Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) (6 page)

Walking into
the ballroom where several couples have taken to the dance floor, Austin pulls
me in front of him so that my back is to him with his hands on my waist. Not sure,
what the deal is, I stop to ask him and he runs smack into me. I feel his
hardness press into my back and realize there is no need for an explanation as
to why he wanted me in front of him. “Sorry,” I say over my shoulder as I walk
towards the dance floor.

Once I reach the dance floor, I turn towards Austin and place
my hands on his strong shoulders. “I thought you could use a minute before we
return to the table,” I say glancing towards his obvious erection.

Austin gives me a shy smile before leaning down to my ear, “If
you think me holding you on a dance floor will help relieve the situation you
are crazy. I am in this situation because you kissed me, but I will happily
dance with you anyway.”

Sadly, I am flattered that he is having such a reaction to me
but I also realize we have to remedy the situation. He reaches down between us
to adjust himself clearly uncomfortable and I am at a loss as to how to help. Well,
I know how I could help but we certainly cannot cross that line right now. I
come up with a devious plan I hope he doesn’t kill me.

“Close your eyes,” I say demandingly.

“What,” he says questioningly.

“Close your eyes. I am going to talk it down.”

He starts laughing, “Did you really refer to my penis as it?”

Now I am laughing too at my juvenile phrasing. “Yes, I did
now close your eyes.”

He closes them but peeks through one eye as he smiles at me.
It is moments like these that I adore this man. We can turn any situation into
a good time even one as awkward as this.

Now that I am convinced he is complying with my request, I
push up to my toes so that I can speak directly into his ear without anyone
else hearing. I start running my hands slowly down his back in a sensual manner
aware that this make matters worse but I am going for a shock and awe effect.

“Do you feel my hands?” He nods.

“Good, now imagine my hands exploring your body in the
shower. Rubbing slippery soap up and down your back and chest and massaging all
your tight muscles.”

His breathing has escalated, and he is holding me as tightly
as possible, “Ry, you have to know this is not helping.”

I crack a sly smile, “Oh baby it will, just give me a minute,”
I whisper in his ear before lightly nibbling his earlobe.

Continuing the assault on his senses, I press myself into his
erection and kiss his neck. Now that I have him worked up it is time for the
shock and awe.

“Now picture all of your 300 pound linemen in the shower with
us. Imagine all the skin, all the smells, and oh god all those dongs.”

I can’t help but laughing at the absurdity of the word dongs
and the astonished look on Austin’s face. “Jesus, Ry that was worse than a cold
shower.”

I glance down to see that our friend has softened, “Well it
worked didn’t it,” I challenge.

He shakes his head before spinning me out of his arms and
back again. “You know you nearly made me blow in my pants before you broke out
the dongs.”

I shrug with a satisfied smile. “I was going for a shock and
awe effect.” He spins me around again. “Well mission accomplished, but you will
pay for that one day.”

I hadn’t really noticed but Austin is gracefully leading us
around the dance floor and several people have gathered to watch. As I spin
back into him again, “I will not be paying for anything I was helping you
remember sport.”

With a wink, he continues to guide us around the dance floor
and as the song ends, he dips me low with flare. There is a small round of
applause as he pulls me back up into his arms and we take a mock bow. All
smiles we walk back to our table hand in hand where receive another round of
applause and a few cheers from Bella. “Damn, you two can dance. Austin you need
to teach Cardie some of those moves,” she says beaming at us.

Cardie, on the other hand, laughs as he retorts, “Woman I can
dance I just don’t do that ballroom nonsense. But, now we know where Austin
gets all his fancy footwork on the field from.”

“Well Cardie why don’t you and mister fancy footwork go get
your ladies some drinks.” Cardie smiles before standing up. “Come on, Austin I believe
we are being dismissed.”

Austin looks to me, “What would you like Ry?”

I quickly recount the drinks I have had tonight and decide
one more will be ok, “A vodka and seven please.”

He lifts my hand placing kissing my palm. “Coming right up,” he
teases and walks to the bar with Cardie.

Bella immediately moves into the chair next to mine placing
her elbows on the table and her head on her fists. “Alright girly, you said you
two are only friends but from what I just saw in the past half an hour that man
is in love with you.”

I don’t really want to have the me and Austin conversation
with Bella but I also don’t see a way around it. So, I reply, “I know.”

She looks surprised, “You know? As in you know he is in love
with you?”

I nod in the affirmative. “Things between us are complicated.
And before you start wondering the friend designation is my decision not
Austin’s.”

My eyes tear up slightly and Bella moves her chair closer
taking my hands, a move that unnerves me. “Honey, I don’t pretend it is my
business what goes on between the two of you. But I can also say I have never
seen two people who looked like they belong together more than the two of you.”

She is right. Every person in this room would attest to the
fact that we appear to belong together, and maybe we do. However, I won’t
commit myself to him until I can do so without reservations.

“Bella, I know what you see between Austin and I because I feel
it every day. He is the most amazing man on the planet and I am falling head
over heels in love with him, but I have to let go of a few things before I can
be who he deserves.”

She looks at me shocked, “Let me get this straight you know
he is in love with you, and you are in love with him, but you are protecting
him from you?” I smile and nod.

“Oh, girl you need to let go of whatever it is and embrace
the love. Look at him; he hasn’t taken his eyes off of you since they walked
over there.” I glance up to see she is right, he is staring at me with a goofy
grin on his face as he laughs at something Cardie says.

I meet her eyes, “I am trying to believe me, it is priority
one on my to-do list.” Then the announcement sounds indicating dessert will be
served.

I see Bella nod to Cardie before he and Austin start back to
the table. “Hang in there girl, I have a feeling you two will find your way,”
she says before moving back to her chair.

The rest of the night was full of laughter and fun. We gambled
a few hands only to find out we are both terrible at it. We danced through
several songs and thoroughly enjoyed the company we kept. At the end of the
night, the announcer summoned everyone back to their tables to announce the
winners of the silent auction. I didn’t tell Austin that I had bid on one
particular item, ‘A Day with Austin Black’.

I hadn’t intended to bid on anything but as I perused the
auction table, I saw his item and couldn’t help but notice it was mainly women
who were bidding. It might as well of said ‘A Date with Austin Black’ seeing
that the winner could choose the activities. The high bid was $2,000 before my
bid of $5,000. I was so swept up the rest of the night I forgot to check on it
again.

The announcer read the list of winners leading up to Austin’s
item and my nervousness increased with every item. By the time he read the
introduction to Austin’s day, I was barely breathing. I want to win but I also
don’t want Austin to be upset I denied him an experience with a fan. “With a
winning bid of $5,000 Rylee Ash will be spending a day with Austin Black.”

I let out the breath I was holding and turn to see our entire
table staring at me. Austin looks stunned as he stares at me. Looking around
the table, I decide to play it off. “What? It is for a good cause and I desperately
need someone to clean up after Boss.” Luckily, the joke plays and everyone
laughs before returning their attention to the stage.

Austin, however, is still speechless and looking at me as if
I have lost my mind. I turn so that I am facing only him, “Austin it is no big
deal. Like I said it is for a good cause.”

I can tell he still doesn’t believe me, “Why Rylee? There
were several amazing items to bid on and you bid on the one thing you can have any
time you want. Why?”

I can feel the redness creeping into my face. “Because Austin
every bidder above me was a woman. It might as well of read ‘A Date with Austin
Black’ and I do not want another woman close to you. I’m sorry.” If he wasn’t
surprised before he definitely is now.

The perplexed look on his face slowly molds into a beautiful
smile. “God woman, I want to kiss you so bad right now. I was dreading that day
and now I get to spend it with my favorite girl.”

The adoration in his eyes and genuine happiness across his
face breaks my resolve and I lean in kissing him softly. “You are killing me
Aus, I can’t live with you, and I certainly can’t live without you. I am definitely
finding myself in the middle of a moral dilemma here,” I say with a small
smile.

He rests his forehead on mine, “Give in Ry, you know we are
great together. We can work through anything, give me a chance.” I so badly
want to say yes but a weekend away and a chance to confront my past should provide
the clarity I need.

The sincerity in his eyes tells me he would stick by me
though anything but this is something I have to do for both of us. “I tell you
what give me the weekend Aus, and I will give you an answer.” I don’t give him
a chance to answer before I kiss him again.

Austin
dropped me off at home and we said our goodbyes before sharing a very intimate
kiss that crossed the line. I didn’t tell him I am planning to leave town for a
few days because I didn’t want to ruin our night. It may have been rocky in
places but it was truly one of the best nights of my life.

Walking through the door, I see J sprawled out of the couch
sound asleep. He is clearly waiting up for me so I wake him up. “Hey J, why
don’t you go to bed?”

He rubs his eyes at the sound of my voice and stretches his
muscular arms above his head. “Hey baby girl did you have a good time?” He
looks at me expectantly as I replay the night for him before telling him I am
going to go to the cabin for a few days.

As has been normal tonight he looks at me in confusion. “So
you had a great night and now you are leaving?” I explain that I need time to
sort things out for myself without Austin.

Of course, my big brother offers to go with me, but I
decline. He rises from the couch and comes around to hug me, “Do what you must,
baby girl, but call me if you need me.”

I head upstairs to pack knowing I won’t need much other than
warm sweats and a few pairs of jeans. I keep all of my ski gear at the cabin
along with other essentials. Bode’s cabin is up in the mountains near Vail.

I texted Bode earlier to let him warn him I am coming, but I haven’t
heard back. It doesn’t matter though I have a key just as he does to my home.
J, Bode, and I view all our things as communal. After I finish packing, I crawl
into bed for what ends up being a very restless sleep filled with thoughts of
Austin and a future I never thought was possible.

Half asleep, I take my seat on the 6:15 am flight to Denver
where I will rent a car and drive up to the cabin. My flight is roughly seven
hours with a short layover in Dallas so I am looking forward to getting a
little rest. After departing the plane, I grab my bag and head over to the
rental car counter where I secure a 4x4 SUV. Settling into the monster of a car,
I turn my phone back on to see numerous missed calls and texts from Austin and
J. I check the missed texts from J first:

J: *Let me know when you land and have fun* 7:30 am

J: *You didn’t tell Austin you were leaving?* 10:48 am

J: *Call me when you land* 11:37 am

Something tells me the change from text me to call me has
something to do with Austin. Instead of calling straightaway, I check the texts
from Austin.

Austin: *I had a great time last night. Call me when you get
up* 7:55 am

Austin: *Just wondering where you are. Is everything ok?*
8:57 am

Austin: *Ry call me* 9:22 am

Austin: *You left town and didn’t tell me. WTF* 10:54 am

Austin: *I’m sorry Ry. Please let me know you are ok. I
talked to J* 11:30 am

I already feel awful so I decide to listen to the voice mails
before I deal with either of them. Austin’s voice messages are much like his
texts they go from thanking me for last night, to angry that I left, to apologizing
and asking me to check-in when I can. I call J back first as I get out and onto
the highway. He answers the second ring:

“Hey baby girl, you make it ok?”

“Yeah, I am on the road now. Is everything ok there?”

“Well, Austin is a bit distraught you up and left. He showed
up here, and I had to tell him what was going on.”

“No problem, J, I should have told him, but I didn’t want him
to talk me out of it.”

“You will call him though right, I can’t be the go between
all weekend.”

“I will call him when we hang up, I swear.”

“Ok, well do what you need to do and get back here. I miss
you kiddo we haven’t hung out enough lately.”

“Will do J, I love you and sorry for this morning.”

After we hang up, I ponder the conversation between J and me.
I am a little scared to call Austin not knowing whether he is mad or not. Well,
he is probably mad but I hope he will understand I am doing this for him, for
us.

I decide to wait until I reach the cabin to call since the
roads are not in the best shape. There are still icy patches and patches of
snow pack here and there that demand my undivided attention.

About two hours later I pull into the secluded tree lined
driveway, and I find a sense of peace. I am glad I am taking this time for
myself. I follow the narrow driveway up to the porch wrapped cabin and park in
the circular drive.

Bode’s cabin is a modern A-frame log cabin that boasts wide
windows and a splash of luxury that is common here. The wrap around porch is a
few feet of the ground to accommodate the standard amount of snow on the ground
during the winter months. I cannot wait to get inside, light the fireplace, and
curl up with a blanket and a good movie.

First, I need to call Austin and face the music so to speak.
I grab my phone, hit the contacts icon, and swipe to call before I chicken out.
He answers on the first ring:

“Hey gorgeous, how are the mountains?”

I am taken aback by his casual demeanor and seeming lack of
anger.

“They are good, snow covered, and as beautiful as ever. How
are you?”

“Honestly Ry, I am a little pissed you up and left town
without telling me, but after talking to your brother I understand.”

“I am sorry Austin, but this is something I need to do. I
didn’t want to ruin last night by telling you.”

“You knew you were leaving last night,” he asks with a hint
of hurt in his voice.

“Yeah, I decided to when we were in the stairwell. Austin, I
want so much more with you, but I can’t give into that until I figure out how
to let the past go.”

I am now on the verge of crying as I realize the enormity of
my last statement. I just admitted to the man I am in love with I want him. If
I cannot find a way past my demons I will hurt us both, and the one thing I am
trying to avoid is hurting Austin. As much as I want to avoid having my heart
broken it would devastate me to cause Austin any more pain.  

“Rylee, I want more too, but I told you there is no pressure.
I will give you all the space and time you need, but you have to talk to me.
You didn’t need to flee halfway across the country to get away from me.”

I can hear the hurt in his voice and it breaks me. The tears
are flowing and I almost wish I had just stayed home.

“Austin, please just trust me on this. I didn’t run from you.
I am doing this for you. I know I am hurting you and I can’t bear it anymore.
Let me figure this out. Please.”

“Fine Ry, I will trust you on this. But, I need you to hear
me. You know how I feel about you. Every person in that room last night knows
how I feel about you. I don’t want to tell you over the phone because I want to
see your gorgeous face when I do, but I know you know. So, please figure this
out and come back. I meant it when I said I will take you anyway I can even if
we are just friends.”

He just told me without telling me that he loves me and I
cannot help the sobbing cries that follow. Dammit, I am in love with him too,
and here I sit 2000 miles across the country alone in a car. I will stay strong,
I came here for a reason, and I will confront that reason so I can go home to
Austin.

“I know Austin, I know. You should know I am only here
because I feel the same way. Now, I have to go I will call you later. Bye Aus.”

“Bye Ry. Be safe.”

As the line disconnects I feel more alone than I have ever felt
in my life. I take a few deep breaths before getting out of the car and heading
inside.

The interior of the cabin is amazing with a rock fireplace
taking center stage. Large overstuffed couches frame the fireplace and a glass
coffee table sits in the center of the huge furry rug. The television is small,
compared to the one at home, and sits off in the corner of the room. Natural
beams run across the ceiling and there are ceiling fans scattered throughout
for use in the summer.

As beautiful as the cabin is, it is the view that sets this
place apart. The front of the structure is adorned with floor to ceiling
windows that display the beauty of the Rockies. I could stare out these windows
for a lifetime.