Not His Kiss to Take (40 page)

“
I’m not wound tight!” he argued. “Anymore,” he muttered. Damn it.

“
Can I ask you a question?”

Hell no. “Go ahead.”

“
When did you first see me? Before or after?”

“
What’s that got to do with anything?” Jamie scowled crossly, so Evan answered, “Before.”

“
And what did you think the first time you saw me?”

Where the hell was this line of questioning going? Definitely, first thing, Evan needed to get his hands on that Jamie manual. Until then, he was stuck. Even so, Evan remembered that moment well. “I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. You had snowflakes in your hair—they were just starting to melt—and when the bar lights hit them, they sparkled. Looked like you had a crystalline halo.” Made his heartbeat speed up, simply remembering that first glimpse of Jamie. “That’s why I call you angel all the time.”

Jamie gave him a wry smile. “I wondered. Didn’t think it was my sweet disposition.” He leaned forward on the now-creaking coffee table. “So you’re telling me you checked me out before the…before…it happened?”

“
Hell, yeah. Everyone checked you out.”

“
Sounds to me like we had a different kind of relationship before the whole doctor-patient part came along.”

“
Oh please. Half an hour of me fantasizing about what I’d like to do to your straight ass does not constitute a relationship.”

“
But it was already too late by then, don’t you see? You couldn’t take back all those fantasies just because you scraped me up off the floor and looked after me. As Angie always says, the seed was planted. And I’ll take my share of the blame for watering it.”

“
Jamie—”

“
Shut up, Ev. Lemme finish now. I’m not stupid, I knew you were gay. Hell, I knew you were a kinky shit the whole time. And I’ll tell you, those first couple days, I didn’t even really believe you were a doctor, not until I saw all those degrees on the wall in your office. Besides, you’re not even licensed to practice right now, are you?”

“
No, I’m not. But government regulation has nothing to do with what’s right and wrong.”

“
Still. Your doctor-patient argument is startin’ to wear a little thin.”

“
No it isn’t.”
I was still in the wrong, Jamie, license or not.

“
You know why I started liking you?”

“
Haven’t a clue.”

“
Because you say what you mean and mean what you say. And that has nothing to do with you being a doctor; it’s just you. The way you are. The real Evan. The one inside.”

Damn. When did Jamie get so good at finding all the soft spots?
And when did he get so good at seeing the man I am inside?

“
And so you’re gonna beat yourself up forever for not being perfect all the time. Not everything’s your responsibility. You don’t have to be the best at everything. And don’t you
dare
feel bad for being the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

The best thing? Really? “I’ve never been anyone’s best anything,” he whispered.

“
Well, you’re my best everything. And when you’re better, you’re gonna be lots of other people’s best doctor.”

“
Jamie.” He sighed. “I can’t.”

“
You mean you
won’t
. Are you really gonna let all those years of school, all that effort, all those things you learned go to waste? Or are you gonna forgive yourself and get off your sanctimonious ass and do the world some good?”

Damn and goddamn. That wasn’t fair. “I obviously haven’t beaten you enough.”

“
Ooh, so scared, Dr. Smack-a-Lot. Wanna spank me?”

Yes. No—wait. Jamie liked that way too much. “I want to throttle you, but I know how much you like it when I do.” Fascinating watching Jamie’s expression change instantly like that. From kick-your-ass to sex in two seconds flat.
Maybe I really am his everything. Or getting there.

“
Seriously, Ev. Don’t throw it all away. You’re needed.”

Maybe…

“
At least now I know why you wanted to take that Moralities, Medical Ethics, blah-blah course you mentioned. You’re craftier than you look. And while you’re taking it, you can think about what you’re gonna do once you’re ready to go back to work.”

“
It’s not that simple.”

“
Yeah, it is. Quit overthinking everything.”

An argument hovered on the tip of his tongue. But he did tend to overthink things, didn’t he? Maybe Jamie was right.
Just take the damn course—again—and reevaluate your position when you’re done. Because even though you’re a doctor without any patients, you’re still a doctor. It’s all you’ve ever wanted to be. You don’t have to let it all be a waste—you can still do some good. Can still make a difference and be…necessary.

“
Fine. I’ll take the course.”
—and talk to someone about what I’ve done
—
“before I make my final decision.”

“
And you’ll talk to me first, right? Before you make that decision?” Jamie must have read something on his face, because he added, rather smugly, “Partners, remember?”

Damn it. Trapped yet again. “Yes,” he bit out. Why the hell did he continue to let Jamie manipulate him like this?

“
Good. Now that’s outta the way, let’s get our shit from the Porsche, because if you’re gonna make me stay in the crypt tonight, I wanna have my own stuff before the crypt keeper tries sacrificing me to his demon. ’Course, if I’d known what you were dragging me into, I’d’ve packed my trusty wooden stake.”

“
You make it sound like I dragged you into the worst roach motel in the entire state.”

“
Sorry, Ev, but even the roaches would hate this place.”

Neither of them had much stuff, just their overnight bags and Jamie’s gaming, um…
crap
, so one trip down to the car and back was all it took. Jamie bounced on his heels the entire way to the car and back up again, his mind whirling a mile a minute, Evan could almost watch the wheels go round. On the elevator ride up, Jamie wiggled so much his pants slid down and sagged in the butt. “Got ants in your pants or something?” Evan asked they carried their bags in.

“
No. But you could get in my pants, if you wanted.”

“
Oh yeah? I’ll take that under advisement.”

Jamie’s shoulders slumped. “Sure you will.”

“
I will, I promise.”
After I make you wait awhile…
Not only was he bouncing, Jamie buzzed with barely contained excitement. “What’s on your mind, angel?” He got a rather naughty smirk in reply. “Aside from that.”

“
Am I really going to Berkeley?” he said, then grinned. “With you?”

So.
It was true—selflessly doing things for other people felt as wonderful as he’d heard and never truly believed. “Yup. If you’re up to taking one of those big leaps you bragged endlessly about.”

“
Oh fuck you.”

Tsk, tsk. “You do want an orgasm sometime this week, don’t you?”

“
Ev…” Jamie sighed.

“
Then watch your language. Or you’ll be going to Berkeley exceedingly frustrated.”

Evan watched Jamie lug all their stuff down the hall into what would soon be their bedroom. Admired his ass, to be honest. Dr. Pervy-Pants had a reputation to live up to, after all.

“
I hate this bedroom,” Jamie called from inside the room. “And I hate this bed!” Evan shook his head and figured he might as well join Jamie and listen to his complaints face-to-face. “And hey! There’s no frame on this sucker at all. Darn—guess that means you won’t have anywhere to tie me up. Don’t know why you were so hot for me to pick out a dumb safe word if we were just gonna end up with crap for a bed. Ha! See? You should’ve consulted me first before you got this weird place. Serves you right. Just like that dog-eatin’ thing.”

“
No need to yell. I’m standing right here.”

Jamie dropped his suit bag onto the heap, kicked off his shoes, and flung himself onto the bed, or what passed for a bed. It was just a single massive mattress set on a low wooden shelf, covered with, naturally, a pure white duvet. No tie points anywhere. No fun at all—Jamie had that right. After flipping over on the mattress and settling his head on his hands, Jamie gave him an easy, sexy, and altogether too-inviting smile. “C’mere,” he cajoled. “You look really tense. Remember what they say.” He dislodged one hand to yank his shirt out of his jeans and deliberately flash entirely too much flat, lickable—no, biteable—belly. “An orgasm a day keeps the tenseness away.”

If that wasn’t actually true, it sure as hell should be. They could always eat later. Hell, yeah. Evan could also
think
later, because while he knew he wasn’t done wrestling with the whole ethics issue, right now…well, right now he’d seize the day for once. “Is this the same
‘they’
who insists duct tape can fix anything?”

Jamie grinned, that big marvelous smile capable of leveling entire cities and driving Evan Harrison to his knees. “Yep—that’s them.”

Kicking Jamie’s bag off from where it had been indignantly piled on top of his, Evan bent down, unzipped the opening, thrust his hand inside, and felt around under his neatly folded clothes. Nobody’d ever accuse him of not being a great suitcase packer—this time he’d thought of everything. “I think I should test out your whole ‘duct-tape works for everything’ theory. Make sure it’s sound. Wouldn’t be wise to leave such important scientific research to mere chance.”

“
Is that so?”

“
Definitely. You can write a paper on the results later.” Evan’s searching hand landed on the new bottle of lube first and then the smooth, circular shape of the item he’d bought specifically for their trip. He grinned evilly as he pulled out the roll of dark red duct tape—when had they started making it in colors other than gray?—and picked at the end of the seam with a nail. The thick tape made the most satisfying sound as he ripped a couple of feet off the roll and stretched it out between his arms.

The ominous sound elicited a sharp, excited gasp from Jamie, and his body shuddered, the muscles in his lean abdomen tightening wonderfully above those low-slung jeans. His beautiful blue eyes stayed focused on Evan’s hands and the threat—promise—strung taut between them. He seemed absolutely mesmerized.

Jamie’s wary expression had made fewer appearances of late, and right now Evan rejoiced in the trust he saw all over those lovely features.
For me—all that trust for me, because he thinks I’m worth it.
Evan’s pulse leapt a little faster, but this time, he knew it wasn’t a heart attack. The sensation felt far too fantastic.
Maybe when your soul takes flight, it takes a little piece of your heart with it?

Not letting the lack of tie points deter him, Evan stepped over to the bed’s platform and scoped out the wide expanse of bare wood just waiting for this new purpose. Yep, lots of room for tape. “Be a shame to let all my considerable knowledge go to waste, wouldn’t it?”

Being a smartass, Jamie smirked slyly and answered with, “Yes, sir.”

Oh God.

###

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Finn Marlowe is a paralegal by day and erotic (m/m) romance novelist by night. She believes daydreaming is a vastly underrated pastime and probably spends way too much time at it. Her kids no longer ask what’s wrong when they spy her staring off into space—they just assume she’s writing a scene from her next novel and they’re probably right. Paranormal romance is her favorite genre to write, and the story’s usually on the dark side because she still believes in things that go bump in the night.