Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) (30 page)

“Yeah, that’s always the catch. Just don’t
let him have you until you’re sure he will stay with you.”

“How?”

“That I don’t know. If you can do it,
though, you win. If not, you fail. Plain and simple.”

She had to throw
fail
in there, didn’t
she?
Krista thought miserably. She
silently wondered if Cassie knew that was the magic word to keep
her trying, or if she got lucky.

“And Krista?”

“Yeah?”

“He
will
freak out again, you know.
Probably for the rest of his life he’ll get to a place that reminds
him of a fight he overheard, or something tragic my parents did to
each other and indirectly to him, and he will freak out. You just
have to know that.”

“I told you before, Cass, I have my own
demons, and they will haunt me for the rest of my life, too. It is
what it is.”

“I know, I just wanted you to be sure—he’s
no picnic. But he is a good guy, you know? I can’t speak any higher
of him. He has his faults, but he is a good guy.”

“I know. That’s why this sucks so bad.”

“I know. Hang in there. I’ll try and see if
I can play shrink from my end. Just don’t tell him you’ve talked to
me, okay?”

“’
Kay,” Krista was crying
again.

“Hang in there,” she said again, sadness in
her voice.

~*~*~*~

Cassie hung up the phone and swore. Two
days. He’d only made it two days. He’d never derailed this fast in
the past. Not even by half. It meant he was over-the-moon about
her. It also meant he was probably sitting at home with a bottle of
Scotch.

Cassie pushed his name on her phone and
waited for him to pick up.

“What’s up, Cass? I’m kinda busy.”

Cassie got a thrill of fear. Sean sounded
like he was planning on ending his life. She stayed calm. He
couldn’t think she was ganging up on him.

“Oh, no problem. I just wanted to hear how
the rest of the weekend went. Say hi to Krista for me.”

Sean’s breath hitched, but he said, “Sure.
See ya.”

The phone went dead. Cassie looked down at
it in trepidation. Another first, and not a good one. Sean was
completely closing himself off. Cassie called Ray next.

Chapter Twenty

Life hurt. That’s all Krista could think
about. How much her life hurt.

The edges of her being were still jagged
from Sean’s rejection last night. They hadn’t been smoothed out by
time. They hadn’t been buffered by a newly erected defense. They
were sharp and splintered, ripping at her with each movement.

She’d said she would have no regrets. She
now wondered if that had been wise.

In the office, staring at her email, she
remembered the days when her Inbox had been empty. How could she
ever have been bored? That possibility didn’t even register to her
any more. Shopping online was a luxury she no longer had time
for.

“Geegee!”

“AH!” Krista turned and stared at Marcus as
he sauntered in.

A huge smile taking up his face, he sat down
in front of her. “My, my, not real jumpy are we?”

“You do that on purpose,” she said with a
wan frown as she turned back to her list of emails.

“What’s wrong?”

“Huh?”

“What’s the matter, honey? You look like
someone died.”

A burst of tears welled up like blood from a
fresh cut. She blinked rapidly, trying to read John’s now blurry
email.

With a
tsk
Marcus was around her desk and
wrapping her in his arms.

“Men suck,” he said as she cried into his
sleeve.

“How’d you know?” she muttered, relishing in
his simple act of rubbing her back.

“Honey, I’ve been there. Trust me, I
know.”

“I have terrible luck with men.”

“We all do. You’ll find one. This, too,
shall pass, dearest.”

“This is what people said after the last one
passed,” Krista sniveled.

Unexpectedly, Marcus started laughing. “I
know. I love that saying, but you’re right. One passes, you get
over it, then it feels like you’re right back in it again! Don’t I
know!”

He crossed back to his chair and gave her a
minute to fix herself. When she was ready to stave off having to
answer relationship questions that she knew he wanted to ask, she
said, “What’s the deal with that email from John?”

“Which, honey?”

“He wants Sean and I to get our teams
together. Since when do I have a team?”

“Get your teams together for what?”

Krista glanced at her email, “To go over
everything.”

Suddenly Marcus was a lot less relaxed.

“What?” Krista asked, worried she was
missing something.

“I have to get with Judy. Sean hasn’t been
on my ass lately so I’ve procrastinated on a couple things.”

“Why hasn’t Sean been on your ass?”

“One, because he doesn’t know what he’s
missing.” Marcus paused for dramatic effect. Krista couldn’t summon
up the good humor to play along, so she just stared, waiting for
him to go on. “And two, I don’t know. I thought you might…”

Krista shrugged and looked back at the
computer, zipping off an email to Sean asking about this phantom
team John was speaking of. “Don’t know. Been kind of in my own
world, I guess. I haven’t…” She paused as a new email came in.

Sean wanted her to go to his office to
discuss. What, did he want to rub salt in the wound, or
something?

Too used to being alone in her office, she
said, “Seriously?” before she could stop herself.

“What?” Marcus asked, leaning forward to
peer at her computer screen. He gave Krista a suspicious look.

“I just…don’t want to deal with Mr.
Handsome-Ladykiller when I feel like this.”

“Hmmm,” Marcus was staring at her. Reading
her face.

“Anyway, gotta go,” Krista said, not even
bothering to say goodbye as she quickly left the office.

She needed to remember to get Kate and Jaz
on Marcus for damage control. She’d handled that terribly. He was
undoubtedly making some wrong conclusions. Well, actually, the
correct conclusions, which made it even worse.

Then she turned the corner and went blank.
Sean was sitting at his desk, wearing a rumpled white polo shirt
with messy hair. He looked drawn and tired. If she wasn’t mistaken,
he hadn’t gotten any more sleep than she had last night.

Which begged the question: Why was he doing
this to them both? Because if he felt like death warmed over, like
she did, he would get over his crap and try to work through it. He
would realize she was worth it.

A pulse of misery threatened to pull her
under. Those were dangerous thoughts.

Mustering her resolve, remembering that she
was supposed to play indifferent and upbeat, she threw on a smile
and walked into his office. “What’s up, Cap’n?”

Sean caught and held her eyes for a moment
too long as he said, “Hi Krista.”

“Cat got your tongue?”

“Not at all. How are you?”

About ready to cry.
“Fair enough. Having personal issues with men,
but they’re men--what else is new, right? Just ask Marcus.” Krista
forced herself to laugh. “So, anyway, what’s up with John’s
email?”

Sean missed a beat at the change in topic.
He continued to look at her, worry in his eyes along with guilt.
Finally, seeing she was waiting for him, he said, “John is
presenting you as the Lead Researcher. He thinks that will give you
more credibility, and I agree. It is also a true statement, since
Jasmine and Kate report to you.”

“Oh. But I am still on your team? Or are we
now a coalition?”

“You are still on my team, and I am on
John’s team. You’re still a peon as far as that goes.”

“Yeah, I figured. But so are you, so that
ain’t bad.”

“Ain’t, huh? You visit Texas on your way to
work?”

Krista snickered, incapable of letting humor
linger for long.

“You’ll need to look the part, of course,”
Sean gave a pointed look at her clothes.

“I can’t afford Armani, if that’s what you
mean.”

“I know. We need to work on your salary. You
are at least two pay scales behind already, and will only fall
further back.” Sean looked her over with his business gaze. Her
heart picked up its pace and banged around in her chest.

“But that’s for later. For now, we need to
get you a suit.”

Krista had reached halfway up to her seeping
heart before she could stop herself. Changing the action into a
reach for her lucky mug, she nodded to deflect.

“For now, let’s go shopping.” Sean jumped up
and headed for the door, seemingly desperate to be on the move.

“What do you mean?
Now?
”

“We’ll get you a suit for Friday and expense
it. I can argue it away. I can probably only get you one, though.
But we’ll make it count.”

“You’re going to dress me with company
money?”

“If it helps the clients imagine undressing
you, it’s worth it, right?”

“Uh...”

He laughed and motioned her out of the
office. “Get your bag. Hurry, let’s go. We don’t have much
time.”

Ten minutes later she was ushered into a
tiny shop and marched in front of an older Italian man who looked
like he was born into the business. He had a measuring tape draped
over his shoulder, his worn-in office had all kinds and colors of
fabric swatches, and his critical eye took Krista’s measure from
top to bottom before she could even get embarrassed by the
scrutiny.

“
Ah, Sean, always nice to
see you!” The gentleman said as they came to a stop in front of the
counter.

“Marco, hello. This is Krista. She needs a
suit for Friday, is that possible?”

“Friday, you say? That is quick work.”

“I realize. It’s important, though, so I
thought I’d check in and see if you could make room. Otherwise
we’ll head on to Macy’s.”

“Macy’s?
Oh no, I couldn’t send you to there, no.” Krista
got another analysis. “You are in luck. I have nothing pressing for
week, so I can work with this deadline.”

“Great, Marco. Do you have time to measure
her now?”

“Of course.”

They walked through a doorway to the left of
the counter into a small workroom stuffed with mannequins and
half-finished suits toward the back. Scattered around were swatches
of every shade of fabric ever created, and in the middle of the
fabric hurricane was a small podium that she was unceremoniously
stationed upon.

Sean sat down in one of two visitor chairs,
which he had to clear off, in front of a window. His eyes were
never far from Krista.

“Okay,” Marco said, getting his tape
measure. He started measuring as he talked to Sean. “Professional
jacket for missus, yes?”

“Yes. We need elegant and ladylike, but keep
her young.”

“Of
course
,” Marco said in indignation.
He measured around Krista’s waist, then her bust. She felt her face
going a furious shade of red at the thought of her boobs being
measured in front of a guy. Sean noticed and smiled that secret
smile before a flash of pain crossed his face. He looked
away.

“Pants or skirt?” the tailor asked.

Sean looked to Krista. “I would say skirt,
but would that make you uncomfortable, Geegee?”

“No. Skirt is fine.”

Marco barely paused in his measuring,
whipping the tape measure around like it was a sword. When done, it
was time to talk color.

“Black,” Krista said without hesitation.

“You have a black suit,” Sean countered.
“Let’s go for something not so overdone.”

“Black goes with everything, looks more
sophisticated, and it never goes out of style.”

“The cut will make it look
sophisticated—“

“My suits are classic!” Marco retorted with
his familiar indignation.

Sean paused to suppress a smile before he
said, “Stop being so boring. Live a little.”

“Fine, what did you have in mind?”

“How about cream?”

“I would spill something on it. Plus, I ride
Muni. I couldn’t get it here unscathed.”

“True. How about powder blue?”

“Who am I,
Myrtle
? No
way.”

“Who’s—never mind. How about light
gray?”

Before Krista could say no, the tailor had
fabric swatches fanned in his hand.

“Light gray, pink pin-stripe, no?” Marco
asked.

Krista couldn’t think of anything uglier,
which must have showed on her face, because Sean got up and took
two steps closer to see.

With his proximity came his
heat. And his smell. She breathed it in, remembering. Unable to
help flipping through her Rolodex of memories and getting stuck on
one where they were wrapped up in a blanket with her curled in his
lap, drinking a cup of coffee and looking out at the waves. They’d
only had a couple days, but they had a really
good
couple days.

With a lump in her throat, Krista nodded at
Marco just to get out of this room. Sean caught her eye, the
inquisitiveness in his gaze turned focused, like a magnifying glass
in the sun. The world dimmed to just him and her. Remembering
together, watching the scenes, exploring the feelings. Exploring
each other.

A pain so acute she couldn’t breathe
suffocated her. It felt like her breast plate was being cracked in
half and then stomped on. She ripped her eyes away, her whole body
trembling with suppressed emotion.

“
Thursday afternoon,
earliest,” Marco said as he cut through their moment by handing
Sean some papers. “But you pay rush fee.”

When Sean was occupied over
the hand-written bill, Krista squeezed out beyond the counter and
waited by the door. She needed to avoid Sean’s gaze at all costs.
Tears were extremely close to peeping through, and she was supposed
to be
indifferent
to this breakup scene, not desolate.