One More Kiss (8 page)

“Who knows? She always said I was a handful and more like my dad than like her,” Jay responded.

“In what way?” she asked, trying to understand how a mom could leave behind her eight-year-old son. She tried to see the boy Jay must have been, but he was too much a man for that to happen. Any softness in him had been burned out long ago. He was a tough Marine through and through, and she saw the evidence with her own two eyes.

“Just rough, I guess. We hunted and took care of the ranch together. I was his little shadow. Everyone said so. I guess she thought I needed to be with him.”

Alysse hugged Jay close to her, trying to comfort the little boy who had been abandoned. But she knew that she couldn’t. That event had changed Jay. Could he ever trust, be with anyone?

She was beginning to wonder if she was fighting a losing battle where he was concerned. She knew she’d wanted to mend her broken heart but a part of her had hoped to find the keys to real happiness with Jay and she was beginning to believe that would never happen.

* * *

J
AY
LIKED
THE
FEEL
of Alysse in his arms and knew that he was winning her over not by doing anything but simply by showing her parts of himself that he usually kept closed off. He hadn’t wanted her to see the lost little boy he’d been, but he knew that this time he had to do things differently.

It occurred to him that they were finally alone. Exactly what he’d wanted all day. He pulled her closer, skimming his hands down her back until he could cup her buttocks. He wanted her.

He felt his cock stir and wished they were really alone. He scanned the area, hoping for an isolated place that would allow them to be all but invisible. He wanted to carry her away from here and make love to her and reinforce the bonds that were already there between them. His caring was the first step to winning her back.

“You okay?” she asked. “I didn’t think I’d ever feel...sympathetic toward you, but all of that has changed. I want to know more about your past and more about the person you really are. Want to walk for a while and talk?”

No, he wanted to slowly strip the wet suit from her body and kiss her until they both forgot their names and where they were.

“I don’t see why the past should have anything to do with you and me,” he said.

“Well, maybe you left me before I left you...maybe the little boy you—”

“Stop. I don’t think that has anything to do with it. I don’t want to talk. I want to take you away from here and go someplace where we can make love and leave all the obvious differences behind us.”

“You’re running away again, Jay.”

He knew he was. He’d probably always run away from her. She made him uncomfortable in his own skin, but at the same time he couldn’t imagine not having her in his arms.

“I need more,” she stated.

“I know that,” he said. “Tell me about your upbringing. Where did you grow up?”

“Right here. Well, Oceanside, not San Clemente. My dad owned the local Chevy dealership and my mom did the books for him, even after they’d divorced. My brother and I got into the usual mischief but nothing too crazy. He went to UC Santa Barbara. I did one year at Berkeley before I flaked out and came home.”

“Berkeley? You must be pretty smart,” he said.

“Sort of. But I hated it. I came home and my dad said I’m not supporting you if you aren’t going to school and so I enrolled in cooking school. Found I really loved it.”

“Looks like you ended up where you needed to be,” he said. “What does your dad think of you now?”

“I imagine he’d be pretty proud of me,” she said. “He died of a heart attack before I graduated cooking school. It was a huge shock for us. He went out jogging one morning and that was it.”

“I’m sorry,” Jay said. “My dad died on the road.”

“How?”

“Drunk driver.” He didn’t like to think about that too much. It had happened during his first six months in the Corps and after that, Jay had nothing to come back home to.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

For the first time ever, Jay didn’t mind talking to someone about the past. There was something about Alysse that made some of the rougher parts of his life seem okay.

“Let’s go back and join your friends,” he said, taking her hand and leading her down the beach.

“Do they all know that we were married?” he asked, stopping before they got to the group. “I don’t want to have to do the whole thing I did with your brother with each of them.”

“Only Toby and his girlfriend, Molly, know,” she said. “Don’t worry, if this doesn’t work out, we can go back to my using you for sex—but not tonight.” She laughed.

“Why not tonight?”

“Because you’ll leave and I’ll stay here and paddleboard and pretend that I’m happy.”

His gaze narrowed on her. “Why pretend?”

“Because I think you need something from me that has absolutely nothing to do with making up for the past. And no matter how hard I try to be objective, I just can’t and that makes me just a little sad.”

He swallowed hard, listening to the honesty that came so easily to Alysse and that made him feel small and ashamed. He wanted her, and he wanted his life to be so much easier than it could be right now. He was at a crossroads, she wasn’t. So he could either be the man she needed him to be or he could move on.

“Fine, let’s go back to your friends.”

“Not like that,” she said. “I didn’t say that to force you.”

“But you did. You’re taking control of this relationship and I don’t blame you. Just give me some time to adjust as we go along, okay?”

He saw her weighing it over and thought she might say no, and tonight, as aggravated as he felt at the world in general, he almost thought that it was okay if she said no. Major decisions could be influenced by things smaller than this moment. And if she said no now he would have no reason to stay.

“Sure, it’s okay. This isn’t easy for me either. I am still trying to find my way forward,” she said.

He knew that and he understood that his coming back into her life had seemed to spur her on some sort of quest.

“Did you invite me tonight to see how much I didn’t fit in or to get back at me?”

“No. I invited you because I thought it’d be nice for you to see what my life is like. To get a chance to know the people in my life and, as much as I want just to get over you, I also have a hard time not liking you.”

“You are a paradox,” he said.

“I’m not. I’m simple and straightforward. You just have to look beneath the surface,” she said, leading him over to her friends—and he let her.

He wanted to go wherever she led him. Which was a sobering discovery because he’d thought he was back in San Diego to make a tough decision but more and more he was coming to realize he was back here because this was where Alysse was.

8

J
AY
HADN
’
T
EXPECTED
to be able to relax with the group at the bonfire, but one man stood up as soon as they arrived and greeted Alysse with a warm hug.

“How are you,
amiga?
”

“I’m good, Paulo,” she replied. “I want you to meet Jay. Jay, this Paulo Ramones. Paulo, this is Jay Michener.”

Jay shook the other man’s hand. “It’s good to meet you.”

“You, as well,” Paulo said. “This is my wife, Frida.”

A lovely woman with dark hair and olive-colored skin walked over to them and shook his hand. “So nice to meet you.”

Both Paulo and Frida had heavy Spanish accents and were fit and lean.

“The pleasure is mine,” Jay said.

“This is Tommy and Jean. They both work with Toby. And this is Toby’s girlfriend, Molly. She works with them, as well,” Alysse said.

He waved at the group. “What do y’all do?”

“Marine biology. Currently, we’re studying changes in migration habits of whales.”

“Interesting,” Jay said. “You, too, Paulo?”

“Nah. I play volleyball with Toby. We’re on a competitive team in the Cal King tournament.”

“Everyone ready for a veggie burger?” Toby asked.

The food was served and Jay found himself sitting on a large blanket with Alysse on one side and Paulo on the other. The group was all sitting fairly close together around the fire.

“Are you a baker like Alysse?” Paulo asked, after taking a huge bite out of his veggie burger.

Jay shook his head. “No, sir. I’m a Marine.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Does that seem hard to believe?” Jay asked.

“No, it’s just that I never thought a military man would be Alysse’s type,” he said.

“I guess I am,” Jay said. Focusing on his plate.

“I meant nothing by that comment. I was in the special forces before we moved here. Have you been to Iraq?” Paulo asked.

“Yes,” Jay answered, and saw the other man in a different light. They started talking about their respective deployments and places they’d been to. Paulo had gotten out and no longer did anything vaguely resembling what he had in the past.

“How do you like being out of the military?” Jay asked. He wanted to know how other people made the adjustment. It would give him some ideas on how he’d be able to do it if he decided to leave the Corps.

“I love it. But I went in because I’m the second son in my family and I was expected to have some military training. Though I play volleyball with Toby on the weekends, my real career is in wine. My family owns vineyards in Spain and here in California,” Paulo said. “Is it like that for you?”

“I am just a military man,” Jay answered. “Don’t have anything waiting for me outside the Corps.”

“I don’t know about that,” Paulo said, glancing around him toward Alysse who was having an animated conversation with Molly.

“It’s complicated,” Jay said. He didn’t want to discuss his brief marriage to Alysse with a man he’d only just met. In fact, Jay knew he never wanted to discuss that one week in Vegas with anyone, ever. But he did like the thought that other people looked at him and Alysse and saw a couple.

The thought pleased him more than he’d expected it to. This night, while wildly different than any other he’d spent with her, was turning out to be really enjoyable.

“I’m not surprised. I liked the order of military life,” Paulo said. “The discipline I learned there has helped me in my business. And I found that I liked stepping out of the traditional role my family had planned for me.”

“Where is your vineyard?” Jay asked.

“Temecula. Have you been down there?”

“No. I pretty much stay near the base or go into San Diego,” Jay said.

“You should take Alysse to Temecula and go up in a hot air balloon. You will get a nice view of the entire valley. If you do this, you call me and we will treat you to lunch at the vineyard.”

“I will do that,” Jay said, wondering if he could convince Alysse to take a balloon ride with him. He wasn’t good at making romantic gestures and he wasn’t even sure that she’d welcome them.

“Do what?” Alysse said.

“Bring you to my vineyard for lunch,” Paulo said.

“That’s a wonderful idea,” Frida agreed, joining in the conversation.

“I guess that’s decided then,” Alysse said. “When?”

“We’ll have to discuss the details later,” Jay said feeling a wave of panic washing over him. He was still struggling to figure out him and Alysse. Adding more people to the mix right now might be too soon.

“Alysse has my number. You will call me, yes?” Paulo said.

“I will,” Jay agreed.

Toby stood up and everyone finished up the last of the dinner and joined him. “Jay hasn’t been paddleboarding before so I’m going to give him a quick lesson. Anyone else need one?”

Frida raised her hand. “I’m afraid I’ve never done it before either.”

“Follow me,” Toby said.

Jay glanced back at Alysse and she just smiled at him. He knew he was making her happy by doing this and even though it was outside his own comfort zone, he followed her brother down to the water. He wasn’t sure when it had happened but he’d come to realize that he’d do anything to see Alysse smile.

That was a dangerous thought.

She’d been important enough for him to come back here and try again, but he hadn’t understood how important until this very moment.

* * *

A
LYSSE
WASN
’
T
SURPRISED
when Jay followed her home from the beach. The evening had turned out differently than she’d anticipated. She’d thought that Jay wouldn’t be so comfortable so quickly even once she’d introduced him. But after the initial hesitancy on his part, Jay had really made an effort. It hadn’t been easy and luckily Paulo’s military experience had made Jay feel right at home. But that had only underscored to Alysse the difference in the two men. Despite his time in the military Paulo was open and gregarious. He was affectionate and doted on Frida and seeing them together made Alysse long for something that she suspected she’d never have with Jay.

She was honest enough to admit that she knew that inviting him into her house and her bed tonight would be a mistake. But it had been a long day, full of ups and downs, and she wasn’t ready to deny herself Jay. She had the feeling that he’d be gone soon enough. She wished she could be more like a movie heroine and just not worry about tomorrow, but she’d never been that way.

“You’re taking a really long time to get out of your car,” Jay said, walking over to her.

“I’m trying to decide if I should invite you in,” she said, speaking honestly. Tonight had made her realize that she still wanted all of those dreams that she’d shoved aside when Jay had left her.

The only problem now was she wasn’t sure if Jay was the man she wanted to have them with.

“I’d love that but I followed you because it’s late and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t make sure you got in okay. Also, I wanted to know where you live,” he said.

“Is it what you thought?” she asked.

“No. I expected you to live closer to Sweet Dreams,” he said.

He seemed subdued and maybe a bit tired himself. He ran his hand through his hair, which had been flattened by his motorcycle helmet.

“It’s late,” he said.

“Yes, it is. I didn’t sleep at all last night and I had to get up early. You’d think I’d be tired, but I’m not.”

He opened the door of her car. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

“I haven’t decided if you’re coming in yet,” she said.

“What can I do to make you invite me?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” she admitted.

“What if I said I’ll hold you until you go to sleep?”

“I’m not sleepy,” she said. “And you holding me will only make me long for things that I can’t have. We both know that.”

She exited her car and Jay closed the door behind her and stepped in front of her, so that she was trapped between his body and the vehicle.

“I don’t know that holding you is a bad thing, Aly. I think you aren’t sure either, otherwise you would have been out of your car and in the house like lightning. You want me.”

“I do. Too much, but tonight just proved that a real relationship—”

He kissed her, stopping the words that were on the tip of her tongue and she shivered as the one embrace she’d been longing for all day was finally here. She’d missed this—intimacy, but to be honest they’d never had it before. Though she didn’t want to admit it, she’d missed Jay. In Vegas, life had been a pretty dream.

Noticing his hand in hers, she laced their fingers together and for a moment simply enjoyed the fact that she was coming home with her man. Something shifted inside her and she knew that nothing would ever be the same again if she brought him into her bed.

He slid his hands up and down her arms before they settled on her waist. She tipped her head back and let the magic wash over her. She forgot about all that her mind knew about Jay and let her heart lead the way, for tonight at least. She tunneled her fingers through his silky close-cropped hair and held him to her as her tongue moved against his. He lightly sucked on her tongue and she felt an answering response in her breasts as her nipples tightened. And lower in her most feminine area.

She wanted him—there was no denying it. Or herself, she thought. She was single and she wanted this man. She could have him.

He shifted his hips against her and she felt the tip of his erection nudging at her as the heat and passion swelled inside her. This was Jay—wounded warrior, sexy lover and the only man she’d never been able to forget. She wrapped her arms around him to hold him close. She had tried to pretend the emotions she felt for him were only lust, but she knew better. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Jay’s hand on her made her feel cherished and special to him. He tore his mouth from hers.

“Alysse...” He said her name on a long sigh and her heart skipped a beat.

“Do you want me?” he asked, whispering the question close to her ear.

“Yes,” she said, surprised at the breathless quality of her own voice. She also wanted something that she was afraid to believe he could give her. She wanted his heart. “I’ve thought of nothing else since I saw you shirtless on the beach. You have a very tempting body, Jay.”

“Then take me,” he said.

She did want to take him, and yet at the same time learning about his past had made her afraid to really use him. Jay was more vulnerable than she’d realized. It was silly, because he seemed so strong and indestructible that it had never occurred to her he could be hurt.

“I will,” she said. But she promised herself she would do her best to protect his heart, too. Because hurting Jay would only result in wounding herself.

She took his hand and led him up the lighted path of her small bungalow to the front door. She fumbled for her key and almost dropped it.

“Nervous?”

“Silly, huh?”

“Not so silly. We aren’t strangers anymore.”

That struck her. They’d married and divorced but hadn’t really known each other. The impact of what she was doing held her still.

“I’ll go,” he offered.

If he left she’d never see him again—she knew it. And she had to ask herself if she was going to hide away from life on the off chance that she might get hurt or if she was going to live it.

“No. Stay.”

Jay smiled then, a real smile, and she felt that flood of emotion rushing through her again. He stooped, picked up her keys and handed them to her. She turned to put the key in the door lock and he came up behind her.

His hands were on her waist, his mouth on her neck dropping gentle kisses that stoked the flames of desire burning through her and convinced her she’d made the right decision in inviting him in.

She finally got the door open and they stepped into her foyer. Jay closed the door and leaned back against it. He stood there for a moment surveying her and her lovely house. He crossed his arms over his chest, his expression unreadable, and she wondered what he was thinking.

“Nice place,” he said at last.

“Thanks.”

There was awkwardness between them that hadn’t been there before and she wondered if it was because in her mind this had all changed. She had admitted to herself how much she cared for him. There was no going back.

“Come here, Aly. Make me believe I fit in your world.”

She took a step toward him and he pulled her into his arms. She held him closely, burying her head in his shoulder and inhaling his unique scent—the saltiness of the sea that clung to his clothes and hair, the earthiness that she always associated with Jay. He kissed her passionately and slowly, as if they had all the time in the world.

Then she felt him caressing her back, his hands roaming up and down her body, loosening buttons and zippers until they could slip underneath and touch her naked skin.

She shuddered. Oh, she’d missed his touch. She gasped as he spanned her waist with his hands and lifted her off the ground so that she was more fully pressed against him.

She pushed her hands under his shirt, rubbing his chest to tease him. Then he drew her closer still.

“Oh, Jay,” she said, knowing her heart was in her voice.

He swallowed hard and she saw a brief hint of emotion flash in his eyes before he kissed her.

In an instant, their tender moment became one of white-hot lust. His mouth was on her neck, one hand on her breast and the other between her legs. She was shaking and on the edge of her climax in seconds.

His hand left her breast and she heard the sound of his zipper being lowered and then felt his hot cock between her legs. He turned her around, though she wanted to see his eyes, hold his face.

Behind her, he guided her hands to the door and then touched her intimately to test her readiness. She felt the tip of his cock and shifted backward to urge him inside. He’d aroused her; she wanted him, there was no doubt. And he didn’t waste another second before he thrust inside her.

He tweaked her nipples and then reached lower to fondle her clit as his hips pumped faster and harder.