Authors: Nikole Bloom
book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are
products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual events,
locations, or persons is coincidental.
© 2015 Nikole Bloom
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you for your support.
songs, song titles, and lyrics mentioned in the novel, Not Enough, are the
property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.
my husband and family for all of their love and support
I have been planning my wedding to Ryan David for the past
six months. I have picked out flowers, tablecloths, chair covers, party favors,
centerpieces, food, locations, photographers, and so much more.
Given the fact that I am not a girly girl, this has been a
trying time for me. I don’t have many girlfriends. Well, outside of Ryan’s sister,
I have none. I grew up surrounded by boys and have loved sports my whole life.
My best friend is my brother Jeremy and I am close to his friends, Bode and
I met Ryan in college. He was the quarterback of the football
team, and J was the star wide receiver. Ryan and J were an amazing duo on the field,
which is how I met Ryan. Ryan and I were nearly inseparable from the moment we
I fell head over heels in love with him in a matter of
months. Ryan surprised me with a proposal the night he was drafted. I accepted
without a second thought. He always made me feel special, and I was thrilled to
be engaged. It was hard to leave my home in Boston and move to Houston with him,
but I did it. J also drafted and currently plays in New York. Leaving him, and
the comfort of familiarity, was the hardest thing for me. I miss my brother and
our friends daily, but we talk, text, or Skype most days.
Since moving to Houston I have finished my law degree, with a
focus on sports law. I will start my career with a sports management firm after
we return from our honeymoon in two weeks. I am beyond excited I was granted this
opportunity; my dream is to start my own sports management firm. For now, I
think getting experience in the industry is the perfect first step.
Our wedding is in two days and the rehearsal dinner is
tonight at a quaint Mexican food restaurant Ryan and I frequent. This is the one
part of the wedding celebration I did not plan; I let Ryan’s mom and sister
take the reins on this one.
I am standing here, in front of the restaurant, in my favorite
little black dress. It has lace that runs across the chest and the neckline dips
just low enough to give a peek at the girls. The back is open and the skirt reaches
mid-thigh. The dress is tight, but not streetwalker tight. I paired it with a
pair of black strappy heels and silver jewelry.
Ryan and I had planned to meet out front a few minutes after
seven so we could enter together. I was running a little late, but it is now
7:30 and I am wondering where he is. Just as I reach for my phone to call him,
I see my darling brother, Eric and Bode step outside. The look of concern on
their faces sends a shiver down my spine. This can’t be good.
“Hey guys,” I say cautiously. “I am just waiting for Ryan. He
should be here any minute.”
J walks over and envelops me in a tight hug.
“Oh, baby girl,” he mumbles, clearly worried.
I can feel him shaking his head, presumably at Eric and Bode.
I push myself out of his embrace and scan the faces of my family. These three
men are the only people in the world I consider family. Something is not right,
because they are entirely too quiet.
“All right, what is going on?” I say, demandingly.
They take a step closer. Bode grabs my hand as J explains, “The
rehearsal dinner is canceled. Ryan's mom called the restaurant a few days ago.”
My heart sinks. I cannot believe that is true, so I storm
into the restaurant. The little restaurant is decorated in vibrant colors and
stays true to the owner’s heritage. I quickly locate Eduardo, the owner, and I see
the sadness and compassion in his eyes. Knowing he has no reason to lie, I ask
him the question of the hour: “They canceled?”
He responds with a quiet, “Yes, honey.”
I feel like I have just been sucker punched. What is
After walking back outside into the warm Houston air, my
hands begin to tremble and my mind is racing. Maybe I misunderstood. Surely this
situation is all a misunderstanding. How could they cancel our rehearsal dinner
without telling me? I pull out my phone and dial Ryan with shaky fingers. I get
the message that the number is disconnected or no longer in service.
How can that be? I spoke with him this morning. Now I am
worried. My stomach is in knots and I am struggling to think through all of
this. I turn to J and tell him to call Ryan. Maybe my phone is bugging out.
After J and Bode get the same message, reality begins to set in. Something is
wrong, very wrong.
I have to get out of here. I have to find Ryan.
I start sprinting, as best I can in heels, back to my car, which
is not so conveniently parked at the back end of the parking lot. Halfway to
the lot one heel breaks, forcing me to stop and remove the shoes. My family
surrounds me in a protective circle once I stop. I am doing everything I can to
keep from breaking down right here on the street.
The look of pity and concern in their eyes irritate me.
“Don't look at me like that. We don't know what happened. Maybe
this is all a big misunderstanding,” I say, trying to dispel the fear eating
away at me.
I know they think Ryan has dumped me and, truth be told, that
is possible. I am, however, clinging to the hope that the time we shared and
the dreams we aspire to are worth more to him than this. I know they are worth
more to me.
Bode picks me up, cradling me like a child, before heading
towards the parking lot.
“Don’t worry, Rylee, we got you,” he says in a soothing tone.
Once we reach my car, J takes my keys. Bode deposits me into
the passenger seat of my black Dodge Charger and I sink into the black leather,
wishing it would just open wide and swallow me whole.
I have to remind myself that we don't know what is going on,
at least not for sure. Maybe they moved the location, or this is some kind of
very elaborate and tasteless joke. Ryan and I have a great thing. At least, I thought
we did. No couple is perfect, I know, but I thought we were close. I thought we
The past three years were worth more than a coward's way
out, weren’t they? I love him with all my heart and I refuse to believe this is
the end. There must be a logical explanation. There has to be.
My mind races as my body shakes with uncertainty. By the time
we reach our home, I am riding one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. I cannot
decide if I am angry, hurt, devastated, embarrassed or all of the above.
the front door to the penthouse Ryan and I share, something feels wrong. I
can't pinpoint the feeling. Jeremy, Bode, and Eric flank me as we enter the
opulent space. It is beautifully decorated in warm colors and, until now, held
a welcoming feel.
I turn to J. “Let’s take a look around.”
With a nod of his head, he agrees. We slowly make our way
through the house until we reach the master bedroom. I still cannot believe this
is happening. How did we go from talking about our wedding this morning to him
changing his phone number and standing me up tonight? Just standing in our home,
my mind is overloading on memories and anger.
Upon entering the master bedroom, I notice a folded piece of
notebook paper lying up against my pillow. Bending down to pick up the note, I see
it is written in Ryan’s handwriting. My heart is pounding, my hands are sweaty,
and I can barely see the note through the tears pooling in my eyes.
I am sorry for leaving you like this but we both know it
is easier this way. The truth is, I have not been happy with you for some time.
I fell in love with someone else and I feel she is my ticket to happiness. After
meeting her, I realized that what we had is just not enough for me. I realize this
is hard for you to hear, but it is better I do it now instead of continuing to
live the lie. Camille and I have been together for the past few months and will
be married soon.
I hope you don’t mind, but I will be repurposing some of our wedding
plans. I see no reason why the money I spent on the wedding and honeymoon should
be wasted. After all, I helped with the plans and should have a say in how they
are used. Please take your time moving out as I will be gone until after our
I am sorry for how this has turned out, but I want to wish you the best
of luck in life. I hope that one day you can forgive me and that we can be
“UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!” I scream.
I mean, really, not only is he walking away like a coward,
but now he thinks it is okay to take the wedding I planned and give it to his
new fiancé. Take my time moving out and he wants to be friends? He has lost his
damn mind. If I ever see him again, he will be lucky to walk away alive.
I crumple up the note and throw it as hard as I can across
the room. It does nothing to soothe my anger. The paper floats a mere five feet
before falling to the ground at J's feet. He picks it up and unfolds the
crushed paper. His face turns red as he flexes his jaw muscles in anger.
“I will kill that son of a bitch.”
Bode and Eric react the same way after they scan the page
Jeremy tosses them.
It is now I decide that I need to see just how much of the
wedding paraphernalia is missing. We were keeping it all in the guest room, so
I head there straightaway.
Opening the door, I see it is empty.
“Holy shit, J, it is all gone. He took everything. Look in
the closet. Surely he at least left my dress.”
It had taken me two months to pick out the perfect dress. J
opens the door to the walk-in closet and, as he flips the light on, I see it
too is empty.
From behind me, I hear Bode. “How could he do that? And what
kind of woman would steal another woman’s wedding? Isn’t that against the rules
Silently I wonder, does she know about me? Does she know
she’s stealing my wedding? Would she care? Bode is right. I assume this is definitely
against the woman code or something.
I feel sick and run to the bathroom in the hope I don’t vomit
all over the floor. As I reach the toilet, I can’t hold it in anymore.
After throwing up what feels like years of lies, the tears
come and I am sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing as Jeremy shuffles in. He
pulls me into his arms and announces that we are leaving.
I keep hearing Ryan’s voice in my head chanting,
it just is
not enough for me, not enough.
How many times in life will I not be enough?
J instructs Bode and Eric to pack me a bag and meet us at the
hotel. This will be the last time I ever set foot in the penthouse. I also
decide that it is the last time I will ever give another person the power to
hurt me. I might not be enough for anyone else, but I can be enough for myself.