One Day Soon (25 page)

I opened my mouth, prepared to argue with him. But his expression had me swallowing my words.

“Oh my god! Imi!”

A couple of girls from school were walking past the tennis courts. I wanted to hide my face. Pretend I didn’t hear them. But I didn’t. What would be the point?

They were carrying towels, obviously headed for the public pool. I recognized them as Becky Plimpton, a girl I sometimes had lunch with, and Fiona Jones who I had known since Kindergarten. Both waved at me enthusiastically.

I glanced at Yoss and noticed that he was now sitting up, watching the group approach us. I didn’t want to talk to them. I should have known better than to come to a park where I was likely to run into people I knew.

“Where the hell have you been, girl? You’ve missed all the good parties this summer!” Becky exclaimed stopping at my feet and giving me a big smile. Becky was a nice enough girl, a little on the ditzy side, but harmless.

Fiona glanced at Yoss, her eyes widening slightly. I knew what she saw. She saw a hot guy with longish black hair, beautiful green eyes, and a face to stop your heart.

I wanted to snarl at Fiona and her obvious interest.

“Are you going to introduce us to your friend?” she asked sweetly.

Yoss lifted his hand in a halfhearted wave. “I’m Yoss, Imi’s boyfriend.”

Boyfriend.

He was my boyfriend. I grinned like a fool.

Fiona and Becky exchanged a look. “Oh, I had no idea you were dating anyone,” Becky said.

“Yeah, well you know…” I let my words trail off.

“I heard you’re not living at home anymore. That you’re staying down at that place by the river where all the homeless people are. Is that true?” Fiona asked, aghast.

Yoss was all tension beside me.

Becky didn’t seem to notice his discomfort. “You’re coming back to school though, right? You’re a definite for Homecoming court this year!”

I wanted to laugh at her idiocy.

Homecoming court?

Really?

Couldn’t she tell that I didn’t give a shit about any of that? I was pretty sure my dirty shirt and stained jeans gave away my zero fucks.

“I don’t think—”

“You should bring Yoss to the dance! It’ll be awesome! Becky and I were discussing themes and we’re thinking Totally 80s. I was talking to Amanda the other day and she said we should all get together next week and start planning. It’ll be here before you know it!” Fiona prattled on.

I looked at Yoss. He had shoved his hands into his pockets and had moved off to stand by the picnic tables.

“I don’t think I’ll be going to the dance,” I said. I wanted them to leave. That feeling from earlier resurfaced. The one where I felt as if I were missing out. I didn’t like it. If I let those feelings in, I was pretty sure I’d lose it.

Becky gasped. “How can you say that? It’s our junior year!” She turned to Yoss. “Tell her how important it is! It’s Homecoming! It’s a rite of passage to go!”

Yoss didn’t say anything and I didn’t like the look on his face. At all.

“I don’t know. Things are different now,” I said as way of explanation.

Fiona and Becky exchanged another look and I knew that I’d be the source of a lot of conversation later.

“Becky! Fiona! Come on already!” someone yelled from the other side of the park.

Becky grimaced. “I guess we should get going. I’ll see you around, Imi.” She leaned in to give me a hug, but I evaded her. She frowned, taking a step back, seeming offended.

Fiona wiggled her fingers at Yoss, who stared at her blankly. “See you guys.”

Then they were gone and I was relieved.

“God, I had almost forgotten how annoying they could be,” I laughed awkwardly. Yoss was watching my classmates with a strange look on his face.

I walked over to where he was standing and put my arms around his waist, going up on my tiptoes so that I could kiss his lips.

He stood stiffly in my arms, not holding me back.

“Yoss, come on, say something,” I pleaded.

“You should go to your Homecoming dance,” he said dully. Emotionless.

“Uh, I don’t think that fits into my current social calendar,” I joked, though it rang hollow.

Yoss reached behind his back and disentangled himself from my arms, holding me away from his body. “You should go back to school next week,” he went on.

“Yoss, don’t be ridic—”

“You have another life, Imi. A decent one. One that you should be living. Not hanging out with a bunch of fucking skids that sleep in a goddamn warehouse.” His voice rose and I flinched.

“Why are you saying this? You know why I left home. I have nowhere to go—”

Yoss shook his head. “You have a home, Imi. You have friends. School. Homecoming. You have things the rest of us don’t. What the hell are you doing?” he demanded.

“Don’t talk to me like this, Yoss! Don’t you dare!” I cried, trying to reach out for him again, but he held me off.

“I don’t get you, Imogen. What sort of person chooses to live out here? What kind of girl attaches herself to a guy like me instead of sleeping in a warm bed and having a normal life? What’s wrong with this fucking picture?” he yelled, turning away from me.

I let out a choked sort of sob and covered my face with my hands.

Yoss looked back at me again and his face softened.

“Stop crying. Please,” he said. “It’s just that you don’t belong out here, Imi. You should go home.”

Bug stirred in the grass, stretching out. “Shit, how long was I asleep?” he asked, sounding groggy.

Yoss and I both ignored him.

“I’ve lived my whole life being shoved aside. I thought I had finally found someone that wouldn’t ever make me feel like I wasn’t wanted.” I was crying in earnest now. I couldn’t help it. Maybe if I were less emotional I’d have known what Yoss was trying to do. If I were more mature I would have seen that he was only thinking of what was best for me. He wasn’t trying to get rid of me. He wasn’t tossing me aside. He only wanted me happy and safe. Yoss was putting my needs above his.

Because Yoss
needed
me. I didn’t know it then. I could only recognize my own pain. But later I would come to realize that he possibly needed me more than I could ever need him.

But my sixteen-year-old heart only heard rejection. I only saw the boy I loved telling me to leave him behind.

I wasn’t reading between the lines. I wasn’t hearing the truth that was right in front of me. I was slightly broken. Overly vulnerable. I had lived a lifetime of neglect and minimal love. I couldn’t see past my experiences to understand what real, selfless love looked like.

Teenagers aren’t known for being astute and I was no exception.

“Do you want me to go? Is that it? You’re tired of me already, Yossarian?” I shouted.

He flinched at my use of his full name.

I hated crying. I found it to be a useless waste of time. Tears solved nothing. But I couldn’t stop them from flowing down my cheeks.

Bug sat up, looking between Yoss and me. “Whoa, guys, chill out. It’s all good,” he tried to placate.

“Yes! I want you to go! I want you to leave! Of course I do!” He took my hands and pressed them to his mouth. “Do you think I want this for you, Imi?” He kissed my palm. The inside of my wrist. I could feel his hands trembling. “God, I love you! So much! I’d give anything for you to have better than this! So even though it would rip my heart out to watch you go, I
want you to
! I think you’re staying here because of me, and I can’t live with that! Fucking hell, Imogen, you can’t live with that either!”

Was he right? Was I staying for him?

Was I living this hell on earth because I couldn’t bear to leave him?

“Guys, seriously, don’t do this. Imi is just like us. She’s family, man,” Bug argued, picking at his lip in agitation.

Yoss stared down at me, his eyes red, his cheeks wet. “That’s where you’re wrong, Bug. Imogen is
nothing
like us!”

I wished that statement didn’t hurt as much as it did.

“You’re
not
the same as the rest of us. You’re so much better. You’re so much
more
.”

We were both shaking, but I was resolved and nothing Yoss could say would sway me. “You want me to go, then I’ll go. But I can’t go back to my mother. I won’t go back there. Don’t you get that?”

“You need to go to school. You need to be safe. Don’t
you
get
that?”
he rasped, his voice breaking. Cracking into pieces.

“I love you, Yoss. I won’t leave you,” I swore. And I meant it. I wouldn’t. Not now. Not ever.

Yoss closed his eyes as if in pain. “I know, Imogen. That’s the problem.”

Then, as if he couldn’t help himself, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I tucked my head underneath his chin and sobbed into his shirt. He ran his hands up and down my back and I found myself finally able to relax.

Bug left at some point, but neither of us moved. We cried. We held on. We felt the broken pieces start to mend.

“Can we go somewhere? Just us?” I asked.

“Anything you want,” he said softly.

I cupped the side of his face. “Don’t ask me to leave again. Promise.”

His face contorted and he shook his head. “I can’t—”

“I need you to promise me, Yoss. I don’t push you about your past, don’t push me about mine. That life, that world, it’s gone for me. I can’t go back. You of all people should understand that. So promise me Yoss that you won’t fight with me about this. I need to know you want me here with you. Always. I need to know you love me. It’s the only thing that will make all of this easier.”

I wasn’t playing fair. A part of me knew that.

Yoss leaned down and kissed me, taking my doubts and my fear of rejection and erasing it all.

“Promise,” he murmured against my mouth.

It wasn’t the first lie he ever told me.

And it wouldn’t be the last.

Present Day

“D
o you have any other movies on that thing besides Fiddler on the Roof?” Yoss asked moments after I arrived in his room. I had waited to see him until the end of the day. I hadn’t been putting it off. I wanted to see him. I
needed
to. But I wasn’t quite sure of the reception I’d receive.

Yoss had kissed me.

It left things unsettled. A little bit awkward.

It was now almost six o’clock and the sun was setting. The sky was awash in fierce shades of red and gold.

I hadn’t been sure what to expect when Yoss saw me again. Asking what movies I had was pretty far from my list of possibilities.

I looked down at my laptop bag slung across my chest. I had brought it with me to take notes in his case file.

“Uh, yeah, sure I do,” I said as I sat down beside his bed. I pulled out my computer and put it on the table, turning it on.

We should talk about the kiss. About the things we had said yesterday. We should talk about his health. What he was going to do once he left the hospital.

I’m not avoiding
, I told myself. I was simply allowing us the opportunity to talk about things beyond life and death, choices made and piles of regret.

We’d talk about movies.

And that was okay.

It seemed I wasn’t the only one who needed a break from the heavy stuff.

Yoss started to laugh minutes later.

“What?” I asked in confusion.

Yoss coughed and inclined his head in the direction of the screen. “Is that really a bunch of panda bears in Kiss makeup?”

I started laughing too. Hard. And then I made an unfortunate noise with my nose. It was completely mortifying.

“Did you just snort?” Yoss asked, smirking.

“I did
not
snort. And if I had, way to point it out,” I muttered.

“I remember how you used to snort when you’d laugh and your face would turn a bright shade of red. Sort of like what it’s doing now.” Yoss leaned closer to me, examining my flaming cheeks.