On My Knees (31 page)

My lungs struggled for air. My nails scored down his shoulders. Every muscle froze as we bound ourselves tightly together, only the friction of his brutal entry over and again between us.

He held me with a possessive kiss, claiming my mouth with his, robbing us both of precious air.

“Maya.”

The hard rasp of his voice sent a shiver through me. Everything went into the background save the force of the climax as it raged over me. The voice I heard didn’t sound like my own as I screamed his name, letting him take us both over the edge.

He went still, a sweep of raw vulnerability softening his face. His lips parted with jagged breaths. The hot liquid of his release filled me as he held himself deep. I clung to him helplessly, wishing that somehow we could stay this way. Forever entwined, creating a new reality that I’d never need to escape from.

CAMERON. A rapidfire rattle echoed in the background of my mind. My muscles tightened, ready to act. Covered in sweat, I shot up, opening my eyes to the dark room.

Maya.

I reached over, finding only emptiness in the mess of sheets where she should have been. The inherent panic carried over, and worry churned inside me. Realization dawned as my eyes adjusted, taking in the familiar shapes of my room. My chest expanded on a long, sobering breath. Fuck.

I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and hung my head, willing my brain back to reality. Panic flitted through my veins. I was on high-alert, the way I’d been for days on end over the course of many years. The state of being was one I’d grown accustomed to. I couldn’t talk my brain out of it sometimes.

I rose slowly, making my way to the kitchen. I downed a glass of water. My breath finally slowed. I was far away from that life. I kept reminding myself. Yet a niggling irrational dread lingered that one day I’d wake up there again. The mere thought seized my gut. It was a dark hopeless feeling, a repetitive nightmare that wouldn’t quit. No way out. A prison all its own.

I slumped on the couch. Conscious enough to separate dreams from reality, I was now too awake and alert to sleep. I tried to relax. Closing my eyes, my thoughts drifted to Maya. A familiar ache filled me, the one that wanted her with me every minute that she could be. She’d gone back to her apartment after a few days, wanting to check in on Eli and get settled back into her usual work routine. Maybe it was the late nights loving her until we were utterly wasted, but having Maya in my bed kept the specters at bay.

I reached for my phone on the table, flipping through the photos until I found one of Maya. Her blond hair was pulled up tight, loose tendrils framing her face. Soft brown eyes stared back at me, full of hidden meaning. She was posing, dressed for the holiday party I’d nearly dragged her out of. After, I’d made love to her all night. God, I would again if she were here right now. I’d have my way with her, tell her how I loved her, how I never wanted her to go. Buried deep inside her, I’d make her believe it. She’d never doubt it.

I needed this woman. To possess her, to have the world know she was mine to love and to keep. To cherish.

I closed my eyes, memorizing the image in my mind as I drifted back to sleep.

MAYA. The day was coming to a close. Again, the day wore on me. Any hope I’d harbored before about my work life improving had effectively been squashed.

Tension between Jia and me was evident. She avoided me when we crossed paths. I barely saw Dermott. That wasn’t unusual, except now I had no idea what he was thinking. I hoped eventually enough time would pass that we could call it water under the bridge.

At a quarter to five, my phone rang. In a clipped voice, Dermott asked to see me. My stomach fell. Shit, this was it. The end. I took a deep breath, determined to keep my composure.

I stepped inside his office. When he didn’t look up to greet me, I took a seat across from his desk. I wondered if he’d heard me, until he cleared his throat and looked up at me. The moment was brief. He shuffled through his papers, dropping a clipped pile to the edge of the large desk in front of me.

I swallowed hard. “Are you firing me?”

A tight smile pinched his features. “I think it’s best if we move on. Your work on the Cauldwell deal was admirable, but clearly there’s going to be tension here.”

“There doesn’t have to be. Obviously it was a gross misunderstanding.” Gross might not have been the best word, but in a way, it was. Letting the scene play out from Christmas Eve would have been horrible. My skin crawled just thinking about letting him touch me. Thank God I hadn’t let things go that far.

“Regardless, what’s done is done. We’ve never exactly had a great rapport, and frankly, I think you’d probably find yourself more fulfilled elsewhere.”

“You’re firing me, just like that?”

“You’ll get three months’ severance in exchange for signing a release indemnifying the company of any allegations. Just in case you have any ideas about discussing our little misunderstanding.”

“What about references?”

He sat back in his chair, a discontented grimace on his face. If he hated me before, he despised me now. All because I wouldn’t let him screw me on his desk.

“If you need a reference, I’m sure it could be arranged.”

How big of him. I reached for the paperwork, reading through it.

“You can bring it back after you’ve read through it and signed.”

“I’ll read through it now. I’d like closure on this matter. I’m sure you’d agree.”

“Fine,” he muttered.

I skimmed through, focusing on the clauses that highlighted the severances and the terms of my silence. It was buttoned up tight. Money would close the chapter on this little mess. Jia and he could go about their business, whatever that now entailed, and I would no longer be a liability. All for a healthy severance that was pennies to the company.

I bristled at the thought. I tossed it back to him.

“You can take this agreement and shove it up your ass, Dermott.”

Breath hissed through his teeth, barely containing his rage. “Excuse me?”

“This is unacceptable. I didn’t do anything wrong here.”

“Really? Jia said you came onto her at a nightclub. That doesn’t exactly paint you in a favorable light.”

“She came onto me, and besides, that was on my time. There’s no fraternizing policy with the company. I’ve already checked.”

“And what about that little incident in Jia’s office with your boyfriend?”

Panic hit me.
Oh, fuck.
Then I relaxed, realizing he had no way of knowing what actually went down in there. Jia would have told him she’d given us access to her office while they were gone, but that meant nothing.

“Prove it.”

He let out a smug laugh. “I can prove it no more than you can prove anything out of the ordinary happened here last week. If you were smart you’d sign this. I’ll only make this offer once.” He pushed the stack of paper back toward me. I didn’t give it a second look.

“Actually, firing me and trying to shut me up with severance proves something very out of the ordinary happened. Surely that isn’t an everyday occurrence.” I shook my head, disgust for him renewing my anger. “You couldn’t even wait to give me a few poor reviews, get the paperwork in place to let me go clean. I was blatantly propositioned and offered a promotion to have sex with you both. How do you think that will sound? Let’s not bullshit. Something is troublesome enough about all of this that you need to be rid of me as soon as possible. Well, trust me, I’m happy to leave, but I’m not getting steamrolled.”

His lips tightened. His gray eyes hardened, filled with the mutual dislike that we shared for one another.

“You want to wipe your hands of me, Dermott?”

His silence was answer enough.

“Twelve months severance, and I want recommendations in writing. From both of you and at least one of the officers after you explain to them how I busted my ass on the Cauldwell deal. They’d better be glowing too.”

He gave me a hard stare, the vein in his forehead decidedly more pronounced.

“What makes you think you can make demands?”

“Make the changes or I’ll be getting a lawyer and every face you see here will know exactly what you two did to me. Not to mention your wife. It’s that simple.”

A few hours later I was walking hand-in-hand with Cameron toward the Plaza. I’d feigned a smile and assured him my day had been fine. It was New Year’s Eve after all, and he’d made plans for us. I’d tell him later about what had gone down today, but for now, I didn’t want to spoil our night. He’d be upset and probably would want to beat Dermott to a pulp all over again.

Begrudgingly, Dermott had agreed to my terms and promised to have a revised draft to me in the morning. But until it was signed, nothing was certain. This was my fight, and I was very close to winning it. Even if losing my job wasn’t considered a general win, at least I wasn’t going to be hung out to dry.

I was relieved I never had to go back to that place. The thought of finding a new job at another bank seemed the natural next step, but I wasn’t sure about that. I hadn’t had much time to contemplate what my future might look like before I left for the day and met with Cameron.

We found our way to the quiet hum of the lounge. Already on edge, I was a little stressed about facing Cameron’s parents. Surely they’d known some details of our breakup, especially if Olivia had been vocal at all about her disapproval of me. He promised she’d be on her best behavior, but I had doubts.

Seated at a round table, the three of them laughed and smiled, drinks in hand. They fell silent as we approached. I clung to Cameron, trying not to look as uncomfortable as I felt. I leaned gently against his large frame, steeling myself for the reintroductions.

“Maya, you remember my mother, Diane?”

“Maya, it’s lovely to see you again.” Her lips lifted to a smile that didn’t meet her gray eyes.

Her gaze traveled the length of me, giving me an obvious visual appraisal. Her expression only betrayed mild interest. Thankfully there was no hint of Olivia’s disapproval there. Maybe she was as superficial as Cameron had promised and in all the ways that might have mattered to her, I fit the bill.

I returned her smile and shifted my gaze to his father who sat across the table from where we’d be. He was attractive, but a whisper of a man compared to his strongly built sons. Wearing a suit coat and stiffly starched white collared shirt beneath, he nodded in my direction and smiled.

“Mr. Bridge.”

“Call me Frank, please.”

I nodded quickly. Bits of memories of meeting with them while Olivia and I were at school together floated back to me. I’d see them fairly often, for parents’ weekends, holiday pick-ups, or the few times they’d dropped Cameron off to visit us. They would invite me, Olivia’s unfortunate parentless friend, to fancy dinners where they pressed her about her grades and major, plans to travel abroad in the summers. I’d sit, mostly quietly, and pretend I could relate to anything they were discussing. I didn’t dislike them because they could give Olivia those opportunities. In fact, I was happy for her. What I hated was being looked at like a pity case. I hated that they spoke a language I’d never been taught, one that I’d only learned over time. By the time I had enough money to do all the things they talked about doing, I’d fallen too far from wanting much of it.

We sat down. Cameron gave me a warm, reassuring smile. I relaxed a little and stared at my menu. Cameron had promised we’d make this short and get dinner together later so I set it back down, regretting that I had nothing to distract me.

Frank piped up after taking a deliberate swig from his brandy. “So, Maya. Tell us about your work.”

“Maya works on Wall Street as a financial analyst.” Cameron said before I could speak.

Frank’s eyebrows rose. “My old stomping grounds. I’m impressed. Tell me more.”

A twinkling of hope filled me. I launched into my practiced summary of what I did, omitting the fact that for all intents and purposes I was unemployed.

Usually people’s eyes glazed over after the first twenty seconds, but Frank seemed interested. We went back and forth while Olivia chatted quietly with her mother. Cameron sat back silently, a quiet satisfaction in his eyes, as his father and I discussed financial news. He still held my hand in his, giving it a small squeeze under the table. So far so good.

Frank spoke quickly, more engaged than I ever remembered him being before. “So what are some of your long-term plans? That position has a high burn out rate. I’m surprised you’re still at it, actually. Are you staying with the company or...?”

I hesitated, weighing my answer. I was feeling relaxed enough, accepted enough to think that maybe I could tell him the truth. “I’m going to be looking for a change soon. Very soon, actually.”

His eyes went wide. “Really? Have you considered private equity?”

I smiled. “Other than helping Cameron with his year-end taxes and settling up with his investors, no. I’m not ruling anything out, though.”

Diane interrupted her quiet murmuring with Olivia. “Perhaps Cameron could use you after all. He’s in desperate need of an accountant to help get his finances straight with the gym. He refuses Frank’s help.” Diane waved her hand absently at Cameron.

Frank slapped his leg, the sound making Diane start.

“Maya, you should come work for me. You’re exactly the kind of person we hire, and we need more women in our office.”

“Frank, be serious,” said Diane.

He sat back. “What? I am serious.”

“Well,” she laughed, a half-hearted sound, as if that alone was hardly worth the effort. “You can’t possibly think Cameron wants you to hire his, I don’t know, ex-whatever she is to come work for you.” She brought her martini to her lips.

“Mom,” Olivia admonished quietly.

Diane glanced over at her daughter. “What, darling?”

Olivia shot me a sympathetic look, a rare admission of regret passing behind her eyes.

The moment was uncomfortable, and I wanted to be offended. I wanted to be livid at all of them, but what more could I expect? Everything about Diane’s reaction confirmed the reservations I’d had about sharing the details of my embarrassing family life with Cameron or Olivia. Dressed to the hilt with a job only the best education could afford still wasn’t enough.