Our Kingdom of Dust (8 page)
“Very nice to meet you, Blaine. I’m Miss Nancy.”
“Hello, Miss Nancy.”
She pulled the last of the teddy bears from the second suitcase, precariously balanced it next to another one on the loveseat, and patted it on the head. “Perfect,” she said.
Jay poked his head out of the kitchen. “Terry! Miss Nancy! Come on in! Dinner is almost ready!” He looked over at me. “Blaine, I hate to do this, but can you set the table? All of the plates and silverware are right there in the cabinet in the dining room.”
“Sure, Jay, no problem.”
Miss Nancy and Theresa Skywalker went into the kitchen with everyone else.
“Man, where’s a fucking camera when you need one?” I thought.
I set the table with Jay’s nice Grand Floridian gold-rimmed plates. All of his silverware had plastic handles shaped like various vintage Disney characters.
After I finished setting the table I stood around for a minute like a dumbass, waiting for everyone to come out. It was really quiet in the kitchen. Too quiet, considering the number of people in there.
I pushed open the door very slightly and saw everyone standing around Miss Nancy as she snorted a huge line of sparkling white powder off the kitchen counter. Then Belinda snorted a line. She pushed the towel across some of it, too.
It was all sorts of fucked up.
I continued watching as Theresa Skywalker sniffed a line. And then, much to my dismay, so did Lisa.
That sucked.
Jay gestured to Michael, who shook his head “no”. Well, at least he wasn’t a total fucking junkie.
Shit. Fuck these people. I was outta there.
I started walking to the door and remembered I didn’t have a car. Jay had driven me there. Fuck. I’d have to call a cab. But I couldn’t do it there and cause a huge scene. I figured it’d be better if I just left and started walking. I seemed to remember there being a gas station a few blocks down. I’d meet the cab there.
I opened the door and stepped out into the surprisingly chilly evening air. I wished I’d brought a jacket, but it’d been in the mid-80s that morning. Oh well. I walked quickly, hands in my jean pockets, already shivering. I only got to the end of the block before I heard Lisa yelling my name.
“What the fuck, Blaine?” she said, breathlessly running up to me.
“It’s okay. I’m fine. I’m just going to head on home, and didn’t want to interrupt the party. Thanks for having me over.”
I turned and headed towards the main road.
“Fuck you, Blaine!” shouted Lisa.
“Real nice,” I muttered.
She ran up to me. I increased my pace. She matched my speed.
“So, what? You saw us in the kitchen, I guess? And that’s it, you’re leaving, just like that? Who the fuck do you think you are?”
“I’m not a goddamned junkie, that’s for sure!” I shouted.
“You have no idea what was going on in there.”
“I know what I saw.”
“It wasn’t what it looked like. Anyway, who are you to judge? You’re going to puke and piss all over my boyfriend’s limo and then judge me for doing something that makes me feel happy? At least I’m still conscious and not destroying someone’s property!”
She had a point. But, still…. I stopped walking.
“That’s harsh,” I said. “Yeah, maybe I was drinking so I didn’t have to deal with some stuff. But believe me, I’m trying to deal with it. And just because we’ve both done dumb shit doesn’t make either one of us right. It just means we’re both idiots.”
“Whatever. Everyone in there has problems, Blaine, and we’re all just trying to keep it together day-by-day, okay? I figured maybe you could relate to that… I guess I was wrong.”
I sighed. “No, look, you’re not wrong. I can relate. I just… it was a bit much, okay? I mean, between the teddy bears and the see-through Princess Leia outfit, and the fucking towel baby…. The drugs pushed me over the edge.”
She stepped back, relaxing her posture a bit.
“Man, this stuff is starting to kick in and you’re totally killing my buzz,” she said. “Can we please go back inside?”
“I don’t know, Lisa.” We stared at each other.
Goddamn she was gorgeous.
“Maybe this’ll convince you?” she said, pulling me closer.
She kissed me, and it was incredible, but all I could think was, “Holy shit! Snow White is actually seducing me!” Like, I couldn’t truly enjoy the awesomeness of what was happening because it was just so fucking unbelievable.
But then an image of Jay’s tattoos, all the Disney characters screaming “No!”, blasted into my mind, and I pulled away quickly.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“It’s Jay,” I said. “I can’t…”
She kissed me again before I could finish the sentence. I didn’t resist. Something about her taste and smell was so intoxicating…. I didn’t stand a chance. I’d probably do whatever this girl wanted.
After what was easily the longest, most mind-blowing kiss I’d ever experienced, she pulled away.
“Holy shit,” I said. I was shaking.
“I’ve been planning on leaving him anyway,” she said, matter-of-factly. “Maybe you were just the kick in the pants I needed.”
I was still in la-la land, and it took me a second to comprehend what she was saying.
“Wait, what?!” I shouted, finally. “No way!”
“What do you mean, ‘no way’?” she asked. “Don’t you like me?”
“Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, you have no idea. But Jay…. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, especially not someone as nice as him. It totally wouldn’t be cool for me to steal his girlfriend.”
I couldn’t believe I was actually turning this girl down. Was I a total fucking idiot?
“I’m leaving him either way, Blaine. It’s just a matter of when.”
“That’s great,” I said, “and I hope you’ll call me the second you’re gone. I’ll be like the fucking Road Runner. I’ll be at your door before you even hang up the phone. But I can’t be the reason why you leave. I can’t have more bad shit on my conscience. Does that make sense?”
She smiled. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I understand. You’re a good guy.”
“Christ, you want to talk about being disappointed?” I said, putting my hands on her hips. “Not being able to do this again is going to suck.”
I kissed her, and tried my hardest to remember everything about it. Because I had no idea if something this awesome was going to happen to me again anytime soon.
I stepped back and she had a great dreamy look on her face.
“Goddamn,” she said slowly.
“I know, right?” I said. I took her arm. “Let’s go back inside, okay?”
“Yeah, definitely,” she said, pushing close to me. “It’s fucking freezing out here!”
“Theresa Skywalker’s nipples certainly seemed to think so,” I said.
“I saw! That bitch has some tits, huh?”
“Maybe I can use some Jedi Mind Tricks to get her to let me touch ‘em?”
Lisa smacked me. “Pig!”
We both laughed and walked back to the house.
I fully expected to get grilled when we returned, but Jay never asked where we’d been. If he had any suspicions about us, he didn’t let on. And I certainly never brought it up. I felt weird about it, but shit, how many other guys would’ve stopped an ultra-hot Snow White from seducing them? Not many, that’s for fucking sure. I might not have handled the situation perfectly or anything, but at least I was still a decent friend.
Some of my favorite snippets from the party that night:
AT THE DINNER TABLE
THERESA SKYWALKER
Luke has fallen to the dark side. I don’t think I want to be married to him anymore.
LISA
But didn’t you just have your last name legally changed to “Skywalker”?
THERESA SKYWALKER
Yeah, but if he’s going to keep denying me access to his, uh, lightsaber, then I don’t know how this marriage can continue! Plus, I think I have a crush on Ron Stoppable.
MISS NANCY
Ooh, you mean the one who walks around with Kim Possible at The Studios? He’s so sexy.
LISA
Miss Nancy!
MISS NANCY
What? Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I don’t find men attractive. For example, young Blaine here is quite a treat.
ME
Uh, thanks, Miss Nancy. You’re… uh… not so bad yourself?
EVERYONE
(laughter)
ALONE IN THE KITCHEN WITH MICHAEL
MICHAEL
You know it’s just a towel, right?
ME
Yeah.
MICHAEL
Oh, good. Sometimes I get a little confused. When everyone else is talking to a towel like it’s a baby, you start to wonder whether you’re the crazy one.
SITTING ON THE COUCH ACROSS FROM MISS NANCY, ENVELOPED BY HER TEDDY BEARS
ME
So if you don’t mind me asking, why teddy bears?
MISS NANCY
Oh, I don’t mind, dear. My husband had a very sweet tradition of buying me a teddy bear on our anniversary each year. We were married forty-one years. I saved all of them, and they’re in fairly good shape, all things considered.
ME
That’s pretty amazing. Such a cool idea, too. I’m totally going to steal it if I ever get married.
MISS NANCY
Yes, he was a very kind man, and I miss him very much….
ALONE IN THE KITCHEN WITH BELINDA
ME
Your baby is very cute.
BELINDA
It’s a towel!
ME
Right… a baby towel.
BELINDA
No, just a towel! What are you, some kind of idiot?
RUNNING INTO THERESA SKYWALKER AS I EXITED THE BATHROOM
ME
Hi!
THERESA SKYWALKER
Do you like my dress?
ME
Yes, it’s quite… revealing.
THERESA SKYWALKER
Would you like to cum all over my tits?
ME
Jesus. Uh. Maybe later?
THERESA SKYWALKER
Luke has a huge lightsaber.
ME
Good to know. Bye!
ALONE IN THE KITCHEN WITH MICHAEL
ME
So she knows it’s a towel?
MICHAEL
She does?
ME
Seriously?
MICHAEL
I never bring it up.
ME
I told her the baby was cute and she told me it was a towel and that I was an idiot.
MICHAEL
Huh. Interesting.
ME
So if you both know it’s just a towel, then why is she still carrying it around?
MICHAEL
Beats me. It’s better than her crying all day.
ME
Oh. Yeah, that’s true.
AT THE DINNER TABLE
JAY
You’re just propagating the lies, Blaine!
ME
What?
LISA
Yeah, what’s next, Blaine? You gonna start saying he hated Jews?
ME
Of course not!
JAY
The point is, the fact that an intelligent person like you is buying into those same old urban legends is disturbing.
ME
I was just asking a question! Is the man’s head in cryo-freeze or not?
LISA
Cryo-freeze? This isn’t
Star Trek
, Blaine!
MICHAEL
What the hell is cryo-freeze?
ME
I don’t know. It was a simple question. I’m just asking because I thought someone here might know.
JAY
He was cremated. I actually have some of his ashes.
EVERYONE
What?!
MISS NANCY
My husband was put into cryo-freeze.
EVERYONE
What?!
AT THE BAR WITH LISA
ME
Theresa Skywalker wants me to cum all over her tits.
LISA
Are you going to?
ME
I don’t know. I don’t want her stalking me.
LISA
She probably would stalk you.
ME
She does have nice tits, though.
LISA
Let me put it this, way, Blaine. If you fuck Theresa Skywalker you will never fuck me.
ME
Oh.
LISA
And you have a pretty good chance of fucking me.
ME
Oh!
LISA
So don’t cum on Theresa Skywalker’s tits.
ME
Okay.
AT THE DINNER TABLE
ME
So nobody cares that you sit in the lobby at The Grand Floridian all day with teddy bears all around you?
JAY
Miss Nancy doesn’t hurt anybody, Blaine. And the children seem to like the teddy bears.
ME
But the staff is cool with you being there?
MISS NANCY
If you had any idea how much my husband and I spent at The Grand Floridian over the years, you wouldn’t be asking that question. We used to stay for months at a time, and we were always very generous to the staff.
ME
Wow.
MISS NANCY
My husband also bequeathed a healthy sum to help The Disney Family start development on a museum celebrating Walt’s life. I think it would be quite improper for them to not allow me to enjoy the grounds of their hotel.
LISA
Miss Nancy, you better tell me if anyone ever gives you any trouble. I swear I’ll cut a bitch!
MISS NANCY
I’m sure that won’t be necessary dear. If anybody bothers me I’ll simply have them fired.
ME
Damn. That’s hardcore.
MISS NANCY
Indeed.
ALONE IN THE KITCHEN WITH MICHAEL
ME
So, maybe this is a strange thing to bring up, but why weren’t you doing drugs with everyone else?
MICHAEL
You saw that?
ME
Yeah. I saw you turn them down.
MICHAEL
Man, you weren’t supposed to see any of that.
ME
But I did.
MICHAEL
Shit. Look, it’s simple, Blaine. I don’t want to miss out on anything life has to offer. When our baby died, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I’ve tried this drug, and it really does make everything seem… magical. But I didn’t want my baby dying to seem magical. That’s just a bastardization of reality, and it demeans the life of my son, as brief as it was.
ME
I think I can relate to that.
MICHAEL
Well, you’ve obviously been through some shit, then. And that’s not a bad thing. I don’t think that someone can truly appreciate real happiness without experiencing real tragedy. You need contrast in life. If all you see are the beautiful things… well, you become numb to them.
ME
So why do you let her do it?
MICHAEL
Because all she saw was the tragedy. She stopped being able to see the beautiful things. They all did.
