up,” I say lightly.

“Just making sure you get home safe.”

“And here I am. All safe.” I spread my arms wide as he
comes to my side. He gives me an assessing look, a frank appraisal that has me
shuddering slightly.

“Looks that way.”

Now he looks regretful. Shit, I can’t take much more
of this. If I’m not careful, I’m going to jump into his arms again, regardless
of the consequences.

“Thanks for seeing me home,” I say softly because I am
grateful and I still don’t feel like he gets just how grateful. I’m not sure
he’ll ever understand how important he is to me. And I don’t know if I can say
it as he might think it means I want something more.

And I don’t.

“Anytime.” He pauses for a moment. “Let me see you to
your door.”

I open my mouth to argue and then think twice about
it. There’s no harm in letting him do what he feels he needs to do, and I
really don’t want to fight with him. His footsteps sound behind me as I climb
the stairs and I’m acutely aware of each one. As I press the code into the
door, I sense him near my back, though I know he’s keeping a respectful
distance.

I push through the door and climb the stairs,
wondering what I’m going to say when we reach the top. I need to establish some
boundaries that say we can be together, just as friends. Something to encourage
the whole ‘friendship’ thing and definitely not the ‘sex’ thing. Problem is,
Nick makes that damned difficult because every time I look at him I think of
sex.

I slow my pace as I reach the top and scowl. My front
door is slightly ajar. I left in a hurry and was a little preoccupied, but I’m
really careful about my door. I got locked out of our military house once and
had to get a locksmith to com out. The whole thing was a real pain so I always
double check I’ve got my keys and ensure the door is shut properly.

Nick curls a hand around my arm and holds me back
slightly as we reach the top of the stairs. “Just wait a minute,” he says
before stepping past me.

He moves stealthily as if approaching enemy territory
rather than my apartment, but my stomach feels like it’s in my throat. The
realization as to why my door is open strikes as I see the splintered door
frame.

Nick disappears into my place with a quick glance at
me and I wait, arms clutched around myself. My breaths sound loud to my ears.
It feels like he’s gone ages so I step in myself. It’s my home and I can’t
believe I’m being such a wimp. What if Nick hadn’t been here? I really need to
learn to stand on my own two feet.

My jaw drops as I survey my living room. The couch is
overturned, vases smashed, drawers riffled though. My bookcase has been emptied
and all my books are scattered across the floor, their pages spread out and
crumpled.

A creak makes me jump and I spin toward the double
doors, my heart throbbing.

“Sienna, you should have waited outside.”

I gulp. “Is it like this in the rest of the apartment
too?”

He nods slowly and I gape around. It sounds silly but
I can’t take my eyes off the big vase that I’d put next to my bookcase. It was
cream and so heavy, and maybe not even that pretty, but it was mine. One of the
first things I bought when I signed the lease for the apartment. It was a
symbol of me being on my own and having my own stuff. And now it’s cracked in
two, having been carelessly thrown to the floor. I press my fingers to my eyes
to prevent the tears from coming.

And then Nick’s arms are around me, a shield of
comfort. I don’t cry, just sniffle a little. I think I’m still in shock, but
listening to his steady heartbeat through his chest calms me as my head moves
with the rise and fall of his breaths. His hands stroke my hair and I know if I
tilt my head up, a kiss will probably be waiting for me.

I don’t though. Somehow, I manage to keep a hold on my
sanity.

I inch away slightly but his arms remain around me. “I
wasn’t gone that long. How did they know?”

Nick’s expression looks regretful. “I think whoever
did this was probably watching.” He steps back to survey the damage but grips
one of my hands.

When I glance down at our joined hands, I’m struck by
how right it looks. Large and small. Light and dark. They fit perfectly
together. Then I remember that my home is trashed and such thoughts seem
ridiculous.

“Can you see if anything is missing?”

I run my gaze across the room and shake my head. “Not
that I can see. I don’t really own much of value anyway. They didn’t even take
the TV.”

Interestingly the large flat screen is completely
untouched as is my stereo on the bookcase.

“Do you have any jewelry, valuables?”

“A few rings. Nothing particularly valuable though.”

“Where are they?”

“In my jewelry box.” I motion to my bedroom.

I cringe as he raises a brow at me. Okay, perhaps I
should have had a less obvious place to keep them but I never really expected
to get robbed. Guess I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.

My kitchen is a mess. Nick guides me through and I try
to avoid looking at the emptied drawers and the utensils thrown carelessly on
the floor. My bedroom doesn’t fare much better. It looks as though they’ve
lifted the mattress as it’s now crooked. The sheets are still rumpled and sadly
that was my fault. I couldn’t bring myself to touch them after Nick left. Stark
memories of his hard naked body spread across them assail me. My body tenses at
the thought.

He releases my hand and I miss the warmth. I go
straight for the jewelry box on my dressing table. It’s open, beads and
necklaces hanging out of it and I pick my way through the contents.

“Nothing’s missing,” I say in surprise.

“You sure?” Nick comes to my side and studies my
jewelry as if he knows more about my stuff than I do.

“Yeah, even the most valuable stuff like…” I throw a
wary glance at him, “like my wedding ring.” I tug out the gold band with little
diamonds embedded in it. “This is probably the only valuable thing I own. Why
didn’t they take it?”

His jaw is tense, eyes narrow as he stares at the
ring. I slip it back into the jewelry box. It seems to snap him out of whatever
he was thinking and he shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t think this was a
robbery.”

“Then what was it? Some kids messing around?”

“If it was kids then why didn’t they break the TV? Or
spray paint the place? And why your place? It would have been easier to break
into the apartment below.”