Nothing Left to Lose (32 page)

“Ready?” Ashton
asked, squeezing my hand gently.

I gulped. “Not
really.”

He chuckled and
pulled me into the room and up to the teacher. Ashton cleared his
throat. “Mrs Donovan?”

She turned and
smiled, setting down her cup. “Good morning. You must be my new
students,” she greeted.

Ashton nodded,
and I let my gaze rake over the class. Most of the students were
girls and all of them were now eyeing my near guard with
undisguised lust. One of them was staring with an open mouth. My
back stiffened as panic set in. What if Ashton wanted to hook up
with one of these girls? What if he started to like one of them and
wanted to bring her back to the apartment? How was I going to cope
with that? Jealous anger and resentment settled in the pit of my
stomach, and I felt the frown tug at my forehead.

“Yes, ma’am.
I’m Ashton, and this is my girlfriend, Anna.” He squeezed my hand
so I looked up at him, seeing that he had one eyebrow raised in
question.

I shook my head
quickly, not wanting him to know that my mind was running rampant
and thinking up scenarios where he fell in love and I had to watch
it happen. I definitely didn’t want him to know about the jealousy
that was eating me up inside because of it.

“You like Anna
and not Annabelle?” the teacher inquired, her tone warm and
welcoming.

I turned and
forced a smile. “Yeah, Anna is fine.” My parents were the only ones
who had ever called me Annabelle.

She nodded in
acknowledgement and waved a bony hand towards two empty seats at
the back of the classroom. “Take a seat, and then we can get
started.” She clapped her hands and the whole room seemed to come
to attention, ready to start the day, as Ashton and I wove to the
empty seats at the back.

By the time the
class was finished, my stomach was hurting from all the giggling.
When Ashton had said that he couldn’t draw, I hadn’t thought he
meant that all he could muster up was barely more than stick
people. My cheek muscles were aching from smiling and laughing so
much. I’d never seen anything so terrible, and it was lucky we were
sat at the back so that no one else could see and ask what the heck
he was doing in an art class. The teacher turned out to be quite
nice though, and I actually had fun in class which wasn’t something
I was used to.

As soon as the
class ended, Ashton screwed up his paper into a ball and tossed it
towards the trashcan, holding his hands up in celebration when it
went straight in without touching the sides. “Three pointer,” he
chirped, grinning. I chuckled at how childlike he was sometimes –
it was incredibly cute.

“Maybe you
should stick to paper basketball instead of art,” I teased, shoving
all of my stuff back into my bag.

He nodded,
taking my bag off of my shoulder and holding his other hand out to
me. “Let’s go eat, I’m starving.”

I rolled my
eyes. “You’re always hungry. I’m surprised you’re not as big as a
house.” I’d definitely never seen anyone eat as much as he did.

“I’ve got
hollow legs,” he joked, leading me out of the classroom.

I kept my head
down as we made our way to the lunchroom. I’d promised him that I
would try to integrate into the school and be more sociable, but I
wasn’t sure I was ready for it today. After buying two plates of
some disgusting-looking pasta and a wilted salad, I sat down at an
empty table. Ashton sat opposite me, and I saw Dean in line to buy
food too. I smiled. With him dressed in normal clothes instead of a
suit, he blended in so much better. He actually passed as a mature
student, and no one was batting an eyelid at him.

The chair next
to me scraped, so I looked up to see a guy sitting himself next to
me. My back stiffened automatically as my hand tightened around the
fork I was holding. A predatory smile crossed his face as he leered
at me. “Hi, sexy, what’s your name?” he asked.

“Well it’s not
sexy, that’s for sure,” I scoffed.

He grinned,
opening his mouth to answer but before he could, Ashton leant
forward over the table. “Her name is back the fuck off.” He was
smiling politely, but the tightness around of his jaw and the
hardness to his eyes showed that it wasn’t a friendly smile.

The guy
recoiled slightly before standing up and holding his hands up
defensively. “Easy. I didn’t realise she was taken,” he shook his
head, shifting nervously on his feet, clearly intimidated by
Ashton, who had that menacing agent look back on his face
again.

“Right. Well,
now you do. Why don’t you go back to your table and tell your boys
that she’s taken too,” Ashton instructed, nodding at the table of
guys that were all staring in our direction, watching their friend
make his move on me.

The guy smiled
sheepishly before turning his attention back to me again, ignoring
the obvious possessive vibe that Ashton was radiating. “If you ever
ditch this loser, my name’s Colt,” he said, grinning at me.

“Not planning
on ditching the loser, Colt, sorry.” I looked at Ashton, seeing the
angry expression on his face as he watched the guy strut back
across the lunchroom to his friends. “Back the fuck off? Could you
have been any ruder?” I muttered sarcastically.

Ashton’s frown
deepened. “What? I thought I was extremely polite.”

I burst out
laughing. “Extremely polite, yeah,” I choked out.

“Well, what do
you want me to say?” he countered.

I shrugged,
spearing some of my pasta with my fork. “Just try not to be so
overprotective. I’m sure there’s a nicer way. Besides, there’s like
ten of them over there. If they wanted to, they could kick your
ass,” I said, glancing over to their table, noticing that actually
there were twelve of them, but I didn’t bother correcting
myself.

Ashton sighed
dramatically, faking hurt. “You doubt my skills.”

“You could
fight ten guys?” I asked sarcastically.

“Sure. They’re
college students who have probably never been in a real fight in
their lives. I bet you could take at least five of them on your
own,” he answered confidently.

I smiled
because he never seemed to doubt my ability. “Well, let’s not find
out, I like our apartment, I don’t want to be kicked out of school
just yet,” I suggested, grinning and eating my food while he
laughed.

From the corner
of my eye I saw Tim and Rich bounding over, arms laden with food.
“Hey, we’ve been looking for you. How’s your first day going?” Tim
asked, smiling as he sat down next to me.

“Yeah great,
we’re making friends already,” I joked, making Ashton almost choke
on his food.

“Yeah? I’ll bet
you are with those legs on display like that,” Rich flirted,
grinning at me as he sat next to Ashton.

I rolled my
eyes. “Whatever. Where’s everyone else?” I asked, mostly meaning
Rosie. I’d gotten on remarkably well with her on Saturday
night.

Tim rolled his
eyes. “They’re in the food line. Those damn girls take a ridiculous
amount of time to choose a salad.”

When the girls
finally graced us with their presence, Monica was again flirting
with Ashton but thankfully, the same as usual, he didn’t seem
interested. Rosie and I chatted easily throughout the rest of
lunch. She was extremely easy to get along with, and incredibly
funny most of the time. Her smile was infectious.

When lunch was
over, Ashton and I made our way to Graphic Design, which was our
afternoon class. I didn’t hold out much hope for Ashton in there
though, he didn’t seem to be the artsy type so no doubt he would be
doodling stick people and cars like he was all morning.

I actually
loved the class. We were given a week long project which we had to
pair up to do, of course, I was paired with Ashton. We’d been given
a slogan of a company that was rebranding, and we were to come up
with a new design and company image to fit their needs. My teacher,
Mr Wilson, informed the class that the designs would be sent on to
the actual company and if they liked one then they could
potentially use it.

Throughout the
class, Ashton was no help. Most of the time he’d sat there watching
me with one of his iPod earphones in his ear, making stupid jokes
with a goofy grin on his face. By the time the lesson finished, all
I’d managed was a brainstorm of ideas because he’d been so
distracting.

I sighed
happily as we stepped out of the building. In my year that I’d been
trying to go to college, I’d never once enjoyed being there, until
today. Ashton’s hand closed over mine as he nodded towards the car.
I squeezed his hand in silent thanks because his presence seemed to
be making everything easier for me.
Maybe, just maybe, it will
work out here.

After a few
hours at home, everything was getting on top of me again. Sitting
around and watching TV was making me think too much. Sitting with
Ashton, I couldn’t help but long to be closer to him. I wanted to
snuggle against his side and let his heat envelope me. I wanted to
press my lips against his and lose myself in the bliss of his
kissing. But I knew I shouldn’t want those things at all. Guilt and
shame were building up inside me because I felt disloyal to Jack
for wanting things from another man that I promised would be his
and his alone. Self-loathing was making me twitch in my seat. I
needed a distraction and something that would make me think clearly
again instead of lusting after my near guard.

“Do you mind if
I go to the gym for a bit?” I held my breath, hoping he would say I
could go on my own. I needed a release, and I knew he would
complain and tell me to take it easy if he came with me.

He nodded
immediately. “Yeah, sure. I’ll just get changed and call Dean.”

My heart sank
but deep down I knew he wouldn’t have let me go on my own anyway. I
followed him into the bedroom, grabbing some sweatpants and a
T-shirt before heading into the bathroom to change.

Ten minutes
later, we arrived at the gym with both Dean and Peter in tow. As
soon as we were in, my eyes settled on the treadmill. My shoulders
ached with tension as I shoved my bottle of water into the hole and
tied my sneakers tighter before stepping on. As I fiddled with the
buttons, turning it on to a gentle walk, my gaze flicked to Ashton.
He’d chosen the rowing machine. My eyes seemed as if they were
glued to him as I watched the muscles flex in his arms and legs.
He’d removed his T-shirt so all of his glorious body was on
display. Something deep down in my belly clenched as my mouth went
dry. He looked beautiful.

He looked up
then and his eyes met mine. A small smile crossed his lips, and I
forced myself to turn away and stop looking. I really needed to get
a grip of myself and this lust that seemed to come out of nowhere
and consume me, leaving me a quivering mess. It just wasn’t right
that he could make me feel like this, I hated it.

Shoving my iPod
headphones into my ears, I took a deep breath and put my hand on
the speed dial, slowly cranking it up until I was running as fast
as my legs would carry me. I ran away from my problems and
everything that was bad in my life, focussing only on the music and
putting one leg in front of the other. I ran until I couldn’t even
think about Ashton’s gorgeous body anymore – which took a
surprising amount of time.

Having no idea
of time, I could have been running for either five minutes or five
hours. All I knew was that my hands started to tingle and sweat was
trickling down my back, making my T-shirt stick to me. As per my
usual routine, I sped up for about another minute before slowing
right down, barely able to breathe.

Once I’d
stopped, I slumped to the floor with my heart crashing in my ears.
Knowing I was close to passing out, I put my head between my knees
and took deep breaths through my nose as I squeezed my eyes shut.
When my fingers finally stopped tingling and the acidic taste in my
mouth started to subside, I flopped down onto my back and
groaned.

When I opened
my eyes again, I noticed all three of my guards were staring down
at me. Both Dean and Peter wore shocked expressions, but Ashton
looked incredibly angry.

I frowned,
turning off my iPod as I pushed myself up to my feet, ignoring how
my legs shook from the effort of supporting my weight.

“You feel
better now?” Ashton snapped.

I snorted,
frowning at him. “For goodness’ sake,
this
is why I wanted
to come on my own! Don’t start giving me lectures on what’s good
for my body,” I retorted, walking past him to the punch bag that
was hanging in the corner of the room.

“Anna, you
can’t keep doing this! That was fucking ridiculous. You were
running like that for almost thirty minutes, I’m surprised you’re
not dead!” Ashton shouted.

The anger in
his voice made me slightly nervous, but I tried to ignore it as I
slipped on some training gloves and started hitting the bag. I let
out all of my frustration and annoyance. Each hit made my muscles
in my arms ache. Just as I was about to throw another punch, a hand
closed over my arm, pulling sharply so that I had to spin around.
My eyes flicked up to Ashton’s face. He looked so angry that the
frightened, little girl that I tried so hard to bury inside me
surfaced immediately. I flinched, cowering away as I closed my eyes
and waited for him to hit me.

His hold on me
ceased immediately, and nothing happened. Tentatively opening my
eyes, I looked up at him, seeing a horrified, devastated expression
on his face as he stepped away from me and shook his head in
disbelief. “You actually think I would hit you?” he asked
weakly.

I winced,
knowing that I’d offended him. “I… I… No, I just…” I looked at the
floor, not wanting to admit that yes, just for a second, I thought
he would hit me.

“I would never
do that, ever.” He stepped back again, shaking his head. “I’m
sorry, I can’t do this. I can’t watch this anymore.”