Painted Faces (42 page)

The closer it gets to the festival, the more nervous I become. The things Phil told me have been swirling around in my head ever since. I understand that Nicholas might not know how to accept love, but Jesus, that doesn't mean he had to ignore me all this time. It doesn't mean he had to push me away in such a cruel and callous manner either.

I pack up my sleeping bag and clothes the night before, deciding to bring boots and loose cotton dresses, since they're the easiest thing to wear in a camping situation. Harry has gotten a loan of his cousin's Volkswagon van so that he can drive us all there together. Fucking joy.

I plan on going to see as many bands as I can fit in, on my wish list are The Killers, Elbow, The Cure, Crystal Castles and Patti Smith. This will ensure that I won't have any time to be lingering around Nicholas.

In the morning the sun is shining, which puts a small smile on my face. I throw on my knee high brown socks, cream flower print dress and my heavy brown leather boots. I leave my freshly washed hair down while I still can, since I'll probably be wearing it in a ball on top of my head by the end of the festival, what with the limited washing facilities and all.

Anny arrives at our apartment with her two man tent that she's going to be sharing with me packed up in a bag in one arm, and her ruck sack in the other. She and Nora have gone for the whole short shorts, t-shirt and Wellingtons festival look. I avoid this look, because it only really looks good on the super thin and pixie-like types.

We catch a bus over to Harry's place in Drumcondra, where we find Richard and Colm out front, loading camping stuff into the back of the van. The two men are getting on like a house on fire, which doesn't surprise me. Nora may be smitten, but I can tell that Richard is just as vain and shallow as Harry's brother. Yes that's right, my world view is even more cynical these days since I'm miserable over Nicholas. It irks me that Nora is all loved up, so I'm taking it upon myself to dislike Richard.

Colm looks me up and down and gives me a leering grin when he sees me coming, to which I roll my eyes.

“
Hey Fred, let me take your bag,” he says loudly, not hiding the fact that he lets his knuckles graze over my boob as he pulls the ruck sack off one of my shoulders.

“
I can do that myself, thanks,” I say grumpily, yanking my bag away from him.

“
Woah there little lady. Got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning, did you?” he asks and laughs.

My reply is a hate filled scowl and a simple. “Piss off Colm, I'm not in the humour.”

“
Oh,
burn
,” says Richard, to which Nora lets out a little giggle. Good lord. I was definitely right about him, Richard and Colm are two peas in a pod.

I push past them and go inside the house, where I find Sean sitting on a stool by the kitchen counter, injecting a bunch of oranges with vodka. The sight lifts my spirits after dealing with Colm and his boob grazing knuckles.

“
What on earth are you doing, trying to get the oranges drunk?” I ask with a laugh, going to sit down beside him.

He has one full syringe stuck in his mouth, while he plunges another into a piece of fruit. He puts down the orange and pulls the syringe out of his mouth.

“
I'm hoping they'll be more inclined to shag me if I ply them with alcohol,” he quips.

I grin. “Seriously though, what are you doing?”

He puts the orange into a plastic bag containing a bunch of other oranges. “You know the way they don't let you bring your own drink into the festival?”

“
Uh huh.”

“
Well, this is my way of outsmarting them. There's enough vodka in these babies to keep me and Harry going for a night or two. It'll save us spending extortionate amounts on awful pints of beer from the stalls at the festival. Plus, these are so juicy and more-ish.”

“
You're a genius,” I exclaim, laughing.

“
I'll let you have one when we get there,” he winks and goes in to Harry, who's calling him from the bedroom.

It's then that I hear a flush coming from the bathroom and a second later Nicholas emerges. He's wearing hiking boots, jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. He looks amazing. I hate him. He stops in his tracks when he sees me sitting there.

“
Freda,” he breathes, his tongue lingering on the syllables, like he's been dying to say my name since he last saw me, which doesn't make any sense since he was the one who saw fit to drive me away. Time seems to slow down as we just stare at each other, drinking one another in.

“
Hi,” I croak out and look down at my short fingernails. He continues staring at me just as Nora, Anny, Richard, Colm and Colm's friend Eric come into the house, laughing their heads off about something.

“
What's so funny?” I ask, in an effort to ignore the fact that Nicholas is burning me with his gaze.

“
Oh, Anny fell over trying to squeeze her bag into the back of the van. It was hilarious,” says Nora.

Anny slaps her on the arm. “Hey! I could have really hurt myself.”

“
That's what made it so funny,” Colm puts in and Anny gives him a flirty, half-hearted scowl.

Harry and Sean come out of the bedroom then. “All right, is everybody ready to hit the road?” Harry asks, to which we all make noises in the affirmative.

As we're making our way out to the van, I feel someone grab gently onto my elbow. I turn slightly to find myself looking up into Nicholas' gorgeous blue eyes and my icy heart melts just a little. I try to steel myself against the effect he has on me.

“
Can I talk to you for a minute Fred?” he asks quietly, eyes searching mine; taking in my every feature like a man dying of thirst. Again, he has no right to look at me like that after what he did.

“
I have nothing to say to you,” I whisper.

“
Please,” he begs, some kind of desperation in his voice.

“
Come on you two,” Harry calls. “We need to get a move on if we want to snag a good camping spot.”

I pull my arm away from Nicholas and hurry on out to the van, only to find that since he delayed me the only two seats left are side by side at the very back. I slide in next to Eric, who's occupying one of the window seats and Nicholas, the last to climb in, takes the final seat beside me. I'm piggy in the middle, sitting far too close to the man my heart is aching for.

Sean, who's sitting in the front beside Harry, turns on the radio, which makes things a bit less awkward. Unfortunately, Nicholas has no such plans for making the hour long journey ahead of us comfortable in any way. He bends his head down, and I can feel his breath whisper across my neck.

“
You look great, by the way,” he says, moving his knee so that our legs touch.

I ignore his comment, determined not to talk to him. I pull my leg away and turn my head to stare out the window.

“
I've really missed you Fred,” he says, so quietly that I'm the only one who can hear.

I swallow back the tears that want to come out and glance back at him. “You didn't want me, so why would you miss me?” I ask, unable to help myself. I can never stick to a vow of silence, even when I'm really angry with someone.

His eyes go sad. “I always want you.”

“
I can't talk about this now,” I snip at him, folding my arms over my chest.

He doesn't argue, he simply replies, “Okay, maybe later then.”

I pull my ipod out of my handbag and shove the earphones in my ears. I put Dead Kennedys on at full volume and make a concerted effort not to look in Nicholas' direction. He moves his knee again, touching his leg off mine. I don't bother to pull away, because he'll just keep moving closer if I do. And yes, some small part of me is soothed by the contact.

I rest my head back against the seat and close my eyes. I don't open them again until I've listened to at least five songs. When I do I find that Nicholas' gaze is focused on my chest. A blush colours my cheeks and I breathe heavily at the look in his eyes.

I want to slap him right now, because he knows what his looks are doing to me. He gives me a very subtle grin. My mouth opens involuntarily, but a second later I clamp it shut. Nicholas trails a finger over my hand and then grips it in his own. I squeeze my eyes closed, pushing away the emotion. He twines his fingers with mine and I just lose it. I rip my hand out of his hold and pull my earphones out.

“
Stop it,” I grit my teeth. “Stop making this difficult.”

“
You won't talk to me. What do you want me to do?”

The others are chatting, not noticing our row, but I think Eric knows that there's some sort of tension between us and I feel bad for making things uncomfortable for him. However, since he's a friend of Colm's he probably deserves it.

“
I just want you to leave me alone. You've done enough damage.”

“
I know that,” he whispers. “Believe me, I've been hating myself ever since the night you left. But I've been thinking a lot too, and I have some things that I need to say to you. But I can't do that if you won't hear me out.”

The sadness in his expression is what softens me. As I might have mentioned before, I'm a bit of a pushover when it comes to feuds.

I let out a long sigh. “
Fine
. We can talk later, somewhere private after we get to the festival. Good enough?”

His face goes all soft and he nods. “Yes, that's good enough,” he says, and then turns his face away from me.

We sit out the rest of the journey in silence, the radio and everybody else's voices filling the van.

When we get to the camp site we all get to work setting up our tents. Well, everybody else gets to work, while Nora and I sit on Harry's fold out chairs and eat one of Sean's vodka enhanced oranges. I'd feel bad about leaving Anny to put up our tent all by herself, but I don't because she's practically getting Colm and Eric to do all the work for her anyway.

Nicholas has a tent of his own, and I can't help myself but to watch him as he works to set it up. The movement of his shoulders beneath his long sleeved t-shirt is the part that I (grudgingly) like the most.

“
What was going on between you and Nicholas in the van?” Nora asks in a hushed voice.