(Once) Again (6 page)

Liz was intent on getting my ass out of the house since it was the weekend, and Kat was off. I wouldn’t see her till Monday, and I guessed a break was good, but hell, I wish she would’ve stopped by to see how I was doing and give me a good kick in the ass like she was so good at.

I knew I should keep my distance, but every time she walked through the damn door with her cartoon character scrubs, all pledges to stay away ceased. The girl was like a freaking drug. One with a million side effects.

“You ready?” Liz bounced into the room, dragging Zach behind her. My parents had already left to go grocery shopping for the day, and I was snacking on the last bag of chips.

“Where are we going exactly?” I asked, eyeing Zach over her shoulder. We’d be perfectly content in front of the TV with video game controllers in our hands. But not Liz. She thought my lack of vitamin D was making me “grumpy.” Because you know it had nothing to do with the fact that I’d had a bullet lodged in my leg three weeks earlier. Or that I survived when so many others didn’t. No, it had nothing to do with that. It was the vitamin D. Damn, why didn’t I think of that myself?

“I was thinking we could head down to the boardwalk. Grab a bite, maybe some frozen yogurt after, and just walk along the shore. You know, absorb some sunshine.”

“Only if Zach promises to hold my hand,” I said.

Zach came around Liz, and took my hand in his. “Oh baby, I never thought you’d ask.”

“Oh god, stop!” Liz yelled and yanked Zach back to her. “Sometimes you guys do that too well.”

“Afraid your boyfriend might love me more than you?” I bit my tongue after I said it. After all, back in high school, Zach left town and stopped calling Liz, yet he still talked to me. I think my sis held that against me. Especially since I never told her.

She looked to Zach, and he smiled. “I can give him something you can’t,” she said.

“Who says I can’t?”

“Oh. My. God!”

Zach and I burst out laughing and Liz stomped out the door. I patted Zach on the back and pushed him ahead.

Since I was unable to get myself into Zach’s Jeep, we took Liz’s car. I sat in the back seat listening to Liz and Zach sing out of tune to some awful pop garbage. My sister seriously had the worst taste in music.

“Sunshine, here we come,” Liz said as she threw the car into park.

“Oh goody!” I clapped my hands like a kid about to get a snow cone.

She let out an exaggerated sigh, but I wasn’t going to pretend I wanted to be there. The only place I wanted to be was home with a controller in my hands. But I guess for her, I would pretend I was okay.

I stepped out of the car and situated my crutches. My nerves were wound tight as I scanned the area. I closed my eyes and tried to let the sound of the ocean calm me. It was a real bitch thinking at any moment I was going to be face-to-face with a gun again. What were the chances? I wasn’t sure. But when my visions weren’t controlling my thoughts, I’d bet my ass I’d have a better shot at getting struck by lightning.

There was no reasoning with the visions. Once they came, all I could do was hold on for the ride and pray I wouldn’t make a fool of myself.

Zach patted me on the back and gave me a nod. He knew I didn’t want to be there. I’m pretty sure he also knew I wasn’t coping as well as I made everyone believe. I smiled, a silent thank you for keeping my secret.

“Doesn’t the sun feel amazing?” Liz tilted her head up and closed her eyes.

I wished it were that simple.

Zach put his arm around Liz and guided her while she continued to “soak up the sun.” “Come on, let’s go get a burger.”

Thank you, Zach. My brother from another mother totally saved us from following Liz in and out of all the stores along the boardwalk.

“Sounds like a plan,” I said.

We headed up to Jimmy’s Burger Shack, and all the anxiety fled my body. Kat walked out, a gorgeous smile on her face and her ass squeezed into a tight pair of jeans. While her scrubs were adorable, this . . . this was the Kat I remembered.

I went to make my move, but someone pushed the pause button, stopping any and all movement. The blood drained from my face, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off Kat’s hand, interlocked with some other guy’s. I was ready to dive behind the nearest trash can and save myself from the awkward moment, but my sister—god, if I didn’t love her, I would’ve killed her—took it as the perfect opportunity to squeal and run up to Kat like she was some teenybopper and Kat was a popstar.

We hadn’t discussed us. Never thought to bring it up. Kat didn’t talk about it either. Apparently she didn’t need to define us. It was obvious. I was her guy on the side.

Kat turned at Liz’s squeal. Too late to haul ass out of there, I manned up and dragged myself over to Kat and her boy toy.

“Hi,” Kat said and sucked her bottom lip in just as Liz threw her arms around her.

That was all the proof I needed.

Liz pulled away, and big blue eyes locked with mine. “Darren, this is Josh, my uh . . .”

I reached my hand out to Darren, but didn’t look away from Kat as I spoke. “Client.”

“Nice to meet you,” Darren said, and even if he was a good guy, it didn’t matter, I hated him.

He was only an inch or so shorter than me, his build decent, but I could probably bench more than him. I knew girls had a thing for guys who were tall with dark features, but I didn’t think Kat fell into that stereotype.

“Likewise. So what are you two kids up to?” I asked finally tearing my gaze away from Kat to look at Pretty Boy. Despite the intensity I projected with my stare, Darren’s dark eyes didn’t waver.

“Just grabbed something to eat, and now we’re going over to the aquarium,” Darren said, obviously not threatened by me. I bet if I weren’t on crutches it’d be different.

“Isn’t that cute?” I said, sarcasm dripping from my words.

“Josh,” Kat said, but when our eyes caught, the tension in my jaw tight, she didn’t finish her thought.

Good. I didn’t want to hear her million excuses. The pity in her voice when she told me we were the past and she’d moved on. How stupid was I? It never even crossed my mind that she’d found someone else. Someone who wasn’t afraid to hold her hand in public and bring her places.

For two years I hadn’t realized I’d never moved on, and after five minutes with her, it hit me like the bullet that ripped through my thigh. Hard and fast, shattering my world.

I was too late. The only person I had to blame was me. Still, I couldn’t stand there and act as if I were happy for her. I certainly didn’t want any more of her pity. I had enough of that to last me a lifetime.

“Well this has been fun and all, but if you’ll excuse us.”

“Josh, don’t be rude,” Liz said, and I wished I were five again so I could put my hands over my ears and tell her I wasn’t listening.

“Have fun at the aquarium,” I said, walking in between them so they had to let their hands go. I leaned into Darren. “Keep her away from the sea lions. She’s scared shitless of them.”

Darren’s eyes shot to Kat, and her mouth dropped open in disbelief like she was shocked I remembered. She really underestimated me. I remembered everything about her. Besides, it’s not every day you come across a girl who is scared of a sea lion. Most of the time, they’re all, “Oh it’s so cute!” Not Kat. One bad experience with a sea lion kiss when she was seven and the poor girl was scarred for life.

Before I walked away, I bent to Kat and whispered against her ear. “I never want you to be scared of anything.” Kat looked down and ran her fingers over her ring, pulling it up and down, revealing her tattoo. My eyes lingered on it for a second, long enough to remember the excitement in her eyes when she’d first gotten it, then I staggered away.

I heard my sister apologize for my behavior. Why? I had no idea. I thought I was pretty damn cordial considering Kat had had her tongue in my mouth only the day before.

“Wait!” Liz said, and I tried not to listen, but dammit I was curious as hell. “Your tattoo.”

Oh shit.

“That’s weird. Josh has the same one,” Liz said, and I hurried away from them and right into the restaurant.

“Table for three,” I said to the hostess, and as she turned to grab menus, I jolted forward from a hard shove to my back, almost losing my balance. For once I was grateful for my crutches. I straightened myself and turned to my sister. “What the hell, Liz?”

“Explain yourself!” she demanded, and I let my head fall back in annoyance before looking back to her.

“Nothing to explain,” I said matter-of-factly.

Liz’s hands planted firmly on her hips, and she didn’t move even at the hostess’s voice. Not wanting to be rude as my sister claimed I was, I held up a finger to the poor girl.

“What is going on with you and Kat? There’s something between you. Isn’t there?”

“No.” Maybe. Yes.

“Liz, why don’t you just let it go? He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it,” Zach said, and I gave him an appreciative smile.

“I don’t care if he doesn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about you, and he made me. So consider this payback.”

If I didn’t satisfy Liz’s curiosity, I’d be standing in the entrance of Jimmy’s Burger Shack for the rest of my life.

“Fine. Maybe there
was
. It obviously doesn’t matter anymore. Can we eat now?”

Liz sidestepped, and I followed the hostess to a booth. Liz jumped in before I managed to rest my crutches against the wall and hobble to sit.

“Talk,” she said, and I pinched the bridge of my nose, knowing damn well she wasn’t going to let it go.

“Do I have to?”

Zach gave me another sympathetic look, but there was nothing he could do. I was backed into a corner, and my only option was to spill my guts.

“Yes.”

I didn’t answer her. I sat there, staring at a splotch of dried ketchup on my menu.

“Fine I’ll get you started. How did you know about her fear of sea lions? And why do you two have the same tattoo? On the exact same finger?”

“How do you even know about my tattoo? I keep it covered.”

“Not well enough. By the looks of it, Kat tries to hide it too. But why? What aren’t you telling me?”

I took a deep breath and let out a puff of air. It was now or never. Besides, I told my sister everything. Almost. Kat was the one thing I kept from her. From everyone. Even when Liz was heartbroken when Zach had left, I didn’t tell her.

Kat was my secret. I was afraid other people would taint our perfection. But it was already tainted. She was with Darren.

I glanced up at Liz and her eyes grew to triple their size. “Oh. My. God! She’s the one. Isn’t she?”

“I’m completely confused,” Zach said, resting back into the booth. “We’re talking about Josh right? This Josh?”

“Shush!” Liz put her hand over Zach’s mouth and went right back to giving me the death stare. “She’s the girl you didn’t want to talk about. The reason you knew what I was going through when Zach and I broke up.”

She’d already figured it out. There wasn’t much more to say, so I nodded.

Her mouth practically hit the floor, and she slapped Zach so hard on his back—out of excitement, I guess—I thought his head would bounce off the table.

“I knew it! I said you can tell me one day over cookies, but a burger is going to have to do. What the hell happened between you two? And when? How did I not know about this?”

“It’s history. After seeing her with Darren . . . It’s never going to happen.”

“No way. The sexual tension between you two is insane.”

“I don’t want my sister talking about my sexual anything.”

“Oh please. We’re all adults here.”

“I don’t care if we’re ninety and in nursing homes.”

“Stop dodging the subject.”

My jaw tightened, and I took a deep breath. It wasn’t my sister’s fault, but she got the gist and I really didn’t want to go into it. Not yet at least. Maybe in time . . . when the wound wasn’t open and filling with salt.

“Lizzie, let it go for now,” Zach said, and arched an eyebrow in my direction.

Liz looked at me, and I must’ve looked pissed, because for once in her life she backed down and let it go.

The waitress walked over, her blond hair hanging over her shoulder and dipping into the V of her shirt. Normally I’d be all over that, but my mind was still on Kat’s hand in someone else’s.

“Can I start you guys with a drink?” she asked.

Before I could answer Liz held up three fingers. “Three Cokes please. Thanks.”

Two minutes later the waitress came back with our drinks. I looked into my Coke and bounced my straw up and down, my thoughts still on Liz’s questions.

What the hell happened between you two? And when? How did I not know about this?

Even though I resisted a walk down memory lane with Liz, I couldn’t keep my mind from going there.

“Go out with me,” I said for the third time since walking up to the cotton candy booth.

Kat rolled her big blue eyes at me. “No.”

“One date.” I held my pointer finger up and gave my best smile, the one I knew made girls melt.

“No.”

All girls except Kat.

“Why not?” I asked, leaning my elbow on the window, making sure my muscle flexed tight.

“I know your type.” She sucked in her bottom lip and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and then opened them. “And I’m not your type.”

“I’m looking for a change.”

“Tell you what.” She crossed her arms under her chest, and I couldn’t help staring at the crease it created between her boobs. “Name one thing you like about me. Then maybe I’ll consider it.” I went to open my mouth, and she put her hand up to stop me. “It can’t relate to my looks.”

“So you want something more than ‘you’re hot.’”

She raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Yes.”

“I can name five.”

She laughed, a cute, sexy-as-hell laugh. “Yeah right.”

I stayed silent for a second, letting her think I was scrambling for a response. Little did she know I was aware of every part of her. There were so many things about her that I liked.

“One. You suck your bottom lip into your mouth when you’re nervous.”

Her fingers ran across her mouth and just as her teeth were sliding over her bottom lip, she stopped them.

“Two. Your face lights up every time you give a kid their cotton candy. It’s as if you enjoy giving it to them as much as they enjoy getting it. Three. You always smell like cotton candy, even when you haven’t clocked in yet.”

Big eyes grew larger, and I didn’t even attempt to bite back my smile. I’d taken her by surprise, and I wasn’t done yet.

“Four. The way you talk about your family.”

Family was important. My mom always said you could tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their own flesh and blood. Kat talked about her mom like a best friend.

“And five. The way you rest your chin on your hand and stare out this window. You don’t notice anything around you. You’re alone in your mind. I watch you from my post at the top of the water slide and always want to know what you’re thinking.”

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. “So, pick you up tomorrow at six?”

“I . . . uh . . .” She sucked her bottom lip in and then when she realized what she was doing, quickly let it slide back into place. “I work until six.”

“Perfect. I’ll meet you in the parking lot. Wear something cute.”

I winked at her and walked away, leaving her completely speechless.

***

I made a stop at the drugstore and picked up a word search puzzle. I figured flowers would die, and Kat wasn’t the type of girl you brought flowers to. She wasn’t wired the same as other girls. Her immunity to my charm was all the proof of that I needed. But more importantly, I wanted her to know how much I already knew about her. With her it wasn’t about getting in her pants. It was more than that. Much more.

At first, I looked at her as a challenge. Who said no to Josh Wagner? But with each rejection, I noticed new things about her. Things that intrigued more than my raging hormones. I wanted to know all there was to know about Katherine Singleton.

I was pretty confident I’d wear her down eventually, or at least I hoped I would, because honestly, there were times I didn’t think she’d ever cave.

The parking lot had thinned out since I’d left my shift earlier in the day. I pulled my pickup into a spot and threw it in park. I didn’t get out of the truck to find her—nobody needed to know about our date.

It’s not that I was ashamed of Kat. It was never that. But I had a reputation, and most girls who dated me were labeled “easy” and I wouldn’t dare subject Kat to that.

I watched the entrance, and my jaw practically hit the steering wheel when she appeared. She actually changed into something . . . beyond cute. Damn, she was sexy as hell. Her white shirt cut just above her perfect boobs, giving just enough of a peek, and her legs were a mile long, only the tops of her thighs hidden by a navy blue skirt.

She scanned the parking lot and her face all but shot rainbows when she spotted my truck. I hated myself for not getting out and greeting her, but I was determined to keep her safe from the degrading comments.

I nodded at her and smiled as she started walking towards me. I leaned over and unlocked the door, and my truck filled with the scent of cotton candy as she slid in.

“Hi,” she said and sucked in her bottom lip.

“You look great.”

“Thanks. So where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” I loved the way her eyebrow arched up at me. I went to put the truck in gear and heard the sound of the brown paper bag crumpling beside me. “I almost forgot. I got you something.” I handed her the bag and backed out of the spot.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as she pulled the word search puzzle from the bag. Her blue eyes darted to me. “Figured you’d want that more than flowers.”

Her hands fell to her lap and she went to speak then stopped. Her speechlessness made me feel like the smoothest guy around.

The shock on her face dissolved, and a smile took form. “You figured right.”

I drove through the wooded path, grateful for four-wheel drive. Kat held onto the door handle, eyeing me curiously.

“You’re not bringing me into the woods to kill me, are you?”

“Damn, you figured out my plan.” She looked at me warily and I couldn’t help the laugh that exploded from my mouth. “I’m kidding.”

“I knew that.”

“Sure you did.”

The path leveled out, turning from dirt to sand. Kat let her death grip off of the handles and sat up in her seat, looking out past the path.

“I must say, I’m impressed so far,” she said as I turned off the path and onto the sandy shore.

“I’m not done yet.” I turned the truck, parking it facing away from the view and killed the engine. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. “Come here.”

“Why?”

“I want to blindfold you. I like it kinky,” I said jokingly with a wink. ”

Her mouth parted, and she moved her back against the door. “What? No. I must’ve given you the wrong idea.”

“You really need to calm down. Just come here. Please.” I pouted, something I learned from my sister, and Kat turned in the seat, her back to me.

I wrapped the folded material around her eyes, then trailed my finger down her neck and onto her shoulder. Goosebumps popped up on her pale skin, and she shivered.

God, I wanted to kiss my way down the length of her exposed skin. But Kat wasn’t that type of girl, so I controlled myself and hopped out of the truck, setting out to do what I had planned.

“I’ll be right back.” I let down the tailgate and jumped into the bed of the truck. I removed my storage container onto the sand and pulled out all the supplies.

The sun shifted and my timing couldn’t have been any better. I laid out the quilt I’d stolen from my mom and lined the back of the truck with pillows, then went and opened her door.

“Give me your hand.” She slid her cold fingers into mine, and I felt like an ogre at the disparity in size. “Watch your step.”

She moved her foot back and forth, looking for the step, but before she could find it, I scooped her off the seat, her arms instantly linking around my neck. It would’ve been the perfect time to kiss her, but I controlled the urge to touch my lips to hers and placed her back down on the ground in front of the truck bed.

“You ready?” I whispered against her ear.

She sucked in a ragged breath and nodded. I reached my hand up and untied the single knot, letting the handkerchief fall from her eyes.

“Ever watch the sunset in the back of a pickup?”

She bit her lip, hiding her smile, but I could still see the tug at the corner. “Do you do this for all the girls?”

I should’ve been insulted, but I knew my reputation. So instead of giving her a snotty remark, I looked right into her big blue eyes and gave her the gut-honest truth. “No. No one else was ever worth the effort.”

The stunned expression on her face gave my cocky self even more confidence. I jumped onto the bed and planned to stick my hand out to help her up, but instead tripped and fell flat on my face.

“Oh my god, Josh.” She leapt into the truck and knelt down beside me, taking my face into her hands. “Are you okay?”

Her hands were cold on my cheeks, and it helped cool down the embarrassment. I stared into those blue irises and smiled. Eyes locked on each other, and I wasn’t sure if she was too terrified to move or if she actually liked looking at me. “Never better.”

She dropped her hold on my face. As instant as an out on an infield pop-up, I felt the loss. All rational thoughts of why I should wait to kiss her fled my mind, and I reached out to her, resting my hand against the softness of her cheek.

I inched towards her, giving her a chance to bolt, but she didn’t move. She sat there, stiff as a board. My eyes moved to her lips, so pouty they couldn’t have been more perfect, giving her a silent warning that I wasn’t stopping this time.

Another inch and my mouth was just shy of hers. She sucked in a ragged breath as I closed the gap and pressed my lips to her perfection. With any other girl I would have pushed my tongue past the crease with a forceful thrust, but I held myself back. This time was different.

I wanted it to be soft and sweet and something Kat would stay up at night thinking about. So I kissed her as gently as I could. I ran my hand down her arm, creating a trail of goosebumps, and then ran it back up until my fingers disappeared into the silky strands of her hair.

A low moan rose in her throat, and it took all I had not to toss her under me and cover her with my weight, taking as much of her as I could get. I pulled away, afraid my control wouldn’t last much longer.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and glanced down. I placed my finger under her chin and raised her eyes to mine. Fear streaked her face.

Oh shit, I’d really done it.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, cursing myself on the inside, because by the looks of it I’d totally ruined any and all chances with her.

“Why are you apologizing?” she asked, blinking up at me through her lashes.

“Because I overstepped. I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

“I’m not scared of you.”

“Then why do you look like you are?”

She shifted her weight and peered out to the setting sun. “I just— Am I a bad kisser?”

“What?” I yelled, completely taken by surprise. “Are you crazy?”

“It’s just that you’ve had a lot of practice and I . . . well, I haven’t.”

I angled her face back to me and smiled. “Then you’re a natural.” Her cheeks turned red and I kissed her head and pulled her into me. We leaned back into the pillows and watched the sun set over the water.

“I want this,” I whispered into her ear. “You and me.”

“Me too, but my friends think you’re a player, and I’m sure your friends have opinions about me.” Truth was, my friends didn’t give Kat a second thought. But the minute it came out we were together, she would be deemed easy. No one would believe I was with Kat for more than sex. Did I really want that for her? No. But I was selfish and wanted her so badly, I would fight and argue and defend her to the end.

“I don’t care what they think,” I said, cupping her cheek.

“I do,” she whispered, almost ashamed, and it hit me low in the gut. I ignored the insult because I knew she didn’t mean for it to be.

“Then why don’t we keep this between us? No one needs to know about it. It’s between me and you and screw everyone else.”

“I don’t know,” Kat said, piling her hair on top of her head.

I leaned in and kissed her, a little more forcefully than earlier, swiping my tongue at her bottom lip and pulling her tight against me. “You’ve ruined every other girl for me,” I said against her mouth.

“Between us.”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” she said. I shifted her under me, and she parted her lips to let me in.

***

I looked down at the burger the waitress placed in front of me and shook my head. “I fucked it up right from the start.”

“What are you talking about?” Liz asked, and I realized I’d said it out loud.

“Kat. We were doomed from the start, and it was my fault.” I stood up, positioning my crutches under my arms, no longer hungry. “I’ll be back. I need some fresh air.”

Liz went to stand, but Zach pulled her back down into the booth. I owed him big time. I walked out onto the boardwalk, and a part of me wanted to find Kat and confess my regrets, but the other part won out.

The part that swore she deserved more than me and my crumbling life.