Outside (19 page)

My face gets hot and I look away from the approving grin Jacki is giving me. “Y’all two are so cute,” she squeals, setting up a chair beside the one I was sitting in.

Adam kisses me once more, on the cheek, before releasing me and returning to his fire building work.

I manage to make it back to my chair without stumbling, though I’m dizzy and can’t stop smiling. Jacki squeezes my knee but doesn’t say anything else and I’m glad.

I’m sliding a third marshmallow onto my roasting stick, listening to Drew tell everyone about a man his father knows who built his house in a tree when movement near the patio catches my eye.

“Shit,” Adam breathes, pulling his marshmallow out of the fire. “I told you not to bring her here,” he snaps at the blonde boy before blowing out the flames.

“Who?” The boy turns in his chair and spots the girl standing on the patio.

“Fucking Brittany,” Adam spits, carefully pulling the charred marshmallow off the end of his stick

My heart plummets into my toes and I glance at Adam sitting beside me with his jaw clenched.

“I didn’t invite her,” the boy says, turning back around. “I just said we were all hanging out and I thought I’d say hi.”

Holly and Serena groan at the same time.

“That’s an invitation, Bryce,” Holly snaps.

Bryce gets up from his chair. “I’ll get rid of her.”

“Too late,” Drew says, nodding toward the patio.

I look up and watch as Brittany struts across the grass in a scandalously short skirt and t-shirt that clings to her body. I swallow hard and look away.

Bryce trips over his chair on his way to intercept her and Drew snickers.

“He’s officially uninvited from all future bonfires,” Adam says, stabbing his stick into the ground.

I hold my marshmallow just above the flames and watch as Bryce attempts to stop Brittany. She doesn’t seem to be taking the hint, though. She tries to step around him more than once.

Adam sighs heavily and gets to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

My stomach turns at the idea of him being so close to her while she’s dressed like that. I know she did it on purpose. An attempt to entice him just like the woman mentioned in Proverbs chapter 7. But he won’t fall for that…will he? Will he see her bare legs and womanly curves and forget all about the kiss we shared?

“Alaina.”

I look up and find Holly sitting beside me in Adam’s vacant chair.

“He’ll be right back,” she says, as if she can read my thoughts.

I nod, willing myself to believe her. “Do you guys think she’s pretty?”

Holly snorts and on the other side of the fire Jacki lets out a laugh.

“She’s alright, if you’re into crazy chicks with asshole fathers,” Drew says. “Personally, not my thing.” He winks at Holly.

Serena hasn’t said anything and I realize it’s because she’s turned in her seat watching the heated exchange between Adam, Bryce, and Brittany. “I never should have brought him,” she mutters. “God, I should have known.” She shakes her head and turns back around.

It occurs to me then that Serena has romantic intentions with Bryce.

Adam’s voice carries across the yard. “What part of
no
do you not understand? I’m with someone else. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t want to be friends with you. I want you
and
your dad to leave me alone.”

Jacki makes a hissing sound through her teeth. “Ouch.”

“There’s another relapse in the making,” Drew snorts.

“Relapse?” I ask as my marshmallow bursts into flames. I pull it from the fire and blow it out.

Holly sighs. “Brittany has…issues. She goes through cycles, sort of. She’ll get real hung up on Adam, chase him for a while, stalk him, send her dad after him. And then when he gets sick of it, he goes off on her, just like this, and she tells everyone she’s going to kill herself until her parents check her in to the hospital.”

I frown at the girl now sobbing into her hands in the middle of the yard and for a moment, feel a twinge of sympathy for her as Adam turns his back and Bryce hovers near her, glancing at us like he’s not sure what to do.

How does someone get “hung up?” Do I run the same risk now? Do all girls get hung up on boys? Maybe this is why the Elders were so adamant about maintaining physical distance and courting only for marriage.

I disregarded the rules. I’ve been courting him and he has no intention of marrying me, that I know of. And we’ve held hands, stood too close, even kissed. I’ve tasted him.

My stomach swoops at the memory.

I’d do it all again, I realize. I’d break a thousand rules, a thousand times over for Adam.

I’m hung up on him and it scares me.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

ALAINA

Beth wakes me up by knocking on my door.

“Alaina?”

I lift my head off the pillow as she opens the door a crack. My hair smells like smoke and my eyes feel like there’s sand in them. Holly drove me home from Drew’s house late last night. So late, in fact, we had to call to ask Beth for an extension on our curfew.

I’m still wearing the bright pink and orange shirt Adam bought for me. As I sit up in bed, just looking at it makes me smile.

Beth stands in the doorway.

“Come in,” I say, moving my legs under the blankets to make room for her to sit on the bed.

She crosses the room and perches on the end before clearing her throat. I wait for her to smile or say something, but she seems to be struggling.

“Is everything okay?” I ask. Oh no! What if Holly told her that I kissed Adam? What if she’s angry with me for being so loose? Running around at all hours of the night, kissing boys, dressing flashy…

“Your mother sent another letter,” she says finally.

I let out a breath. “Oh. Okay.” I hold out my hand.

She winces and holds the white envelope just out of my reach. “I opened it and read it. I hope you’re not mad.”

Shaking my head, I say, “Of course not.”

Beth nods and hands me the envelope. “I’d like to make a copy of it when you’re done.”

“A copy? Why?”

She presses her lips together, her eyes going soft. “Well, sweetie, your mother…the things she writes…” She shakes her head, unable to finish. “For Ms. Jackson. Ms. Jackson needs to know about these letters.”

I shrug. “Alright.”

Beth waits while I read the letter.

Alaina,

You have been given a choice and you continually choose to flout the Lord’s commands. I have witnessed with my own eyes the way you engage physically with sinner boys, the way you dress in men’s clothing, and adorn yourself to call undue attention. Your day of judgment will be sooner rather than later. I beg you to repent now before the price of your transgressions is too great for you to pay.

The Lord has spoken to me and asked me to share his words with you. The Book of Leah, chapter one states: Any son or daughter who strays from the path will be corrected with a swiftness so as not to prolong their wrongdoing. And those who will not be corrected will be exorcised of their wickedness with force.

Do not make me exorcise your wickedness, daughter.

I am watching, as is the Lord.

~Mother

I glance up at Beth with wide eyes.

“To say I’m concerned is an understatement,” she says, taking the letter from me.

“I only kissed him,” I blurt. “We didn’t fornicate!”

Beth blinks at me. “Honey, I’m concerned about your mother. Not… You kissed who?”

My cheeks get warm. “Adam,” I say quietly.

“Oh.” She looks down at the letter. “Is that what she’s talking about? How would she possibly know that?”

I’m unable to meet her eyes. “I don’t know. She’s followed me before.”

She shakes her head and glances down at the letter. When she looks up at me again, her face is drawn and colorless, but she smiles anyway as she pats my leg through the blankets. “I’ll let you go back to sleep.” She stands, heading for the door with the letter in her hand, turning to me just before she leaves. “Oh, there’s an orientation at the school tonight. It’s for freshmen, but I thought you might like to go and see everything for yourself.”

I nod. “Okay.”

“Great,” she says, before disappearing into the hallway and closing the door behind her.

I don’t go back to sleep after Beth leaves. Instead I take a shower, while Mother’s strange letter replays in my mind. The Book of Leah? I know there are books of the bible named after women, but the Elders always made sure we all understood what 1 Corinthians 14:34 commands: Women are to be silent in the church. Even on mission trips, women only go along as companions to the men. They aren’t permitted to speak or minister to anyone.

Still, that isn’t the most disturbing part. I don’t know if Beth understood what Mother meant by “exorcising” wickedness with force, but I do. It’s similar to the punishment I received, but can last for days. It’s usually the last measure taken before shunning.

A boy my age received an exorcism after he was caught touching himself for a second time. It lasted four days. They whipped him every morning on the steps of the Chambers and then forced him to do manual labor until sunset, when they whipped him again.

Holly barges into the bathroom while I’m still in the shower, making me jump.

“Hurry up. We’re going to IHOP,” she says.

I cover my chest with my arm and do my best to conceal my lower half, though she can’t see through the shower curtain. Still, memories of Naomi and her friends ripping open the curtains while I bathed flood my mind.

“Okay. Please leave,” I say, my voice coming out higher pitched than normal.

She snickers from the other side of the curtain before tapping it with her fingers. “Ooh! I’m gonna peee-eek!”

“I’m serious, Holly. Please?” I beg.

Beth’s voice filters in from the hallway. “Holly! Leave her alone! Go use the other bathroom!”

I wait, holding my breath as Holly shuffles out. And then for good measure, I wait another several seconds to make sure she’s really gone.

I spend the day studying, trying to understand how the Lord created the earth only six thousand years ago, but dinosaur fossils are millions of years old. I’m interrupted mid-afternoon when my phone buzzes on my dresser. I expect the screen to show Adam’s name, but instead, it’s a call from a number marked “Private.”

Frowning, I pick up the phone and answer. “Hello?”

“Did you receive my letters?” Mother’s voice sends a chill up my spine.

“Yes,” I say quietly. Should I go get Beth? Mother isn’t supposed to contact me like this. Ms. Jackson said so during our last visit.

“Good. You will stop seeing that boy, do you hear me?”

I open my mouth to respond with an automatic yes, but I can’t.

“Alaina?”

“How did you get this phone number?”

She’s silent for a long time and, for a moment, I think she hung up. And then she says, “The Lord sees all and knows all, Alaina. You cannot conceal anything from Him or from me.”

Frowning at the top of my dresser, I whisper, “Did the Lord give you this phone number?”

“It does not do well to dwell on things you are not meant to know or understand.”

Outside my bedroom door, Beth walks past with a basket of clean laundry. I hurry over and silently wave her to me. “I’m sorry, Mother,” I say pointedly while staring at Beth with wide, panicked eyes.

Beth’s mouth pinches and she reaches for the phone, taking it from me gently. “Leah, you can’t do this,” she snaps. I’ve never heard Beth snap. Even when reprimanding Holly, she’s calm and controlled. Now, though, quiet anger bubbles under the surface. “You’re violating the-” She scowls and pulls the phone away from her ear before looking at me. “She hung up.”

I take the phone back from Beth.

“Text that number to me and then block it, sweetie, okay?” The kindness has returned to Beth’s voice, but her face is another story. Her jaw is set and her brow is furrowed, causing deep creases in the skin between her eyes. “I’ll take care of this. Of all of it.”

Nodding, I quickly send the phone number to Beth and then do as she says. I block Mother’s phone number.

Beth cancels our trip to the orientation at the school. Instead, we go to visit Ms. Jackson to discuss Mother. When we arrive at her office, she welcomes us warmly, eyeing my braided hair and jeans.

“Adjusting nicely, I see,” she says with a smile.

I smile back, but stay silent.

“We have to do something about Leah,” Beth says as we all settle into the big leather chairs in Ms. Jackson’s cluttered office.

Ms. Jackson’s strawberry colored hair sways as she scoots her chair closer to her desk. “Has she sent more letters?”

Beth nods and pulls the letter from this morning out of her purse. She hands it across the desk to Ms. Jackson. “This one is even more…imbalanced than the last,” she says.