One More Kiss (3 page)

He’d known from a very early age that he was bound for the military. He’d always had an affinity for weapons and had gone hunting with his dad and uncles from the time he was eight. A certain sense had enabled him to sight his target and make his shot.

“I know you’re in the Marines, Jay, but I know so little else about you.”

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and tipped her head to the side to study him. He wondered what she saw when she looked at him. He knew he was in top physical form thanks to the rigorous requirements of the Corps, but beyond that what did she see?

“I’m a sniper. And have been just about my entire career.”

He didn’t talk about his work and wouldn’t do it now except to give an overview of what he did. This was one part of his life that he never wanted Alysse to be too familiar with.

“Oh. And you like it?” she asked.

“I guess,” he said. He wasn’t about to reveal his near miss in Afghanistan or how it had hit him hard that he might die and no one would even care. That changed a man, but not in a way he wanted anyone else to know. Especially a woman he was hoping to woo back into his arms. It had made him return to the past and acknowledge he needed to make amends for how he’d left her.

“I don’t know, Jay. If you want me to trust you, you have to open up a little more than that,” she said.

“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Nope. I know that it’s not very nice but we did easy the first time and look how that turned out.”

He doubted that she didn’t really care. He’d hurt her and he wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to wound him the same way. He deserved that for running out on his marriage to her.

He was relieved when he heard the sound of footsteps behind them and glanced over to see the waiter from the hotel delivering their salads. Food was the distraction they needed so he didn’t have to continue to answer uncomfortable questions about himself.

He wasn’t sure that this plan of his was being executed to its best advantage. He needed to regroup. But he didn’t want just to approach Alysse as though she was a mission. He kept getting distracted by the scent of her perfume and the way her hair blew in the wind.

After the waiter left, he lifted his glass toward her. “To second chances.”

“To
earned
second chances,” she said, taking a sip of her wine. “I’m sorry if I sounded mean before...”

He had to laugh. It was not Alysse’s nature to speak harshly to anyone. He’d learned that during their week together. “You didn’t. Don’t apologize for your anger at me. I feel incredibly lucky that you agreed to stay for dinner.”

“I’m not sure I agreed, but I do have a lot of questions about the way our marriage ended and about you,” she said.

“You deserve to have them answered and much more. But not tonight,” he said.

She gave him a hard-level stare and he knew she was searching for answers in his eyes. He didn’t know what the future held so he tried to convey the only thing he was certain of, which was his sincerity.

They ate dinner and talked about things that didn’t really matter to him. Books and movies that he hadn’t seen or read; he was behind on his popular culture. And there was a little awkwardness to the evening. But that was to be expected. What he hadn’t anticipated was how much he wanted her still. And that that was the only thing he could think about.

* * *

“H
OW
LONG
ARE
you on leave?” Alysse asked after the waiters had left.

“Two weeks. I’m actually due to sign my reenlistment papers soon,” he said.

“And what?” she asked. “You want to spend them with me?”

“I’d like to.”

“I’m not changing my life for you, Jay.”

“I don’t expect you to,” he said. “I know that I’m very lucky that you agreed to have dinner with me.”

She gave him a half smile. “You
are
lucky. Are you thinking about getting out of the Corps?” she asked.

“I really don’t know. When we’re done eating I’ll take you on a ride on my Ducati, so you can let the wind clear your mind.”

“Um...a ride on a motorcycle will likely make me feel like I’m going to die,” she said.

“Ah, I won’t drive like a maniac, you’ll be safe with me. I promise.”

She didn’t want to believe him, but she did. She wanted to hold on to her anger and just stew in it for as long as she could, because being angry was insulation against starting to feel again.

“I’ll think about it. If you don’t go back in the Corps what will you do?” she asked.

“A lot of that depends on you.”

“It can’t. You have to want to get out for yourself.”

“I don’t really know,” he said, then pushed his hands through his hair. “I hate being indecisive but my future isn’t as set in stone as it once was.”

“Why?” she asked. “Did something happen? Our marriage wasn’t enough to change your mind?”

“Nothing happened,” he said. Nothing he wanted to talk about at least, she thought. He’d been raised to be strong and he wasn’t going to admit to her that he was a little scared of the future. “I’m just getting older,” he told her.

She knew there was more to it than that but he was still not ready to really talk to her. She put her napkin on her plate and stood up.

“It’s been nice but I think I’ll be going,” she said.

“Why? What did I say?”

“It’s what you’re not saying. You ask me to give you a second chance. Telling me nice-sounding platitudes and then when I ask you for something real, it’s back to the smoke and mirrors.”

She stared down at him. And then, when he kept silent, she shook her head. “Good luck, Jay.”

“Wait. Let’s go for a walk... I’ll tell you what’s going on,” he said.

“Okay, but you asked me to trust you, and I’m not sure I can but I’m at least trying. I need to know that you’re doing the same,” she said.

“I’ll try, I’m not any good at this sort of thing, which is why I probably should have just stayed out of your life.”

“If you believe that, why are you back here?” she asked. “Why did you call Sweet Dreams and order dessert for a woman—me—to try to win her back?”

“I want something more,” he said. “I had a close call on my last deployment and I realized that I really don’t want to live the rest of my life alone—without you.”

She didn’t either, which was why she’d always been...waiting for the right guy.

For honesty, that was pretty much on the mark. And his words made her admit that she didn’t want him to be alone, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to be the woman at his side. Jay was difficult to get to know and it was only tonight that she was coming to understand how difficult. That week together had been almost a fairy tale and she’d seen in Jay only what she’d wanted to. A man who was enamored with her and as caught up in the whirlwind romance as she had been.

“What do you want?” she asked.

“I have two weeks to figure it out,” he said. “I’m having lunch with some buddies who got out last year,” Jay said. “Something might come of that. If I can’t find work do you think you could use another cake-froster?”

“Cake-frosting is a delicate art. It requires a skill set you might not have.” He’d given her a little nugget of truth and then turned the topic to something safer and she let him do it. She wasn’t sure how much “truth” she could take tonight. Seeing him was enough of a shock, learning that he’d almost died before he could come back to her... Well, that was something she didn’t want to dwell on.

“What skills exactly?” he asked. “I have steady hands.”

He held his big hands out to her. They were tanned and had blunt-trimmed nails. They were the hands of a man who took care of himself. No metrosexual manicure, but looked after all the same.

“That’s only part of it. I’d have to see how good you are using them,” she said, flirting just a little because she wanted him. And to be honest, flirting was safe. She flirted with uniformed Marines every day and nothing came of it.

“I thought that would be the one thing you’d know I could do,” he said.

She shivered as she remembered his hands on her body. He was very good at using them. He was a thorough lover who had taken his time with her, every time. The attention he’d lavished on her had made her feel like the most fascinating woman in the world.

“That’s a different type of hand work,” she said.

“Really?” he asked in a teasing smile.

“I didn’t mean it that way!”

“Of course you didn’t,” he said with a laugh. It sounded rusty.

“You’d be bored,” she said. “It’s quiet and repetitive. Most of the stuff we do for decoration is simple flowers or candies. Staci and I do all the work ourselves because it’s our favorite part of the job.”

“I get your passion. You both have a stake in making sure the business is successful, I’m sure it shows in your work,” he said.

“Yes, it does. You’ll be able to tell when we have dessert,” she said.

“What did you make for my mystery woman?” he asked.

“Wait and see.”

“About working at the bakery, I don’t think I’d get bored. Plus, you’d be there...we’d have some frosting.”

“Okay, enough with that. This is a first date not—”

“Not what? Our last first date ended pretty well.”

“The date did, but what happened afterward is something I’m not looking to repeating.”

“Me, neither,” he said.

He took her hand, cradling it in his own. He ran his finger over her knuckles. She felt an electric charge go up her arm and then shivers across her shoulders and chest. Her nipples tightened and her breasts felt fuller.

She remembered how one simple touch could lead to much more. She pushed her fingers through his and held his hand in hers. He tightened his grasp on her fingers and lifted her hand to his mouth.

The warmth of his breath brushed over the back of her hand. He looked up at her as he kissed her hand and then her wrist.

She pulled her hand from his grasp and put it in her lap. She wasn’t ready to rekindle the sexual flame that had always been between them. Not at this instant. But to reclaim herself she knew that she was going to have to. And she was afraid that when she did she’d lose a little bit more of herself.

3

J
AY
LEANED
BACK
in his chair, lacing his fingers over his chest. Granted, she couldn’t see his eyes in the growing darkness, but still she felt the weight of his gaze on her. He looked aloof and dangerous and though she knew he wouldn’t hurt her she felt that he wanted to keep the world at bay.

“So...how did you start a bakery?” he asked.

“With a lot of loans from the bank,” she replied with a wry grin. Her parents had offered to help by cosigning but she’d refused. After the debacle of her “marriage” to Jay she’d needed to do something on her own.

“Was it hard?” he asked.

“You have no idea,” she said.

“That’s why I’m asking,” he said. “The woman I married was looking for a family and wanted to settle down.”

“Well, that didn’t work out, did it?” she asked.

She was starting to feel annoyed. She had enjoyed Jay’s company, but a part of her hadn’t wanted to. She wanted Jay to have turned into some kind of jerk so she could stand up and walk away. Instead he’d been nice and kept the conversation going when all she wanted was...well, some awkward silences.

“No, it didn’t. So tell me, what happened? I want to know what I missed,” he said.

She tried studying him. The new him. But memories of the old him were bonded deep within her. She felt vulnerable and unsure. She pulled her sunglasses off the top of her head and put them on.

“I started doing bakery competitions in the area and winning some of them. Then I was invited to be a part of
Good Morning Los Angeles
’s cooking segment and gained some notoriety that way. But there was another cupcake girl, Staci, and we kept bumping into each other. And one thing led to another until one night, after a few too many margaritas, I found myself agreeing to be her partner and open a bakery with her.”

He just continued watching her and she fiddled with her fork. She didn’t like his attention on her because she didn’t want to feel even a bit of attraction for him. But it was crazy to try to deny it. She did want him.

There was something exciting about him—there always had been. He exuded male confidence, and he had from the moment he’d walked up to her at the roulette table and teasingly asked her for a kiss. She’d given it to him and he’d placed all his money on the table and won. He’d called her his lucky charm and spent the rest of that night and the next four days wining and dining her. He’d made her feel as if she was the most beautiful and exciting woman in the world.

And she’d heard the saying “older and wiser” but somehow, where he was concerned, she wasn’t any wiser. She wanted to walk over to him, turn him away from the table and straddle his lap while she kissed him long and deep.

“Margaritas, eh?” he asked.

“I’ve got to lay off the margaritas,” she said, trying to sound wry but knowing she just sounded a little pathetic. It was after a night of drinking one too many strawberry margaritas that she’d agreed to marry Jay.

“I don’t know about that. Sweet Dreams seems to have paid off,” he said. “And everyone’s heard of your bakery. Although it wasn’t what I’d expected.”

“What did you expect?” she asked.

He shrugged and looked away from her. “I don’t know. I was kind of hoping you’d be waiting for me to come back.”

“You left me,” she said, not able to keep the incredulity out of her voice. “And I divorced you, remember?”

“I know. It was a fantasy,” he admitted. “I knew you wouldn’t be. You have a very strong sense of self. I think that is part of what made me leave. You had your own dreams. Your own desires.”

She nodded at him. She didn’t want to travel or be a military man’s wife. Her life had been rooted here in Southern California long before she’d opened Sweet Dreams.

“You surprised me, Alysse. You still do. I’m very proud of your success even though I know I have no right to be.”

She picked up her glass and took a dainty mouthful of wine. Trying for an attitude of sophistication she didn’t really feel at this moment. “If you hadn’t left me...I wouldn’t have the bakery. So I guess I owe you some thanks for that.”

She hadn’t gone to a therapist after what had happened but she had started reading a lot of self-help books. At first she kept waiting for him to walk back into her life and then after three months of that kind of hopelessness, she’d decided she needed to move on. All her life she’d had a plan for herself and it had always involved a white knight riding in and scooping her up on his horse. It was odd, but she’d always wanted to be lifted onto a horse by a big, strong warrior man and carried out of her dull ordinary life.

After Jay...it was clear that no white knight was coming and that her warrior man was just a man with issues and flaws. She’d also come to the realization that her man hadn’t had the same dream of a life together that she’d had. So she’d had to readjust. And baking, not to mention graduating from cooking school, had helped her do that.

Now, she was self-supporting and happy with her career. She could easily see herself owning Sweet Dreams and baking for the rest of her life. That thought often made her smile when she was feeling alone.

But Jay was back and he was offering her a chance to mend her broken heart and finally reclaim a little of her feminine pride. Though she’d never admit it out loud, having him leave her the way he had had made her doubt her own attractiveness to the opposite sex. Had made her wonder if she had some kind of flaw that she’d never noticed before.

“Alysse?” he asked in that deep voice, reminiscent of the way he’d sounded on the phone this afternoon when he’d pleaded with her to deliver the dessert.

“Hmm?”

“I asked if you were done with your salad. The waiter wants to clear our plates and bring out dinner,” he said.

“Yes, I am. Sorry about that,” she said. She really needed to stop daydreaming and pay attention. This was Jay Michener and he wouldn’t hesitate to use any weakness he spotted against her. She knew him well enough to know he was back here to win. “I was lost in the past.”

“I understand that,” he said. “I’ve spent a lot of time in the past.”

The waiter cleared the table and laid down the dinner plates. He removed the covers and she saw that there was a pan-seared tuna with a creamy risotto and asparagus. It smelled heavenly and she stared at her plate, trying to make the evening about food instead of about the past. But she knew that was a lie.

The waiter offered cracked black pepper and refilled their wineglasses before leaving. She stared at the empty beach. The sun still shone but it wasn’t very bright.

“Alysse?”

“Yes?” she asked. It was silly to still be wearing sunglasses, she thought as she focused on Jay’s face.

“Are you okay?”

“No,” she said. “I’m not. This is the most surreal night of my entire life and that’s counting the night I married a stranger.”

His mouth tightened but then he relaxed his shoulders. “I guess I’m glad it’s not boring for you.”

Just that one sentence shocked her and made her smile. Then she started laughing though it wasn’t that funny and she felt the sting of tears and the very real urge to start crying. Damn. She turned her head away from him, pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head and wiped her eyes.

“You do know how to show a girl an interesting time,” she said. “What have you been up to?”

“Fighting,” he said. “That’s what I do.”

She arched one eyebrow at him. That was almost too straightforward, especially for Jay.

“Sorry. It’s on a T-shirt that a guy in my unit gave me last Christmas.”

“Oh,” she said, realizing there was a possibility of him having a life outside the Corps. “I have one that says ‘I dream in dark chocolate.’”

He smiled and they started eating. She gave Jay props for keeping the conversation light and she found him charming. Too charming as he recounted some humorous pranks he’d played on his buddies. That was how he referred to them. No names or any other identifiers.

“Why don’t you call them by their name?” she asked as they were finishing up dinner.

“I don’t know why, I just think of them as they are, like
sniper-scout.
He’s the fourth one I’ve been paired with since I’ve been in the Corps.”

“What does he do exactly?” she asked.

“He’s my partner in the field. He helps me sight the target by gauging wind and other factors. He’s got my back, you know?”

She shook her head. “In the movies, snipers are always loners, but it doesn’t seem like you are.”

He shrugged again and she noticed the way his massive shoulders moved. He was still in top form, with muscles bulging under that black T-shirt of his. “Sort of. We work in pairs but because of burnout and other issues we don’t always develop deep bonds. I’d work alone if I could.”

“Why?” she asked, putting her silverware down to concentrate on what he was saying. To be honest, his answer didn’t surprise her. There had always been something solitary about him, even in Vegas when he’d been on leave.

“That way I don’t have to depend on anyone but myself.”

She tipped her head to the side to consider him. “Was that why you left me?”

“I have no idea. I’ve never been a coward, but walking away from you was the only thing I could do.”

“Why? Because you didn’t want to have to depend on me?” she asked.

“No,” he said, putting his sunglasses back down over his eyes. “I didn’t want you to depend on me and then let you down.”

* * *

J
AY
DIDN
’
T
LIKE
admitting his weaknesses out loud but he knew that lying to Alysse wasn’t going to win him any favors. He’d planned what he’d say and how he’d say it, but he hadn’t been able to plan for her reactions.

She was hard to get a bead on tonight as she was both angry and sad and at times almost relaxed. And seeing her behavior tonight made him wonder if he should have just stayed gone. Selfishly, for his own peace of mind, he’d had to see her again.

He’d had to try to make things right. He wasn’t a complex man and Lord knew he didn’t have any real idea of how a relationship should work, but having seen his buddies and their wives, Jay knew that it was possible for a guy to be a soldier and have a life outside the Corps.

“So you decided just to let me down and get it over with.”

In this respect she was right, although there had been so much more to the decision. Now he was paying for it. He wondered sometimes if he’d be just better off staying to himself. His dad had always said he was a lone wolf who wasn’t fit for socializing and at times like this Jay believed that. “I think we’ve both gone around this long enough. Tell me more about the woman you are today.”

She took a swallow of her wine and then gave him a half smile. He couldn’t stop staring at her mouth. She’d had some kind of lipstick on earlier, but during the meal it had worn off. And left just the natural color of her lips, which brought an image to his mind of her tight nipples.

Damn. He wanted her.

“I work, I meet friends at the beach, I go to my parents’ house for dinner. I have a normal life.”

“Are you happy?” he asked.

“Most of the time. What are you trying to ask me?”

“Am I screwing your life up again by coming back?” he asked, being as blunt as he could. “I didn’t think that you would be so—”

She laughed quietly, and this time not with the strained quality she’d had before. “So...what?”

“So real,” he said at last.

“How did you expect me to be?” she asked. Then she leaned her elbows on the table and looked him straight in the eye. “Vegas wasn’t real for either of us.”

“I know that now, but I didn’t at the time,” he admitted. He’d been seduced by the lights of Vegas and that attitude the city had of everything seeming possible. He’d felt the pull of Alysse so strongly he hadn’t thought beyond his time there and having her in his arms. And that had been a mistake because he’d ignored the fact that he wasn’t the kind of guy that women liked having around. His own mother had proven that point a long time ago.

Alysse put both hands on the table and continued looking at him. He knew she couldn’t see his eyes but he wondered what she was searching for in his face. He knew he was very good at not giving up anything, but he still wished that maybe she’d find whatever it was she needed to see.

“Why? Even I knew it was just a fantasy,” she said.

“I didn’t. If I don’t have a weapon in my hand and a target in my sights I don’t know what’s real,” he explained.

She sat back in her chair and he knew he hadn’t given her the answer she’d been wanting. Still, he didn’t have any explanation other than the truth. “Why did you take a chance on me if you knew that Vegas was all lights and make-believe?”

She tucked a strand of her long pretty hair behind her ear and nibbled on her lower lip. “I thought...I thought that after the glitter of Vegas faded away we’d still have the connection. I thought we’d formed a bond so quickly because it
was
real.”

Fair enough,
he thought. Both of them were living their own fantasy and their perceptions had led to...him leaving. Not her actions, she couldn’t have been more perfectly suited to him during that weekend.

“Where do we go from here?” she asked.

“We’re going to date.
Real
dating. To see if our bond was real,” he said.

Alysse shook her head and pushed back from the table. She paced to the edge of the cabana where she looked out at the shore. Waves gently lapped on the beach.

He stood up and walked over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged his hand away and he realized for the hundredth time what a monumental task he’d set for himself.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“That I’m not sure I can do this,” she said. “I know that I have said that before but the more time I spend with you, the harder it is to remember that I have moved on.”

Her words cut him, but he knew that they shouldn’t. He was lucky she’d stayed for dinner. He knew each date would be a test to pass, he thought. That was motivation enough. It gave him something to focus on, something concrete that didn’t make him feel so unsure.