Older and Wilder: A Steamy Gay MM Romance (2 page)

              Anger flashed in Jesse. If Derek had known how he felt all along why hadn't he done anything about it until now?  He'd wasted years hiding when he could have spent that time doing more of this.  Jesse's kisses along Derek's shoulder turned into a bite that toed the line between sexy and damaging.  “You’re such a bastard.”

              Derek let out a stuttering breath.  “I’m a bastard alright,” he said. He pulled away and Jesse could see the reality of the situation sliding back into focus for him.  Derek ran a hand through his hair and looked everywhere but at him.  “I’m sorry, kid.  I’m out of line.”

              Jesse weighed his options.  The smart choice was to let him go and pretend this had never happened, but being smart hadn’t been working out for him lately.  This might be a dumb decision, but he’d made worse mistakes in his life than letting an old crush sweep him away and none of those adventures had ever had this much potential for greatness. 

              Jesse raked his fingernails over the straining bulge in Derek's jeans, each ridge of the fabric creating a tiny vibration as he slid past it.  “I’m twenty.  I bet I wouldn’t even be the youngest man you’ve had.”  Jesse continued his slide up and down over the hard swell of Derek's pants until he bit his lip and his breaths grew ragged.

              “Jess, I’m gonna run out of no real soon.”

              “That’s the idea,” he  said.

              Jesse's shirt was the first garment he shed, and the rest quickly followed while Derek took command.  He held back initially, letting his hands slowly roam Jesse's body while he stared into his eyes, but when Jesse shifted his hips pressing their bodies together and digging his nails into Derek's buttocks, Derek whispered, “So that’s how it’s going to be, is it?” and then bit his neck.

              Derek gripped them both, his large, callused capable hands taking control, and roughly stroked them both.  His moves were deliberate, experienced, and perfectly timed, and his thumb slid over Jesse's most sensitive point until Jesse was moaning. 

              Derek whispered, “Talk to me.  Tell me what you like.  You like that?”

              Jesse panted his name in response, his muscles strung taught as his body blazed and yearned for more.

              Derek drove him up to the edge of desire and then drew him back, never letting him crest, winding the tension into him and watching for his responses.  His mouth stroked a scorching path of sensation over Jesse's neck and shoulders, pausing occasionally to murmur hot, dirty nothings in Jesse's ear, while his hands continued their rhythmic quest for pleasure.

              Jesse was living a fantasy, and, knowing him for as long as he had, he should have guessed Derek would want to talk his way through sex, but Jesse's mind was too swamped with heat and bliss for chatter.  He'd called out Derek's name in his mind many times during long, hot nights spent alone and wanting, and now the word slipped from between his lips again and again.

              “You close, Jess?,” Derek asked, his voice gruff with restraint.  “Tell me you’re close.”

              “Derek,” he panted, his lover's name substituting for so many other words he couldn’t manage with Derek's hands and lips in full control of his body. 

              Pleasure rolled through him as his body pulsed and he felt Derek's release in response.  Their bodies rode through the waves of their orgasms and they collapsed against each other chest to chest, with Jesse sandwiched between Derek and the wall.  He couldn't remember being happier. 

              Derek chuckled, and Jesse felt the vibrations of his laughter against his chest. “Good for you?” Derek asked.

              Jesse felt relaxed, lazy, and spent, and rather than bothering with conversation he  murmured Derek's name in response.  The glow only lasted a few minutes before reality crept its way in, poking his consciousness as the rough wood of the wall scratched at his back.

              Jesse pushed Derek away and began the search for his clothes.

              “Damn,” Derek said.

              “What?”

              “Once isn’t going to be enough for me.”  Derek winked and grinned, and in the literal blink of an eye Jesse felt the weight of what he'd done land in the middle of his chest.

              Derek. There might be someone in the world that would be a worse choice to take as a lover, but the man was definitely in the top ten.  He was a rambler with a long string of failed relationships behind him.  Even if he was here now he'd be gone soon.  Dad would never understand, and there was no reason to tell him.

              Jesse jerked up his pants and grabbed his shirt from the bale of hay where it had landed before tossing Derek's towards him.  “Get dressed. You need to be gone be gone before Mom and Dad get back.”

              Derek pulled pulled his faded jeans and fastened the buttons but stopped and leaned against the rough wooden wall, watching, with his arms behind his back.  Jesse could see every curve of muscle on Derek's chest and arms, and every line of his body was more appealing than the prospect of going back to long days on the ranch without anyone who understood him.

              He already knew that Derek wouldn't stay.  He never did.  Jesse had seen him come and go dozens of times over the years.  One moment of weakness didn't change the nature of the man.

              “Come here,” Derek said. 

              Somehow now that Derek was half-dressed again he was even more tempting than he’d been a moment ago.  He was a present Jesse wanted to unwrap again.  Jesse yanked the hem of his shirt down over the top of his jeans, thin cotton that didn’t come close to protecting his from his own desires, and took Derek's outstretched hand.  He pulled Jesse towards him, drawing his body along with his hand so he landed against Derek's bare chest with one of Derek's strong thighs lodged between his slightly spread ones. 

              Jesse closed his eyes and fought back a purr as he slid his free arm around Derek and let it slide down his back, skimming along the ridges of his back and down past the pockets of his jeans, before cupping the curve of his ass and pulling him in closer.  He opened his eyes again when he felt the scratch of Derek's beard against his cheek.

              “You can tell me it’s like that every time for you, but I won’t believe you,” Derek said. He kissed Jesse's lips, the soft and virtuous brush a sharp contrast to the volcano of need he’d been earlier. 

              The rightness of it wrapped around Jesse like a blanket, blocking out all the reasons he shouldn't.  He could do this all day, would if Derek would let him.

              A noise in the barn drew Derek's attention.  He broke the kiss, tensed, then whispered, “It’ll be fine, just stay calm.  Follow my lead.”

              Fear swept over Jesse as he waited for Derek to tell him the problem.  He was ready to hear there was a rattlesnake near a horse or the funnel of a tornado on the horizon.  What Derek said instead was worse. 

              “Your parents are standing in the doorway. We can tell them we’ve been dating or we can tell them what really happened, but I don’t think they’re going to believe we got tangled up lip to lip and shirtless in a freak accident.”

              Jesse let his head collapse against Derek's bare chest as he weighed his options. Was this the most trouble he ’d ever been in?  Sleeping with his father’s best friend was almost certainly higher on the list of things he shouldn't do than getting a ticket for speeding or dropping out of college. 

              “What did you do?” his mother's accusation boomed through barn, filling the empty space with anger and startling a bird in the rafters.  It flew out of the open loft and Jesse wished he could follow it, out of the barn and away from here, avoiding his parents’ disappointment forever if possible.

              “Mom,” he  pleaded.

              Derek cut him off.  “We’ve been emailing for a while.  I wanted to talk to you when I got here, but I saw him first.”

              Silence settled over them all, heavy and oppressive, as the Mike and Rebecca Pace let his words sink in.  Derek had changed the equation.  His parents could believe, if they chose, that their friend wasn’t taking advantage of their lost child.  This had been a courtship.  This wasn’t just their son and a ne’er do well going at it in the barn.  This was the child they didn’t quite understand and the man he’d chosen.  They hadn't had a chance to show Jesse their support since he came out, and they weren't going to let it slip by.   Derek was another matter. 

              Mike’s brow furrowed and he rubbed his temples with hard, deliberate strokes.  “Derek, you know you crossed a line.  I ought to shoot you and be done with it. Jess…” He struggled for words.  Something that meant no but wasn't judgmental.  “Don't scare the horses like that.  Both of you get dressed and meet us up at the house.”  He left, crossing the dirt yard with long, quick steps and Rebecca trailed after him, her growing belly making her steps slow.

***

              When Jesse and Derek arrived at the house, Mike was beyond words, pacing the length of the kitchen angrily. Rebecca sat in a chair, head in her hands, and only heaved a sigh to acknowledge they’d entered the room. Finally Mike asked, “How long has this been going on?”

              Derek bit his lower lip and glanced at Jesse.  “Not long enough.”

              Mike launched out of his chair. “Is this a game to you? Is he a game?  How could you?”

              Derek stood his ground. “He could do worse. Hell, he has done worse.”

              Jesse wished the floor would open up and swallow his.  He may have long nurtured a crush on Derek, but it wouldn’t have been possible if he hadn’t been around so long.  He knew too much.  Once, when Jesse was seventeen, he’d talked Derek into driving him to a party at the college two hours away.  He'd tried to frame it as practice for college.  Really it was a chance to be himself, but Jesse hadn't been able to really let down his guard.  Derek had hung around instead of just dropping Jesse off, pretending to casually drink beers with the students while regaling them with tales of the rodeo, and watched like a hawk, distant and waiting to swoop in.   Jesse remembered a boy with green eyes talking him into drinking something fruity straight from a blender and then there had been shots of tequila, but he didn't remember much else.  He woke up in a hotel room with Derek holding a trashcan for him. Derek had never told his parents.  

              “This is unforgivable,” his mother said.  “You’re like family to us, Derek.  People just don’t DO this.”

              Jesse felt himself start to tremble.  He’d betrayed his parents.  Not just disappointed them or failed to live up to their expectations, but he’d crossed a line.  They’d never look at him the same way again.  Tears welled up in his eyes and he fought to keep them from falling as his throat constricted.  He felt the first one slide hotly down his face and tried to wipe it away before anyone noticed, but Derek’s arm slid around him and pulled him hard against his chest.

              “He’s upset.  You’re the one who’s gone too far.”  Derek ran a protective hand through Jesse’s hair and turned to Mike.  “Why don’t you two take a walk and cool off.”

              “Why don’t you get the hell out of my house?” Mike countered.

              “I’m not leaving while he’s crying.”

              The silence was broken only by Jesse’s muffled sobs.  He burrowed into the soft cotton of Derek’s shirt, trying to force himself to stop or to at least hide the sound, but the soaring release he’d felt less than an hour ago as he’d finally grabbed his fantasy with both hands had become a crushing burden.  There was a reason he’d never gone after Derek.  The consequences had always stopped him, and now that he was facing them they were worse than he’d imagined.

Derek cradled him in his arms, shielding his from his parents’ judgment with his own body, and said, “We’ll make dinner. Just give us some time.  He needs a minute.”

              Mike said coldly, “I can’t forgive you for this, Derek.  He's just a boy.”