Authors: Janet Tanner
He turned and stalked out of the room. As she heard the front door slam after him her anger returned momentarily, fired by bitter resentment that he should treat her this way.
She ran after him. âGordon!
Gordon
!'
But the car was already moving when she reached the front door and she stood helplessly watching as it disappeared down the drive.
Damn him! He'll never let me take Alex now. So because of me and what I have done, my son may be here when the Japs come. Oh, what can I do?
Take him away
!
It was a drum-beat loud in her head, the words as clear as if someone had spoken to her.
Take him away without telling Gordon you're going
.
She stood with trembling fingers pressed to her lips. Could she? she had the means â Brit had promised transport and somewhere to go. But still it was an awesome prospect, rather like standing on the edge of a precipice.
If she took Alex secretly and went to Australia, there would probably be no way back. When the war was finally over, who knew what would have become of Hong Kong? There might be nothing left of the places she had come to love. This lovely house might be burned or shelled to the ground. Japanese soldiers might enjoy their mistresses in its rooms, the furniture she had chosen with such care would be destroyed or â at best â damaged by cigarette burns and boot-marks. The harbour could become a watery grave, the Peak be a landmark for approaching enemy aircraft. Even if the Japanese were defeated and ousted by the Allies, Hong Kong would never be the same place again.
And Gordon? Instinctively she knew that if she took Alex and went to Brit, she would be turning her back on him for ever. It was what she had wanted â to go to Brit â yet even now the thought of parting from Gordon in this way gave her a sinking feeling.
I still love him in my own way
, she thought with a flash of insight.
But even as she debated and agonised she knew her mind was already made up. When Brit returned and contacted her, she would tell him she would like him to fly her and Alex to Australia. And when the war was over and whatever job he had to do was done, they would begin a new life together.
Elise was in the nursery playing ludo with Alex when the telephone call for which she had been waiting came.
It was two days since she had decided to take Alex secretly and go to Australia; two days during which her thoughts had been in constant turmoil, her emotions a mixture of elations and poignant sadness, her decision challenged a dozen times a day with countless reasons why she should stay. There were so many things that could go wrong, so many snags to consider. But always she returned to the same central factor: Alex's safety had to come first. She must take this opportunity to get him away from the threat of a Japanese invasion. And so, nerves tight-wound like a spring, she waited for the telephone call from Brit.
Although he had said he would be gone for two days, as time dragged endlessly by she found herself beginning to worry and wonder. It was possible that he had gone into China already. If that were the case, there was always the risk that he might not be able to get back. The thought turned her cold with dread and she tried not to think about it. Yet it remained a sickening possibility haunting the corners of her mind.
Each time the telephone rang she hurried to answer it, trembling with eager anticipation, but when it broke the sleepy stillness of the house on that second afternoon she was unable to reach it before Su Ming who â much to the annoyance of the cook amah â had been supervising the preparation of Alex's tea in the kitchen.
As Su Ming lifted the receiver Elise froze at the top of the stairs, her whole body tense.
âYes. I will get her for you. May I tell her who is calling?' Su Ming's voice was prim, but Elise guessed at the curiosity she was concealing and rushed down the stairs holding out her hand.
âIt's all right, Su Ming. I'll take it.'
âHello, Elise.' His voice, deep and lazy, started fires within her.
âHello.'
She forced herself to adopt a conversational tone until the door had closed after Su Ming, then her breath came our on a shuddering sigh. âThank goodness you're back! I was beginning to think you weren't coming.'
âI told you I would be.'
âI know, but with this war ⦠and what you have to do â¦'
âCareful!' he warned her.
âOh Brit, I'm sorry â¦'
âNever mind about that now. Have you thought about what we discussed?'
Th scent of the flowers in their pewter vase rose to her nostrils and tangled with the words in her throat.
âYes.'
âAnd?'
âYes. We will come.'
His breath came out on a sigh. âThank God. You talked Gordon round, then?'
âNo.'
âNo?'
âNo â there's so much you don't yet know, Brit. When I got back here that afternoon, Gordon was waiting for me. Hugh must have found out that we were at the Peninsula again and had telephoned him. There was a terrible row.' Her voice shook at the memory of it. âHe forbade me to see you again and he refused to allow Alex and me to go to Australia or indeed anywhere.'
âSo how do you plan to come?'
âSecretly. Without telling him.'
There was a pause. She could picture his face and wanted him so much that it was a pain inside her.
âI don't like it,' he said. âI don't like doing things under-handedly. If you want my opinion, you ought to tell him straight out what you intend to do.'
She tore at her lip with her teeth. âI can't.'
âWhy not? I'll come and see him with you if you like. We will both tell him â¦'
âNo!'
âBut Elise â¦'
âNo! I haven't told you everything, Brit. He says that if I don't stop seeing you he'll â¦' Unable to bring herself to say it, her voice tailed away.
âHe'll what?' Brit asked with dangerous directness.
âHe'll ⦠he said I would never see Alex again.'
âBastard! That's just a threat, Elise. How could he make such a thing stick?'
âI don't know but I can't take the risk. I've thought it all out and I won't tell anyone, not even Alex. That way it will be a big adventure for him.'
âI still don't like it, Elise.'
âPlease, Brit! I don't know what Gordon would do if I told him. I just have the conviction we would never get on that plane.'
âAll right,' he said at last. âI suppose if I want to get you and Alex to safety, I shall have to go along with that. Can you be ready the day after tomorrow?'
âI could be ready in half an hour.'
âThat won't be necessary,' he said drily. âI have arranged for the company plane at one o'clock in the afternoon. And you won't be the only passengers, by the way. My sister-in-law, Charles's wife and her youngest child are coming too. Now, could you be at Kai-Tak airport by midday?'
âYes. I'll take a taxi.'
âGood. Now â how about coming to the Peninsula tomorrow?'
She hesitated. âI think it might be safer not to. At the moment I'm moving about freely. I suppose Gordon thinks that after all his threats I have given in. But if he became suspicious â¦'
âPoint taken! Anyway, there's no rush; we have the rest of our lives.'
She flooded with happiness as all problems and anxieties were momentarily forgotten and she could see the future as it might be â with Brit and Alex. âOh Brit, I do love you.'
âAnd I love you.'
âWe'll be at Kai-Tak the day after tomorrow.'
As she replaced the receiver a small sound attracted her attention and she glanced up the stairs to see Alex sitting on the top step. She felt a moment's misgiving, then she shrugged. If he had heard anything, he would not have understood it. He was only five years old, after all.
âMummy, when are you coming back to finish our game?' he called.
âI'm coming now.'
She went back upstairs to his room where the ludo board was laid out on a table and felt a brief pang for cosy afternoons which would soon come to an end. But there would be other things to take their place, she reminded herself; other habits to be formed in a new and exciting life. And she and Brit would be building a future together.
âWhat are you doing, Mummy?'
Elise looked up swiftly from the case she was packing to see
Alex standing in the doorway.
She cursed silently, for she had thought he was downstairs and
out of the way. But he seemed to be tailing her everywhere these last few days, as if he suspected something was going on and was unwilling to let her out of his sight.
âOh, just putting some things away, Alex.'
âBut those are my pyjamas; I shall be needing them,' he pointed out.
âYou can't wear more than one pair at once, darling.'
âAnd my sun hat! That's my sun hat! You can't put that away! Summer's coming; Su Ming said so.'
âAlex, I'm just â¦'
âWhy a suitcase?' His grey eyes grew round with anticipation. âAre we going away on holiday, Mummy?'
She hesitated. Deceiving a five-year-old was far more difficult than she had imagined it would be.
âWe might be.'
âAre we? Really?'
âNot if you say one single word to anyone about it. It's a very big secret. Can you keep a secret, Alex?'
He nodded, sticking his hands into the pockets of his shorts and trying to look grown-up.
â'Course I can.'
âWell, I hope so, because if you tell anyone we would not be able to go and that would be a pity, wouldn't it?'
âHe nodded. â Where are we going?'
Warning bells clanged loudly in her ears.
âYou ask too many questions,' she scolded.
âOh, please tell me!'
âI don't know yet.' She reached out, pinching his small, straight nose and teasing: âOne of these days a blackbird will come and peck it off!'
He laughed. âNo, it won't!'
âOh yes, it will! Now off you go and find something to do â and remember, not a word to anyone about our holiday or everything will be spoiled.'
When he had gone, she stood for a moment in thought. Then she selected a few more items, put them into the suitcase, closed it and stacked it away on top of a tall cupboard. It wasn't very clever, but it was the best she could do. With luck, Su Ming would never miss the things she had packed and had no reason to investigate the case.
But as she went into her own room to sort and pack some of her belongings, she felt tense and jumpy as a kitten and began to wish she had agreed to meet Brit at the Peninsula.
He always had such a good, calming influence on her. After an hour or so with him, everything would fall into place.
But it was too late to change her mind now â and too dangerous. Tomorrow she would see him and they would fly off to begin a new life together. She would just have to be patient for a little longer.
The following day was colder but still bright and clear, dispelling Elise's lingering fears that the weather might in some way stop flights out of Kai-Tak. If their departure were to be delayed, she thought the strain would be unbearable. Things were bad enough now, wondering if there was anything they had forgotten. But incredibly, or so it seemed to her, the household appeared totally unaware of the imminent upheaval. And when Gordon left for work at his usual time, she could feel nothing but relief.
Even after her mind had been made up, she had continued to wonder how she would feel when she had to actually bring herself to leave Gordon. This was one of the reasons why she had ignored Brit's advice to tell him the truth. If he had been cruel to her, or if she hated him, she would have revelled in the opportunity to blast him with her decision. But she did not hate him; she was still very fond of him. And though she knew she was being cowardly, she shrank from the prospect of seeing his face when she told him and was desperately afraid that her own resolve might weaken.
When the moment came, however, the fluttering of her stomach drowned out all other emotions and as she saw him walk down the path with briefcase in hand, she had to remind herself that six years of her life was coming to an end.
Alex and Su Ming went to the room they called âthe school' in order to continue his reading lessons and Elise went upstairs to make a final check of the two cases she had decided would be all they could take. Alex's things were in apple-pie order; she managed to push them down sufficiently to fit in his favourite teddy bear.
But when she came to pack her own toilet articles, she discovered that one or two items were almost finished. With no idea what shopping facilities there might be in Australia, it was a little disconcerting to be without supplies of essential items, so she decided to spare a half-hour to go down to the stores in town. There was plenty of time to kill between now and noon â too much, in fact! A walk to the shops would create a welcome diversion.
She had already dressed in a silk shirt and skirt which she considered suitable for the flight â remnants of her wardrobe left behind when she had gone to Cairo. Now she slipped on a matching lightweight jacket and wide-heeled, peep-toe shoes.
The door to the â schoolroom' was still firmly closed and she resisted the temptation to look in and tell Su Ming she was going out for a little while. On a normal day she would not interrupt; therefore today must be no different.
Alex will have to start attending proper school in Australia, she thought as she closed the front door behind her. And presumably she would be able to keep him with her even when he got older. In Hong Kong it was the practice to send children to boarding school in England at the age often or eleven, or maybe even younger, and she had not relished the thought of being parted from him.
At the stores she lingered a little, keeping one eye on the time. There was nothing more to be done at home â she would just be moping and getting more and more edgy.