Now and Then (11 page)

Hard. That’s how Ford took her mouth. There were times for gentle and sweet, times when he wanted to make love to Brynn’s mouth for hours, but this wasn’t one of them. Not after what she’d just told him. Not after finally learning a truth he should have figured out ten years ago.

Ten years.

His fingers tightened in her hair, bunching that soft mass of curls within his hold.

“Ford,” she gasped, half breaking away, but remaining close enough so their lips brushed with her every word. So he could see the haze of desire beneath her heavy lids. “We have to stop.”

There hadn’t been anyone else.

She’d been trying to protect him by breaking his heart. And he’d fucking let her.

Not again.

“No. We don’t.” He kissed her again, harder. Devouring her mouth until her arms were locked around his neck, her fingers in his hair, her body seeking every point of contact possible.

She moaned, opening beneath the press of his kiss. Clutching at his chest, his shoulders. He pushed his tongue past her lips and thrust deep into all that sweet, wet heat
he never should have let go.

Her tongue met his, sliding over and around it. Following the advance and retreat until their bodies were synced in motion from head to toe. Until he thought there might be a chance she would listen to what he had to say.

“I’m not giving you up, Brynn,” he growled against her throat, pausing to scrape the tender flesh there with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue.

Her fingers balled in the shoulders of his shirt, pulling him closer. Only to then push him away. “Ford, wait. Please, you don’t understand.”

He pulled back and met her eyes. “Then explain it. What happened today? Tell me what changed.”

Whatever it was, she needed to tell him. So he could
tell her
why it didn’t matter. How it wouldn’t change anything.
That she was his.

She shook her head and tried to look away, but that wasn’t happening. Catching her chin in his palm, he waited.

“My dad got out of jail just before you and I reconnected,” she whispered, her eyes welling with fresh tears and ripping his heart from his chest. “I hoped he would leave me alone, but he found my number and tonight he called. He owes more money.”

There it was. “And he expects you to help him out with it.”

“He said I needed to know. Because if he could find me, then the guys he owes will be able to find me, too.” She swallowed and shook her head, her next words barely more than a whisper. “And yeah, the translation to that is he thinks I’ll help him out with it.”

Ford bit back a curse. He’d been an idiot.

He’d told himself what happened when she left him didn’t matter. All those years ago, he’d convinced himself to lock the fucking caveman in his cage and be reasonable. Accept that they were just too young. That they were kids who made mistakes.

But from what it sounded like, Brynn had never been allowed to be a kid. As a little girl she’d been worrying about issues and facing responsibilities most adults wouldn’t know how to contend with. She still was. And worse, she was doing it without him.

“And that’s why you’re trying to break it off with me?”

“Now do you understand?” she asked. “I’ll
never
be free of this and you can’t be a part of my life without my father ruining yours. These people, they’re dangerous.”

Rage ripped hot through his veins, but his touch was light as he brushed his thumb across her kiss-swollen lips. “I understand that I never should have left you alone.”

“Ford,” she said, her tearful voice breaking on his name.

He cupped the back of her neck and cradled her jaw in his hands. “I understand that after ten years of wondering if I’d ever have another shot with you, now that I do, I’m not about to let anyone—not your father, not the threat of some thugs, not even you and all your good intentions—take it away from me.”

Her eyes closed as she shook her head. “I don’t want you dragged into this. I don’t want my dad to look at you and start sizing up your vulnerabilities. I couldn’t live with it.”

“And now that I know what happened to you, I can’t live with leaving you alone to face your father’s mess again.” He wouldn’t. “So what you need to understand is that I’m not going anywhere.”

She peered up at him through the dark spikes of her lashes, her eyes filled with longing and a heartbreaking resolution he never wanted to see again. “I need to do the right thing.”

“Then don’t ask me to give up the only woman I’ve ever loved. The woman I still love.”

A ragged breath tore past her lips and she bowed her head, pressing it into the center of his chest.

“I love you, too.” Then, looking up into his eyes, she took his face in her hands. “I never stopped. But Ford, it doesn’t change what has to happen.”

She loved him. The words hit him dead center, knocking the wind from his lungs before spreading wide like the grin on his face.
She fucking loved him.

The switch in his head flipped and the caveman took over.

“It changes
everything.
” Ducking low, he caught her by the backs of her thighs and hauled them up at either side of his hips.

“Ford!”

“Say it again,” he demanded, leaning into the vee of her legs as her shoulders braced against the wall behind them. He rocked into that sweet spot that made her breathless, made her moan his name and pull at his hair.

“I love you.”

Wrapping his arms tight around her, Ford abandoned the wall and carried her back to her bedroom. He laid her on the unmade bed and, following her down, ground his hips against her. She arched into the pressure, one heel hooking around the back of his thigh as she urged him closer. Whispered the words he needed to hear again and again as their movements became frantic, desperate.

He reared back, stripping her of her yoga pants and panties in one swift motion.

Just as quick she had his fly open, one hand around his hard-on and the other shoving his jeans and boxers down far enough to free him. And then he was braced above her.

The caveman was begging for him to take her. To know the tight wetness of her silky walls without any barrier between them. The caveman wanted to mark her with his cum. Make her his and stake that claim by every primitive means there was.

But the caveman was going to have to wait for the more evolved side of Ford to put a ring on Brynn’s finger,
ask
for her forever. And when he had it—only then would he take that next step of begging her to let him get her pregnant. Until that promise was secured and she gleefully agreed, the caveman had to wait.

Quickly Ford rolled on a condom. Their eyes locked as he dragged his length back through the warm slickness of her folds. Then, notching himself at her opening, he bit out a harsh curse when she rocked up to take him just as he thrust down.

Fucking heaven.

Her inner walls pulsed around him, clenching when he bottomed out, sinking as deep as her body would allow him to go. Nothing had ever felt so good, so right.

He pulled out, withdrawing nearly to the head, again experiencing that decadent flutter and clench around his length. Brynn’s heel dug harder into his ass, her fingers knotting in his hair as she impelled him deeper. Then deeper still with the canting of her hips and the press of her fingers at his lower back.

He withdrew, her flesh clinging to his length, before sinking deep again.

Unfuckingbelievable.
Every time.

“More,” she begged, her inner walls spasming around him as he thrust full length again and again and again.

They might have had a thin layer of latex between them, but now that Brynn had given him her secrets, trusted him with her truths, it was as if all the barriers that mattered were removed.

Almost all.

He had a few truths of his own to share. But they could wait another hour or two.

Head resting on Ford’s chest, Brynn watched the fading afternoon light through her bedroom window.

Maybe she should have been stronger. Resisted instead of giving in.

She didn’t know. Her intentions had been so clear before Ford showed up. She’d known what she had to do, what she had to say. Why it was so important. But then he’d walked in the door, and after that everything became a blur. He still loved her. And even though it made her the worst kind of selfish, lying there in his arms, his heart beating steady and strong beneath her ear, she couldn’t regret it. She was glad to have been with him at least once without the secrets. Without the worry, he would see all she was hiding right there in her eyes.

Ford stirred, and smoothed her hair back from her face. In his deep voice, gravelly from those few minutes of sleep, he asked, “What are you thinking?”

So many things. She was thinking about the things she couldn’t take back and the things she wouldn’t change. But mostly she was thinking that she loved him. And what loving her would cost him.

“Us.”

It must have been something in her tone, because the muscles beneath her tensed.

“Our future
together.
” Not a question. More like a clarification. One that hurt her heart to have to negate.

“You shouldn’t be here, Ford.”

Propping himself against the wall, he met her eyes and held them with a level stare. “No problem. Let’s go to my place.”

This wasn’t going to be easy. Not that she’d thought for a moment it would be. But the way he was looking at her, as if through will alone he could change what had to happen next—God, if only she could let him. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“It ought to be. You aren’t alone in this anymore, Brynn. We’re going to handle this thing with your dad together.”

“No.” Shaking her head, she sat back on her knees and pulled the sheet to cover her. “
I’ll
handle this thing with my dad. Like I always do. And Ford, I’m not going to let you get involved, because it won’t be the last time. It never is. And it wouldn’t be fair to you or to the people you love. People like Ava. Like Penelope.” She had to stop, as that precious wrinkled face she’d only seen in pictures, but felt as though she already knew through Ford’s accounts, came to mind. She’d never let her father or Timothy near that little girl. “People who could be used or threatened. And for no reason other than their loose connection to my family.”

“Jesus Christ, Brynn. How bad is it?” He shook his head. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. I already know it’s bad enough you think the only way to protect me and the people I care about is to leave. But that’s not happening. I’m going to get you clear of this once and for all. I’m going to make it so you never have to be afraid again.”

That Ford wanted to, that he thought he could, touched something deep in her heart. But he needed to understand her world wasn’t like his. Things didn’t always work out the way they should.

Only as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she realized how unfair it was. Yes, the boy she’d fallen in love with ten years ago had lived a charmed life. But the man he was now knew loss and heartbreak. He’d had not one of his parents ripped away from him without warning, but both of them taken the same night.

Yes, Ford knew life wasn’t always fair—but when it came to men like her father and the kind of trouble they brought with them, he had no experience.

And as far as not being afraid, well, that was a beautiful dream. But she would always be afraid. A part of her would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or rather, she’d be afraid until the day the man who gave her life lost his own. And even as tough as being his daughter had been, the things she’d had to give up, the people, including Ford—she could never wish for Danny’s death.

“Ford, you can’t fix this.” She needed him to understand. And then she needed him to let her go. “No one can.”

“Yeah, how many people have you let try?” he shot back, bristling with frustration.

She blinked, felt the sickening drop in her belly that always accompanied memories of Carl. “Just one. Carl.”

The lines across Ford’s brow deepened. “Carl?”

It had been such a mistake from the start. “It was after we’d broken up. I was working as a waitress and there was this guy who came in for lunch a few times a week. A cop. He liked me.” She swallowed, forcing herself to remember his sweet face, the pride with which he wore that shiny badge, and then the moment she looked at the poor guy and wondered if maybe being with a guy like him would be enough to keep her dad out of her life.

“I shouldn’t have gone out with him. But I was still pretty young. Just nineteen. Angry at the way my life never felt like my own. Desperate to—I don’t know, just stop worrying. And here was this guy who had the law on his side. And he wanted to take me out to a movie. So I said yes and we started to date.”

“He knew about your dad?”

“I’d told him we didn’t get along. That he was trouble. But it wasn’t until Danny showed up at the restaurant on a day Carl was there for lunch that he found out the rest. My dad was all bruised up, bleeding. He’d sort of cornered me at the back of the restaurant, asking about the cash register and how much money we carried, when Carl got to him.” She’d thought he was so confident, so strong, when with one arm and all that authority he’d had Danny backed up against the wall, stammering out an apology before he bolted for the door. “I told him the rest that night, and Carl said he’d take care of it. He was going to talk to my dad. Just talk. Make it clear I had the PD on my side, and whatever he was into, it better not touch me.”

Ford took a deep breath. “How’d that go?”

“I didn’t see him again for three days. No phone calls or texts. I already knew I’d made a mistake. I couldn’t sleep or eat, and then finally Carl showed up at my parents’ place. Only he wasn’t the same guy I’d said goodbye to. One of his front teeth was missing, his nose was set and he was walking with a limp, but it was his eyes that broke my heart. It was like someone had snuffed out the light in them. I reached out, but he wouldn’t let me touch him—he just kept taking one unsteady step back after another as he broke up with me. I begged him to tell me what happened, and then I heard my father behind me. He was leaning up against the door with his arms crossed, shaking his head. He looked at Carl and told him he was sorry to hear about the mugging, and he hoped Carl’s little sister was recovering.”

She’d thought she was going to be sick, right there. She’d turned back to Carl and his eyes had been glittering.

“Carl turned for the sidewalk and at the last second my dad called out to him, telling him to look on the bright side—at least his mother hadn’t been there. Carl was a
cop,
Ford. He’d tried to help me and he’d ended up totally defeated. Timothy O’Shea’s guys—the ones who’d been roughing up my dad for years, the ones who kept loaning him the money—took care of him. Because that’s the kind of symbiotic dysfunction that exists between them. There were no arrests. No questions. No more Carl nosing around.” She took a breath and tried to swallow past that too tight feeling in her throat. Tried to ignore the way her heart was breaking as she looked into the face of the only man she’d ever loved. “Now do you understand? Now do you see why I can’t let you play any kind of part in this?”

Ford swore. Then, pulling her into his arms, he held her tight. “I’m sorry, Brynn. So sorry.”

She was, too.

“You don’t have to say it like I’m asking you to give up McDonald’s,” Ford snapped five minutes later as he followed her down the hall, trying not to enjoy too much the sight of her wrapped in nothing but a bedsheet. There were bigger issues on the table tonight.

“Move in with you?” she choked out again, looking back, her hand still flat over her heart and what could only be described as cold panic filling her eyes. “Ford, I’m not moving in with you,
I’m breaking up with you
!”

No. She wasn’t.

He wanted to keep her safe. Now that he knew exactly what kind of threat her dad just existing posed to her, Ford was about losing his shit thinking about Brynn being vulnerable in any way. About her living alone. About the idea of losing her again, and God forbid it being the kind of loss he couldn’t overcome after a mere ten years apart. A loss there was no coming back from. One like the loss of his parents.

The thought alone knotted his gut and had him ready to wrap the woman he loved in bubble wrap and assign a handful of ex–Navy SEALs to keep guard over her twenty-four-seven.

Because she loved him, and this time around he wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that.

“Look, I’m not talking about my building. We’ll get a place in one of those self-contained towers downtown. They’re not as cozy as Wicker Park, but they’ve got security. A guy at the door, a post office and a gym. Private parking,” he continued, reaching for her hand as she erntered her kitchen. “You and me, sharing our breakfasts.
Us,
falling asleep together each night, but in my awesome king bed instead of your sweet but too small double that isn’t quite long enough for my feet. You doing that little snoring thing in my ear. Me keeping the cabinets stocked with equal rations of snacks and real food.”

The shock seemed to wear off and Brynn managed to blink and close her mouth. Which now that it wasn’t hanging open like the Bat Cave entrance was way too tempting not to lean into for a quick kiss.

Damn, she was sweet.

And shaking her head…laughing to herself. “Why stop there? How about we hire a bulletproof car, maybe have an electric fence installed around the block? I mean since the guy who’s already working two jobs seems to think money’s no object, why not?”

Right.
Still something he needed to tell her.

“But forget about the practicalities of paying for a place like that,” she went on, ramping up with each word. “What about Ava? What about Maggie? What about Penelope? Ford, you don’t know these people like I do.
What about Greenbean and Pinkie!
”

He’d already thought about them. And just as soon as Brynn agreed to let him help her, he’d make a few calls. Then he’d talk to Ava and the others about the security guys who’d be showing up tomorrow. Just to be safe. But for now, first things first.

“Brynn,” he started, but she was too worked up to listen. Instead she paced from one end of the worn linoleum to the other and turned back into the hall.

Three seconds later she was back, her eyes nearly as wild as the curls tumbling around her bare shoulders.

“I have
a lease,
Ford!”

And it looked like now was going to be the right time for that talk they hadn’t had yet. About how Ford made his living. And reinvested his earnings. And happened to own the building Brynn lived in.

On the scale of things they’d covered in the last few hours, this was going to be no big deal. Not at all.

“Yeah, so, funny thing about that,” he said, pulling at the suddenly too tight T-shirt collar around his neck. “You don’t actually need to worry about the lease…”