One Night Rodeo (31 page)

“Aren’t you supposed to be on maternity leave?” Lainie pointed out.

“My business brain is still fully functional,” Janie retorted. “Now that we have a little mouth to feed, I’m all about increasing our cash flow so we can afford diapers.”

“Speaking of…Where are your kiddos?” Celia asked.

“With Susan Williams in the first guest room down the hall. Luckily this coincides with naptime.”

Tierney pierced them with a dirty look and her sisters-in-law straightened up immediately.

Celia snickered.

“First of all, a toast. But please don’t drink until we’re all served.” Tierney looked hard at Garnet and Tilda. Then she signaled to Fletch and another guy to enter the circle.

Celia asked Janie, “Who’s the blond?”

“Tobin Hale. He does a lot around here, but he mostly works for Renner. Both Tobin and Fletch are huge favorites of the Mud Lilies.”

Fletch handed out shot glasses and Tobin filled them. But Celia didn’t get one.

Harper motioned her into the center of the circle. “We asked your husband
to tell us your favorite shot. And you only get to drink it…if he guessed right.”

Oohs and aahs rang out.

“Kyle guessed…tequila.” Which wasn’t her favorite but it was what led them to the altar.

“Wrong. He said your favorite is a
blow job
.”

That smarmy jerk.

“But here’s where you get to even the score, because he doesn’t get to drink if he gets this one wrong. So tell us, Celia, what is Kyle’s favorite shot?”

She tapped her chin. “I’ll say, a tasty little one called
tie me to the bedpost
.”

Laughter pealed through the room.

“And with that, let’s all toast to our newlywed.”

“Hear, hear!”

“Celia, take a seat and we’ll play the first game.”

As soon as she sat down, Janie elbowed her. “What?”

“I saved my shot for you since I’m nursing, but for God’s sake be discreet,” Janie whispered. “I don’t want Harper and Tierney, the game Nazis, to catch us cheating.” Janie pointed at something behind them; Celia turned to look and drained the whiskey.

Tierney said, “The name of the first game is pass the penis.”

“Hot damn!” Garnet shouted, only to be shushed by Bernice and the gang.

“The object of this game, just like in hot potato, is to
not
be holding the penis when the music shuts off. But we’ve spiced up the rules, adding a second part to the game and another chance to win.”

“We’ll be watching to see who fondles BOB the best,” Harper said, “so even if you’re disqualified you’re still in the running for a BOB of your own.”

“BOB.” Lainie repeated. “I hope he comes with a battery pack because the batteries in those things never last.”

“Which is why I like the plug-in types,” Janie offered.

“Nothing compares to the real thing,” Lainie said.

“I cannot wait until I get the all clear to have sex with my husband,”
Janie said. “He had to get inventive during those last months of pregnancy when we had beach ball baby between us. Not that coming up with something new has ever been a problem for him.”

“So you
can
teach an old dog new tricks?” Lainie asked.

Janie snickered. “Hell, I can get him to roll over and beg.”

“Get used to doing it fast,” Lainie advised. “It’s the only option when you’re horny, the baby has finally gone to sleep, and you just want your man on you and in you
now
.”

“Uh. TMI about my brothers’ sex lives,” Celia said.

Tierney did the hand-clapping thing again. “So let’s all stand and gather in a circle.”

Harper tugged Celia to her feet. “Our newlywed has volunteered to start the game.”

Celia plastered on a smile, allowing Harper to lead her to the other side of the circle, between Betty and Bootsie, sisters who ran the sale barn. Harper handed Celia a long vibrator in the loudest shade of pink she’d ever seen. “How do you turn it on?”

“Twist the rubber ring on the bottom,” seventy-year-old Bootsie suggested.

Okay. Celia cranked the bottom section clockwise. The phallus almost vibrated right out of her hand.

“Keep a good hold on that model,” Amy-Lynn suggested. “It is pretty intense.”

Even Amy-Lynn, a few years younger than Celia, knew more about vibrators than she did? How mortifying.

“Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” blared through the speakers and Celia passed the vibrator to Bonnie, who closed her fist around it and slid it up and down a couple of times. Then she handed it to Amy-Lynn, who brought it up to her lips like she was about to lick it, but she smirked and passed it off to Vivien.

The vibrator made it around the circle one time before the music quit. Bernice was the first one out. The next song, “Brand New Girlfriend,” fired up the players, who shouted out
boyfriend
every time instead of
girlfriend
, and both Maybelle and Lainie were lost on that round.

The longer the music played, the raunchier the action became. Celia found herself laughing so hard she wasn’t paying attention during “Giddy On Up” and she was caught pink-handed holding the vibrator.

Two players remained. Garnet and Amy-Lynn. They started flipping the vibrator back and forth. Garnet caught it between her knees just as “Friends in Low Places” stopped playing.

Amy-Lynn did a victory lap holding the pink phallus in her hands like a sword.

“Our bride gets to take a consolation prize home.” Harper handed her a box.

Amid shouts of, “Open it, open it,” she ripped into the big box. Yes, it was a vibrator, but not in an obscene shade of pink—hers was vivid purple with a cherry red head.

Maybelle clapped her hand over Tilda’s mouth after she made a crack about Barney the Dinosaur having a sore wee-wee.

Tierney awarded the most lewd use of her hands to Garnet, who turned on her new penis and challenged Amy-Lynn to a dick duel.

That’s when Renner walked in. “Looks like y’all are havin’ a lot more fun over here.”

“Join us and bring all your hot-lookin’ buddies,” Bootsie shouted, performing a lewd bump and grind that Garnet immediately copied.

Renner’s eyes automatically sought out his wife. Tierney bounded over for a brief conversation. When Tierney walked off, Renner’s gaze stayed on her ass, which amused Celia. Until Renner caught her watching him and shook his finger at her. “No tequila shooters for you two today, understand?”

Celia and Tierney looked at each other and laughed.

“When are we gonna hear that story?” Vivien asked.

“Never. We’ve been forbidden from ever discussing it.” Tierney winked. “All right, ladies, get out your shot glasses again.” Tobin and Fletch appeared with fresh bottles. “The next question for Celia. According to your husband, what’s your favorite sexual position?”

Celia fought a blush, but she knew the answer, hands down. “Any.”

“That is correct! Pour the woman a shot!”

Thank God. She was tempted to grab the bottle and run.

“Same question back at Kyle. And what will his response be?”

“All,” she said without hesitation.

Wolf whistles and laughter followed.

Celia sat and Janie slipped her another shot.

The next game required Celia to wear an apron emblazoned with
Pretty in Pink, Wicked in Spurs
, which had assorted kitchen utensils attached to it. She put on two oven mitts and had to catch various round-shaped fruits and veggies thrown by the attendees and set them in a large soup tureen until she’d completed the circle.

Then Celia was sent out of the room. The guests had to try to name everything pinned on her apron. And all the food she’d stowed in her pot.

Harper walked the perimeter, smacking a pink riding crop with a long feather boa on one end, making sure no one cheated.

“What exactly are you afraid I’ll do if you leave me alone?” Celia asked Tierney.

“Nothing. Since Renner and I have been married a year, you’re supposed to use this time to ask me any questions about marriage.”

“Are you happy?”

Tierney’s grin stretched ear to ear. “Sickeningly happy. Disgustingly happy. Especially since Renner is spending less time on the road this year. Sometimes when I look at him I can’t believe he’s mine. And I know he feels the same because sometimes I catch him watching me with this funny smile on his face. Sounds very sappy and clichéd.”

“You guys are a good match.”

“Opposites attract and all that. It’s been a learning curve for both of us, me never having been married, and him having taken the trip down the aisle twice, but the quickie Vegas marriage doesn’t really count in my mind.”

Celia waited for Tierney to retract her statement, due to her and Kyle’s quickie Vegas marriage, but she continued on.

“Neither of us had a parental marriage to model ours after, or a bad pattern to avoid, which has been a blessing. Renner can’t say,
My parents always did it this way
, because his mother died when he was young. So did mine. Our parents’ initial marriages left no lasting imprint on either of us.”

Sometimes Tierney talked way above Celia’s head. Imprinting? Modeling? Wasn’t every marriage supposed to be unique to that couple? What worked for one couple didn’t mean it was gospel for every other couple? Another thought crossed her mind. Were all the guys giving Kyle husbandly advice on how to handle her?

“I’m sorry, Celia. I’m blathering on and I’m supposed to be listening to you.”

“I’m trying to take in the fact I’m actually at my own wedding shower.” She cocked her head toward the room where the guys were holed up. “How’d you get them to show up? The promise of free booze?”

Tierney regarded her oddly. “No. The promise of fireworks. Between you and Kyle.”

She frowned. “Really?”

“On the guys’ side there’s a betting pool about how many dirty looks you’ll give Kyle once you two get into the same room.”

“And the women’s side?”

“Oh, the women are more romantic. They have a bet on how many kisses he’ll give you to try to wipe those dirty looks off your face.”

It made her a little sad that these people believed she couldn’t change. That she’d be combative with Kyle as her husband, as she’d been when Kyle had just been an annoyance in her life.

She feared maybe he still saw her as a necessary annoyance. He needed her ranching help. He wanted her physically, almost obsessively. He could put up with her on a temporary basis because there was the benefit of kick-ass sex.

The hollow feeling expanded to think Kyle might be justifying their marriage at her expense.

Kyle wouldn’t do that. He’s no more the same guy he was years ago when you two constantly butted heads than you are the bratty girl who used to torture him. You need to tell him how you feel. Or at least that your feelings have changed.

“Celia?” Tierney said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She looked up. “You didn’t. I was just trying to figure out how much my brothers bet against me. And if Kyle is in there shooting whiskey.”

“Hey, Renner bringing up the tequila shooters incident reminded me
of something from that night last year. Right after Kyle showed up at the bar before we started getting wild, he whispered something to you. Seemed pretty intense. Do you remember what he said?”

Don’t do this to yourself, kitten. If Breck doesn’t know where you’ve been all week he doesn’t deserve you. It’s killin’ me to see you so damn unhappy. Let’s go somewhere. Just you and me, and talk.

If Celia hadn’t promised Tierney she’d hang out with her, she would’ve left with Kyle right then.

She should have. Because directly after Renner and Tierney had taken off, Breck and his cowboy posse bailed. She’d had no choice but to go along because she’d had nowhere else to go. Then Breck and Michael turned in early because they were tired.

Tired of keeping up pretenses most likely.

“Sorry. You don’t have to answer that.”

Torn from the past, Celia blinked at Tierney. “In a nutshell, he said,
Dump Breck
. Which I did shortly thereafter.”

Fletch and a guy Celia didn’t know were zipping their coats and appeared to be headed out the door.

Tierney stepped in front of them. “Where are you guys going?”

“We hit a lull and I need Fletch to look at a couple of things while he’s out this way.”

Fletch tugged on Celia’s veil and grinned. “Hard to believe you’re a married woman, brat. Married to Kyle, no less.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard the
I’m shocked
comment plenty of times.”

“I’m not shocked. I’m thrilled you two boneheads stopped fighting long enough to actually talk to each other.”

Celia squinted at him with disbelief.

“He wore that same look just now when I said the same thing to him.”

“And how did my loving husband respond?”

“That he’d had his eye on you a lot longer than he’d admit. But of course, I already knew that too.” Fletch smirked. “I’m an excellent judge of animal behavior.”

She cuffed him on the arm. “So have you found an assistant yet?”

“Nope. They last about two months. Then I’m looking again. I’ve decided
it’s easier to do it all myself. Why? You know someone who’s interested and qualified?”

“I was just thinkin’ about your comment that if I ever did follow through and become a veterinary assistant you’d hire me.”

“I meant it. But it’s not like you won’t have your hands full helping Kyle run you guys’ ranch.”

“Hey, Fletch, the warden granted us some yard time,” the man next to Tierney drawled.

Talk about looking like ten miles of bad road. This guy had dark circles under his piercing brown eyes, a scraggly beard covering the entire lower half of his face, shaggy blackish brown hair hanging from beneath his gray cowboy hat. He was a big guy, at least six foot three, and his clothes hung off him like a scarecrow. She guessed his age to be around hers, and he’d be good-looking if he took any kind of pride in his appearance.

After she realized she’d been staring, she thrust out her hand. “I don’t believe we’ve met. Celia.”

“Hugh Pritchett. I manage Jackson Stock Contracting for Renner and the tyrant—I mean Tierney—when she lets me.”