Olivia (2 page)

Diary entry: Sunday October the 15th

I’m four months pregnant.

Nothing is going the way I thought it would. Instead of being disgusted by how huge I’ve gotten, Roger is delighted. He loves touching my belly, even though I don’t want him too. He feeds me like I’m a pig being fattened up for the slaughter house.

My family keeps telling me that I’m glowing. But none of them know what the hell they’re talking about. If I’m glowing, it’s because I’m on fire, burning from the inside out. This damn baby is giving me heart burn every day. And all I do is eat and sleep.

I’m not myself. I hate this whole experience. People are telling me how lucky I am to have a doting husband. They’re saying Roger is going to make a wonderful father. Not one person has told me that I’m going to make a wonderful mother.

Yesterday I made my sister mad. She complimented me on how good I looked pregnant and something inside of me just snapped. I took my anger out on her, telling her that though she wasn’t pregnant she looked like she could pop any day now.

Don’t get me wrong, my eldest sister is big. All of my sisters are. But I shouldn’t have said that to her. She was only trying to be nice. This baby is turning me into something I’m not. I hate it. I don’t want to give birth to it.

I’ve tried killing it. I’ve tried drinking things no human is supposed to consume, like cleaning products. It didn’t work. But I have another idea in mind. There’s a woman who lives in Louisiana…

Wait, there’s a knock on the door. Hopefully that’s her. I have to go. The next time you hear from me I may be my old self again.

Clara Rose O’Toole

Clara closed her diary and rose from her chair to hide the book underneath her mattress. It wouldn’t be a good thing if her husband found her book and took a journey into her deepest thoughts.

Lately her thoughts had been dark. So dark, that even she was becoming afraid of herself. She stared into her mirror. Smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress, she reminded herself of the reasons behind what she was about to do.

Something was wrong with the child inside of her. She couldn’t love it. No matter how hard she tried. She felt nothing for this child. Well, that wasn’t true. She did feel something for it. Hatred.

She hated it.

That wasn’t natural. She didn’t want to be a mother. She didn’t want to be shackled to a snotty nose child for the rest of her days. She wanted freedom. She wanted riches. She deserved it. And this voodoo woman was her only hope.

Another knock on the door pulled her away from the mirror. Taking a deep breath, she began her journey downstairs. Each step she took brought her closer to the person who was going to help her, or at least she prayed this woman could help her.

She’d found the ladies number in the phone book. The woman was a psychic from Baton Rouge. Clara had called her to get her fortune told and found herself asking if she would ever love this child and if she and Roger would stay together forever.

The woman had been honest with her, telling her that this baby was going to ruin her marriage and bring her nothing but heartache. She’d confirmed Clara’s suspicions. Clara had been thankful when the woman offered to help, saying she could help Clara get rid of the child. And now she was here to do just that.

Clara made it downstairs. Standing in front of the door she smiled. Soon all of this would be over. Soon she would go back to being the woman she was meant to be and she and Roger could live their lives together, getting richer every year. Soon.

Clara opened the door.

Dana was ready for her girls’ night out.

There was much to be done before Keira and Shelly arrived. Dana got to work. The spread she was going to prepare for her friends would take most people hours to put together. Not her. It was only going to take her twenty minutes, which was good because her friends would be there in thirty minutes.

Well, knowing them, it would probably take them an hour to get there. Though they swore they left on time she knew them better than that. They both were usually fashionably late. Dana took a box of frozen wings out of her refrigerator and walked over to the stove.

Some of her kitchen items were still packed in boxes but she managed to find a pan quickly. With the pan on the counter, she turned the box of wings over to read the cooking instructions.

Cook for twenty minutes on 450 degrees. Easy. After placing the wings in the oven she began making her mom’s special dipping sauce. It was a family recipe she’d sworn never to share with anyone else. So far, she’d kept her promise.

Dana mixed the ingredients together then dipped her finger into the sauce to taste it. Perfection. After putting a lid on the container she slid it to the side then began her next chore: making strawberry daiquiris.

By the time her friends arrived she had everything prepared and set on the kitchen table. They knocked on the door just as she was slipping her feet into her high heels. They weren’t leaving the house tonight, but she still felt like dressing up.

This was a good thing because she opened her door to find that her friends were dressed like they were going to the club. Luckily there were no neighbors around to complain about how loud they were.

Screaming as they hugged each other, an onlooker would think the three women hadn’t seen each other in years. In truth, it had only been months since they last got together, though the occasion hadn’t been a happy one.

It had been the day Dana’s divorce was finalized. Her friends had been there for her during that dark time, they were always there when she needed them.

“Look at you two.” Dana stepped back to stare at her friends who turned in a complete circle to show off their outfits. Shelly, with her long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, looked gorgeous in a black skin tight dress and black stilettos.

Keira, with her honey brown skin and curves to die for, looked stunning in her gold party dress that revealed more of her than it concealed. Dana stared down at her own clothes. Skinny jeans and a loose fitting button down shirt had been her idea of dressing up. It was official, she was getting old.

“You look good too chic,” Keira told her.

“I love the mom look on you,” Shelly said, staring Dana up and down. Keira bumped her shoulder against Shelly’s. “What?” Shelly frowned. “She does look good for a mom. And that’s all fine and dandy on most nights. But tonight, you’re not on mom duty,” Shelly told Dana.

“Correction, I’m always on mom duty. It’s a 24 hour career not a part time job.” Dana smiled at her friend who meant well.

Shelly really did mean well. But she was spoiled and rich. She didn’t know what it was like to work for anything, which wasn’t her fault. Dana still loved her. She was a loyal friend.

“I know being a parent is a full time commitment,” Shelly groaned. “Which is why it’s not a job for me. But you’re good at it and it looks good on you. However, tonight, you’re going to be the old Dana. You remember her, the Dana who wore tight dresses and drank expensive champagne?”

Still smiling, Dana leaned against the door. “Oh, you mean the Dana who almost got arrested when her best friends talked her into skinny dipping in a lake on the fourth of July?”

“Yes,” Shelly cheered. “That Dana.”

“Yeah, I remember her. She’s gone.”

“Not tonight,” Shelly winked and held up a bag. “Tonight, we’re going to party like we did when we were younger.”

“Shelly, there are no clubs around here.”

“Who needs a club? We can party here. Now move and let us in or do you want us to stand out here all night.”

“Oh, my bad.” Dana stepped back, making room for her friends to enter her home.

“Uh Dana,” Keira said as she strode inside. “You’ve been here two months and you still haven’t unpacked everything.”

“I’ve been busy.” Dana stared around her living room where boxes of décor were seated in the corner of the room.

“Busy doing what?” Keira asked.

“Getting Ayanna enrolled in school, looking for a job, finding a job and starting work. Moving and starting over isn’t easy.” Damn why was her voice shaking. There was no reason for her to cry. Things were working out. She and Ayanna were slowly getting into a normal routine.

“Oh sweetie,” Keira turned to her. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just wondering, that’s all. I know how much of a perfectionist you are. I’d assumed you’d have all this up by now.”

“I’m getting there,” Dana shrugged, blinking back tears.

“If you want, we can stay the night and tomorrow we can help get this place fixed up,” Keira offered.

That brought more tears to Dana’s eyes. “That would be awesome.”

“Okay,” Shelly spoke loudly. “Tomorrow we’ll play Susie Homemaker but tonight we drink. Let’s get this party started. Here.” Shelly handed Dana a bag. “I brought you one of my dresses. It’s brand new. You get to break it in for me.”

Dana accepted the bag. Opening it she stared at the contents. “I’m scared to even see what kind of dress this is.”

“It’s a gorgeous dress and it’ll fit. We’re about the same size.”

“Uh, my hips are bigger than yours.”

“Which means the dress will be even tighter. The tighter, the better. Now run along and get dressed while we go into the kitchen and find something to drink.”

Dana headed toward the stairs. “There are daiquiri’s on the table,” she called over her shoulder.

“Hell yeah there is,” Shelly yelled back.

Dana ran up the stairs, she couldn’t deny that she was a little eager to get dressed. She closed her bedroom behind her and emptied the contents of the bag onto her bed. Lifting the dress to admire it, she was amazed at how beautiful it was.

The color let her know that Shelly had just lied to her. The dress was white. Shelly didn’t wear white. She said it made her look even paler than she was. Her friend wore dark colors. For some reason she said it made her blue eyes pop.

Truth was, Shelly had brought this dress just for her and that made Dana happy. Dana quickly undressed and tossed her clothes onto the bed then slipped into the dress Shelly had given her.

The fabric felt cool against her skin. It took a few tugs to get the dress over her hips, but the rest of the material fell right into place. Dana stepped in front of her full length mirror hanging from the back of her bedroom door.

The dress looked like it was made just for her. It hugged her curves in all the right places. The dress was short, but the front of it looked conservative. Her breasts weren’t spilling out and her belly wasn’t showing.

The front was nice. The back, not so much. Dana turned to the side and eyed the back of the dress, or rather the small piece of fabric over her butt. The whole back of the dress was missing. The old Dana would’ve loved this outfit. The new Dana felt naked it in.

She walked over to her closet and pulled out a white jacket that she normally wore with her white pants suit. She slipped the light jacket on before walking back over to the mirror. She smiled at the final product. She looked sexy and classy.

All that was left to do was to put on the gold jewelry Shelly bought her and apply some makeup to her face. Once that was done, Dana stared at herself one last time in the mirror. A smile curved across her face.

She still had it. She still looked good. No, not just good, she looked damn good. Too good to sit around stressing over a broken marriage. Too good to wonder over and over again why he cheated on her.

She looked too good to still be hurting over her ex. Tonight, she was going to finally say goodbye to the heartache. Smile still in place, Dana left her room. When she entered the kitchen her friends screamed in excitement.

“I knew you still had it,” Shelly told her.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dana laughed, happy with their reaction. “I need a drink.” She grabbed a glass and filled it up with some of the margarita she’d made. She took a large gulp, swallowed and immediately regretted the act.

“Who…” she coughed, throat burning, “put more tequila in this.”

“Me,” Shelly patted her back as she coughed. “I didn’t expect you to try and down your drink in one swallow.”

Dana placed the glass on the table and strode over to her refrigerator. She needed something cold and sweet to ease the burning in her throat and to get the strong liquor taste out of her mouth. She grabbed one of her daughter’s juices and slammed the refrigerator shut so hard that it shook causing items to fall off the top of the refrigerator.

“Damn it.” She bent down to pick up a box of cereal that had fallen off and froze. “Who brought this in here?” She turned to her friends.

“What are you talking about?” Shelly asked.

Dana picked the item up so they could see what she was talking about. “It’s not funny,” she told them. “Which one of you brought this doll back into my house?”