Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) (10 page)

I pull into
Austin’s driveway mere minutes later, my heart is pounding with excitement, and
I can’t wait to throw my arms around him. I grab my things and practically sprint
towards the door. Knocking twice I wait for him to open the door even though I
have a key. After waiting a few minutes, I become concerned and grab my key
letting myself into his house.

All is quiet until I hear what sounds like laughter coming
from the living room. I make my way through the entryway and towards the
source, only to see Austin with his arms wrapped around a blonde woman comfortably
tucked in his arms.

I stand there for seconds that feel like hours as I take in
the scene. He is smiling, and she appears at ease in his embrace. They are so
consumed by one another they haven’t noticed my presence. Like a coward, I back
out of the doorway and head back out the front door with my heart in pieces.

In complete shock, I run to my car and jump in before the tears
overtake me. I cannot believe Austin would do this. I thought he loved me. I
believed we had a future. I am so stupid. I fell for the lines of another ego
driven quarterback. Once again, I am not enough. He needs more than I have
offered, and who can blame him. My timing couldn’t be worse. I finally decide I
am ready, and he figured out he is tired of waiting. Go figure.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and put the car in gear. As I
pull away, I glance up at the rear-view mirror at what could have been. Shocked
I see Austin come through the front door and the remaining shards of my heart
explode. Due to the darkness, I can’t tell what he is doing. It looks like he
is waving. I suppose that is appropriate.

Making my way up the drive, I notice he is following me on foot
so I speed up wanting to avoid any awkward confrontation. If he wants her, I
will bow out while I still have a shred of self-respect. I want Austin to be
happy even if it means letting him go.

Not ready to face anyone I drive around for a while until my
phone begins to ring incessantly. The first several calls were from Austin all
of which I send to voice mail. After about an hour, Jeremy calls and I know it
is Austin related. He wouldn’t be calling otherwise. Last he heard I was
leaving to go spend time with Austin. I ignore that call too and continue
driving until I find myself in front of my office. In need of a distraction, I
head inside to get a head start on the week.

After letting myself in and locking up behind me my phone
rings again, J. Before I can say hello the inquisition begins:

“Ry, where are you? What the hell happened? Austin is here
and is freaking the fuck out.”

“J, I don’t want to talk about it right now. I am fine, and I
will be home later.”

“Rylee Ash, that will not cut it right now, what is going on?”

“Are you with Austin?”

“Yeah, I told you he is here freaking the fuck out on me,
demanding to know where you are.”

“J, I don’t want to do this now. My heart is broken and I
want to be alone.”

“Tell me where you are. Let me come get you. I don’t know
what is going on, but I can tell by your voice that you are not ok. You were
released from hospital less than twelve hours ago. Shit Ry, tell me where you
are.”

I walk through my office settling behind my desk. I can make
out Austin pleading with Jeremy to give him the phone. This whole situation has
me beyond confused. If he was as happy as he appeared with that woman then why
is he at my house hounding my brother. None of this adds up.

“J, let it go for now, and tell Austin to go home. I am sure
the blonde will be ready and waiting. I’ll be around later. I am fine.”

“Wait what, what blonde, what are you talking about Ry?” The anger
rises in J’s voice as he confronts Austin.

“Who is the blonde, man? My sister goes over there and what
you were with somebody else? Get the fuck out of this house.”

Austin tries to explain. “Wait J, you don’t understand. It is
not what either of you think, she….”

He doesn’t get the rest of the sentence out before J is
shouting at him again. “Get the fuck out. How could you do that to her? Fuck
you. Get out.” The door slams on my relationship with Austin both literally and
figuratively. J is breathing hard and I can almost feel the anger rolling off
him through the phone.

In a gentle voice he returns to the phone, “Baby girl, where
are you? I want to come get you.”

Unable to hold my tears in any longer I sob into the phone
before squeaking out, “At work.”

“Stay there. I will be there in ten minutes. Do you want me
to stay on the phone with you?”

“No, bring your keys.”

After hanging up the phone, I curl up into a ball on the
couch in my office and free the pent up emotion of the past four years. While I
continue sobbing my phone continues to ring, chirp, and make every annoying
sound possible. Looking at the screen, I see numerous missed alerts from Austin
forcing me to hurl the damn thing at the opposite wall shattering it.

By the time Jeremy arrives, I am sick of crying and
exhaustion is taking over my body. This weekend has been a full-blown assault
on me both physically and emotionally. J rushes through the door and wraps me
into a protective embrace. “It will be ok Ry. I promise.”

The sincerity in my big brother’s eyes is comforting. I can only
hope he is right. “I am in love with him,” I say through hiccupped breaths.

He squeezes me tighter, “I know you are. I am so sorry Ry. I
shouldn’t have pushed you. I should’ve left it alone. I thought he was a good
guy.”

I am astonished that somehow J is taking responsibility for
this mess. “J, this is in no way your fault. In fact, you did me a favor at
least I finally put the past behind me.”

I look up meeting eyes that mirror mine and realize that no
matter what the world throws at me I will be ok because I have J. He pulls back
from me noticing my cell phone across the room. “I take it he was still
calling,” he asks with a hint of sarcasm.

Smiling half-heartedly I relent, “Let’s go home I am
exhausted.”

On the ride home, I am spent. The somber lights passing through
the window lull me into calmness. I doze off to the poignant lyrics of ‘
I
Will Survive,’
with an ironic smile on my face. I wake briefly as J caries
me in the house and lays me in bed. I am fading off when the arguing begins
between Austin and J. Their voices are raised at first and then fall to a
whisper before I plunge into a restless sleep.

The next
morning I wake with sadness in my heart, but a determination to break free of
the confines of my past mistakes. I pull myself out of bed, shower, and grab my
riding clothes hoping J is up for a ride this morning. As I make my way down
the stairs I find J is already up and typing away on his smart phone. “Hey you,
feel like a ride this morning?”

He looks up at me confused by my pleasant demeanor. “Yeah,
sure I am. Are you ok?”

I think about the question and the answer is no, but I refuse
to let my past, even yesterday, affect my future. “I’m not great, but I want a
nice day with my big brother on the open road. Nothing is better for the soul
right?”

I can tell there is something he wants to say, but instead
takes my words at face value and leaves it be. “Give me ten minutes and we can
go,” he says with a genuine smile.

I grab a can of Monster and lace up my motorcycle boots. I am
wearing my black leather riding pants, a red tank top, and my tall motorcycle
boots that boast six buckles up the sides.

This outfit always makes me a little like a Hell’s Angel. But,
J says the leather for is for my own protection. I also kind of feel like a bad
ass in them, and this morning I can use a little bad ass in my blood.

Awe set off towards the garage, I there is a knock on the
front door, and I can’t help wondering who would be here so early in the
morning. I walk back to the front door and peer out the peephole to find a
sullen Austin with the blonde girl standing next to him. Yes, I said girl,
there is no way she is over the age of sixteen. My heart falls immediately at the
sight. He looks disheveled as if he hasn’t slept in days. Trying to steel my
wound up nerves, I take my time unlocking the deadbolt and cracking the door
open.

“What do you want Austin? I am getting ready to walk out the
door.” It takes everything I have to say the words without breaking down. I know
without a doubt, after laying eyes on him, I am one hundred percent head over
heels in love with him. However, the sight of the blonde is still breaking my
heart.

“Ry, please open the door and let me introduce you to my
sister.” Holy shit, did he just say his sister. I slam my head on the door
causing it to close as I realize what a complete fool I am.

“Rylee, did you hear me? Please open the door.” I am beyond
embarrassed by my actions. I would love to crawl into a hole and hide. Instead,
I open the door to the man of my dreams looking completely distraught standing
next to his sister. She is a beautiful girl. The family resemblance is obvious
now that I can see her face.

I extend my hand out to her. “Hi, I am Rylee.”

She graciously takes my hand, “Hi, I am Ally, Austin’s
younger sister.”

I give her the biggest smile I can manage as I look between
the two of them, “It is a pleasure to meet you Ally.”

Austin appears to calm down a fraction as he leans forward
taking my hand. “Ry, can we could talk for a minute?” It breaks my heart that twenty-four
hours ago I was rushing home to fall into his arms, and now it’s like there is
an ocean separating us. An ocean I put between us with my stupid insecurity.

I nod in assent. “Come on in. Let me run tell J to give us a
few minutes.” I jog towards Jeremy’s room stopping short to find him standing
in the hallway.

“Sister huh,” he says with surprise and a slight smirk.

“Yeah, I guess so. Listen will you pull the bikes around
while I sort this out,” I say still in disbelief.

J saunters off towards the garage, and I walk to the front of
the house to find Austin alone at the kitchen counter. “Where’s Ally?”

He looks up with immense sadness in his eyes. “I sent her back
to my house so we could talk in private.” We stand there for a few moments
taking each other in. I am at a complete loss for words. I cannot believe I
misread last night so badly. I should apologize, but I don’t know where to
start. Just as I start to speak, he interrupts my train of thought.

“Ry, I know how last night must have looked, but I don’t
understand why you didn’t see fit to trust me. Have I done anything to give you
the impression I am anything but one hundred percent in with you?”

He looks at me with so much emotion I lose my composure and tears
well up in my eyes. “Austin, I am so sorry, I thought, well you know what I thought.
And, no, you have never given me a reason to doubt you. I figured you finally got
tired of waiting around for me to make up my mind. I wouldn’t blame you if that
were the case. I wouldn’t fault you if you walk out the door right now and
never turn back.”

“Rylee, I have never wanted to walk away from you. Don’t you think
if I did, I would have by now? Jesus, you know how I feel about you. But, I can’t
figure out how to go forward if you don’t trust me.”

I wish I could tell him that I trust him, but the truth is I have
only ever trusted four people. One of those four broke my heart and the other three
are family. “I don’t know what to say Aus, it’s not that I don’t trust you,
it’s just that I trust no one. I have been burned on that bridge too many
times.”

About that time, J pulls the first bike around to the front
of the house. The roar of the engine breaks the tension momentarily. With the
first bike parked out front, I realize I don’t have time. “Austin, I told you
we would need to have that conversation one day, and it appears we have reached
that point. So if you are willing maybe we can talk tonight after J and I get
back.” The clear disapproval on his face tells me I should probably give us
priority right now, but I can’t. I need to breathe. I want to unwind with the
wind in my face.

“So where are you going,” he asks with more pain than
curiosity.

“J and I are going for a ride to take a break from the world.”
Austin stares at me with fire burning behind his sparkling blue eyes.

“So you ride a motorcycle,” he says with a hint of shock.

“Oh, I love to ride. It is one of the most freeing
experiences in the world,” I answer with more enthusiasm than necessary.

The look on his face shows he does not approve. “Please tell
Jeremy to be careful, I would hate for you to get hurt.”

For a second I am confused. Why he is worried about J? Then
it hits me he has no clue I ride alone. Well, no reason to dispel that thought
now. “We are always careful.”

Grabbing my keys and throwing on my leather jacket, we make
our way to the door. Austin interlaces his fingers with mine melting my heart.
He is about to flip when he sees both bikes. Sure enough, Austin stops dead in
his tracks when he registers two bikes parked in the driveway. He turns to me
with complete horror on his face. “I thought you were going for a ride
with
Jeremy,” he emphasizes the word
with
as if it will remedy this
situation.

I walk over to him and place my hand gently on his arm. “I am
going with J. It just so happens I am taking my own bike. But, if it makes it
any better we’ve been riding for years.” His face falls and anguish flashes through
his normally bright eyes. That definitely did not make it better.

His whole body is tense and I feel a little guilty for
upsetting him. He looks between my red and black Suzuki Hayabusa and me with
disbelief. “That bike is so big. Are you sure you can handle it?”

Under normal circumstances, I would be pissed if someone
challenged my abilities, but I can tell Austin is just uncomfortable and
worried. “Austin I promise I can handle it, I ride it to work most days.”

Without so much as a word Austin pulls me into him and hugs me,
so tight it is hard to breathe. “Rylee, please be careful. I really, really
hate those things. Promise me you will text when you stop and call me when you
get back.” My name trails off his lips as he slowly loosens his grip.

I stare into his eyes, which are full of fear and run my hand
lightly down the side of his face. “Austin, I will be fine, but I promise to check-in.
I will see you tonight.” He stands there with his hands in his pockets watching
J and I ride away, the expression on his face breaks my heart.