Orchards (16 page)

I start

          thinking

          seeing

          sketching

in my head

as the service goes on

tearful speeches one after another

tributes to Lisa

pleas to us all

it is like

I am drawing in the dirt

in the
mikan
groves

with Koichi

later I tell

Emi

my mother

my father

and they tell me to draw

in earnest

and take me to an art store

for supplies

and then I do a difficult thing

which is to call

your mother

to tell her

my idea

she invites me to come

to your house the next week

after school

and there

in your dining room

your dogs checking me out

I unroll and show her

my plan

which is

for a path

of flat stones

that meanders

through the orchard

one stone to represent

each of us former

eighth-grade girls

stones leading to a gazebo

with benches for

sitting

talking

watching the trees

the rhythm of the year

in sap, leaves, buds, fruit

the cycle of growth and rest

growth and rest

I tell her that

every year when the

apples are in blossom

we’ll gather

decorate the gazebo

with new greens

bring you and Lisa

your favorite foods

and light small welcome fires

for you both

to join us

and maybe we’ll sing

or play some music

maybe we’ll dance

or at least walk

around the gazebo

and maybe we’ll picnic

in the orchard

or maybe not

but definitely we’ll share

our hopes

dreams

goals

all the ways we promise

to survive

another year

without you both

your mother

nods

and starts to move her mouth

but then she furrows her brow

and says

just one thing—

can you make

those stepping stones enough

for all the eighth-grade girls

and boys?

I say

of course

not knowing why

I didn’t think of that myself

then I wait

as your mother studies my drawings

leans over them

runs her fingers over my

careful pen lines and letters

and underneath

the dogs sigh and

settle down

at my feet

she sits up straight

breathes in deep

with effort it seems

yes

she finally says

she would be pleased

if I shared the plan with

Jake and his family

and if they approve

and your father and brother approve

and if Lisa’s godparents approve

she would be especially pleased

if I made the design

and built the memorial

with everyone’s help

as I leave your house

to bike home

I am bursting with

ideas

pedaling madly

nearly going off

the side of the road

into a ditch

I find my mother in the field

tending her Japanese pumpkins

and I share the news

later I call Jake

who comes over to check the plans

no, scrutinize the plans

and make suggestions

and when we get the go-ahead

I call Ken

and Abby and Emily

and Gina

and Namita

who all agree to help

with the construction

if I will tell them

what to do

I don’t tell them that first

I have to learn

myself

what to do

I call others

every single one

of last year’s eighth-grade girls

and boys

and very last I call Noah

who I’d forgotten

I had a crush on

way back

in the months

that seem like

ages ago

before all this happened

Noah, who I have not even

thought of once

in that way

since you walked up the hill

to Osgoods’ orchard

that night

just looking at him

used to be hard for me

talking to him

unthinkable

but now I just call

start speaking

right away

and he, too

says sure,

he’ll help

so I start the plans

for real

I visit

lumberyards

hardware stores

garden centers

websites

libraries

stonecutters

and even sign up for

a continuing-ed carpentry course

at the community college

knowing that

next spring we’ll gather for you

and Lisa

meet with you

feed your spirits

and afterward

we’ll say farewell

for a year

and we’ll

go on