Oliver (8 page)

Who was this man? Not the Lucas she remembered. Unexpected warmth flushed her cheeks. A comeback failed her. And then she didn’t need one as Lucas was out the door and gone. Her racing heartbeat dulled her hearing. She covered the lapse by reaching for the pan of eggs. Oliver beat her to it. His heavy sigh spelled doom.
That
she had a response for.

“Screw the presentation, Oliver. I’m hungry now. They’re eggs.” She spooned up a portion only to realize there were no plates.

“Very well.” He set the pan between them. “Would you at least like a fork, or do you plan to use the spoon?”

She set the spoon down. “A plate and fork would be nice.”

He provided both, then drew a stool opposite from her to eat his own meal. The eggs had it all—diced ham, potatoes, onion, spinach, with a bit of salsa mixed it. He added a sprinkle of Jack cheese over his. She refused to give him the satisfaction of asking for the same.

“You’ve been out of control for a long time, haven’t you, Merideth?”

She didn’t have the will to deny it. Besides, as thorough as Oliver’s research was, he’d find out everything eventually. Best to come clean now. “So it would seem.”

“Why?” He slipped his fingers over hers.

Merideth pulled away. “I don’t know.”
Liar
. “I wanted you to love us enough to come after us.”

“I wanted you to love me enough to stay. I wanted you to love me enough not to make demands and pick fights and—”

“I was pregnant.” There, she’d said it.

Oliver set the fork down beside his plate and pressed his palms on either side of the plate.

“I didn’t know,” she quickly amended. “Lucas still doesn’t know. I found out about two months after we got to New York. I started having problems. Doctors discovered an ectopic pregnancy. To this day, Lucas thinks I was in for appendicitis. With laparoscopic surgery, there was no visible scar to say differently.”

“You lied?”

She kept eating, something to do to keep from looking at him. “What good would telling the truth do? By that time, he’d started college classes and was wrapped up in that. We weren’t stupid. We knew our sudden run of luck came from you. I felt not telling him was the least I owed him for screwing up his life so badly. But I didn’t want your money. You’ll be glad to know many charities benefited from your generosity.”

“You were punishing yourself.”

“Apparently I still am.” This time she did look up. “I’ve been caught in a downward spiral for so long I don’t know how to crawl out. This last mistake only put me further into the pit.”

“You’ve taken an unpaid sabbatical from work.”

“Because I couldn’t bear to walk back into a job that I’ve hated from the start. Because I was afraid to leave my apartment and risk running into those men again. Because I hated the person I’d become.” She swallowed the growing lump in her throat. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

He slipped his palm under hers and laced their fingers together. “I can’t tell you who to be, Merideth.”

“No.” She held on tight. “But you can help me purge the old so the new can find me. You can help me jump-start myself and find direction. Retrain me, Oliver. Please. My safe word is Red Rover, but this isn’t a game. This is my
life
. Trust me to call a stop to anything I discover no longer works.”

He drew breath to respond. She jumped in before he could. “I know it’s asking a lot for you to trust me.”

Oliver stared at their clasped hands. Seconds ticked away. Time in which her heartbeat thumped against her ribs while she waited for his response.

“You want me to trust you, when it seems you can’t trust yourself. When it’s obvious to me that
you
don’t trust
me
,” he finally replied.

“I do trust you.” She tried to jerk away. Oliver held fast.

“Do you? I was very specific. My way. My rules. Only one Master. Yet every time I turn around, there you are, trying to top me. Trying to tell me what you need.
I
am in charge.
I
am the Master.
I
decide what you need, not you.”

Merideth racked her brain, trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about. The shower? He hadn’t uttered one protest, one reprimand. What she’d just told him? He could have put a stop to her ramblings at any time. Both incidents? Had he been giving her enough rope to hang herself? Somehow she didn’t think it was a good idea to point any of that out to him.

She pressed her lips tight to keep her mouth shut. At this point, even
yes, sir
might have sealed her fate in a way she didn’t wish. Instead, she forced her gaze downward, assuming a subservience that didn’t sit well on her shoulders.

“I see.” Oliver released her hand. More like threw it from him as if he could no longer bear the feel of it.

“Very well. Since it seems you feel you need discipline, we’ll start there.”

The stool scraped the tile. Merideth watched him stride from the room from the corner of her eye, heard him trot up the stairs. Good, they could get this over with. She wanted spanking, craved the burn, the release of emotion. A clean slate to start fresh. And she needed it from Oliver, the person she’d wronged in the first place, the starting point to her descent into a hell of her own making.

Oliver returned quickly. She would have assumed the position if she could have figured out the where and how of the punishment to come. Merideth looked up, searching for some indication of where he wanted her. His hands were empty. No strap. No paddle or cane.

“Stand up. Face the counter. Bare your ass,” he ordered.

Merideth almost defied him. A look in those cold green eyes changed her mind. Oliver meant business. She slipped from the stool and followed his instructions, resting her forearms on the counter like a dutiful sub.

Oliver stepped up beside her. “There is nothing that would please me more at this moment than to bind you and lay a strap over your pretty little ass. But I do hate having a good meal interrupted. This will do for now.”

The scent hit her first—capsaicin cream. The cool hit her next, smoothed liberally over her buttocks. Then the burn struck—like a thousand strokes from a belt. Merideth whimpered and squirmed.

“Now put your clothes back on and eat your breakfast. Don’t think about washing it off. It’ll only make it worse. It’s a burn I guarantee will stay with you for hours.” He capped the tube, tossed it onto the counter, and walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

She fought the urge to dance around. It hurt more when her panties touched her ass, but that was nothing compared to when she sat. Merideth clenched her thighs and tried to focus on her food, wiggled her legs to ease the burn. Nothing helped.

“Effective, yes?” He smirked at her.

“Yes,” she murmured, looking away to hide her glare.

“Such a time-saver, when we have so much to do today. Quiet too. For those times when a spanking must happen, but one doesn’t wish to draw the wrong element.”

That yanked her head up. “Please tell me you aren’t going to take the cream with us.”

Oliver’s grin widened. “I have something better.”

He pulled a length of black braided leather from his pocket. The handle was stiff, perfect to fit in his hand. Two more loops of braided leather were attached to the end. Merideth had never seen anything like it. Its purpose was clear, though.

“What is it?”

“You really have been out of the loop, haven’t you? Pun intended.”

He rasped the leather up her arm. Her nipples tightened; her body clenched.

“It’s a loopy john. Fits very nicely in my pocket. Quiet and effective and packs a sting you’ll remember for a long time. An excellent take-along tool for issues that can’t wait. I’d demonstrate, but I’m no sadist.”

Tell that to her flaming bottom.

“The other end has another embellishment.” He pointed out the inch-long falls dangling from the handle. “Imagine this dancing over your nipples or tapped against your clit. Pleasure?” He turned the device to the loops. “Or punishment?”

He stuffed the thing back into his pocket. Merideth hoped it stayed there.

“It’s perfect for training stubborn subs, but it’s not a tool for the novice. I’ve worked with many Doms on its use as well as those domestic discipline couples. This is custom-made by a Dom I trained years ago. Hawk’s leatherwork is unsurpassed. One touch of one of his floggers will make your pussy weep.”

Merideth’s breath caught. The burning on her buttocks felt too much like a hard spanking. Thinking that, hearing Oliver talk, the leather he’d brushed up her arm, all made her clit sit up and take notice.

“Another Dom makes the most exquisite glass plugs and dildos. You’ll find an array down in the playroom.” Oliver waved his finger toward a door under the stairs. “After breakfast, you’re to go down there and find a nice-sized one. Plug, not dildo. If I don’t like your selection, I can guarantee you won’t like the one I choose. You’ll wear it until I remove it, bodily functions notwithstanding. You’ll also change into a dress or skirt and blouse, no underwear. I want unfettered access to your ass and pussy.”

Fuck you
was on the tip of her tongue. “I didn’t bring a dress or skirt.”

“Very well. We’ll make clothes shopping the first item on our list. Please me, and you’ll feel the pleasure. Displease me, and it will be the sting.” Oliver lifted his fork to continue eating, dismissing her, expecting his orders to be obeyed.

“You’ve changed.” Right now she couldn’t say if it was for better or worse.

Oliver locked his eyes on hers, trapping her like a snake does a bird. Her heart raced so fast she could barely breathe.

“I’m not the novice you once knew, sweetheart. I am a
Master
. I take this lifestyle very seriously. You said it yourself—this is not a game.”

Merideth managed a nod, cast her gaze downward, and tried to focus on eating. She blessed the silence, cursed it too for the time it gave her to wonder what she’d gotten herself into. One phrase would end it all. It’d also send her packing. She’d never felt more conflicted.

“So if you gave all the money I sent your way to charity, how did you manage to pay for your education?” Oliver asked.

A valid question, she wasn’t ashamed to admit, especially considering the course his life had taken him. “I used the skills I’d learned from you and hired myself out as a Domme. I called myself Lady Begood.”

“And how did Lucas feel about this?”

“He didn’t know.”

Her nerves jolted when she heard his fork clink to the plate, a sign she now understood as displeasure.

“So you neglected the man you took as sub at a time when he could have used the stress relief from a heavy university course load because you were busy servicing other subs. In turn, you expected Lucas to fulfill your own occasional need to be dominated. Something he clearly didn’t like doing. And you lied to him about your surgery, never once letting him know you carried our child.” He snorted. “No wonder it didn’t last.”

He shoved his plate aside and stuffed his hand in his pocket. Merideth braced herself for the reappearance of the loopy john. Instead, he smacked his car keys on the counter.

“I can’t be with you right now. You want to find a salon, drive yourself. I’m going to join Lucas.”

She watched, mouth agape, tears swimming in her vision, as he stormed toward the staircase. Pain, anger, frustration exploded in her gut. Merideth launched herself to her feet so fast the stool toppled. Oliver whirled around. Fury darkened his eyes. She didn’t care.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me, Oliver Holbrook!” She stabbed her finger in his direction. “You did this! You!” Tears fueled her. Fists at her sides, she charged him. “You locked yourself away from us when you got that money. You changed. Shut me out. Yes, I made a mistake. Yes, we were both stubborn. Yes, I left, and Lucas came with me. Because
you
shut him out too.” Two fingers this time, right in his face. Poking the bear. She didn’t give a damn.

“You didn’t care enough to come after us. But you sent your fucking money, leading Lucas down the path with you from clear across the country. And he left me too. Shut me out. Tell him about a baby neither of you wanted? For what purpose? To add insult to injury? I loved you, Oliver, and you shoved me aside like I was nothing.
Nothing
. Then, for me to lose not only a child I craved and didn’t know I carried, but Lucas on top of it. I
had
nothing, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to take your charity. I made it on my own.”

“And nearly killed yourself in the process.”

The words, given so softly, gouged into what remained of her heart. She crumbled into sobs. Oliver caught her before her knees hit the carpet, lifting her into his arms. Merideth buried her face in his neck. In seconds, he had her cradled in his lap on the sofa and a box of tissue by her side.

“Cry it out, sweetheart. Cry it out.”

Curled into the comfort of his arms, Merideth cried like she’d never cried before. Gut-wrenching sobs that came from her soul. Oliver never budged. His soothing strokes over her back tethered her to him. She cried until exhaustion weighed her down, until the burn on her ass pushed itself back to the forefront, until there was nothing left but hiccups. And still he held on tight.

“We were all at fault,” he finally said. “All have a share in the guilt of ruining what was once stupendous. We were young, inexperienced, overwhelmed, and ill-equipped to understand what true commitment requires.”

“I came to you for help,” she whispered.

“That’s what I’m trying to do, Merideth.”

“I don’t like being treated like a sub.” She raised her head, frowning. “And I don’t like that my ass still burns like hell.”

To her surprise, he grinned. “I know. But how else was I to make you understand that quickly? You wanted punishment. It’s not what you needed.”

She gasped. “You planned this.”

“Tried it, hoping it would work faster than bondage and strict discipline. Though I could have done without my past misdeeds thrown in my face.”

“I’m sor—”