On Agate Hill (19 page)

April 25, 1873

Dear Diary,

Victoria has left with Declan Moylan, they did not even sneak off. Instead he came straight to the house with an old horse and wagon he got from someplace. Victoria came out with her things in a poke and he boosted her up, then sprang up himself.
Bye Sissy
, Blanche called out in a little voice. Declan Moylans hair shone red as a candle flame. Selena stood behind me watching with her belly pushing against my back and her fingers digging into my shoulder, then said
Shit shit shit
and went into the house with Doctor Lambeth who lives here now drunk as a Lord.

May 8, 1873

Godfrey was the one who told me first, he loves to bring bad news. Liddy and Washington are going away, he said this morning when I got up and went down into the passage. Mama gave them a cart and a mule.

That is not true, you are lying.
I flew through the passage out the door and into the kitchen where the coffee pot sat on the stove as it does every day and biscuits were in the old pan under the red checkered cloth same as always.
Liar liar pants on fire!
I grabbed two biscuits and ran out the door to their cabin the dew was all cold on my feet.

But sure enough there was Washington loading up the old cart, Buck tied to the hackberry tree.

See stupid? Godfrey was panting along right behind me and I whirled to hit him but missed and he ran off laughing.

Washington stood in the door with his arms full. I was just coming over there to find you, he said.

But all of a sudden I was hitting him hard as I could.
Damn you damn you damn you,
I said like Selena. I knew he had known for days.

Washington dropped his bundles which fell all over the place, one quilt rolled out on the grass. He stood there and let me hit him until I got tired of
it. Oh Molly he said. He gripped my arms at the elbow. I was crying. Come here, he said. Come on in. He held the indigo cloth aside for me to go into their cabin where I had not been since long ago with Fannie when someone was sick. Though it was dark inside with no window it did not have a negro smell as people always said but smelled sweet and fresh. Liddy had cleaned it for leaving even though no one would care, no one but me would ever know it. That is how she was.

Liddy was over in the corner doing something. She did not turn when we came in. Elijah, she said. Bring me a light over here.

Washington let go of me. He stuck a little piece of kindling into the fireplace coals, then blew on it till it flared up and I could see his gray eyes. He took it over to his mother and lit the tallow candle she gave him.

What did she call you? I asked.

Elijah, he said. It is my real name, Washington my slave name, give to me by your Uncle Junius.

But its a good name, isnt it? I said. Dont you like it? Its the president of our country after all.

Not my country, Washington said.

I could not have been more surprised if the heavens had opened up and the angel Gabriel appeared as in that song that Liddy sings.

I tell you what, she said to Washington, you let me hold the light, and you dig in the wall. Dig right here. She had already chipped a hole in it.

What are you all doing? I went over to the corner and watched while Washington dug into the wall.

All of a sudden I had an idea. What if I hold that door cloth up so we can get some more light in here? I said.

Liddy said, Just go ahead and rip it down Molly, we taking it with us anyway. After I did this, things went along better.

Washington was scooping out old stuff that looked like dirt.

What is that? I asked.

Thats the old mortar, Liddy said. They made it right here on the place, out of sand and water and hogs hair, thats what keeps it together.

I stepped back so as not to touch it piling up on the floor. Uncle Junius always had floors put in the cabins because he thought it kept the negros from getting malaria. He
was
good, I thought, he
was.
But I knew it was awful anyway. Uncle Junius always said so himself.

Here, Washington said, pulling out a small wooden box that rattled when he shook it.

Liddy snatched it away.

What is it? I came closer to see.

Liddy opened the top and emptied the box out onto her palm while Washington held the candle right there. It was a pile of shiny little shells— six or seven of them. Liddy sucked in her breath and said something I could not understand. The shells glowed like pearls in her hand. Their tops were rounded like snail shells or like the dinner rolls that Liddy used to make for company so long ago. The bottom of each shell had two rows of teeth, almost like a little open mouth.

From Africa, Liddy said.

I grabbed one. It felt solid and warm and good in my hand, like a little rock. Can I have it? I asked, for suddenly I wanted it the most in the world.

No. Liddy did not look at me. She took the shell from me then one by one she put them all back in the box and closed the top.

I was too upset to say anything.

Mama. Come on, we got to go before she change her mind. You know how Miss Selena is, Washington said from the door.

Wait. Where are you going? What will you live on? I followed him out.

Looky here
. Washington held up a solid gold piece which shone in the sun.

I couldnt believe it. Where did you get that?

He grinned. Mister Simon Black done give it to me for bringing him out here that day. He say I am going to need it sometime. Now Mama come on!

Selena came out of the big house shading her eyes from the sun. Get a move on then, she called. Get out of here. Molly you come on.

Washington helped his mother into the cart where she sat on top of their piled up things with all the dignity of a born lady. She still didnt look
at me. He made that clicking noise and moved the reins and Buck pricked his ears up. Then
Oh Molly I almost forgot!
Washington bent over and grabbed something up and threw it at me. Catch!

It was the bag of marbles. I caught it with both hands.
Good bye Liddy, good bye Elijah
, I called.

What? What did you say? What did he give you? Selena asked.

But they had already gone off into the sunny day leaving me stuck here as in a Tableau Vivant forever.

June 4, 1873

Dear Diary,

The big news is, Doctor Lambeths two sons have come out here with a servant and rough language and taken him away. They put Doctor Lambeth into a wagon and hauled him off to a sanitarium. Well that is all right, Selena said, though he had his uses. The problem with a man is, you think you want one but then you get him and then you dont. Remember that Molly.

But now she has already got another one.

June 11, 1873

Dear Diary,

We have lost Four Oaks.

So Spence and Rom are back on this place now which is good for they are a big help but Selenas new friend came to visit and has not left, I do not like him, no one likes him, his name is Nicky Eck.

June 13, 1873

More about Nicky Eck

He is a smooth-talking smooth-haired traveling man who showed up at the door, Selena knows him from someplace. He has white-white teeth and a
rosy mouth like a bow, like a girl. He wears checkered shirts and red suspenders and two-tone shoes. I do not like him. His eyelids seem always to shade his eyes, you cant tell what he is thinking, nor will he give a straight answer to anything. When I asked him where he is from, he said
Not from around here thats for sure
and when I asked him what he does he said he
represents a line of notions
but he would not say what kind, nor any more about it. He said, What is this Missy, the Inquisition?

What is that? Selena asked, but I knew. I know about the Inquisition and the French Revolution and the Leaning Tower of Pisa and many more things which mean nothing now though once I thought they did once I thought oh nevermind I do not like Nicky Eck I do not like the way he calls me Missy and follows me around with those hooded eyes it makes me feel funny. But Selena likes him. She has cheered up considerable in his company.

It is getting hot already. I cooked up some greens from the garden Spencer planted, I am not a bad cook either. You would be surprised! I am helping Selena in the kitchen, she is so big now. I reckon I learned a lot from watching Liddy without even knowing it. Everybody eats in the kitchen whenever they want to, whatever they can find. Meals are gone now. Many things are gone from the house too and more are disappearing all the time it seems to me. I think Nicky Eck takes them when he goes off for a day or so though I can not keep track, I am so tired. Nor do I care. He brings presents back for Selena such as sweet-smelling soap, a silver barrette, and stockings. Nothing for us and nothing for the baby. He follows me with his eyes. I do not know if Nicky Eck is a Yankee or not which seems likely but some of them are nice anyway and Nicky Eck is not nice, he is something much worse than a Yankee it seems to me. Agate Hill looks like the Yankees have been here but it was not even the Yankees, it was us.