Now and Again (18 page)

“Ben . . .” Her hands rested over his on her hips as she felt the wave surging through her.

“Fuck, yeah. Just like that. You look so good, baby.”

He pulled her hips against his as she tossed her head back and screamed, her nails digging into his arms. When she fell against him, he caught her, wrapping his arms around her back. She breathed him in, the sensation of his fingers trailing down her spine making her sink into him, deeply relaxed.

“What about you?” she asked, breathing heavily against his chest.

“Me? I’ve never been better.”

“Well, what are we doing with this?” she grabbed his still-hard bulge and he inhaled sharply.

“I already got what I wanted.”

“But I want you to be . . . satisfied.” She sat up and looked at him, her mouth turning down with disappointment. “Don’t you want to have sex with me?”

“Yeah, of course I do.” His gaze roamed from her face down to her chest. “I just don’t think it’s time yet.”

Layla sighed, conflicting emotions swirling inside her. She wanted him to want it, but she wasn’t sure she was ready. With him, sex would be intense, and she didn’t know how she’d handle having it and then losing it if they went separate ways after the four weeks.

“I want to take a shower with you,” Ben said.

“Now?”

“Now.”

“Okay.”

She followed him into his white-tiled bathroom, surprised how clean it was. Though it was small, the shower was large, and when he turned the handle, she gasped as water shot from all directions. There were several shower heads on the walls and one in the ceiling that water poured straight down from.

“This is a kick-ass shower,” she said as he stepped aside for her to walk in.

“I’m decent with plumbing. And too tall for shower heads at the usual height.” Ben grinned and followed her in.

The steaming water hit her body from all directions, and Layla reveled in it. The jets washed away all her tension, and Ben’s hands on her hips made her sure she could spend hours in this shower.

“Let me wash you?” she asked, reaching for a bottle of body wash. His brows quirked up and he nodded down at her.

She lathered the wash between her hands and ran them down his hard chest and over his arms, her bright red nails standing out in the white bubbles.

“That feels good,” he said softly.

“Turn,” she said, and when he complied, she repeated her massaging cleanse on his back and shoulders. She let her nails graze his ass as she moved down it, and his muscles tensed.

Her hands slid over the backs of his thick, muscular thighs and around to the front. His breathing was ragged and his third leg was straight as an arrow as her hand wrapped around it.

Tonight she didn’t want to torture him. She wanted to please him as well as he had pleased her. His back was hot from the water as she pressed her cheek into it, nipping the skin as she worked her hand back and forth over him.

She hadn’t lost her touch; it was only a couple of minutes until he choked out a groan and she felt the climax coursing out of him. He turned and wrapped her in his arms and Layla closed her eyes as she pressed herself into his chest. She smiled as she realized it was the first time she’d ever felt perfectly content. At this moment, she had everything she wanted.

Chapter 11

Warm fingers trailed down Layla’s arm, and she smiled before she opened her eyes. Ben leaned closer and she squeezed her lips shut.

“What?” he asked.

She covered her mouth with her hand and spoke behind it. “No kissing til I brush my teeth.”

He shook his head and rolled out of bed quickly. “Get moving, we’ve got plans.”

“Oh really, what?” She knew she should be going into the office, but dammit – no. Her work was caught up and she refused to sit there and kill time on a beautiful late summer day when she could be spending it with Ben. His long limbs and broad back made her sigh to herself as she admired him.

“We’re going hiking, and we’re taking the bike.” He arched his brows at her, and she decided to deny him the satisfaction of a reaction.

“Sounds like fun. I’ll get dressed.”

“It’s why I told you to bring exercise shoes and jeans,” he said, sifting through a dresser drawer.

“My stuff’s in my car, I’ll go get it.”

Ben turned and gave her a no-nonsense look. “Not like that, you won’t.”

“What?”

“You’re wearing boxers and a flimsy t-shirt.”

Layla rolled her eyes. “I don’t think anyone out there cares.”

“Well, I do. I’ll go get your stuff.”

When he walked in with her bag, she took it to the bathroom and got ready quickly.

“Is Prince home alone?” Ben asked as they were heading out the door.

“No, he’s with Travis and Jill.”

Ben grabbed two helmets and they walked to a small garage behind his building. He unlocked a rolling door and Layla got her first look at the bike. She admired the sparkling chrome and leather seat, but when Ben swung a leg over and brought the engine roaring to life, she stepped back nervously.

After he drove the motorcycle out of the garage, Ben put his helmet on and motioned for Layla to come closer. When she approached, he pulled the other helmet off the back end where he’d hung it. She was surprised when he sat it in his lap and tucked her hair behind her ears before putting the helmet on and latching the strap.

“Hey,” he said, meeting her eyes. “I’ve been riding a long time. I’m safe. I wouldn’t be taking you if I thought you’d hate it.”

Layla forced a smile.

“You trust me?” he asked. She nodded and climbed on behind him.

“Just lean all the way into me and hold on but don’t squeeze the shit out of me,” he called back. “It’s about an hour ride.”

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she pressed her cheek into his back. She was too nervous to open her eyes or unclench her muscles for the first five minutes, but when she did, she decided it wasn’t so bad. She got to press herself against Ben’s wide, muscular back and feel the sun warming her skin.

When she stopped thinking they were going to crash any second, she relaxed and actually enjoyed the ride. It passed quickly, and Ben coasted to a smooth stop in a wooded state park.

“Well?” he called over his shoulder as he turned off the engine.

“It was fun. I really did like it.”

“You get off first,” he said, turning back to glance at her.

“Damn right.” She gave him a small smile as she slid off the bike. He shook his head and shot her a wicked grin. She stared at his lips and the thick golden stubble on his face, her cheeks warming as she remembered what they had felt like on her bare thighs … and other places.

She was dressed in a plain gray t-shirt, jeans and a Cubs hat, about to spend the day hiking with the man who’d brought her to a new sexual peak the night before. The juxtaposition was odd for her, since in the past she’d either had men as friends or sexual partners, but never both.

“Were you ever a beauty queen?” Ben asked as he pulled a frayed White Sox hat on. Layla bristled at the question. Her reputation as a cheerleading, sorority-letter wearing Mean Girl wasn’t something she wanted him to know about.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because you’ve got the look. You know, beautiful, confident, sexy …” He met her eyes and she looked away, unnerved by the compliment.

“Sure, I did some of that stuff when I was younger,” she said. “Have you hiked here before?”

“Yeah, a few times. Always by myself, though. You ready, Cupcake?”

“Sure. How far is this trail?”

“We can either do 12 miles or take a shortcut and do eight. We don’t have to decide yet.”

Layla followed behind him, eyeing his broad shoulders and long legs. His worn camouflage pants were tucked inside rugged hiking boots.

“Did you get those pants in the Marines?” she asked, her feet crunching through brush and fallen leaves on the ground.

“Yep. I wear them hiking cause they’re good for climbing.”

“Um, I don’t think I’ll be very good at climbing.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t have to do much.”

Layla wound her ponytail through the hole in her baseball cap and pulled it down onto her head, trailing behind Ben. They’d walked beneath a canopy of big trees into dense woods with a narrow dirt trail.

“It’s quiet here,” she said.

“Yeah, especially when you’re used to the noise of the city.”

They were silent as they traveled deeper into the forest, and the rugged terrain made Layla work up a sweat quickly. After nearly an hour, they stopped by a small creek to rest, and Ben sat down at the base of a large old oak tree, opening an arm to her. She sat between his spread legs, resting her back against his chest.

“You like this okay?” he asked.

“It’s great. I’m getting a good workout and it’s more fun than the gym.”

“Good. I was hoping you’d like it.”

She gathered her courage, not sure she had the guts to ask the question she’d been wondering about since they’d first met.

“Can I ask a personal question?” she asked, turning to look at him.

Ben grinned at her. “We’ve gotten pretty personal already. Ask me anything.”

“How many relationships have you had?”

A few seconds passed and he seemed to be thinking. “Uh … I’m not much of a relationship guy.”

“So, never?”

“I had a girlfriend for a year in high school. But then I went to Basic and she went to college and we just called things off. And I just had casual hookups for my first couple years in the Marines. Then when I got sent to the Middle East …” He sighed and looked into the distance, seeming to consider whether he wanted to continue.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’d rather not,” she said, turning around so they were face to face.

“No, I don’t mind. I just don’t talk about it much.” He rubbed the scruff on his cheeks as he looked back at her. “There was a woman I worked with, Steph. She was pretty and all, but I just wasn’t that into her. She liked me a lot, though, and after so long, you get lonely over there. Our unit did bomb defusion and disposal and we were focused on not getting our asses blown up all the time. I didn’t want a woman breaking my concentration.”

Layla sat completely still, not wanting anything to interrupt Ben’s sharing of something so clearly personal to him.

“Anyway, she was a sweet girl. I was 21 and she was 19, and she just kinda started to grow on me. We spent more time together, got really close, and before long I was really into her. We’d been together for about three months and she was working with another guy from our unit on disarming an explosive. One of them made a mistake and it went off. They were both killed.”

“Oh, Ben.” Layla was gripped by a wave of sadness. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve seen women for more than one date since then, but never done a full-on relationship. It’s just never felt right. I don’t think it’s because of what happened to Steph, though. I’m just too rough around the edges.”

Layla wished she was the compassionate sort. Emma would know what to say right now, but she didn’t.

“Maybe no one’s been good enough,” she said.

“I don’t know. There are so many women out there who just want to sink their claws in and get married immediately.”

“You definitely don’t seem like the marrying kind,” she said, grinning. Ben feigned a hurt expression but was smiling, too.

“What about you? Had many relationships?” he asked.

“Not really. I had a couple in college and have had a few since, but nothing very long. You know, a couple months, tops. I’ve been that girl with her claws out before, desperate to get married. I have this list that I made in high school … I wanted to be married by age 28, and I’ll be 27 soon. When I turned 26 I just went into freak-out mode over it.”

“No. You, freak-out mode?” Ben teased.

Layla poked him playfully. “I knew that if I was going to have a year-long engagement, I had less than a year to meet my future husband. I was the most aggressive woman you’ve ever seen. I even went after Cole before I knew he was with Em. But after the blowout over that I just reevaluated things and decided it’s stupid to let a list I made as a teenager run my life. I’ve done a lot of other things on it, but marriage is too important to jump into over a list.”

“I’d have to agree with you there.”

“I didn’t like who I’d become, so I decided to step back and focus on me. Just me. Fortunately, I’m selfish by nature, so it wasn’t too tough,” she said.

“But surely you don’t want to be alone forever.”

“I’m okay with it at this point. I feel so much better about myself than I did when I was having casual sex. My friend Melanie tells me to remember that I’m a prize, not to be given to just anyone.”

“You are,” Ben said softly. He pushed a hand under the back of her shirt, stroking her skin gently. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation.

“Did you have a good time last night?” she asked, her voice nearly a whisper.

“Yes. Last night was incredible for me. Couldn’t you tell?”

“I know you enjoyed it and all, but . . . I’m sorry about—”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

She met his eyes with a serious look. “Aren’t you pissed that someone so easy won’t put out?”

“I don’t want you to put out, Layla. It’s not like that. And you seriously need to quit saying shit like that about yourself.”

“Don’t get pissed, I’m just saying I feel self-conscious about it, okay?”

“Well, don’t. We both had a great time last night and now we’re having a great time today. There’s no one I’d rather be with.”

He reached around her waist and pulled her into his lap, and Layla was drawn into his warm, sweaty chest. When his lips met hers, she flipped his hat off and reached into his hair to tug on it, filled with an urge to be closer to him. He’d trusted her with something important when he’d told her about Steph. She wanted to open herself up and trust him back.

His mouth moved down to her neck and she tipped her head back. He’d figured out she loved to be kissed there, and not always gently. When she felt him harden underneath her, she felt an overwhelming need for him.

“I want you, Ben,” she said in his ear. “Right now.”