Once in a Lifetime (39 page)

He drove in about two in the morning. He opened the front door with his key, propped his skis up in the hall, and then walked into the bedroom. He expected Daphne to be asleep, and was surprised when he saw her sitting up in bed with a book. She lifted her eyes to his without a word and looked at him. "Hi, babe, what are you doing up?" "I was waiting for you." But there was no warmth in her voice. "That's nice. Your kid get off okay?" "Fine, thanks. And his name's Andrew." "Oh, Christ." He knew then what he had in store. Another speech about Thanksgiving, but he was wrong. She had other things on her mind. "Who were you with in Squaw Valley?" "A mountain full of people I didn't know." He sat down and pulled off his boots. After a twelve-hour drive he was in no mood for her interrogation. "Could we just let it go until tomorrow?"

"No. I don't think we can."

"Well, I'm going to bed."

"Are you? Where?"

"Here. Last I heard I lived here." He stared at her from across the room. "Or has my address changed?"

"Not yet, but I think it might if you don't answer some questions. Honestly, for a change."

"Look, Daff, I told you ... I needed to think...." But as he spoke the phone rang, and Daphne picked it up. She was instantly afraid that something was wrong with Andrew. Why else would anyone call at two thirty in the morning? But it wasn't Matt at the other end, it was a woman's voice, and she asked to speak to Justin. Without another word Daphne handed it to Justin.

"It's for you."

Slamming the door, she left the room, and he found her in her study a few minutes later. "Look, Daphne, please, I know how this looks but..."

And then, suddenly, as he stood there, tired from the trip, he realized that the pretense was too much trouble. He was too tired for more lies. His voice was quiet as he sat down. "All right, Daphne. You're right. I went skiing with Alice."

"Who the hell is that?

"The girl from Ohio." He sounded desperately tired. "It doesn't mean a hell of a lot, she likes to ski, so do I, I didn't want to stay here for your little family event, so I took her up there for a week. That's all there was to it." To him it was normal.

There was no point fighting it anymore. It wasn't going to work. It was all over. She looked at him with tears in her eyes, and she felt so disillusioned that it was like a piece of her had been removed-- the piece that loved him. "Justin, I can't do this anymore."

"I know. And I can't do it to you. I'm not made for this kind of thing, Daff."

"I know." She began to cry and he came to her.

"It's not that I don't love you. I do, but in my way, and my way is different from yours. Too different. I don't think I could ever be what you want. You want an honest-to-God regular husband. That's not me." She nodded and turned her face away.

"It's all right. I understand. You don't have to explain."

"Will you be okay?"

She nodded as the tears flowed, looking up at him, he was even more beautiful with his mountain tan, but that's all he was, all he had ever been, pretty to look at. Howard Stern had been right, he was a beautiful, spoiled child, who did exactly what he wanted in life, no matter who it hurt, or what it cost.

When she saw that he was going, for a mad instant she wanted to beg him not to go, to stay, that they could work it out, but she knew that they wouldn't. "Justin?" The whole question was in the single word.

He nodded. "Yes. I think I'll go."

"Now?" Her voice trembled. She felt lonely and frightened. She had brought it to this, but there was no other way and she knew it.

"It's better like this. I'll pick up my stuff tomorrow."

It had to end sometime and the time was now. He looked down at her with a sad smile. "I love you, Daff."

"Thanks."

They were empty words coming from him, he was an empty man. And then the door closed and he was gone, and she sat alone in her study, crying. For the third time in her life she had lost, but this time for very different reasons. And she had lost someone who didn't really love her. He was capable of loving no one but himself. He had never loved Daphne. And as she grieved through the night she wondered if that was worse or better.

The next day she looked subdued when Barbara arrived and there were dark circles under her eyes as she sat in her study, working. "You feeling okay?"

"More or less." There was a long pause as Barbara searched her eyes. "Justin moved out last night."

She wasn't sure what to say in answer. "Should I ask why, or should I mind my own business?"

Daphne smiled a tired smile. "It doesn't matter. It had to be like this." But she didn't sound convinced. She knew she would miss him. He had meant something to her for nine months and now it was over. It was bound to hurt for a while. Daphne knew that. She had lived with pain before. She'd live through it again.

Barbara nodded and sat down. "I feel bad for you, Daff. But I can't say that I'm sorry. He would have screwed you over for the next hundred years. He's just like that."

Daphne nodded. She couldn't disagree now. "I don't think he even knows he's doing it."

"I'm not sure if that's better or worse." It was a hell of a statement about the man.

"Either way, it hurts."

"I know." Barbara walked toward her and patted her shoulder. "What are you going to do now?"

"Go home. Andrew didn't like the school here anyway, and I don't belong here. I belong in New York, in my own place, writing my books, and being near Andrew." But it would all be different now. She had opened new doors since she'd left. Doors that would be hard to close, and she wasn't quite sure she remembered how to do it. It had been a lonely life for her in New York, and there had been a lot of joy at times with Justin.

"How soon do you want to leave?"

"It'll take me a couple of weeks to wrap up. I have some meetings at Comstock." She smiled ruefully then. "They want to talk to me about buying another book for a movie."

Barbara held her breath. "Will you write the screenplay?"

"Never again, my friend. Once is enough. I learned what I wanted to learn. But from now on, I write the books, they write the movies." Barbara looked depressed. She had figured that. Even if Daphne had stayed with Justin on the West Coast, it was unlikely she would have done it again. She hadn't written a book in a year, and Daphne had complained about it often. "So, we go home." It was an assumption that Barbara didn't dare counter, and that night she told Tom as she fell apart in his arms, sobbing.

"For God's sake, Barb. You don't have to go with her." He looked like he was going to cry too.

But she shook her head. "Yes, I do. I can't leave her now. She's all broken up over Justin."

"She'll survive. I need you more."

"She has no one but me and Andrew."

"And whose fault is that? Her own. Are you going to sacrifice our life for hers?"

"No." She only cried harder as he held her, and then at last she quieted down. "It's just that I can't leave her now." It was in a way what she had gone through years before with her mother, and now Daphne wasn't there to help her gain her freedom. Her mother had died the year before in the home and now Barbara was tied to Daphne.

Tom looked unhappily at the woman he loved. "Then how soon can you leave her?"

"I don't know."

"That's not good enough, Barb. I can't live with that." And then with a look of total despair he poured himself a stiff drink. "I just don't believe you'd do this. After what we've had for the last year, you're going back to New York with her. For chrissake, dammit, that's crazy!" He was shouting at her and she started to cry again.

"I know it is. But she's done so much for me, and Christmas is coming and ..." She knew how hard Christmas was every year for Daphne. And she also knew that Tom didn't understand. There was no reason why he should; but she didn't want to lose him. That was too high a price to pay, even for Daphne. "Look, I promise, I'll come back. Just give me some time to get her settled in New York again and then I'll tell her."

"When?" The word came at her like a shot. "Tell me a day, and I'll hold you to it."

"I'll tell her the week after Christmas. I promise." "How much notice will you give her?" He wasn't giving an inch.

She wanted to say a month, but she quailed at what she saw in his eyes. He looked like a wounded beast, and she hated to leave him more than she hated leaving Daphne. "Two weeks."

"All right. So you'll be back here six weeks after you leave?"

"Yes."

"Will you marry me then?" His ferocious expression never changed.

"Yes."

He smiled slowly then. "All right, dammit. I'll let you go back to New York with her then, but don't ever do anything like this to me again. I can't take it,"

"Neither can I." She folded herself into his arms.

"I'll come to New York on the weekends."

"You will?" She looked up at him with wide happy eyes, and she looked half of forty.

"I will. And with any luck at all, I'll get you pregnant before you even come back, and then I know you'll have to keep your word." She laughed at the radical suggestion, but the idea didn't displease her. He had long since convinced her that she wasn't too old to have at least one or two babies.

"You don't have to do that, Tom."

"Why not? I'd enjoy it."

They spent every minute together that they could, and Tom came to the airport when they left. Daphne looked very New York in a black suit and a mink coat and hat, and Barbara was wearing the new mink jacket he had bought her. "You two certainly look chic." There was no trace of Los Angeles about them. And when he kissed Barbara, he whispered, "See you on Friday." She smiled and held him close and then they boarded the plane and took their seats and Daphne glanced at Barbara.

"You don't look too upset. Do I sense a plot afoot?" Barbara blushed and Daphne laughed at the truth. "How soon is he coming to New York? On the next flight?"

"Friday."

"Good for you. If I were halfway decent I'd can you right here and now and throw you off the plane." Barbara watched her face but it was obvious that she didn't mean it. Daphne was looking very pale beneath her dark fur hat, and Barbara knew that she had seen Justin the night before. She suspected that it wasn't an easy meeting. Eventually, after lunch, Daphne told her about it.

"He's already living with that girl."

"The one from Ohio?" Daphne nodded. "Maybe he'll marry her." And then she was instantly sorry she had said it. "I'm sorry, Daff."

"Don't be. You may be right, but I doubt it. I don't think men like Justin marry anyone at all. I just wasn't smart enough to know that." They talked about Andrew then, and Daphne said she was going up to see him that weekend. "I was going to ask you to come, but now that I know you've got better plans ..." They exchanged a smile, and then Barbara decided to tackle something she had thought of for a long time.

"What about Matthew?"

"What about him?" Daphne's eyes were instantly guarded.

"You know what I mean." They had been together for too long to play games.

"Yes, I do. But he's just a friend, Barb. It's better that way." And then she smiled. "Besides, Andrew says he has a girl friend. And I happen to know he's right. Matt told me about her in September."

"I have the feeling that if he knew you were free, he would dump her in about ten minutes."

"I doubt that, and it's not important. Andrew and I have a lot of catching up to do when I get back, and I want to start the new book before Christmas." Barbara wanted to tell her that that wasn't good enough, but she knew Daphne didn't want to discuss it. They each sat lost in her own thoughts. Barbara was relieved about the silence. She felt uncomfortable lying to Daphne about Tom and she wasn't ready to tell her they were getting married.

They arrived in New York, and Daphne grinned broadly as they drove into town. "Welcome home." But it no longer felt like that to Barbara. She already missed Tom. All Daphne could think of was Andrew. She talked about him nonstop for the next few days, and at the end of the week she took her car out of storage and drove up to see him. She could hardly wait as she drove along, singing and smiling. There was snow on the ground almost all the way up and it was a long tedious drive, but she didn't mind it. She had to stop and have chains put on her tires, but never for a moment did she long for the balmy sunshine of California. All she wanted was to be near Andrew. She arrived in town well after nine, and she drove straight to the inn and called Matt to tell him that she had arrived and would be over in the morning. But one of the teachers answered his phone and told her he was out. So be it, she whispered to herself as she looked out the window. It was no longer time to think of him, he had his own life now, and she had Andrew. And the next morning when she got to the school, they had a grand reunion.

"And now we'll never be apart anymore." It was amazing to think that the year was over. "I'm going to come and get you in two weeks and we'll spend the whole Christmas vacation together at my apartment." The visits to California had proven beyond any doubt that he was ready to leave the school for long periods of time, but he looked at her and shook his head.

"I can't, Mom."

"You can't?" She looked shocked. "Why not?"

"I'm going on a field trip.' Barbara was right. He had his own life, even now.

"Where?" Daphne felt her heart sink. She was going to spend Christmas alone.

"I'm going skiing." And then he grinned. "But I'm coming back before New Year's. Could I come then?"

"Sure you can." She laughed softly. How life had changed in a year.

"Can we blow horns on New Year's Eve?"

"Yes." But it struck her as a funny request, he wouldn't be able to hear them.

"I love the way they feel, they tickle my mouth, and everyone else will hear the noise." There was definitely the eight-year-old inside him, despite his new independence.

And then Matthew joined them and Daphne smiled. "Hi, Matt. I hear you're taking Andrew skiing."

"I'm not. I'm staying here to finish up. But there's a whole bunch of them going to Vermont with some of the teachers."