One Eye Laughing, the Other Weeping (17 page)

She asked about Sophy, which startled me. Did I feel

comfortable with Sophy? I couldn’t imagine what any of this had to do with the play.
‌

Aunt Clara said that as soon as I felt as comfortable with Wendy as I did with Sophy, I could begin memorizing my lines — but not a moment before.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14, 1938

Aunt Clara took me to the theater. She wanted me to feel what it was like when it was empty.

We walked up and down the aisles, all around backstage (I saw my dressing room), and even onto the stage. Aunt Clara snapped her fingers in the air to show me what the sound was like.

It was strange being there. Strange because it didn’t seem as unfamiliar as I thought it would. It felt comfortable, as if it wasn’t my first time there. As if I had been there before.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15, 1938

I’ve never been so excited in my entire life! My name is in the
Playbill
! I’m putting it right here in my diary:

INTRODUCING
,
AS WENDY DARLING
,
TEN
-
YEAR
-
OLD
,
VIENNA
-
BORN JULIE WEISS
.

I showed Aunt Clara that they had gotten my age wrong, but she said it wasn’t a mistake. They like you to be even younger than you are so your acting will seem even more astonishing.

I didn’t forget any of my lines, which was truly a miracle. I was so nervous, I wanted to scream.

I told Uncle Martin that I didn’t think I delivered any of my lines in a very convincing fashion, and he laughed and said I sounded just like my aunt.

All my friends from the building came: Mr. Esposito, Mrs. Lowenstein, Mr. Allen (it was quite a compliment that he came out), Mr. Smalls, and Susie.

Of course I didn’t see any of them during the play, just later backstage, when everyone gathered in Aunt Clara’s dressing room.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16, 1938

I slept till eleven o’clock. I threw a robe on as soon as I saw how late it was, and went out to the kitchen. Aunt Clara and Uncle Martin were already up. The

newspapers were spread out all over the kitchen table. As soon as he saw me, Uncle Martin started reading out loud:

“‘Julie Weiss is a promising young actress who appears to be as beautiful on the inside as she undeniably is on the outside.’”

Aunt Clara said that was
The New York Times,
which is the only newspaper that counts. But Uncle Martin said we should read more, even if they don’t count.

One said my performance was “subtle beyond my years”; one that I was “radiant”; and another that I was “a new, natural young talent.”

All the reviews were splendid.

Aunt Clara said that Mr. Garfinkel called to congrat-ulate everyone on the reviews and he wanted to speak to me but she told him I was still sleeping.

When I went outside, “Red Mike” and “Black Mike” clapped, and Mr. Esposito asked for my autograph.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 17, 1938

Aunt Clara still doesn’t like Mr. Buttinger. She says he’s a hypochondriac and he’s getting on her nerves.

Aunt Clara thinks he’s always complaining about how ill he is just to call attention to himself.

He’s been very nice to me, though. While we were playing one of our scenes together, he took me by the arm and turned me slightly toward the audience. When we were backstage later, he told me that was so they could see all of me.

Mr. Robie has been nice also. He walks just like a cat: slow, steady, cautious. He looks like a black cat because he always always wears black pants and a black turtleneck.

He keeps reminding me not to do too much. He says I’m doing very well but I should try not to
act
like Wendy but to
pretend
that I
am
Wendy.

I’m honestly not sure what the difference is.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 18, 1938

Seeing how a play is put together behind the scenes is like seeing how a magician does his tricks, only it doesn’t ruin the magic. It makes it more magical.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 19, 1938

Another good thing about being in a play is that I definitely can’t go to school.

Aunt Clara has hired a tutor for me. Her name is Miss Bliss, and she comes on Wednesdays and Mondays at four. (There’s no play on Mondays, and only a matinee on Wednesdays and Sundays, but Miss Bliss can’t come on Sundays.)

She teaches the sixth grade in a school right near here and has tutored child actors before, which was the first thing she told me. She said I speak English sur-prisingly well for someone so new to this country, and I told her about Miss Sachs, and about Ella Fitzgerald and how much I think listening to her singing has helped me.

Miss Bliss said that sounded like fun, but first we were going to review some fundamentals to see how much I knew and to make sure “our foundations are strong.” Miss Bliss says “our” a lot when I think she means “your.”

She doesn’t strike me as the type of person who really says what she thinks. I don’t think she really thought listening to Ella Fitzgerald was fun. I don’t

know why she said it, then. I’ve never understood people like Miss Bliss, and I don’t think I ever will.
‌

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20, 1938

Acting is so exciting. It’s the best game of make-believe I’ve ever played. I’ve never done anything like it before in my whole, entire life.

Knowing the audience is listening to my every word, laughing when I say something funny, holding their breath when I’m in danger. Hearing my own voice but knowing someone else is speaking. Someone who isn’t me, but I’m them.

Being someone else night after night is the most incredible feeling. It is a blessing and a relief.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 21, 1938

I was having trouble with one of my scenes. The one where the lost boys shoot me with an arrow when Peter brings me to be their mother.

I was certain Mr. Robie was going to say something, but he didn’t. I wanted to ask him if I was doing it right, but Aunt Clara said not to. If you ask a director

what they think, you will regret it for the rest of your career.
‌

MONDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1938

I’ve decided to write down all the important things Aunt Clara says about becoming a great actress:

• Anything less than perfection is a compromise.
  
• Theories about good acting are far less important than good acting.
  
• Complete control at all times is essential.
  
• The outside must reflect the inside.
  
• On the stage a woman can be anything.
  
• Make-believe tears are for make-believe audiences.
  
• A true actress doesn’t speak lines on command. Aunt Clara takes acting very seriously.
  

  TUESDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1938
  

  Mrs. Delmar uses a rabbit’s foot to blend my makeup. She also likes to have it around for good luck.
  

  She’s not the only one. A lot of people in the cast are superstitious. Mr. Buttinger doesn’t allow any whistling while he’s appearing in a play, and Margaret, who plays Peter, insists on coming in the door backward.‌
  

  Mrs. Delmar said she would show me tomorrow how to take off my makeup using cold cream.
  

  WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1938
  

  It’s funny how some people aren’t at all like their names. Mr. Smalls isn’t small, and Miss Bliss is what-ever the opposite of “bliss” is.
  

  THURSDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1938
  

  Mr. Buttinger got into trouble today because of his smoking. He insists on smoking backstage even though he knows it’s not allowed.
  

  The fireman caught him. He said he would let him off with a warning this time, but if he caught him again it would be “curtains.” He winked when he said “curtains,” which was very funny. But of course Mr. Buttinger didn’t think it was funny at all. Mr. Buttinger doesn’t have a very good sense of humor.
  

  FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 1938
  

  Aunt Clara said when I go to see
  You Can’t Take It With You
  with Susie, I should listen to the way Spring Byington says her lines. That way, I can improve my speaking voice.
  

  She also said I should brush my hair five hundred strokes a day, even though I wear a wig as Wendy.
  

• A successful actress must take care of her body.
  
• Never repeat lines like a trained parrot.
  
• An actress must become her character for the lines to sound natural.
  
• Smiling is not a God-given gift: It must be practiced.
  

Aunt Clara suggested I practice various expressions in front of the mirror to improve my range: happy, sad, lonely, surprised, confused, frightened. It’s astonishing how easy it is for me to act frightened.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1938‌

Mr. Robie has been spending a lot of time with me this past week. I was worried it was because of my ac-cent, but it doesn’t seem to be that. He said I have to learn to project my voice without shouting. He wants me to slow down my speech so I speak more distinct-ly. He said it just like that.

Mr. Buttinger is so much like Mr. Darling. He’s so absentminded that he came to the theater today with one brown shoe and one black.

I told Aunt Clara I was worried because everyone in the cast seems to be so much better than me, especially Margaret. But she said that playing with superior ac-tors is the only way to learn.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 31, 1938

We had the most frightening evening last night. Aunt Clara was having dinner with Mr. Garfinkel,

and Uncle Martin was listening to the radio. I joined

him, expecting to hear Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy, since it was Sunday night.

But Uncle Martin didn’t like Edgar Bergen’s guest, and so he turned the dial to a station that was playing boring dance music. Suddenly the music stopped, and there was a special bulletin.

It said that after some mysterious explosions on the planet Mars, a huge, flaming object had fallen from the sky and landed across the river in New Jersey. They were sending a mobile unit to the scene, and we were told we should stand by for further bulletins. Then the music came back on.

We stared at each other, too afraid to say anything because we might miss the bulletin.

Then a reporter at the scene said that the state police had roped off the area to keep back the spectators. He sounded agitated, and there was frantic shouting in the background. You could hear a strange hum, which he said was coming from the unidentified flying object. Then, in a startled voice, he said that something was crawling out of the rocket ship. There was more than one, and they had black eyes, tentacles, and saliva drip-ping from their mouths. He sounded terrified, but continued to report.