Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman (21 page)

VICTORIA

Are you suddenly a lesbian?

ME

I don’t know.

VICTORIA

What do you mean you don’t know?

ME

I don’t think I could be in love with
just any other woman. In fact, I know I couldn’t. But this woman is beyond special. She accepts me. She accepts that I’m kinky and is okay with it all.

VICTORIA

Plenty of guys could easily accept it too. That’s no reason to all of
a sudden turn into a carpet muncher. Wait… do you actually do that with her?? I can’t picture it!

ME

That’s private information. But think about it… two people are
in love. There is deep physical sharing. It doesn’t matter whether tab “A” goes to slot “B” or not.

VICTORIA

What about the “kinky” part? You mean she likes it rough too?

My need to share was really bubbling up and I couldn’t hide my enthusiasm any longer. I really wanted to express all the goodness that I had been experiencing in this truly amazing relationship
.

ME

She is kinky just like me! We play bondage games. I’m happier than I have ever been in my whole life!!

VICTORIA

Bondage lesbian. Nice.  Is she butch? Tattoos everywhere?

ME

She has the body of
an Audrey Hepburn, fashion plate! She’s beautiful and elegant!

VICTORIA

Wow! I can see in your eyes that you are for real about this.

ME

And guess what else?

VICTORIA

What?

ME

I have her tied up, actually chained up and gagged, in the laundry room right now!

Victoria’s eyes bugged out!  She immediately jumped up with a big gasp of surprise.

VICTORIA

Show me. I want to meet her!

I literally had to block Victoria’s path.

ME

Stop! It’s private. You can’t see her.  Just relax.

VICTORIA

Why not? Are you making this all up?

ME

Hey! I’m sharing with you because you are my dear friend. This is not a joke; it’s serious. This is not some kind of put-on or sorority prank!  She let me put her in a very vulnerable, compromising position. She has trusted me with taking care of her. She is depending on me to respect her privacy and guard her safety.

VICTORIA

Sorry, I didn’t mean to make light of it. It’s just a pretty surprising bit of information. I mean, who keeps a girl tied up for no reason?

ME

It’s not for “no reason.” This is what I have been trying to explain to you for years. I’m not like you. Neither is Regina. We don’t live our lives looking for the next big stud to screw.  My sexuality is dark and complicated. I finally met someone who has the exact same sexual desires as me.  We have the same sexual orientation.  Believe it or not, she is hogtied and gagged and left alone for an indefinite period of time, and she is probably 100 times more turned on right now than during the best vanilla guy sex she has ever had.

VICTORIA

Don’t you have to be kissing her or something?

ME

Not at all. She gets aroused by being a worthless slave to me. She licks my boots while she is handcuffed. She washes my dishes while I spank her.  It is much deeper than mere intercourse. It’s a type of sex that transcends mere physical contact. The arousal comes from completely submitting to someone and being their doormat.  Because the mind and body are both deeply involved in the scenario, it carries far more sexual power.

VICTORIA

So I take it you are the dominatrix and she is the slave?

ME

It’s not as black and white as that. But basically, yes.

VICTORIA

Do you whip her?

ME

It’s not like in the movies where I have a bullwhip and studded bustier.

VICTORIA

But you hurt her, right?

ME

That’s kind of like the same question as do I carpet munch. You are focusing on the mere physical act instead of the psychological aspect.  The real turn-on comes with mindfucking.

For instance, right now, she has no idea if I am going to leave her there for a few minutes or until tomorrow.  For all she knows, I may show up in five minutes and cram a coke bottle up her ass. Or maybe I will give her a loving massage while she is completely restrained. 

She has no idea what I am doing right now. I could be masturbating or watching a movie on Netflix. I could be completely disinterested in her. She just has to wait there until the moment I decide to come back. She has no control over it. For once in her life, she has no decisions to make. She has no obligations to others. She has no deadlines. She just has to stay there and be at my mercy.

VICTORIA

You’re explaining it. I’m hearing it. But, I’m sorry… that just
doesn’t sound sexy to me. It feels a little like trying to explain modern art to me.

(Thinking a moment)

Maybe I can understand what she gets out of it, letting go of all responsibility and all that. But what’s in it for you? The Master?

ME

That would be “Mistress,” the female form. Well, can you imagine what it would be like if your whole life, you wanted to have someone you could physically dominate and humiliate in a socially acceptable way. Then one day, you actually meet a person who gives you permission to act out your life-long fantasy of being cruel and heartless. Imagine having your own slave… not just a slave, but a sex slave too… someone who will wear any clothes you want them to and worship your feet and touch you anyway you
want them touch to you. Can you imagine the power rush of having someone tied up in the laundry room that you could either hurt, ignore, or play with? It’s intoxicating to not filter or hide my true sexual desires anymore.

VICTORIA

Again, I’m hearing it. But frankly, I don’t think it would turn me on very much to have a slave I could spank or make wash the dishes.  Well, I take that back about washing the dishes. I actually need a slave like that. But still, I wouldn’t find it very sexy.

ME

Obviously, we’re different. And that’s why there are so many flavors of ice cream.  Everyone needs something different and they can’t explain a desire.

VICTORIA

I really want to meet her. Can we meet in
another time soon?

ME

Sure. I bet she would love to meet you.

VICTORIA

If we all go out to dinner sometime, am I supposed to do anything different?

ME

Like what?

VICTORIA

I dunno. Am I supposed to be condescending and bitchy to her?

ME

Victoria! She’s just a regular person. She’s a
schoolteacher. You would treat her with the same respect as anyone!

VICTORIA

So how do you decide when whip her? And when are you supposed to be dominant with her?

ME

Think of it like regular sex.  You don’t just go into a restaurant and start fucking. Same thing with S&M. You only do it when each person is in the mood.

VICTORIA

What do you plan on doing to her after I leave?

ME

I don’t know. It will unfold on its own.

VICTORIA

Are you two going to move in together?

ME

We can’t. She has a little boy. She’s a single mom. And I must say… she’s the hottest single mom I have ever encountered!

VICTORIA

Listen to you lusting over your MILF!!
You must have been gay your whole life and were just hiding it from me. 

ME

I told you. I’m not attracted to girls. Just Regina.   We were made for each other! When I see other women walking down the street I may think they are pretty, but I would NEVER fantasize about having sex with them.   Regina threw a monkey wrench into everything I knew and believed about my sexual identity.

VICTORIA

What if Mr. Perfect S&M showed up all of a sudden?  I mean, if you had to choose between the perfect kinky guy or this perfect kinky schoolteacher girl, which would you choose?

ME

C’mon, Victoria. That’s stupid. 
Soulmates are not swappable.

VICTORIA

Now she’s a “
soulmate”?

ME

She’s my
soulmate.

VICTORIA

(
She shook her head in a doubting expression
)

I’m sorry. It’s just hard for me to believe that anyone would want to keep their
soulmate tied up and gagged in a freaking laundry room. I’m just not feeling the romance.

ME

Trust me,
it’s there.

VICTORIA

Then again, I did think it was strange how you never fit with relationships up until this point.  I’ve never seen you this
passionate and enthusiastic before. This girl must be really amazing…. that or you really, really needed to release the dominant bitch in you.

ME

I’m telling you. I found my person.

VICTORIA

Just imagine… this whole time we have been casually talking, she has been tied up and uncomfortable. You know, I better get going. I feel bad for her.

But then again, she’s probably in need of a big ole spanking for being such a bad girl (wink!)

ME

I apologize for being so distant from you. Now you can see that it was nothing personal. I promise, we can all go out sometime so you can meet each other. She’s so fun.

VICTORIA

You’re a weird fucking chick. I wish I could be a fly on the wall and watch you punish her.

ME

You’ll have to use
your imagination.  Thanks so much for stopping by!

VICTORIA

I love you. Thanks for sharing.

ME

Love you too. Have a good rest of the day.

And off she went. That was the main thrust of the conversation. Throughout eating the enchiladas, I also learned about her new diet and the usual problems with her dysfunctional family.  She may be a crazy mess, but I think she will find a great guy one day. She would be a constant source of fun in a relationship.

After she left, I really felt like racing back to Regina and connecting with her. But the dom in me decided to pour a lemonade and write in my diary.  Which I am doing now, “Hi Diary.” But now I think it is way past the time that I should untie her. She probably has to pee sooooooo badly!  Shit . I better go get her. Type to you later.

Ok. It’s three hours later and Regina hates my guts! I’m so scared! I’ve spent the last couple hours bawling and trying to make sense of what when down with her.

Here’s what happened. After Victoria left, I took more time to give slave Regina more time in her bondage scene. She has always told me that she loves being retrained and left in the corner like a worthless piece of shit while I go about having the freedom to do as I may, drinking a glass of wine, watching TV, taking a shower, whatever.