Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) (11 page)

The open
road feels good, and I am ecstatic to be out with my big brother away from the
drama that has filled my life the past few days. However, I can’t help thinking
of Austin. I rode away from Austin with a heavy heart. I hate that something I
love to do is causing him pain, but I refuse to change who I am for anyone. I
did that once, and it did not turn out well. J and I stopped by the store on
the way out of town so I could replace my broken cell phone. You never know
when you might need one. After that quick stop, we hop on I-95 North and set
the city to our rear-view.

We ride a couple hundred miles up I-95 and break for lunch at
Betsy’s Diner. It is a great little diner that serves home cooking that is out
of this world. The normal clientele is composed of families that live in the
nearby beach community. J and I draw attention when we walk in dressed in all
leather until Betsy greets us with huge hugs. We discovered this place a few
months after I moved to Boston and we try to make it up here at least once or
twice a month when the weather is good.

Betsy never allows us to order off the menu. She brings us
the special of the day and we have yet to complain. Today we are having fried
chicken and mashed potatoes. I am stoked. There are very few places up north
that can fry chicken like they do in the south.

J and I talked throughout lunch and he brought up the Austin
situation. We have a repeat of prior conversations where J tells me to put the
past behind me and learn to live a little. I understand everything he says, but
unfortunately, it is easier said than done. After finishing our meal, Betsy
brings us a huge serving of apple pie and vanilla ice cream insisting we
partake. It doesn’t take much convincing. By the time we finish we are stuffed
beyond belief. Due to our overeating, we opt for a walk by the beach to let our
food settle before climbing back on the bikes.

We walk down the path next to the beach in relative silence
before J weighs in on Austin again. “Listen baby girl, I know you don’t want to
talk about it, but I have to ask. Are you sure you aren’t just playing into the
lack of trust for a reason to back away from him?” I hadn’t thought about it,
but I guess it is possible I am just using this as another reason to shield my
heart. Without a coherent answer, I shrug my shoulders.

“Ry, I know you, and there is no way you would ever spend
that much time or get that close to anyone you don’t trust. You don’t let people
in, so maybe you need to consider that before you walk away.”

I am shocked at my brother’s blunt observation and somewhat
mortified he is likely right. I absolutely adore that he is trying to make sure
I don’t walk away from something for the wrong reasons. I can’t imagine most
big brothers taking the time to meddle in their sister’s love lives. I'm sure J
would rather be doing anything else. We make our way back to the bikes, and I offer
a much needed change of topic. He has given me more than enough to think about
on the way home.

“So, who won the game last night,” I ask receiving a knowing
smile in return.

We stop about half way back for a bathroom break and to get
gas. While J is in the restroom, I check my phone and realize I never texted
Austin to let him know we were ok. Before I unlock the home screen, I notice
several missed texts and one voicemail.

Austin: *Haven’t you guys stopped yet* 12:47 pm

Austin: *????? WTF Ry, it has been over 4 hours* 1:05 pm

Austin: *Rylee, R U OK* 1:32 pm

Austin: *Fuck, Ry I’m going crazy here. R U OK* 1:53 pm

Shit! Shit! Shit! I cannot believe I forgot something as
simple as texting him. The last text was a mere five minutes ago. I want to
listen to the message, but I opt for texting him back to calm his nerves, and
because I am too chickenshit to call him right now. I type out a text as fast
as my fingers will allow.

Me: *I’m sorry Austin I 4got to text u. We will be home in
about 2 hrs* 2:08 pm

As I head inside the little convenience store, my phone
buzzes again.

Austin: *Glad u r ok* 2:10 pm

I send a quick reply to gauge the situation.

Me: *C U soon
J
*2:10 pm

He replies a second later.

Austin: *Not tonight* 2:11 pm

My heart sinks as I realize this is the first time Austin is truly
mad at me. Realizing there is no reason I will walk away from him and the
possible repercussions of my actions hit me hard. I am in love with him. I want
to be with him. I have to fix this. The rest of the ride home I try to come up
with ways to apologize and make him understand I am ready for there to be an
us.

About two hours later, J and I pull into the garage. I dart
in the house to change clothes. I do not want to give Austin any outward
reminders of my afternoon so I change into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and
head for the garage. Before I make it out J stops me. “Baby girl, take it easy
on him, and give him the whole story, he deserves the truth.”

He is right, but I still have not figured out how to fight
the fear and self-doubt that comes with my whole past. “Thanks J, I will text
you soon.”

It is just past five o’clock, and I hope Austin is home. My
stomach is in knots and nervousness is coursing through my body like blood. I
pull up to the gate and punch in the code granting me access. I park in front
of the house, jump out, and make a mad dash for the door. As I approach the
large mahogany front door, I reach for my key but knock instead since he is
upset with me. I knock three times and there is no answer.

After waiting for almost five minutes, I pull out my key, and
let myself in. I look around the living room, kitchen, and den but there is no
sign of Austin. Upstairs I find he is not in his room, but I notice the shower
is still wet meaning he must have been here recently.
Nice detective skills
at work there, Rylee
. I settle in downstairs to wait and send him a quick text.

Me: *Where r u? I am really sorry. Let me make it up 2 u*
5:10 pm

Forty-five minutes later, there is still no sign of Austin
and no response to my text. He always responds, so it's clear he is still mad,
hurt, or both. Then my phone vibrates with an incoming text so I slide it open
as fast as possible. My heart deflates as I read J’s message.

J: *Everything ok w/ u 2* 5:56 pm

Me: *No, I can’t find him. Waiting here* 5:56 pm

J: *Give him time Ry* 5:58 pm

Me: *I f*#cked up* 5:59 pm

J: *Yep u did. Come out w/me and Bode, Eric is coming 2* 6:00
pm

Me: *No I want 2 stay here* 6:00 pm

J: *I will come get u. Come on* 6:02 pm

Me: *NO* 6:03 pm

J: *He will come 2 u when he’s ready* 6:04 pm

Me: *Fine, but just 4 a bit* 6:08 pm

Jeremy is probably right. If Austin wanted to see me, he
would have been here by now or at least responded. In addition, I am curious
why Bode is back so soon and I haven’t seen Eric in over a month. I wait around
another couple of minutes before heading home to get ready.
With quiet desperation, I walk
out of his house. I have the eerie feeling this will be the last time I will
ever walk out of this door. I sure hope it isn’t.

With tears in my eyes I climb into my car, glance back, and
send up a silent prayer that Austin will forgive me sooner rather than later.
Once I get home and through the garage door into the house, J surprises me by
pulling me into a big hug. I wrap my arms around my brother and the tears
stream down my cheeks. He holds me for a minute then lets go and looks into my
eyes. “Baby girl, I am glad to see you have let someone in, but I won’t
tolerate him making you cry even if it is your fault,” he says in a way only a
protective sibling can.

I give him a tight smile. “Let me shower and change then we
can go out and forget about this mess. This shit right here is why I do not date,”
I say motioning to my tear stained cheeks.

Thirty minutes later, I have showered and dressed in a short red
dress with a halter-top. The skirt flows outward and the back dips obscenely
low. The neckline plunges into a tight v and shows just a small amount of
cleavage. I want to channel my inner goddess tonight. With Bode and J around, I
will be in no danger from the opposite sex. I slide on a pair of black strap
heels that wrap around my ankle and give me another four inches of height. With
a little mascara and lip-gloss, I am ready to party regardless of how much my
heart is hurting. I left my hair down and for once, it is cooperating by
falling into silky waves down my exposed back. I grab my black shawl and set
off to find J.

He is dressed in his usual party attire a black button down
shirt, jeans, and black boots. He rolls up the sleeves showing off his well-defined
forearms. Jeremy may be my brother but even I can tell you he looks good. J
looks at me shocked. “No way Ry, you are not wearing that. I do not want any
trouble tonight.”

I roll my
eyes. “Whatever, I can take care of myself. Let’s go.”

It is nice to know he thinks I look good even if that is not
the words he chose to express himself. After a small protest, J gives in and we
head out to dinner. We will then move on to one of the most exclusive clubs in
Boston, Legacy.

I wish Austin were coming with us, and I worry I will not be
able to let it go all night. No, I will. I have to push it aside and enjoy a
night out with my family.

We arrive at
the club a little after ten pm, and the line is wrapped around the building. J
pulls up to the valet stand, and the attendant opens my door. As I climb out J
comes around and grabs my hand. The music is thumping, and I try to psych
myself up for the night. I will have fun. If I repeat it to myself enough maybe
it will be true. We walk past the restless line and through the VIP entrance. J
playing in the NFL has its benefits. 

Once we are inside I realize I left my shawl in the car. I feel
overly exposed as we make our way to the bar. The club is understated with black
and silver decor. The dance floor is sparsely populated. I figure most people
are still working on their buzz level. J keeps his arm around me as we make our
way to the main bar. 

“What do you want,” J yells at me over the loud music in the
background. Before I can answer, two arms slide around my waist as someone
kisses my neck. I turn around ready to fight before I see the golden boy
himself. 

“Bode,” I exclaim as I throw my arms around his neck. He
lifts me up into a huge hug almost exposing my backside. “I am so glad you are
back, what changed your mind?” 

He gives me a panty dropping smile just before six tequila
shots appear. “It is time to party boys and girls,” he exclaims with authority.

After downing the shots, we turn leaning against the bar to
survey the fast filling club. “Hey Bode,” Jeremy yells over me, “I got us a VIP
booth upstairs.” 

As the two of them converse and plot out a course for the
evening, I suddenly find my body is on fire and can’t fight the notion someone
is staring at me. I try to ignore the sensation by ordering another round
before we head up to the booth and settle in for the night. After throwing
back one more shot of tequila Bode leans down to whisper in my ear. “Got any
idea why Austin is looking at me like he is going to kill me?” There is no way
I heard him correctly. Austin cannot be here. 

“What, who is looking at you,” I ask for clarification. 

“Oh, honey he isn’t looking at me. He is looking at you.” I
turn around slowly and receive a tight smile from J confirming I am about to
come face to face with Austin. 

After an about face my eyes find the beautiful blue eyes I
have been longing to see. A multitude of emotions passes through them. I can
make out anger and lust, but I am not clear on the others. We stare at
each other for what feels like an eternity before he turns and stalks across
the dance floor. I continue to watch him for a moment, he looks amazing in his black
jeans that fit his ass perfectly, white dress shirt and boots. He makes his way
over to a table full of guys, including Cardie who gives me a sad smile. Relief
floods my body. At least he isn’t with another woman.

“You want to leave Ry,” J asks me with concern. 

“No, J, I am fine.” I need another shot after than encounter.
It shaping up to be a long night. After my fourth shot of tequila in the
past ten minutes, I have slight buzz.

When we turn to leave the bar and head up to the VIP area J
stops dead in his tracks me causing me to run smack into his back. “What the
hell J,” I ask irritated. 

I step around J to see Austin on the dance floor with a
gorgeous woman grinding all over him. He does not seem to pay her much
attention since he is busy glaring at me. My heart feels like it has fallen
from my body and my hands are trembling. I cannot stand the sight of her on
Austin. 

J looks at me with pity and says, “I am going to go put a
stop to this shit right now. Nobody treats you like this.” I reach out and grab
his arm pulling him back. 

“No, I will take care of this one. You told me I needed to
face him right,” I ask trying to convince myself.

He hesitates before nodding his head. ”Are you sure Ry?” 

With a subtle shake of my head I reply, “We will be right
here if you need us.” I smile at J and then Bode who seems taken back by the
events. 

As I walk across the dance floor I cannot help wondering what
am I doing. What am I going to say when I get to him? It is a short walk so I
don’t have much time to formulate a coherent plan. He holds my gaze the entire
way. Once I reach him, the pretty blonde stops dancing and looks at me
with understanding.

I turn my gaze from Austin to her, “Please excuse me, but I
need to cut in.” She looks from me to Austin and then turns around and
dances with another girl. Now Austin and I are standing in the middle of the
dance floor at odds with one another and it is time I put an end to it.

He stares at me hesitantly the hurt clear in his eyes.
A myriad of other emotions I cannot make out in the low lighting flash
behind the hurt. I take a deep steadying breath, attempting to control my
overflow of emotions, and place my hands on his perfect chest. “Austin, I am so
sorry.”

He scans my face and I see sadness replace the anger in his
eyes before he looks away. Austin keeps his gaze on the floor as he
mumbles, “Ry, I can’t.” He doesn’t finish the thought, but I know where he’s
headed. This isn’t just about today; he can’t keep up with my roller coaster of
emotions. He loves me and I love him, time to end this ridiculous cycle. 
It
is now or never, Rylee
. He will walk away and this time it will be your
fault.

With my body trembling and my heart in my throat, I reach my
hands up to his smooth face and direct his gaze back to me. ”I know Aus, I
do.” I stare at him for a moment with tears in my eyes before pulling him
towards me and crushing my lips to his. His shock is evident in the stiffening
of his posture before he relaxes and wraps his arms tightly around
me. He takes over the kiss with more passion than I ever imagined could
exist. My body comes alive in his arms. I remove my hands from his face and
secure them around his neck holding on as if my life depends on it. 

We stand in the center of the dance floor pouring our
unspoken emotions into one another before he pulls away and rests his forehead
against mine. My heart is still pounding and I am suddenly very nervous. Still
looking at the floor, I am unsure what else to say so I ask, “Forgive me?”

Austin lifts his head from mine and places a finger under my
chin forcing me to meet his gaze. He has the biggest smile on his face as he
replies, “That depends.” 

I cannot help smiling back at this beautiful man. “Depends on
what exactly, pretty boy?” 

He laughs a genuine laugh and laces his fingers through mine.
“We have an audience. Why don’t we talk somewhere a little more private?” 

I glance around the club and realize we have become the center
of attention. I can feel my cheeks turning red. “Well, nothing like giving the
masses a floor show I suppose.” He shakes his head as he leads me off the dance
floor towards the bar. 

We walk towards a secluded hallway that is lined with offices
and storage closets. Out of the main club area, Austin stops and turns to face
me. His eyes are on fire with a look that screams desire. “It depends on
whether that,” he motions towards the dance floor, “Comes with at least a
little of your trust.” 

I can tell by his tone of voice and intense gaze that he
needs an answer. I give him the only answer I think will reassure him, I
kiss him again. It starts out sweet and tender before he takes control. He
slides me up against the wall with one hand still laced through mine. I run my
free hand through his hair and pull him in closer as he unlaces our fingers and
moves both of his hands to my hips. Our tongues dance together and our hands
roam one another as we explore this new side of our relationship. 

Things are heating up until I hear someone clear their
throat. Austin pulls back a fraction to assess the unwelcome intruder. I
am beyond embarrassed somehow, in the last ten minutes, I have gone from the
self-proclaimed ice queen of abstinence to dry humping Austin in the back of a club. 

“Rylee, are you good?” Oh shit, Jeremy. I should have known
he would come to check on me. 

I run my fingers down the side of my lips to clear up any
wayward lip-gloss before facing my brother. “Yeah, I’m good, J.” 

He looks at me with a small smile and shakes his head before
turning his attention to Austin. “Hey bro, I’m good as long as my sister is
happy, but do you think you can keep from defiling her in public please.”

Austin looks at me with a mischievous smile and then turns
back to Jeremy. “Yeah, sorry about that. She shocked the shit out of me
tonight.” 

J gives me a quick wink and walks away. “Why don’t you two
meet us upstairs when you're done,” he hollers over his shoulder re-entering
the club.

I am standing with my back to Austin who inches forward and
wraps both arms around my waist. I lean back laying my head on his shoulder and
sigh before placing my arms across his. This feels so amazing and natural but
also terrifying. I have just taken the first step towards my future. 

Just as my mind begins to race, Austin gives me a light
squeeze and asks, “Do we need to talk about this?” We will need to talk about
all of this eventually, but I don’t think now is the time.

I uncross my arms and turn into his chest causing him to
loosen his grip. “Not right now. Let’s go enjoy the night.” He is still looking
at me with disbelief. I smile, give him a quick peck on the lips, and grab his
hand to drag him back towards the bar. We cannot stay back here. We don't need
to end up in jail for indecent exposure, and I am sure there would be exposure
if we stay. 

Reaching the bar Austin orders us two beers. I watch him as
he takes a long pull from the bottle and I can’t stop smiling, he is
flustered. In the time, I have known Austin I have never seen him bothered by
anything. It is good to see I affect him. He catches me staring and smiles
that million-dollar smile making me want to take him home now. He leans down
and whispers in my ear, “I cannot believe how fucking sexy you look in that
dress. I already knew you were gorgeous, but wow Rylee, you are stunning.” 
Yep,
definitely need to get him home
.

Just as I begin to thank him, two hands grip my waist
from behind and Austin’s body goes rigid. From behind me, Bode asks, “Are you having
a nice time with my girl here?” Austin looks ready to explode with anger in his
eyes and a ticking jaw. 

I can’t help giggling as I reach out to calm him. “Austin,
let me introduce you to Bode.” Then I turn to Bode, “Bode meet Austin Black. I
do not need you to scare him away. So stop causing trouble.” I give him a
playful slap on the hand.

Bode laughs and extends a hand to Austin. “Sorry man, old
habits die hard.” Austin takes his hand hesitantly. I can tell he is still
unnerved by the situation that is until he possessively pulls me into him and begins
to relax.

We all chat for a moment, and I explain to Austin that Bode
has always pretended to be my boyfriend when we go out to keep unwanted men
away from me. Bode tells Austin he is a fan, and they are talking
football when I excuse myself to go to the ladies’ room. “I will run
freshen up, and then we should all go meet J and Eric upstairs before they send
out a search party.” 

Austin squeezes my hand and gives me a quick kiss on the
cheek. “You all right?” I can tell he is still worried I will run for the hills
the first chance I get. I can’t say I won’t at some point, but right now, I wouldn’t
dream of it. 

I lean in close to his ear, seductively lick it, and whisper,
“I will be right back, I swear.” 
He nods. “I’ll wait right here then.”