Once in a Lifetime (40 page)

"That ought to be fun." But he was watching the sadness he saw in her eyes.

"You wanted him in California for Christmas?" She hadn't yet told him that she'd moved back. She had just had Barbara call and tell them at the school that Daphne was in New York for the moment.

"No. I thought I'd stay in New York." She searched his eyes but she saw nothing there. "Andrew says he'll come down for New Year's."

"That sounds great." Their eyes met and held over the boy's head and a thousand thoughts went unspoken.

"When are you leaving, Matt?"

"On the twenty-ninth. I For a while I thought I'd stay here, but they need me too much at the New York School." He smiled. "That doesn't sound very humble, but Martha says she'll quit if I don't come back, and they can't afford to lose us both. She's the one who's really valuable to them."

"Don't be so modest. They're going to miss you like crazy up here."

"No, they won't. The new director is arriving from London next week, and judging from her correspondence, she's terrific. And I'll be coming up pretty often, to visit the troops on weekends." With that, Daphne understood that Harriet Bateau was still in the picture. It gave her her cue for the next moves, and she was careful with them. For a mad moment she had wondered if Barbara was right, that she should let him know she was free, but she had no right to do that to him now, and the fact was mat there was no reason to think it would make any difference to him.

"Why aren't you going skiing with the kids?" But she assumed that she already knew.

"I want to stay here with the kids who can't go." She nodded, but she understood the real reason. He went back to his work then and she only saw him in brief moments during her visit. He was desperately busy, getting things ready for the new director. And as had often happened before, it wasn't until her last night that they had time to sit down and talk after Andrew went to bed. She had decided to tackle the roads and drive home on Sunday night. For the first time in a long time, being in New Hampshire depressed her.

"So how's California these days, Daff?" He handed her a cup of coffee and sat down in his familiar chair.

"It was all right the last I saw of it. I've been in New York since Monday."

"That's nice for Andrew that you're staying through Christmas. I gather your friend still isn't anxious to meet him. Or is he here with you?" It was the perfect opportunity to tell him, but she didn't.

"No, he's not. I have to get started on my next book."

"Don't you ever relax?" His smile was gentle, but he was vaguely distant.

"No more than you do. From what I've seen in the last two days, you're entitled to a nervous breakdown."

"I am. But I don't have time to collect it."

"I know the feeling. The last few weeks of making Apache were absolutely nuts, but the wrap was great." She told him about the last day and the wrap party, and he smiled as he listened. She had a nice way of weaving a tale and she was keeping the conversation from coming too close. She was still hurting too much to open up very much, even to him. It wasn't so much that she missed Justin. But she felt defeated. By Justin and the twenty-two-year-old girl from Ohio. Nothing like that had ever happened to her before. Or would again, she promised herself daily.

"What I'll you do for Christmas with Andrew gone?" There was concern in his eyes, but maybe Justin would come in to be with her. The last time he had talked to her about him, she had said that they would probably get married.

"I'll have plenty to do." It seemed an adequate answer and he nodded. There was a long pause then as they both sat lost in their own thoughts, and he found himself thinking of Harriet. She was a nice girl, but she wasn't for him, and they both knew it. She had started seeing someone else a few weeks before, and he suspected that any day he would hear of her engagement. She was ripe to get married, and there were plenty of people who would jump at the chance, but he wasn't one of them. He didn't love her. And she deserved better than that, he had told her that the last time he saw her. Daphne was watching him as he sat lost in thought. "You look awfully serious, Matt."

He glanced at the fire and then at her. "I was thinking how times change." Daphne wondered how deeply involved he was with that girl. Maybe he was getting married. But she didn't want to ask him now. She had enough with what she was going through, and when he wanted to, he would tell her.

"Yes, they do. I can't believe this year is over."

"I told you it wouldn't be forever." He looked quiet and wise, and she noticed that there was more gray in his hair now than there had been a year before. "And Andrew did just fine." He smiled at her then. "You didn't do too badly either."

"Andrew did well, thanks to you, Matt."

"That's not true. Andrew did well because of Andrew." She nodded then, and after a little while she stood up.

"I'd better go if I'm going to tackle those roads tonight."

"Are you sure you should?" He worried and she smiled. He had given her so much comfort in the past year, it was difficult not to reach out to him now, but she knew it wouldn't be right for him. He seemed content, and he had said himself that times had changed. It was better left at that.

"I'll be fine. I'm indestructible, you know."

"Possibly, but there's a hell of a lot of snow on those roads, Daff." And then as he walked her to the door, "Why don't you call me when you get home?"

"Don't be silly, Matt. It'll be three or four in the morning. That's my time of day, not any other normal human being's."

"Never mind that, just call. I'll go right back to sleep. I want to know you're okay. If you don't call me, I'll stay up and keep calling you." It was an offer above and beyond the call of duty, and reminiscent of their old friendship.

"All right, I'll call. But I hate to wake you." She thought about it again as she drove slowly south on the icy roads. It took her even longer than she thought and she didn't get home until five in the morning. It seemed a crime to call, and yet she had to admit that she wanted to. She dialed his number from her desk, and a moment later he picked up the phone, sounding sleepy.

"Matt? I'm home." She spoke in a whisper.

"Are you okay?" He glanced at the clock as he asked. It was five fifteen in the morning.

"I'm fine. Now go back to sleep."

"That's all right." He rolled over in bed with a sleepy smile. "This reminds me of when you used to call from California." She smiled too, it was an odd sort of hour and it was easier to let one's guard down. "I've missed you, you know. Sometimes it's strange when you pop in here. I'm busy and there are ten thousand people around."

"I know. I feel awkward too." They sat in silence for a moment and she thought she ought to let him go back to sleep. "Are you happy these days, Matt?" She wanted to ask him about Harriet but she still didn't dare.

"Pretty much. I'm too busy to ask myself that most of the time. What about you?"

For a moment she faltered, then her guard went up again. "I'm all right."

"Getting married?" He had to ask.

"No." But she didn't offer any further information. "I think Barbara is, though."

"The guy in L.A.?"

"Yes. He's just super. She deserves someone like that."

"So do you. ..." The words had sneaked out and he instantly regretted them. "I'm sorry, Daff. That's none of my business." Why not?

"It's okay. I've cried on your shoulder a lot in the last year."

"You're not crying anymore, are you, Daff?" He sounded sad and Daphne knew he was asking about Justin.

"Not lately."

"I'm glad. You deserve good things in your life."

"So do you." Her eyes filled with tears then and she felt stupid. He had a right to be happy with that girl, but she knew she was going to miss him. Once he left Howarth she would have no excuse to call him. They might have lunch once in a while, but that would be all, and maybe not even that if he was married. "Go back to bed now, Matt. It's so late."

He yawned and glanced back at the clock. It was almost six o'clock, and he had to get up. "You get some sleep too. You must be bushed after that drive."

"A little."

"Good night, Daff. I'll talk to you soon."

She had called to leave a message for Andrew when he left to ski, but Matt was out, and she was planning to call him on Christmas Day, but she never got to. The car hit her on Madison Avenue on Christmas Eve, and instead of calling Matt she was lying in Lenox Hill as Barbara watched her, with tears coursing silently down her face. She couldn't believe this had happened to Daphne. And what was she going to tell Andrew? Daphne had made her promise not to call, but sooner or later she knew she'd have to. And especially if ... she couldn't bear the thought as Liz Watkins signaled to her that it was time for her to go back out in the hall, and when she checked her pulse, she noticed that Daphne was running a fever.

"How is she now?"

Liz Watkins watched Barbara's eyes, wondering if she could take the truth, then they went out into the hallway. "Not good, to be honest with you. The fever could mean a lot of things." Barbara nodded, her eyes filling with tears again. She went to call Tom, he had waited all day in her apartment. It was a rotten way to spend Christmas, but she had to be here with Daphne.

"Oh, babe ..." He thought that the worst had come, but Barbara was quick to reassure him. It was the tenth time she had called, and he worried when he heard her crying.

"She has a fever, and the nurse looks worried."

He sat silently as his end for a long time. "Is there anyone you should call, Barb?" It was an enormous responsibility for her to take on her own shoulders.

"The only family she has is Andrew." She began crying softly then, thinking of him, it would kill him if he lost his mother. She knew that she would take him back to California with her to live with Tom, but that wouldn't be the same. He needed Daphne. They all did. "And I can't call him. He's skiing. Besides, he's only eight years old. He shouldn't see this."

"Does she look that bad?"

"No, but ..." Barbara choked on the words. "She may not make it."

And then he had a thought. "What about the guy at the school, that director who's her friend at Andrew's school?"

"What about him?"

"I don't know, Barb, but it may mean something to him. I've always had the feeling from what you've said that there was more going on than she admitted." One thing was for sure, she wouldn't bother to call Justin.

"I don't think there was." She thought about it for a while. "But maybe I should call him." Even Barbara didn't realize how close they had become, and maybe he would have some thoughts about whether or not they should contact Andrew on his ski trip. "I'll call you back."

"Do you want me to come over?" She was about to say no, and then suddenly she broke down again. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed him there. "Never mind. I'll be there in ten minutes." She told him what floor and he told her he'd bring something for her to eat. She wasn't hungry, but he knew that she needed some food to get her through the night, food and a lot of black coffee. He had a feeling that things weren't going to end well for Daphne and Barbara was going to take it very hard if she died.

Barbara sat in the phone booth for a long time, trying to decide if it was right to call. In one of her few lucid moments Daphne had told her not to. But something even stronger told her to now. She had Daphne's handbag and she looked in the little address book she carried. The private number was there next to the name Matthew Dane.

He sounded distracted, as though he had been working.

"Mr. Dane, this is Barbara Jarvis in New York." She could feel her heart pound and her palms sweat. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Yes?" He sounded surprised. Daphne's official calls didn't usually come in at night, let alone on Christmas. He recognized the secretary's name at once. Maybe she was just calling to leave a message for Andrew.

"I... Mr. Dane, this is a difficult call. Miss Fields has had an accident. I'm at the hospital with her now. ..."

"Did she ask you to call?" He sounded shocked and Barbara fought back tears as she shook her head.

"No, she didn't." He could hear that she was crying. "She was hit by a car last night, and ... Mr. Dane, she's in intensive care and ..." The sobs broke from her then.

"Oh, my God. How bad is it?" She told him all she knew and she could hear that his voice was shaking when he answered.

"She didn't want me to tell you or Andrew, but I thought..."

"Is she conscious?" He sounded relieved.

"She was for a little while, but she isn't now." Barbara sighed deeply and told him what she had told Tom. "She just started running a fever." She also told him what it could mean, and he had to control his voice when he asked the next question. Suddenly he understood as he never had before, what it had been like when she had lost Jeffrey and then John. And he didn't want to know more than he did now. He couldn't bear it.

"Is there anyone with her, Barbara, other than you?" He wasn't sure how else to ask her.

"No, but my ... my fiance will be here any minute. He's here from L.A...." And then she realized that she wasn't telling him what he wanted to know. She decided to take the bull by the horns. "Mr. Dane, she ended it with Justin a month ago."

"Why didn't she tell me?" He sounded even more shocked than he had before.

"She thought you were in love with some girl up there, and she didn't think it would be fair to tell you about Justin."

"Oh, my God." And he had sat by the fire telling her how times had changed. He almost groaned as he remembered the conversation verbatim. He had been assuming that she and Justin were almost married.

"Do you think we should tell Andrew?"

"No, I don't. There's nothing he can do. And he's too young to deal with this, if he doesn't have to." He looked at his watch then and stood up, beginning to pace the room with his phone in his hand. "I'll be down in six hours."

"You're coming?" She sounded stunned. She wasn't sure what she had expected.