Our Kingdom of Dust (7 page)
“Well, if they’re all like you, then yeah, it’s going to be one helluva night!”
The limo pulled up to Jay’s house, and I started to open the door. Lisa smacked my hand out of the way.
“Don’t open the door!” she said. “Let Jay do it.”
“I’m fully capable of opening a door, Lisa,” I said, pulling at the handle again.
She hit me harder.
“Ah, bitch, what the fuck?” I yelled.
“Let the man do his job, Blaine.”
“He’s not on the clock. I’m not paying him anymore.”
“Let the man do his job,” she said sternly. “This limo is one of the few things he has total control over. Don’t take that away from him.”
“Fine, whatever. Fucking weirdo.”
Jay opened the door and Lisa stepped out. I followed.
“I could’ve opened…” I started to say.
“Welcome back to Jay’s Castle!” said Lisa, interrupting.
Jay swept his hands in a grand gesture. “Jay’s Castle, indeed! And maybe this time, Mr. McKinnon, it’ll be Jay’s Castle with 99% less vomit?”
“Haha, very funny,” I said. Except that I was already a bit drunk. I guess I did need to watch myself this evening. Puking all over my shirt again would be pretty lame.
“The other guests should be arriving shortly,” he said as he unlocked the door and we stepped inside, “so I need to start cooking! Please make yourself at home. You know where the facilities are.” He winked at me.
Shit, he totally knew I rooted through his stuff the other day. Oh well. If he didn’t care then neither did I.
“Feel free to partake in my vast film collection while you wait,” he said. “I have a lot of rare promotional Disney films on 16mm. Lisa can show you how to play them.”
He walked off into the kitchen, once again leaving me and Lisa alone.
She swallowed her champagne.
“I need another drink. How about you?” she asked.
“Gin and tonic, please?”
“Sure. You want to see something really awesome?” she asked.
“The promo films sounded pretty cool,” I replied.
She walked over to Jay’s bar, a black wooden cart sort of thing, on wheels.
“This is a portable bar that was used at private parties in The Magic Kingdom.” She poured out a shot of gin. “They’d wheel it out for companies who would rent sections of the park after-hours. Normally there’s no booze allowed in The Magic Kingdom, but Event Services makes an exception if you have enough cash.”
She finished putzing around behind the bar and handed me the gin and tonic. It had a glow cube in it, just like the at the resort bars.
“And you, Mr. Millionaire,” she said, “definitely have enough cash.”
“Yes, I suppose I do,” I replied, not knowing how to react, and slightly turned off. Was she a money-grubber or something? Was that why she was attracted to Jay? Because he had money? Did he have money? I guess he must be loaded to be able to buy all this memorabilia. Man, that would suck if she just used guys for their money. I’d already had my fill of that shit with Connie.
She turned away, obviously sensing my discomfort.
“Anyway, that’s not the cool thing. Check this shit out.”
She flipped a switch on the wall and neon lit up everywhere around the bar, including a kick ass Pleasure Island sign. There were also blinking “movie” lights around a Mickey-shaped mirror on the wall, flanked by two lava lamps held by white-gloved Mouse hands.
“Nice!” I said, sitting down on the couch, admiring the light show.
She sat next to me, placing her martini on the mirror table.
“So c’mon, tell me! What do, or what did, you do for a living, Blaine?” she asked.
Something about the martini reminded me of a party in a movie where someone was asked a similar question….
“Just one word: Plastics,” I responded, mimicking my favorite bit from
The Graduate
.
She didn’t get it.
“Plastics?”
“There’s a great future in plastics,” I continued.
“I don’t really like plastic,” she said.
That cracked me up.
“Why are you laughing at me?” she said angrily, obviously not used to anyone pulling one over on her.
“No, no, I’m kidding. It’s from
The Graduate
!”
She looked at me blankly.
“You know,
The Graduate
with Dustin Hoffman? Simon & Garfunkel songs? Anne Bancroft seduces him? No? Really? You’ve never seen
The Graduate
?”
“No, I haven’t,” she said.
“Well, shit! That was Walt Disney’s favorite movie,” I said.
“Really?” she said.
“Yeah, really. Apparently he watched it over and over. Diane Disney Miller said she always suspected her dad had a big crush on Anne Bancroft. He tried to cast her in several films but she kept turning him down because she thought he was a pervert.”
“No fucking way!”
“Yeah…. No. I’m totally making this shit up. But you should still watch the movie. It’s awesome.”
Lisa hit me with a Mickey pillow. Hard. And then she hit me again, harder.
“You motherfucker!” she yelled, but smiling now.
“Bitch, stop hitting me!”
Jay popped his head out of the kitchen.
“Now, children. Please behave!”
“He’s lying to me, Jay!” shouted Lisa.
“The woman has never seen
The Graduate
!” I shouted back.
“She’s from a different generation, Blaine. These kids have no appreciation for anything that wasn’t popular fifteen minutes ago.”
“Hey!” said Lisa.
“How the fuck old are you, anyway?” I asked.
“Twenty-three,” she said.
“Holy shit, Jay, you’re a goddamned cradle-robber!”
Jay chuckled. “And proud of it,” he said as he sauntered back into the kitchen.
“Twenty-three?” I said, turning to Lisa. “Twenty-three!”
“So what, asshole?” she responded.
“Man, when I was twenty-three…. Actually, nothing good happened when I was twenty-three. Nothing good really happened between seventeen and now….” I paused. I was definitely tipsy. “But this is good. I like this.”
“Yeah, this is nice. You’re fun to be around.”
“Ah, well, thank you very much! If you have any hot friends or relatives who you think might be interested in a rich, vaguely handsome albeit socially awkward dude, please send them all my way!”
“No chance,” said Lisa. “I’m keeping you all to myself.”
“Plastics,” I said, snickering.
“Fucker,” she said. “Seriously, tell me what you used to do for a living.”
“Oh, it’s so boring. I started a computer repair company out in Baltimore. Like Geek Squad except for small-to-medium sized businesses. Got a bunch of clients, made a bunch of money, sold the business, made even more money. The end.”
“You’re right. Boring!”
“Told you so. That was my life from high school until now. Lived and breathed the business.”
“So what brought you to Florida?”
“I had nothing left in Baltimore. And some shit went down, and I didn’t want to be there anymore. And I remembered being happy at Walt Disney World, so I came here. I’m just trying to have a good time, and maybe deal with some things. But mostly I want to have fun. I haven’t had fun since I was a kid.”
The doorbell rang.
“Well, tonight should be a blast!” she said, getting up and walking to the door. “Just do me a favor, and try to get past your first impressions of these people. I know they’re a bit… odd on the surface. But they’re all really nice once you get to know them.”
“Uh, okay?”
She opened the door, and greeted a couple.
“Belinda! Michael! How nice to see you! Oh, and you’ve brought the baby!”
“Hi, Lisa,” said Michael.
“Very nice to see you again, Lisa,” said Belinda.
“Jay is in the kitchen cooking up his usual recipes, but here, let me introduce you to someone new to our group.”
Lisa walked the couple over to me. They looked like regular thirty-something suburban parents. Except that the woman was cradling a white towel with a blue knit beanie laid on top of it.
What. The. Fuck.
“Belinda and Michael, this is Blaine McKinnon. He’s here all the way from Baltimore!”
“Hi,” I said, shaking Michael’s hand.
“This is our son,” said Belinda.
“Oh.” I looked at Lisa, who was behind them.
She mouthed “Say ‘hello’ to the baby!”
“Hello, baby,” I said. “You’re very cute.”
“How sweet,” said Belinda. “Thank you.”
“Would you two like a drink?” asked Lisa.
“Sure,” said Belinda. “How about one of your famous glow-tinis? And maybe some apple juice for the baby?”
“Coming right up!” said Lisa, ducking behind the bar.
“Get me one, too,” I yelled.
“Sssh, not so loud,” said Belinda. “You’ll wake him.”
“Oh, shit. Sorry about that.”
Belinda scowled and turned away from me. Michael shrugged.
“Lisa, dearest,” said Belinda, “do you mind if we pop into the kitchen to give our greetings to the host?”
“Sure, no problem, I’m sure he’d love an extra hand in there.”
As soon as they walked into the kitchen I ran over to Lisa. I put my hands up and stared at her with my best “WTF” face.
“What?” she asked, pouring various types of booze into a cocktail shaker.
“What do you mean, ‘what’?” I said. “The baby! What the fuck is with the baby?”
“It’s a towel, Blaine.”
“No shit, it’s a towel, Lisa. Why do they think it’s a baby?”
“I think they know it’s a towel. Or, at least, Michael knows.” She shook the cocktail shaker violently, unscrewed the cap, and poured out the blue liquid into three martini glasses. “Last year Belinda had a baby who died a few days after he was born. She hasn’t been able to get over it. The baby died on that towel in the hospital.”
“Damn, that’s terrible. So, they just walk around with it everywhere?”
“Yeah, they’re at the parks every day, walking around with the towel baby. Is that a problem? Are you going to be an asshole about this?”
“No, but, it’s just bizarre.”
“You’re a thirty year old man living at Disney World, Blaine.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But nothing. You told me you were here to have fun and get over some shit. They’re no different than you.”
She popped a glow cube into each martini glass, handed me mine, and walked into the kitchen with the other two, leaving me alone in the living room.
“Am I as messed up as those people?” I thought. It didn’t sit well, but I couldn’t deny Lisa’s logic. Before I had time to think about it anymore the doorbell rang again.
“Blaine, can you get that please?” yelled Jay from the kitchen.
“Sure,” I yelled back.
I opened the door and standing in front of me was what appeared to be Princess Leia, straight out of
A New Hope
. Except her classic side-of-the-head buns were wound with bright red hair, not brown like the real Leia. And her outfit! Her white gown was made from thin, transparent gauze. I could see right through it. The carpet seemed to match the drapes.
“Hi!” she said. She was very perky. “I’m Theresa Skywalker! Is Jay here?”
“Yeah,” I said. I could see her tits pretty clearly. “He’s in the kitchen.”
“Who are you?”
“Oh, sorry. I’m Blaine McKinnon. I’m living at The Beach Club.”
“Living there?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool!”
“Thanks. Uh. Sorry, come in,” I said, realizing she was still standing outside. Her nipples were clearly getting harder from the evening breeze.
She wasn’t horrible looking, by any stretch.
“I think I feel Miss Nancy’s presence behind me,” said Theresa Skywalker.
“Miss Nancy?”
Theresa Skywalker looked out the door. “Yep, there she is! Her husband died last year. But The Force is strong in her.”
“I bet.”
“Hi, Miss Nancy!” said Theresa Skywalker. “Can we help you with your suitcases?”
“That would be lovely, Terry,” said Miss Nancy, who seemed normal enough. She looked like a grandmother from a 50s sitcom. Kinda dowdy, with a sweater, scarf, and long patterned dress covering her ample figure.
“Actually, can you get them, Blaine?” asked Theresa Skywalker. “My Force lifting abilities have been in a weakened state since my lightsaber fight with Lord Vader earlier today.”
“That’s a shame.” I picked up the two suitcases and brought them into the house.
“Right by the sofa, dear,” said Miss Nancy. “Your name is Blaine?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said.
She opened her suitcases, started pulling out stuffed bears, and began to arrange them on the sofa.
