On My Knees (30 page)

“You need to get your fucking head together, because last time things went downhill with her, you weren’t the only one who suffered.”

“Yeah, I get it. Liv never lets me fucking forget it.” I stood up, leaning in to meet his glare. “The way you two talk, you’d think you were the ones up all night listening to bomb blasts and watching your friends get sent home in boxes for three years. I’ve had it with the lectures, all right? It was my choice. No one forced my hand, and I’m on the other side of it. I’m sorry that you all went through what you did, but blaming Maya for it is ridiculous. She’s been through enough, in large part thanks to me. So that shit is going to stop right now.”

He straightened, crossed his arms over his chest, and stared back. The hint of acceptance in his features was the only thing stopping me from wrestling him to the ground to make my point.

“You’re serious about this.” The way he said it was less of a question and more of a resigned statement.

“You think I’d torture myself in a jewelry store for three hours if I wasn’t serious?”

“I can’t possibly imagine.” His lips curved into a sarcastic smile.

“No shit,” I grumbled.

He smirked. “How the hell did you become the romantic of the family?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Maybe someone will make you understand what this is like someday.”

“I’m good. Watching from the sidelines while you get your heart thrown in the blender should fill that void just fine.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

He sighed, raking his hands through his hair. He dropped into the seat across from the desk and stared blankly away from me.

“I want you to be happy, Cam. I really do. And I hope Maya’s the one who will do that for you.”

“She already is.”

He nodded. “You have to admit that this is kind of sudden though. Don’t you think you’re going to give her whiplash?”

“I told you, I don’t have any plans to ask her right now. I know it’s too soon. I just… I decided, that’s all. We’re still figuring things out between us and getting to know each other again. She’s changed a lot, and frankly so have I. But something happened, and—”

“What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that something clicked for me. Maybe it was obvious, but all this time that has kept us apart has been hell for me.”

“It was obvious, but I thought you were finally over it. Now here we are again.”

“I’ve never been over her. Not a single day can I say I was safe from caring about her or regretting what happened between us. And as miserable as that’s been, I realized she went through it too.”

“She told you that?”

I hesitated, not wanting to even hint at the debacle with her mother or how I’d come across the poems. Everything she’d written came across as so raw and vulnerable, I couldn’t possibly unleash Darren’s novice opinions on them. The words were hers, and while I was guilty of trespassing on them, I was grateful that I had. I might have never known how she really felt otherwise, or it might have taken months or years to strip her down and get the truth out of her. I couldn’t wait that long. I wanted her now, to know who she was on the inside now. I wasn’t going to settle for anything less.

“In a way,” I finally said.

“Well for your sake, I hope you’re right, and that when you do ask her, she gives you the answer you deserve.”

“I don’t deserve her, but I really want to. I hope she gives me the chance to.”

He shook his head. “You’re such a pussy, man.”

I laughed. “Get to work before I fire you.”

“Hey, you can’t fire me until you start paying me.”

“I thought you got paid in dates?”

He shrugged and stood. “Yeah. You’re right. All right, but do me a favor.”

“What?”

“Can you not keep me in the dark completely on things like this? I want to be supportive, but I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me.”

I nodded. I hadn’t needed anyone’s blessing to ask her the first time, and I sure as hell didn’t need his approval the second time around.

“Support isn’t necessary, but I appreciate it. I’ll try not to blindside you with any big news though.”

“Fair enough.”

MAYA. I walked to the gym, hating how drained I was. One day back at work and I felt as if my life force had been sucked from me. I didn’t see Cameron in the weight room. I briefly considered changing and getting on with the workout I’d promised him and myself I’d do tonight. Part of my whole not-drinking-a-bottle-of-wine-a-night initiative, which so far had been working well. Except now I wanted to wash away the weight of the day—Dermott’s decidedly cold attitude toward me and Jia’s threats—with a stiff drink.

Instead, I knocked quietly on the office door, entering when I heard Cameron’s voice. He was sitting at his desk, his brow knitted as he stared at the screen intensely.

“Hey.”

He looked up, brightening when he saw me. “Hey, baby.”

“What are you working on?”

“End of the year financial stuff. It’s giving me a headache. Come here.”

I dropped my bag and came to him, curling up on his lap without reservation. He hugged me close. I nuzzled into his neck. I breathed him in, tension releasing immediately.

“Okay day?”

I shook my head.

“Do I need to hurt someone?” His voice held only the smallest hint of humor.

“No. But I’m not sure if I’m going to have a job much longer.”

“What happened?”

“I called Jia out on being a manipulative bitch, and she threatened me.” I leaned against his strong chest, resting my head on his shoulder. “I called her bluff. Told her that I didn’t need the job, which of course is a complete lie. I’ve done well and saved, but I need that job. I can’t afford to keep Eli and me in that apartment without a decent paycheck.”

“Then move.”

“Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get an apartment with a bedroom that size? I had to jump around for a few years to find that place.”

“Move in with me. I’ve got three floors to choose from. And fuck the job. You hate it anyway. We’ll find you something else. Maybe you could help me around here for awhile.”

I laughed. “You are seriously living in a dream world. My place is not in this gym except when you force me or guilt me into coming here.”

“I meant on a business level. I’m up to my ears in paperwork. I had the vision for the gym, and I have a vision for more. I got the investors I needed and made it happen. But the rest of this shit is driving me crazy. It’s going to catch up to me one day.”

I sighed. A little part of me leaped at the portrait he painted of how things could be. Another part of me brushed it off as completely unrealistic. I couldn’t ditch Eli, and I couldn’t give up on the career that I’d worked so hard for. As much as I wanted to run away, I was trying to do less of that lately.

“I’m happy to help, but I need to make this work. There are lots of banks I can work for if things don’t work out.”

“What if they make it difficult for you to switch companies? Aren’t they all sort of incestuously connected?”

I stared down at my fingers, noting the few nails I’d lost to today’s anxiety. I’d briefly considered that Jia or Dermott could blacken my name, blocking attempts to make at least a lateral move, but even that seemed too low for Jia. Had all of our interactions been a farce, or could I count on anything from our friendship?

I closed my eyes. “I don’t want to think about it. What’s the point in worrying when it’s all out of my hands now? She and Dermott will do whatever they decide to do because I won’t play their game.”

“Sure you don’t want me to talk to them? I could give them some powerful insights.”

I smiled, looking up at him again. His lips lifted into a grin, but I knew he was serious too. “Thank you for wanting to go to bat for me, but I promise I can handle this one myself.”

“Just say the word.”

I pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, so grateful for him and his impossible desire to be everything for me. After a moment, he broke the contact.

“How do you do that?” he murmured.

“What?”

“You make everything still. You’re all I can see. Everything goes out of focus but you.”

A slow smile curved my lips. “Is this a new development?”

“No. When I saw you again for the first time, with all the chaos on the street, I’d actually wondered if I’d recognize you. But I did in an instant. You could have had a spotlight on you. You light up the room, Maya.”

My cheeks heated, as I fell under his potent gaze. “Maybe it’s who lights me up.”

His expression softened. “I hope so.”

I held my breath, waiting for him to touch me, wishing he would. He brushed his thumb over my cheek lightly and fingered the teardrop pearls that hung from my ears. Leaning in slowly, he kissed my jaw, pressing his warm lips against my skin and then my lips until I was tingling everywhere.

His hands went to my hips, sliding down to my thighs. His fingertips slipped under the thin fabric of my skirt. I touched his chest, itching to run my fingers over every hard curve of his body.

He slid his hand up and down my legs, caressing the sensitive skin above my knee.

“I like this. You don’t usually wear skirts to work, do you?”

“I was feeling saucy, like I needed to make a statement when I faced them today.”

He hummed, smiling under my lips. “Are you still feeling saucy?”

I bit my lip, sifting my fingers through the hair that curled at his neck. A tiny spark lit inside me with his words. “Maybe.”

“Long day. I think you deserve a little stress reliever. What do you think?”

I nodded slowly. His gaze turned molten, stoking my spark into a healthy glow. His hand slipped between my thighs, tracing teasing circles all the way up, but evading the place where I needed him the most. I shifted restlessly, hoping he’d take the hint. Instead he lifted me off of him, pushing me back against the desk.

He shoved a few stacks of paperwork aside, making room for me to sit farther back on the desk.

“Lie back.”

I obliged, and he divested me of my skirt and panties.

“See if you helped me out with some of this, I’d have a better surface to fuck you on.”

I laughed. “I’ll take that into consideration.”

“Do, because I can already see I’m going to want to work this into your fitness regimen.”

He sat down and rolled closer, resting my feet on the arms of the chair so I was wide open to him. He kissed his way up my leg. I jolted at the barest brush of his stubble across my sensitive skin. I was already hypersensitive and on edge, too eager for the rush of his mouth over me. I craved it.

“Can’t wait to make you come, Maya.”

My breath hitched. Anticipation crept over me with every soft, teasing touch. He brushed his thumb along the seam of my folds, following the path with a broad stroke of his tongue. A quiet whimper escaped me. I threaded my fingers through his hair, moving in time with the expert strokes he lavished upon me. He rotated evasive licks with tiny flicks of his tongue over my clit. I wanted to enjoy every minute of this, being spread over his desk and pleasured, but I burned for him. The need to reach that mindless release took over.

I fisted gently when he increased the pressure, waves of warmth washing over me. My skin prickled.

“Cameron, I love your mouth.”

He sucked my clit between his teeth, and I cried out. He hummed, cursing and muttering delicious and obscene admirations against me.

The edge of my orgasm sharpened as he pushed one and then two fingers inside, doing what I sincerely hoped his cock would be doing to me in short order. I responded immediately, my body pushing to the very edge of the cliff. I needed this. I needed him. The pressure of his tongue on me increased, lavishing and tormenting me.

“Fuck. I’m... Oh fuck, I’m going to come.” I slammed my hand down on the desk and tightened helplessly, waiting for him to push me over.

“Do it, baby. Come all over my hand.” The words shot through me. His breath teased my wet skin, and I was at his mercy.

He pumped inside me, sucking my clit and punishing my G-spot until I cried out. I cursed, coming hard. My body quaked with the lingering shudders.

I was still coming when he stood. He lowered his shorts enough to free his cock. He was hard as stone, thick and so very ready for me. He wasted little time shoving into me. I bowed off the desk. The rush of him filling me sent my tapering orgasm back into overdrive.

“Fuck,” he groaned. The strain was evident in his features. “Jesus, you’re so fucking tight.”

I fluttered around him, tightening beyond control.

He hauled me up into his arms, lifting me off the desk completely only to drop me down onto his hard length. I tightened my legs around him, hoisting myself higher for better leverage.

He bit his lip. “You like that?”

“Love it,” I breathed.

He carried us a few steps to the wall, working me over his cock the whole way. I wasn’t sure how he managed it, but then again, he was a beast of a man and spent all day in the gym. My back hit the cool surface, giving him enough leverage to find new depths. His hands spread under my ass. He still held me up like I weighed nothing, He pinned my hips to the wall roughly as they met his.

“Oh God.” A shudder worked its way through me, my nipples hardening painfully against the laboring muscles of his chest. The brute force only added to my perilous climb. I loved that he could control my body so easily, take me to the edge of pain and still give me unspeakable pleasure.

“I want to hear you. Tell me what I do to you.”

My eyelids fluttered open. “I love you so much. I need you, Cam. So much.” I leaned in, crushing my lips against his until we were breathless.

His arms tightened around me. We were so close, wrapped up in each other, singularly held in this moment.

His answer was another series of punishing drives into my sensitive tissues. My core clenched, and I went slick allowing him to push deeper still. The bite of his depth was like an electric shock, a snap of mind-frazzling sensation that rendered me speechless and breathless every time he hit the end of me.