Now and Then (11 page)

“Is this orange too orange-ey, Vinny?” she asked her sleeping cat.
“I think so, too. I’m remixing it.”

She was spending Thursday night at home, getting in plenty of down time before her night out with Layla Friday. She didn’t really feel like going out, but she needed to find a way out of her
funk. She’d been missing Cole, and seeing him at her parents’ house the other night hadn’t helped. Until he arrived, she hadn’t even known he was coming.

When the
ir eyes met across the kitchen that night, Emma’s body had gone into overdrive. Her heart sped up instantly and her skin heated with a flush only that blue-gray stare could cause.

She’
d wanted to call him so many times since their Friday night argument, and tell him that if he wanted to see her, she was in. But a nagging voice inside her head stopped her every time. This wasn’t her anymore, desperate for Cole Marlowe to give her the time of day. He had slept with her sister, and Emma was bothered by the thought of sharing
that
with Layla. Bothered by the concept anyway, but every time his hands and mouth were on her, she doubted whether she’d  actually be able to resist him.

If she allowed herself to dip her toe into the water with Cole, she knew she would find herself struggling for air
soon after. His effect on her had been the same for 12 years; her panties practically fell to the ground when he walked in the room. It was a setup for a huge heartbreak, and she didn’t want to bring that on herself. Not now, when she’d finally come into her own.

She
crossed the floor of the open apartment and eyed the bottle of wine on the counter for just a second before uncorking it. Layla had sent over a basket of wine, chocolates, bubble bath and a vibrator – in new packaging. Emma had laughed at the blush of the man who’d delivered it.

Layla had sharp edges, but no one me
ant more to Emma. When she was down, her sister was always there to pick her up.

“Wine, Vincent?” she called across the room. “No? More for me.”

She was heading back across the room to mix paint when a rap on her door made her jump. It was past nine, and she wasn’t expecting anyone. She tiptoed to the doorway and peeked through the tiny hole, her heart racing at the sight of Cole.

She backed away, her hand
flying over her mouth. When she took in the paint-stained smock she wore over gray sweats and an old t-shirt, she shook her head with disgust.

Just don’
t open the door … I have to open the door, sex on legs is in my hallway. Fuck!

She ripped the smock off, hanging it on a peg behind the door, and pulled her hair loose from the ponytail it was in. Only a slight improvement, but there wasn’t enough time for anything else.

When she opened the door, she forced her mouth to remain closed as she looked at him. Light gray wool suit, pale blue dress shirt that picked up his eyes perfectly, and a striped tie loosened at his neck. His hair had the messy end-of-the-day look she loved, brought on by him running his hand through it at work.

She stepped back, allowing him inside, and he reached for the wine glass in her hand, his eyes locked on hers as
he sat it on a console table. When he kicked the front door closed, the slam sent a shot of hot desire between her thighs.

His eyes were dark and hungry
, and Emma felt a wave of disbelief mixed with heady lust that he was looking at
her
. He locked an arm around her waist, cushioning the blow as he forced her against the wall. She gave a cry of surprise, wrapping a leg around his waist at the same time so he knew she wasn’t put off by the force.

This time his kiss was different. Only the peppermint and coffee taste told her this was Cole. He was demanding, consuming her as he kissed her deeply, one hand wound into her hair and the other making its way from behind her to her breast, which he squeezed with enough pressure to make Emma moan beneath him.

“I can’t fucking stay away from you,” he breathed into her mouth. “You’re all I think about, Em. By the time I get through with you, you won’t want to see anyone else.”

He ground his hips against hers, and Emma threw her head back,
at a loss for words.

“Ah …” She panted, unable to think of anything but the feel of him, hard and eager to please her. “Cole … God, Cole. I’m not seeing anyone but you. Layla knew I was seeing someone, so I told her it was someone from work.”

He pressed his face into her neck, his body relaxing as he sighed.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been going out of my mind,” he said, his voice against her skin making Emma shiver.

“Mmm. Let’s talk later,” she said, pressing her hips against his insistently. His lips found hers again, and he slid his hands beneath her ass to pick her up.

Emma clung to him as he carried her toward the bed, loving the way his hard body felt against the curves of her own. He lowered her
onto the bed, and she pulled frantically at his tie, throwing it off and sliding his suit jacket to the floor with it.

Cole pulle
d her t-shirt off in a fluid motion, and she banished thoughts of how much practice he’d probably had at it. His lips skimmed the skin of her stomach, and she inhaled sharply in response.

“I want you, Em,” he said, pausing to look up at her.
The sight of him shirtless, eyes charged with desire, was more erotic than she’d ever imagined. The smooth skin of his chest was the same as the high school boy she’d secretly watched mowing her lawn, but the lines and muscles were broader and more defined.

“I want you, too,”
she said softly.

“No, I mean … I want
you
. Not just sex. I only want you, and not just tonight. Be with me.”

Her eyes burned with tears, and Emma looked away to avoid Cole’s intense gaze. Warmth and promise and hope thr
eatened to overwhelm her. She’d never dreamed Cole would say those words.

But doubt blotted away at her happiness, dulling it until she wasn’t sure if her
tears were happy or sad. It couldn’t possibly work. Layla had her sights set on Cole, and the thought brought back the reality that Layla had slept with him.

Would he compare the two of them? Was he already comparing them? Emma grew conscious of her body suddenly. Deflowering a beautiful young virgin with an athlete’s body would rate higher than sex with her, she was sure of that.
With all the other men Emma had been with, she’d never had to consider how she compared with her sister.

“What’s wrong?” Cole asked, leaning up on his elbows as he looked down into her face.

“I can’t do it,” she said, her voice wavering. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Em. We don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t mean sex, I mean I can’t be with you.”

The disappointment on his face stabbed at Emma’s heart. She hadn’t thought herself even capable of hurting Cole.

“Can’t we just try?” he asked. “If it’s about Layla, we don’t have to tell our families.”

“Oh, so you
want
me to be your secret girlfriend?”

“Now you’re being irrational,” he said, giving her a look. “You know I want to tell everyone. I’m trying to come up with something you can live with. I want you to meet my friends and be in my life.”

Emma sighed as Cole brushed the hair away from her face. Tasting what it would be like to have him was excruciating.

“It’s too hard for me to lie to her, Cole. She’s my sister. I know she’s got her flaws
, but she’s my
sister
.”

“So let’s tell her.”

Emma laughed lightly, shaking her head.

“She would kill me,” she said. “She’d never--”

“I don’t get this,” Cole broke in, moving to sit next to her on the bed. “You and Layla both liked me in high school, and now it’s ten years later and because she decided she should get me, you think that’s how it should be? I’m not interested in her. I want to be with you.”

“Layla always gets what she wants. She doesn’t stop until she does.”

“She’s not getting me, Em. And based on the ‘epic fuck’ note, I don’t think she cares that much.”

“It’s not just that, it’s also the history,” Emma said, agitated.

“If you don’t want to be with me, just say so,” Cole said, his voice rising with anger as he got out of bed. “All this ‘history’ stuff is bullshit, and you know it.”

“It’s not!” Emma protested, her face heating with anger.

“You had a crush on me back then and I didn’t look at you that way because you were three years younger. Stop punishing me for it!” he yelled.

“It wasn’t just
the age difference, Cole! You didn’t see me because you were the captain of the football team and I was in the art club! You had a date every weekend and I never went out on a single date in high school! You were voted most likely to succeed and I wasn’t even a blip on anyone’s radar screen! You were everything and I was nothing!”

“You were not nothing, don’t fucking say that!” Cole said, his eyes blazing with emotion. They both stood next to the bed, and Emma closed her eyes as Cole rounded on her, resting his hands on her hips.

“I wish I was right for you. It’s all I ever wanted,” she said, her voice breaking.

“You’re perfect for me
, Em, how can you not see? I wish you understood that none of that shit in high school meant anything. That wasn’t even me. It was all just me trying to be something I wasn’t. Trying as hard as I fucking could to compensate, but it was all so empty.”

“Compensate for what?” Emma reached up to his cheek, pulled by the raw emotion on his face.

He looked away with a withdrawn expression.

“I can’t tell you,” he said flatly.

The silence stretched, and Cole turned to pick his shirt up from the floor. The mood had taken a dramatic turn, and Emma suddenly wanted to be alone with her overwhelming feelings. She pulled on her shirt and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’ll call you,” Cole said, his voice drawn.

Surely he’s not going to leave things like this, so tense and awful.

But the pounding of his footsteps followed by the closing of her door told her that he was.

Chapter 10

The vibrant yellow paint Emma was mixing was a stark contrast with her mood. What frustrated her more than anything was that she couldn’t feel angry. There was no one to be mad at. Clearly something was troubling Cole, and he had a right to keep it to himself.

Since he
left Thursday night, she’d felt the old resentments from her past bubbling back up to the surface. She hated the insecurity she felt with Cole. It didn’t come from him, but from inside her, making it seem impossible to overcome.

Emma
begged off her Friday night out with Layla by pretending she was sick. Layla came over and tried to force her out, but Emma stayed curled in bed, her miserable mood finally convincing her sister she had the flu. And now she was spending Saturday alone, too, but the solitude was nice. It allowed her to think and do and feel whatever she wanted, with no explanations owed.

When her phone sang Layla’s tune, she pressed the speaker button and continued mixing her sunny shade of paint.

“Are you feeling better?” Layla asked breathlessly.

“Yes, thanks. Are you busy?”

“Just finished … running.”

“You’
re crazy,” Emma said, looking for the wine glass she’d left on the counter. “I wouldn’t run unless someone was chasing me.”

“It helps me decompress. Hey, guess what?”

“I don’t feel like playing this game, can you just tell me?”

“My firm re
quires us to do pro bono charity hours every year, and I’ve been blowing mine off. So I had to sign up for some on the spreadsheet where all the organizations that need pro bono work are listed. It had the names of everyone who already does pro bono, and I saw that Cole represents some charity. I signed up to help him! This is it, Em! I’ll get to see him a lot now. We are so getting together.”

Emma squeezed brown paint into her mixture, sighing as the yellow darkened.

“That’s great,” she said.

“Oh, and speaking of pro bono, everything’s taken care of with Jana,” Layla said.

“What do you mean?” Emma asked.

“The case was dismissed.”

“As in – it’s over? She’s not going to jail?” Emma asked hopefully.

“Nop
e, it’s over,” Layla said.

“How did
you do that?” Emma asked, smiling widely.

“Well, I may or may not be having dinner with Garrison Knight from the DA’s office next weekend. And Jana did have to
go apologize to the owner of the place she stole from,” Layla said.

“She must have been so happy. Maddie, too,” Emma said.

“Jana was very happy. She’s a good person who’s just had some tough breaks, you know?”

“Yeah, I’ve met quite a few people like that at the shelter,” Emma said. “Thanks again for your help. Does the guy from the DA’s office have any potential?”

“Um, no. He’s old and he wears cheap suits,” Layla said. “Right now I’m working on Cole. Don’t you think he’s even hotter than he was in high school?”

“He is.”

“Did I ever tell you he was the first boy I kissed? There’s just always been something about him, Em. I know it sounds silly, but no one else has ever quite measured up. I’m just feeling – or maybe hoping, I don’t know – like we’re both in a stage of our lives where … you know, we could have a real relationship. Wouldn’t we look good together?” Layla was giddy.

“I guess so. Hey, I just spilled paint on the floor – I have to go.”
Emma tossed the paint aside and curled up on her couch. She’d never been so down that even painting didn’t appeal to her.

*****

The second he walked out of his office and saw Jen chatting with another paralegal, Cole knew he was in trouble. She was standing in the common area of desks for secretaries and paralegals, leaning against a filing cabinet. Her eyes roamed him hungrily, and he felt the ache in his groin that was becoming too familiar these days.

“Hey,” she said, an invitation in her tone.

“Hey,” he said shortly. “What are you doing over here?”

“Gibson’s taking vacation until his retirement, so I got reassigned to this office,” she said smoothly.

Cole stared at her in disbelief. Of all the fucking luck. He was holding out for Emma, but he practically had a permanent erection. Every kiss with her was erotic and torturous at the same time. And now Jen was bending over to flip through a filing cabinet right in front of him, and he was sure she didn’t need any files.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” she asked, turning her face toward him with a seductive smile. He exhaled deeply, running a hand through his hair.

“No, I’m good. I think Ben and Kayla probably need help more than me right now. I need to hole up in my office alone and work on my research.”

“Well, if you change your mind … you know where to find me,” she said, licking her lips.

Daphne, the no-nonsense, 59-year-old secretary he shared with another attorney, gave Jen a death stare. Her addition to their area of the firm would obviously create tension. Cole just had to make sure he was never alone with Jen. An eager, willing woman who wanted him for nothing but sex was a recipe for disaster right now.

*****

Emma was absorbed in a book on the train ride home from work when the ring of her phone brought her back to reality. She smiled when she saw it was her Mom.

“Hi,” she said in greeting.

“Hi, Em, it’s Mom.” Her mother still didn’t understand that caller ID worked
every time
.

“How are you
, Mom?”

“Good. I just wanted to be sure you’re coming for Thanksgiving.”

“Of course I am. Where else would I go?”

“I just wanted to be sure. Randy Mickle from Dad’s office and the Marlowes are coming over, too.”

“Oh?” Emma tried to sound nonchalant, but was a little unnerved at the idea of seeing Cole. “Is Shay coming, too?”

“No,” her mother said, sounding
distracted. “Shay lives in New York. She and her husband are both doctors with demanding schedules. They can’t really travel, so they spend holidays with his family there in New York.”

“I didn’t know Shay was married.
”  Emma couldn’t keep the puzzled tone from her voice.

“She got married several years ago.
At least, I think she did. I asked Jenny if I could see wedding pictures and she said they never gave her any, which was odd. I think there’s something strange going on with Shay, but I don’t know what. We haven’t seen her in years and Jenny never talks about her like she does Cole. Dad and I just always avoid the subject when we’re with Tom and Jenny. Don’t bring her up around them, okay?”

“No, I won’t,” Emma said.

“Can you come over early on Thanksgiving, like maybe eight or so? I could use your help.”

“Sure. Mom, is everything okay? You don’t sound like yourself.”

“Oh, I’m just stressed about hosting, honey. You know how I am. I just want everything to be perfect. I’ll see you Thursday. I love you, Em.”

“Love you, too, Mom.
”

*****

The morning at work was dragging, and Emma shook her head with frustration when she checked the clock and saw that it was only two minutes later than the last time she’d checked it.

Her phone buzzed
with a message, and her heart pounded when she saw Cole’s name on the screen.

I’m outside your office. Can we have lunch?

She grabbed her bag from under her desk and rushed onto the elevator. Her heart was beating even faster now at the thought of seeing him. The tension between them had been on her mind constantly.

When
she pushed through the glass doors, she saw him leaned up against the stone wall of her office building, scrolling through messages on his phone. When he looked up and saw her, he reached for her quickly, pulling her into his chest with a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he said in her ear. “I miss you.”

“Me too.”

“I should’
ve called. I’ve been working nonstop, but that’s no excuse.”

“You’re here now.” Emma clung tightly to him
.

“
Can we forget about the other night? Just go back to hanging out?” Cole pulled back to look at her, and Emma only paused a second before answering.

“Sure.”

So he wanted to forget about being with her. She covered her flicker of sadness with a smile.

“I hear I get to spend Thanksgiving with you,” he said as they walked.

“Yeah.
Mom makes a huge meal, so show up hungry. Is Shay coming home for Thanksgiving?”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so.”

“You said she’s downstate, right?” Emma asked lightly.

“Yeah, she works a lot and can’t get away.”

“Do you ever see her?”

“It’s been a long time,” Cole said dismissively.
“What sounds good for lunch?”

“The noodle place around the corner?”

“Noodles it is.”

*****

The hip-hop music coming from Layla’s car was deafening, and Emma was grateful when her sister cranked it down as she climbed into the passenger seat.

“Happy turkey day,” Layla said, pulling out into traffic.

“You, too. Your hair looks good, did you get highlights?”

“Yeah. Do you know why Mom’s making us come over so early?”

“Just to help her cook, I think,” Emma said.

“I’m hoping to leave Mom and Dad’s with Cole. If I do, will you take my car? You can bring it back to me tomorrow.”

“What, are you just going to ask him if he wants to hook up after the pumpkin pie?” Emma asked with an edge.

“No, I’ll be subtle.”

“Right. Subtle is your middle name.” Emma rolled her eyes.

“Just watch and learn, baby sister. Sometimes you have to take what you want.”

Emma directed her glare out the window, resentment rising inside her. She knew she’d end up on dish duty again if Layla had anything to say about it.

Layla chattered the rest of the way, but Emma found that an occasional “hmm” or “mm-hm” was enough to make her sister think she was listening.

When they walked in the door, the smells of baking bread and roasting turkey washed over Emma, making her glad she’d decided to move back to the States. There was nothing like Thanksgiving with family.

“Hey, want me to dry?” Layla asked as they walked into the kitchen and saw their mother washing dishes silently. She said nothing, and Layla gave Emma a puzzled glance.

“Mom?” Emma asked. Her heart skipped a beat when her mother turned around, her eyes red and swollen. She wiped a hand across her face quickly.

“Girls, you’re here!” she said, drying her hands. “There’s a lot to do. I want you to start with--”

“Mom, what’s going on? Why are you upset?” Layla asked.

“Oh, I’m fine. You know how stressed I get about hosting.”

“No, Mom. Something’s wrong,” Layla pressed.

“Really, it’s nothing. Let’s get moving.”

“Mom, what’s wrong?” Emma asked. “Tell us.”

Their mother opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it quickly, tears welling in her eyes again. It was so out of character for her that Emma thought she might burst into tears just from seeing her so upset.

“Mom,” Layla said sharply. “You’re worrying us. Are you and Dad having problems? Are you getting divorced?”

“No!” She shook her head fiercely, approaching both girls. “No, nothing like that. I just … I don’t want to worry you over nothing.”

“We’re already worried, Mom,” Emma said.

“Okay.” S
he sighed heavily. “Last week I had a routine mammogram, and they found a lump in my breast. I had to have it biopsied and I’m waiting for the results. I’m getting them tomorrow.”

Both girls stared, aghast.

“Oh, Mom,” Layla said, reaching for her with a tight hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so glad you told us. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Emma wiped away the tears that had rolled down her cheeks,
reaching over to brush another one from her mother’s face.

“Thank you, girls. It’s nothing to worry about
yet. We don’t know the results. It’s just, after losing my mother to breast cancer …”

“Mom, you go upstairs and lay down and let us handle dinner,” Layla said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Emma’s a whiz in the kitchen and I can help her.”

“No, no, no. Keeping busy helps me. I love hosting dinners, you know that. But I don’t want the Marlowes to know, okay? I just want to have a nice Thanksgiving.”

“Of course, Mom,” Emma said.

“I’m coming to the doctor with you tomorrow,” Layla said firmly.