Obsession: Loving An Alpha Male (25 page)

I couldn’t hide in here forever I knew. So I got myself together, left the stall, and then approached the sink. An attendant was standing there, and I almost jumped out of my skin. I hadn’t seen her through my haze of tears, so I didn’t even know she was there. I thought maybe she just walked in, but the sympathetic look on her face told me she didn’t miss anything.

She handed me a tissue then smiled as she watched me fix my face and reapply some gloss to my lips. My eyes were very red and puffy. There was no way to hide that. So I took a few deep breaths and was determined to go back to my table, but I instantly felt lightheaded at the thought of seeing Jacks again and made my way out of the restaurant.

I heard my name being called, but I didn’t stop.

Once I got outside I looked at the valet and asked, “Can you please call me a cab?”

The man looked me in my eyes and nodded before he said, “Yes, of course.”

“Sweets, where are you going?”

Josh finally made it to me, but I didn’t acknowledge him.

Instead I looked over at the attendant and said, “You know what? Never mind, I’ll just walk.”

I turned on my heels and walked away, heading toward town. I wasn’t sure how I was getting home, but I’d figure something out.

I suddenly felt Josh’s hand on my arm. “Hold on a second, Sweets. What…”

I snatched my arm back from his grip and spun to face him. “Don’t touch me!”

Josh, stunned at my crossed tone, put his hands up in the air, but his eyes studied me intently.

I asked quickly, “Did you and Diane have something?”

He frowned. “What?”             

“You heard what I said. Were you and Diane an item, or were you just fuck buddies?”

“Is that what Jacks told you?”

“Does it matter what he told me? Just answer the question.”

“No,” Josh said.

It was my turn to frown.

“No what, no, you two didn’t have anything, or no, you won’t answer the question?”

He sighed deeply as if I was irritating him… Really?

He said, “No, Diane and I were not an item. No, I didn’t fuck her.”

“Huh really, well, it didn’t look like that to me. Sure as hell didn’t feel like that either. I mean, do you think I’m that stupid?”

Josh moved closer to me, and I backed up from him.

He narrowed his eyes before he said, “I don’t think you’re stupid, for one, and for two, I don’t know what you felt or think you saw, but I know I never touched her. I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”

“Really, what would you lie to me about then?” He let out an exacerbated sigh and closed his eyes. I added, “When were you going to tell me about the job you have?”

Josh ran his hand over his head and opened his eyes.

“Tonight. I was going to tell you tonight.”

“I can’t believe you!” I told him and turned and walked away.

“Damn it, Kenya, will you wait a minute?”

“For what, Josh? There’s nothing to say.” But as I said the words, I realized I had plenty to say. I turned back and pointed at him. “Do you really think I’m that weak that I can’t handle you going away? You don’t trust me at all to handle it… to trust you?”

He shook his head and moved closer to me. “No, that’s not it at all, Sweets.”

Frustrated as hell, I shook my head at him and yelled, “Stop calling me Sweets! You make me feel like I’m fucking eleven or something. I’ll have you know, Josh Cooper, that I’m not as weak as you think…”

“…I know you’re not.”

“And I didn’t appoint you as my caregiver. I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it for this long without you, and I can do it long after you too. Do you understand? I don’t need you to protect me. I don’t need you to fight my battles, and I don’t need you to treat me like I’m some porcelain doll that you’re afraid one strong gust of wind and I’ll break. I’m built a lot tougher than you think.”

“Kenya…” he started to say, but I put my hands up.

“I’m done with this Josh, I’m done with you!”

I saw a cab pull up, and the valet guy looked in my direction.
Right on time.

I quickly walked past Josh, heading for the cab, but I instantly learned the error that I made. One minute I was heading toward the cab fighting back tears, and the next I was gripped by my arm, turned around and attached to Josh by a deathly strong grip of my waist and lips.

I want to tell you I was strong enough to resist him, that I didn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how he affects me, but… yeah, I wasn’t that strong.

He growled in frustration, or hell, I think that was me actually, but I opened my mouth and invited his tongue with fervor.

This kiss wasn’t a loving one, I knew it was a possessive, shut–the–fuck–up kiss, and I gave in and let him shut me up the only way he knew how… well, the second way that is. He pulled back, and his hand stayed on the back of my neck, keeping my head close to his, and his arm kept me flushed up against him. My hands were pressed against his chest, and my eyes were closed, trying to recover from the most demanding kiss I had ever felt.

I felt Josh lean into me and rest his forehead on mine, breath coming fast and hard.

I said softly, “Let me go!”

“Damn it, Kenya, do you have any idea how hard this is for me? I have never in my life felt this way for anyone… ever, do you hear me? You are the most important person in my life, and I would give my life for you in a heartbeat. You can’t expect me not to protect you. You’re a part of me, and I’ll always protect what’s mine. But baby, I will never lie to you… I may withhold something from you if I think it will hurt you because I can’t help it. I don’t want to hurt you or see you hurt. But if you ask me anything, anything at all baby, I will tell you the truth.”

He leaned back, and I opened my eyes to see a raging set of blue ones full of fury and destruction looking deep into mine.

He said softly, “I think you are the bravest person I know. In no way do I think you’re weak or that you can’t take care of yourself. And I call you Sweets because that’s what you are. It’s not because I think you’re immature or eleven. You’re Sweets to me because of your heart. Your sweetness is pure and honest. The way you love, and the way you treat those that are close to you. Your heart is genuine and beautiful, and that’s what makes you sweet. And the fact that I didn’t tell you about this assignment sooner has everything to do with me and not you.” The rush of his words covered me, blanketed me with a love and compassion so strong that I couldn’t draw breath in my lungs even if it killed me.

Josh took a deep breath and said to me, “I’m going to miss the hell out of you, baby. I’m going to miss seeing your beautiful face every day, your smile that I feel was made only for me. I’m going to miss your touch, having you in my arms, and most of all, I’ll miss your sweet taste. That’s why I’ve waited to tell you. Telling you makes me missing you real. But for the first time, I’ll also have a hell of a reason to get home.”

“Josh…” I heard myself say, but the voice didn’t sound like my own.

I was filled completely with feelings of adoration for this man. I could barely talk.

“And stop telling me to let you go because I never will. I don’t care how crazy that sounds. I love you so fucking much I can’t think straight without you.” He rested his forehead back on mine. “I need you, Sweets. I just need you…”

He whispered something in Italian that I couldn’t begin to tell you what he said. I just know I was hooked. He had me the moment he touched me.

I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face there. I held on to him tight as he did the same to me.

In between my sniffles I managed to mumble, “Take me home.”

Josh slowly opened his eyes and was met with a sound asleep Kenya. They both were sleeping on their sides facing each other with her leg on top of his. He studied her features, trying to put them and this moment in his memory bank.

Last night was almost a disaster, thanks to Jacks, and Josh vowed to make sure he took it out on him the first chance he got. Everything was going according to plan. He set the mood last night for what he needed to do. Dinner was fantastic, and their conversation was, as always, flawless. He fed her bottle after bottle of wine to get her loose so when he told her what he needed to, it wouldn’t be that much of a blow. Finally, the moment had finally came, and he was about to tell her what he needed to when Jacks came and sat at their table, with Paula no doubt, who he really knew as Agent Diane Deonatti of the Central Intelligence Agency.

Josh found that information the second day he was employed with the company. She had a great cover story, but he knew there was something going on with her the moment they met. He figured she knew who he was, and that’s why she was consistently trying to get close to him. Josh didn’t trust her, but needed to know why she was fishing around his case. So when she was assigned to help him, he didn’t protest.

Josh had worked with all the government agencies in the past, so Diane trying to get in his business was something that he was used to, but his private life he didn’t tolerate. Josh needed to find out the reason for the intrusion, so he took Diane away from the table to see what the hell she wanted.

Once they were clear from the dining area, he asked, “Why are you here?”

Diane’s eyebrows rose as she ran her hands down her tight form fitting black cocktail dress.

“Wow! Is that how you greet your fellow co–workers?” She shook her head and placed her hand on his bicep and squeezed. “I have to say I would have been very disappointed if you didn’t know who I was by now.”

Josh moved her hand off his arm as he responded, “I’ve known who you were for months. Now answer my question. Why are you here?”

Diane rolled her eyes and noticed a bar to the right of them. She moved, or rather glided, in that direction, hoping Josh would follow. When she got to the bar and ordered, Josh came up next to her.

She smiled. “Well I must say, I am a bit surprised to see you here with her. I mean, I thought maybe you’d grow tired of sweet by now.”

“Who I’m growing tired of is you. Now tell me what the fuck do you want now, or I’m walking.”

“Oh my goodness. Relax, Josh. I was speaking to Jacks about the case you guys wrapped up, and it seems we may have a few things in common with our cases. He told me he was on his way to talk to you about a new case you two were working on, and I decided to tag along. I had no idea where we were going or that you would be on a date.”

Josh looked in her eyes and knew instantly she was lying. She was a good liar; he had to give her that. She remained calm and focused her attention on Josh’s eyes. She never wavered from her gaze, and she managed to keep her pupils normal as well as her breathing.

But there were a few things that he knew about people that helped him determine lies from the truth, even from those that make their living turning lies into truths. First and foremost, he could tell she was trying very hard to keep eye contact. When most people talk to you, their eye contact will falter slightly. It’s human nature. You blink, you show emotion depending on what you’re talking about, and the moment she said she had information about his case, she should have been excited, but she wasn’t. It was as if she was simply telling him something he wanted to hear.

He also knew exactly what she was working on, and it had nothing to do with terrorism or embezzlement. She was heavily into narcotics and gangs, preferably cartels. There were a few Mexican cartels that were stretching their arms further north of the Mexican borders, and the CIA was working jointly with the DEA to take cartels under their radar down.

Josh sighed and watched her closely.

He kept cool and calmly said, “Look, I really don’t give a shit what you are working on. I don’t give a shit what you have going with Jacks either, but let me warn you, if you being here has put Kenya in danger in any way, I swear to God I will bury you and anyone else that had an hand in it, do you understand?”

Josh didn’t wait for a response; he turned quickly and headed for his table. When he got there however, Jacks was standing with wine on his shirt and a wet stain on his pants, and Kenya was gone.

“What that hell happened?” he asked, looking around for Kenya

Jacks, wiping at his shirt, looked up at Josh. “Pollyanna happened. Fuck, Josh, I don’t know where you see sweet, she is far from it. Oh, and you can thank me later by the way.”

Josh took in the entire scene, questioning glances from people at surrounding tables, the frustration etched on Jacks’ face, and the fact Kenya wasn’t at the table.

Josh asked, “What the fuck did you do?”

Putting his arms up in defense, Jacks answered, “Hey, I only did what you couldn’t.”

The waiter that serviced their table came over along with the manager of the restaurant.

The manager looked at Jacks. “I need to ask you to leave immediately, sir.”

Josh, feeling he had completely missed something crucial, looked around the restaurant for Kenya again, but he still didn’t see her.

“So is that how it is? I’m the one that got wine spilled all over me and fucking ice cream dumped in my lap, and I’m the one that has to leave.”

Josh’s eyes narrowed. “Jacks, what did you do?” He asked again, this time he moved closer to Jacks.

But the manager moved quickly to diffuse the situation.

“Please Mr. Cooper, although we value your patronage, I do ask that you take this conversation elsewhere.”

Josh moved to get his wallet and pulled out a stack of hundreds and counted twelve. He handed two to his waiter and the rest to the manager.

“This should cover our bill, and please pay for the drinks of the people around our table for their inconvenience. I apologize for the disruption.”

Josh then looked at Jacks. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He turned and quickly went in search of Kenya, hoping that Jacks hadn’t single–handedly fucked this entire night. He should’ve just had Jacks and Diane both get escorted from their table, but his curiosity got the best of him. Now he could potentially lose who he held dear the most in this world.

As Josh headed for the front of the restaurant, he felt someone grip his arm to pull him back.

Jacks’ face came next to him and he said, “Where are you going?”

Jacks snatched his arm back. “What the hell is wrong with you, man?”

“You. You’re what’s wrong with me. I was trying to prevent you from making the same mistake you made with Emily.”

Josh closed his eyes at the sound of her name. Despite having not heard that name in years and despite the time lapse, he still could feel the anger rising in him from just her name.

“You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. I warned you, Jacks, if you fucked this up for me, I will destroy you.”

Jacks moved in Josh’s space.

He said, “She’s married… did you know that? Your precious Sweets is bloody married.”

As if he hadn’t heard a word, Josh asked, “Did you do a background check on Kenya behind my back?”

“Someone had to; you’re acting like she’s more precious than the royal gems or something. You’re throwing away your career for someone that you clearly don’t know anything about. Look mate, I don’t want to see you go down like you did with Emily.”

Josh moved on Jacks, completely eliminating the distance between them.

With the fiercest look Jacks had ever seen in Josh’s eyes, Josh said just as calm as if his blood wasn’t boiling in his veins, “Don’t ever say Emily’s name in the same sentence as Kenya’s again. She’s is a traitor to this fucking country and to me. If I ever see her again, that will be the last time she takes a precious breath. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you, but if you have placed Kenya in any danger, if so much as a hair falls out of place on her head, you and I will be done.”

Josh stayed in his face for a minute longer then walked away. He had to calm down before he found Kenya, or he knew for a fact he would lose her.

Josh caught up to her, and the look of hurt in her reddened eyes was enough for him. He let every guard he had ever had up, down. With honesty and humbleness, he told her everything in his heart. He hated this feeling of weakness, but he couldn’t lose her. She had officially unmanned him and had complete control over him, something he’d never given to anyone. No one had ever been able to control him, not even his parents, but herein lies this five six, green–eyed goddess who in a matter of minutes was able bring him to his knees, figuratively and literally.

He hoped what he told her was enough to remove all doubt from her. The moment she collapsed in his arms asking for him to take her home was the moment he finally breathed. For him, home was his apartment, so that’s the direction he drove. She stayed quiet throughout the short drive and the short walk to the elevator. The moment the elevator doors closed, however, she dove for him. He caught her in midair, and as she wrapped her legs around his waist, he had her against the elevator wall and his tongue in her mouth.

They kissed as if breathing was an afterthought. She gripped his hair as tight as she could, giving everything she had in this kiss, and he just held her, letting her take control.

Josh heard the ding of the elevator, and he walked off with her still in his arms. Kenya finally pulled back, and as they walked to the apartment door, their eyes never moved from each other.

“Will you make love to me tonight, slow and easy until I explode?” she asked softly.

Josh managed to get his key in his lock and walked through, closing and locking the door behind him.

Kenya still in his arms, he walked them to their bedroom, and as he laid her gently down on his bed, he said, “Anything for you, Sweets… anything.”

Watching her sleep always managed to sooth him. Her innocence seemed to shine through even more, making her angelic in his eyes. Josh lightly kissed her nose and slowly crept out of the bed, careful not to wake her. He quickly showered, laughed at the fresh hickies on his chest, got dressed and went into the kitchen to make breakfast.

He grabbed his cell that was on the table next to the door to check his messages. He had a few from his mom that he’d check later and a couple from his brothers and sister.

“Mom must have told them I was coming home with company,” he said out loud then shook his head.

He needed to get ready for all his childhood secrets to be revealed to Kenya. His brothers would definitely do everything they could to embarrass him. As he grabbed the bacon and potatoes from the refrigerator, he realized he couldn’t wait for her to meet his family. He wanted his family to know his future wife and mother of his kids more than anything; he wanted them to know Kenya.

Josh made breakfast for them both, but he ate as he cooked, so he decided to bring her breakfast in bed. He placed the food on a tray, as well as orange juice and some aspirin, then headed to his bedroom.

Just as he walked through, she stirred and opened her eyes.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He smiled and walked around to her side of the bed.

Kenya sat up, keeping the sheet over her breasts.

“Good morning, handsome… is that for me?”

Josh sat down by her legs and placed the tray over her lap.

“Yes, this is for you…”

She smirked. “Are you trying to kiss and make up?”

He shrugged. “I thought I did that last night.” He rubbed her legs and moved up to grab the sheet from her body. “If you want, I can show you exactly what I did to make up with you.”

Kenya laughed and shook her head. “No, that’s okay. I remember now.”

“You sure? I mean, I remember exactly what I did to get you to tell me you forgave me.”

Kenya smiled shyly. “Yeah, I remember, too.”

Josh met her eyes, and he smiled too.

“Good… Now eat. We have a lot to cover today.”

Kenya frowned. “Like what?” Josh was already out the room.

When Kenya was done eating, she went in search of Josh and found him in his office that was set up just like his office at the FBI building. One large wooden desk, large leather chair behind it with two chairs in front. In here however, he had quite a few file cabinets that always remained locked. Josh was on the phone when she walked in, and he motioned her to come in and sit.

“All right, Junior, let me know what you find out.” He hung up and smiled. “How was breakfast?”

“You know your potatoes are my favorite. Everything thing was good, thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

“So about what you said earlier, what do we have to cover today?”

Josh stood and walked around his desk to the chair next to her.

“I want to talk to you about our plan.”

Kenya started to ask what plan, but she understood what he meant as he moved her chair closer to him and grabbed a folder from off his desk. He opened it and looked at her.