One More Kiss (10 page)

His phone vibrated and he saw that it was a text message from Alysse.

Do you have plans for dinner? How does a sunset cruise from Dana Point sound?

I’m still working and won’t have an idea when I’ll be finished for another thirty minutes.

Okay. Text me when you know.

He finished his recon and met back up with Donovan. They’d driven up to L.A. separately so meeting Alysse wasn’t going to be an issue of transportation, but he was feeling as though they were doing Vegas all over again, not really being themselves. A part of him enjoyed being with her, but he knew that wasn’t going to be enough for her. And every day they were together he felt further and further away from her.

“Are the photos okay?” Donovan asked.

Jay took the camera from the other man and, using the small view window, scrolled through them. They were actually pretty good. There were one or two that showed some areas Jay thought might pose a problem.

“How was the visibility of this alcove?” Jay asked, pointing to an entryway on the side of the building that was covered.

“Not the best, but there is only one shadowy area and it’s not big enough to hide a man.”

“Are you sure?” Jay asked. The mission to protect the dignitary had been assigned to him, but the intel was going to be his. He wanted to give Lucien the best information he could. Make sure his friend didn’t get caught out by anything that Jay or Donovan overlooked.

“I’m sure. I watched it for about ten minutes and there was a lot of traffic in and out. No one just appeared. There’s a guard there, as well,” Donovan said.

“Good to know,” Jay said.

They finished chatting and then headed back to Oceanside and the Company B offices. Jay texted Alysse he was busier than he’d thought he’d be and that he’d get in touch when he was done.

She didn’t text back. That silence made him wonder if he’d done the wrong thing and finally put her off. He pushed it to the back of his mind as he entered the conference room and sat down at the table with the rest of the team. Lucien was at the head of the table with Donovan and Jay next to him on the left. Across from them were two men whom Jay didn’t know but he quickly learned they were both assigned to guard the dignitary.

The client was a foreign minister from Egypt who’d managed to escape the country before being arrested and was applying for diplomatic immunity.

After they reported on what they’d found in Santa Monica, Jay and Donovan both were done for the day and left the conference room. But Jay felt restless. He wanted to stay and offer his services as eyes in the sky. He knew that those two guards would do their job, but he felt that he could benefit the mission.

The only problem with that was that he didn’t work for them. Today had been challenging and the kind of work he liked to do, but yesterday he’d sat in a control room and monitored security cameras, which had been a total bore.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw that Alysse had texted him back that she was staying for dinner and if he decided to show up he could join her.

* * *

A
LYSSE
HAD
ALWAYS
STRUGGLED
with being alone in public. Partly it was because she’d always felt so self-conscious that being alone made her feel exposed. But after Jay had left and she’d spent all those nights alone having to rebuild her confidence, something had changed. Her mom often said that it was as if part of Alysse stopped caring what other people thought. And Alysse didn’t know if that was true, but she had finally stopped building her life around the romantic fantasy that had always existed in her head.

She was having a drink at one of the many bars in the marina area and sitting outside where she had a nice view of the Pacific. Staci had unexpectedly met up with one of her former boyfriends and gone with him when they’d finished the cupcake giveaway, and, instead of heading back to the bakery and her home, Alysse had decided to stay here.

She had a lot to think about, what with Staci wanting to go off and do her own thing. And Jay.

He’d been so accommodating a part of her had just expected him to say yes when she’d asked him to meet her, but then she guessed it was important to remember that he was busy away from her.

She took another sip of her wine and leaned back in the chair. The marina was busy with foot traffic—couples and families taking a stroll. In the distance she heard the sound of a reggae band playing. The marina committee had a full schedule of events that were going until late tonight.

She stretched and turned to signal her waiter and was surprised to see Jay approaching. He wore his habitual jeans and a T-shirt with a thick leather bomber jacket over it.

He pulled out the chair next to her and sat down. “Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.”

“I didn’t think you were coming,” she said at last, realizing that she hadn’t gotten over her expectation that he would leave her.

“I wasn’t sure I would either,” he said. “The traffic from L.A. was nuts. I don’t know how people drive here all the time.”

“This job is demanding?” she asked. “You haven’t said much.”

He hadn’t shared a lot of his life with her. In fact, if it wasn’t something she pulled out of him, he never volunteered information about himself. She suspected he was just used to playing his cards close to his chest.

“Today I went and did recon for a job they’re doing tomorrow. Guarding a dignitary at a dinner. I was checking out possible places where a shooter could set up in case...well, the guy’s a target so there is no in case.”

She heard some excitement in his voice as he talked about it. He ordered a beer from the waiter and then stretched his long legs out and looked over at her.

“Do you think you will take the job?” she asked. “It definitely sounds like your kind of thing.”

“Today was. But other jobs they have aren’t as interesting,” he said, taking a swallow of his beer. “I don’t know yet.”

He wasn’t going to make a decision that quickly and even if he did it would have no impact on her. Had things between them changed at all in the week they’d spent together?

She knew they had an electric sexual chemistry and she had to admit he’d let her use him for all the sex she wanted. But the truth was the more that she was with him, the more she wanted him. He wasn’t curing her so she could move on. She was falling for him and that loner persona of his, even though she was trying not to.

“Would you like it if I took that job?”

“I don’t think that’s up to me,” she said. “I don’t want you to hold it against me if I say yes and you hate it.”

“That’s fair enough. Have you thought about us in the long term?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No. Have you?”

He didn’t say anything, just took a long draw on his beer and she honestly had no idea what that meant. It occurred to her that while she’d been busy trying to cure herself of Jay, he’d been doing his best to protect himself, too. Maybe they just weren’t meant to be together.

“What are you thinking?” he asked her.

“Nothing,” she said. No way was she spilling her guts to him. He couldn’t even talk to her about the simplest of things. Wouldn’t give her an answer about anything connected with the two of them.

He shook his head. “You look sad.”

“I’m not. I’m concerned about the bakery,” she said. “That’s probably what you’re seeing.”

“Why concerned? I thought everything was going well there,” he said.

“It is. But Staci told me today that she wants to take a more backseat role in the day-to-day running of the store. It’s going to be a big change,” Alysse said.

“You can do it. What will be the biggest obstacle?” he asked.

She had been toying with that. “I think finding another baker. Most of the really good ones already have permanent jobs and it’s so personal in the kitchen I need to find someone who suits my style.”

“If it was me, I’d make a list,” he said. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a pen and a small notebook.

“Jot down the qualities you are looking for and then you can draft an ad or ask around to see if someone who matches them is available,” he said.

She smiled at him because for the first time today she didn’t feel alone. She hadn’t anticipated that Jay would be able to give her this. She needed to feel as though she had a partner when she had these kinds of decisions to make. And frankly, given the way their relationship had been going, she hadn’t had a clue that he’d step up to the plate this time.

She couldn’t help staring at him and seeing some changes that made her care just a little bit more for him. Jay was the kind of man she could count on in a crisis and that shouldn’t have surprised her because of his experience in the Corps.

For the first time she thought about Jay as someone who lived life on the edge, as someone who protected those he cared for. Yet she wasn’t entirely sure he was going to be able to watch over her for any longer than his leave.

10

J
AY
WAS
nervous.

He’d agreed to go with Alysse to the volleyball tournament and watch Toby play, which was no big deal, except that he’d also be meeting her mother.

“Ready for today?” Alysse asked as she and Jay headed for her car. The Saab convertible was perfect for the sunny California weather.

“I guess so. Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked.

“My mom is coming today,” she said. “I didn’t mention it before because I didn’t think anything of it until Staci texted me this morning that she was looking forward to the fireworks.”

Great. “I guess your mom will be like your brother then?”

“What does that mean?” she asked.

“That she’ll be angry with me,” he said.

“Well, yes. That’s her in a nutshell. She’s very protective of my brother and me. When we were in school we could never let her know if someone teased us on the playground or gave us a hard time after school...she’d head right into the principal’s office and defend us.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Jay said.

“I can see how you would think so given how your mom was,” Alysse said. “But it was embarrassing.”

“I get that. I...how should I handle her?” he asked. He wasn’t too happy with the way that Alysse mentioned his past with his mom as if it was normal and okay. But her acceptance of it and of him made things easier on him.

“Just be yourself. Once she sees that you weren’t out to hurt me she’ll ease up,” Alysse said, holding the key ring up and dangling it from one finger. “Do you want to drive?”

“Yes,” he said. “You are a speed demon in this car.”

She chuckled. “It’s not my fault that it has really good pickup.”

“No, but it is your fault that you like going fast,” he teased, giving her a quick buss on the lips before opening her door. She slid into the passenger seat and he went around to the driver’s side.

He was trying to behave normally, as if this was going to be fun, while truthfully, he was dreading it. Over the last week they’d done more things with her friends than he would have thought himself capable of. He’d chipped away at his defenses and, frankly, he believed it was making a difference.

“What exactly is the Cal King Tournament?” he asked once they got on the road.

“It’s a series of semi-pro beach volleyball games. Toby and Paulo are on a team. Each team has two people and they play all day. There is a final at night. The matches can be really competitive and a lot of fun to watch.”

He wasn’t convinced that going to an event that had all of Alysse’s family at it was going to be fun. But he’d agreed mainly because he was test-driving normal life. He’d been working every day for the last week at Company B and spending most of his nights at Alysse’s house.

There was a certain comfort to the days but every night he woke in a cold sweat. Since that first night when he’d woken Alysse up, he’d managed to get out of bed and leave her sleeping.

Today was a Sunday and the bakery was closed and Jay was helping Alysse cater for her family at the volleyball tournament. He wasn’t looking forward to meeting Alysse’s mom given the way Toby had reacted toward him, but he wasn’t a coward and would do his best for Alysse.

“Thanks for coming today,” she said as they started unloading the trunk of her car.

“No problem,” he said, watching as she stacked items on her cooler with wheels. He was impressed at how well they all fit on there until he realized that she normally had to carry everything herself and she’d devised this method to move stuff quickly.

He felt ashamed at that. But set it aside. He was here now and he wanted to make up for the past, but that wasn’t enough. He’d realized that at Dana Point. She did need a man who was there. Not someone who was off fighting in a war halfway around the world. So, he factored into his decision that if he wanted a future with Alysse he couldn’t go back into the Corps.

She started to tow the cooler with all the stuff and he stepped around her, brushing her hand away and taking over control of the contraption.

The sun was warm and the crowds were heavy when they got to the beach. Alysse took her cell phone out of her pocket.

“I’m going to text my mom. She’s been here since six saving a spot for us,” she said.

“That’s early.”

“Well, she’s all about family events. She’d have gotten here at midnight if she’d had to,” Alysse said with a laugh.

Her phone vibrated and a minute later Alysse led the way to a large easy-up with a bamboo mat and a table under it. The woman waiting for them was tall and resembled Alysse. The two women hugged and Jay stood to the side.

“Mom, this is Jay. Jay, this is Candi, my mom.”

“Jay,” she said, holding out her hand. She wasn’t friendly and didn’t really smile at him, but that didn’t bother Jay. He expected that Alysse’s family would treat him coldly until he could prove that he had changed and wasn’t back in her life to hurt her all over again.

“Ma’am. Where do you want the food?” he asked Alysse.

She motioned to the table and he started unpacking stuff. He supposed if he were a different guy he would have made some kind of small talk, but that wasn’t his style and he knew it would sound forced if he attempted it.

He stayed to the side and watched as more of Alysse’s family arrived. They were all chattering away and he felt like an outsider.

“Hey,” Alysse said, slipping up beside him. She wrapped her arm around his waist and he almost hugged her back but felt as if too many people were watching them.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yes. Just a little outside of my comfort zone. When does the volleyball tournament start?” he asked.

She dropped her arm and stepped away from him. He felt like a cad but he thought it would be better if there were no public displays of affection while her mom was standing nearby with a disapproving look on her face.

“It’s already begun,” she said. “What’s up with the cold shoulder?”

“Your mom looks like she’s just waiting for an excuse to lay into me. And I don’t think you’d appreciate a scene with your family and friends here.”

“I wouldn’t, but then I don’t think she’d cause a scene,” Alysse said. “What’s this really about?”

“I’m not comfortable in crowds,” he said. “There are too many people here. I can’t relax like this.”

“You did okay the other night when we went surfing with everyone,” she reminded him.

“The beach wasn’t this crowded,” Jay said.

It was a hard situation to handle when there were this many people around. It wasn’t just the strangers on the beach; it was Alysse’s people under this tent. They were her community, her lifeblood and if he needed any proof that he and Alysse didn’t belong together, well, here it was.

Alysse enjoyed this crowd and eating and talking and holding the babies and playing with the younger kids. And all he wanted to do was find a place with a wall that he could have at his back. They were so different and yet he was coming to need that smile of hers and her calming presence in his life.

“I didn’t realize the crowds would make you edgy,” she said. “Maybe after you’ve been out of the Marines for a while that will change.”

He stiffened. He wasn’t sure he’d ever lose his edge. “Maybe. You know I haven’t made a decision yet on the Corps.”

She gave him one of those odd searching looks of hers and he wished he understood what she meant by it. He hoped that she found the answer she wanted in his face. But when she sighed and turned away, he knew she hadn’t.

“I know.”

“Sorry,” he said.

“It’s fine. I need to remember that you aren’t really here to stay,” she said, shaking her head. “I think we’ve both been deluding ourselves that we were exploring options but really we’ve been playing house. And that’s not all that different from what we did in Vegas.”

“You’re right. Here’s not the time or place,” he said.

“Agreed. I think Staci’s just arrived and I’d like to have one day where I can pretend I’m like every other woman my age,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, that I have a boyfriend and my family and friends are with me,” she said before striding away.

He wasn’t sure how he’d done it but he knew he’d just hurt Alysse again.

* * *

A
LYSSE
WANTED
TO
IGNORE
Jay but that was exactly what she suspected he wanted her to do. He needed the silence and liked his solitary life. Why was she trying so hard to make him into something he wasn’t?

And she
was
trying. She could have just stuck to her original plan and had sex with him every night until he went back to the Marines, but no, she had to have dreams and want more from him.

She was coming to believe that there was no way to cure herself of Jay and find another man, because, in reality, she only wanted him. That fact made her want to cry or scream or maybe punch Jay really hard.

But it was hardly his fault that he couldn’t be what she needed him to be. If she’d been a different kind of woman she could have taken him as he was and been content, but she wasn’t.

She wanted him to blend with her family and to fit in with her friends. Instead, he sat in a lawn chair drinking a beer, watching the game. She was mad at herself because all the growth she’d thought she’d achieved during the last four years was really nothing at all. She’d been fooling herself.

“Why are you glaring at the potato salad?” Staci asked coming up behind her. “I’ve tasted it and it’s good.”

She gave her friend a half smile. “No reason. Just not sure if I should put an ice pack underneath it.”

Liar,
she thought. Why didn’t she ever really talk to her friends about her problems? She was just like Jay in that—she had to sort it out herself. Maybe that was part of the reason she was so attracted to him.

“Well, considering you’ve already got two under there I’d say no,” Staci said. Her friend took her arm and turned her toward her. “What’s up?”

Alysse shrugged and fiddled with her sunglasses. She’d been pretending that she and Jay could have a normal life together but this afternoon was just showing her how wrong she’d been. They were different. Not just in little ways but in huge ones. And... “I guess I’m just facing reality.”

“Ha. You are the most grounded person I know,” Staci said, tapping her on the forehead. “You overthink everything. Is that what you’re doing now?”

“Not really. I’m still clinging to a few girlish fantasies that I should have gotten rid of a long time ago,” Alysse said. She didn’t want to admit that she’d been hoping that Jay would completely change and become the kind of man that would suit her life the way it was. That wasn’t Jay. He did his own thing. He had his own strengths and those were what had drawn her to him. But those strengths were also his weaknesses.

“I’m guessing this has something to do with your Marine,” Staci said in her wry tone.

“It has everything to do with him,” Alysse said, wishing that for once her romantic life would be easy. But it never had been. Even in high school she had struggled with dating. Her mom had said that once Alysse was an adult she’d understand what she really wanted from a man but she still hadn’t. “I can’t figure him out.”

Staci threw her head back and laughed. “You are kidding me, right? Men are from another planet. You will never be able to understand why he does whatever it is that is upsetting you.”

Alysse smiled, then felt just a tad melancholy thinking about Staci being up in Los Angeles while she was in San Diego. It was only about a three-hour drive but it would seem a world apart.

“I guess you are right. You know, I’m going to miss you when you’re in L.A.”

Staci hugged her. “I know. But don’t sweat it. I’ll be coming back to visit. And if I get kicked off the show early, I’ll be back for good.”

“I thought you wanted to try something new?” Alysse asked her. She was afraid that she was projecting her vulnerability at the thought of losing her best friend and Jay within a few weeks of each other. And it was beginning to seem more and more that no matter what career path Jay took he’d more than likely not be with her. Different people, different paths.

“I do, but that’s not fair to you. You have to find a new baker and new staff for the front of the shop,” Staci said.

A lot was changing all at once and Alysse had been sort of ignoring it to deal with Jay. But she knew that she couldn’t let the rest of life fall away because of him.

“I can handle it. It’s not that big a deal. And I don’t want you giving up just because you’re worried about me. I’m way stronger than I look,” she said.

That was when she realized that she was putting Jay through a test to see if he’d sacrifice what he wanted for her. Why was she doing that? It was as if she was afraid to trust him.

Hell, she
was
afraid of that very thing and had been since she’d stepped onto the beach at the Hotel Del Coronado and found Jay waiting, instead of some stranger. And she knew that no matter what she did or said, she was never going to be able to treat him like some guy she’d just met.

They would always have their past and she wasn’t able to let that go. She was trying to make him be a part of a life that she wasn’t too sure he’d ever be able to accept. Why?

Because it would be safer for her. If Jay wanted the same things she did, then he wouldn’t leave her and she’d be able to let her guard down around him. Instead, since she was treating him with kid gloves, he was edgy and so was she.

“You should go for it, Staci. Don’t feel like you have to come back to Sweet Dreams. If you want to though, your station in the kitchen will be waiting for you,” she assured herself and her friend.

“Thanks,” Staci said. “It’ll help me out, knowing you’ve got my back. I think that we can invite friends to attend some of the cook-offs. Would you come?”

“Hell to the yeah,” Alysse said, being silly because now that she’d figured out what she was doing to herself and Jay, everything seemed a little brighter.

“I’ll be right back,” Alysse said.

She left the table area and headed over to Jay. It was one thing to realize they’d been playing house but another thing entirely when she admitted that she’d set it up to test him. Did she honestly think that if they lived together and had these pretend lives together, he wouldn’t leave?