Paranoia (The Night Walkers) (7 page)

As Jack had said, I was Divided, and this was how it felt to be whole again—to become one with Darkness.

It felt fantastic.

My hand clenched as I lowered it to my side. I took one more step forward and Jack tripped backward into the sand, breaking my hold on his shirt. A slow smile slid across my face like a shadow at the end of day … until I remembered.

There was a reason this feeling was familiar. I’d felt this way before—only once. Only one time ever, but now that I felt it again, I couldn’t deny it anymore. I had been one with Darkness in Dr. Freeburg’s dream.

There was no more room for doubt. I had killed Dr. Freeburg—I had murdered him.

The confirmation of my greatest fear broke me. It sapped my strength like a vacuum, tore my soul in two. Two pieces like it had been, like it should be, like it should
always
stay.

Because when I became whole—people died.

Do not give in to him.

nine

Darkness screamed so loud in my head it felt like I was being shredded. I crouched over in the sand, shoving my hands against my ears in a futile attempt to muffle something that wasn’t real. I heard a curse from Jack as he climbed to his feet and walked to my mom. I assumed he did one of his Watcher tricks because within a few moments I could hear Mom talking to one of her coworkers and the sand I’d been resting on turned into the carpet of her office.

I focused on the air filling my chest, in and out …
repeated endlessly. Until Darkness stopped trying to make our brain explode, it was all I could do. Most of my anger had been ripped away with him, and the sound that echoed inside my head wasn’t one of anger. He was in horrible agony. Separating into two again had caused Darkness physical pain. It was exhausting. I once again felt the gaping hole of being Divided—but the separation didn’t hurt me the way it did him.

After a few moments, Darkness’s cries softened to whimpers. When he finally spoke, his words were separated by panting breaths, his anguish replaced by sorrow and confusion.

“You see—I know you do.” He coughed and sputtered for a moment before continuing. “We are stronger—together—why can’t you let me stay?”

“No idea you have is ever a good one.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. My voice came out like whispers muffled against the carpet. “I can’t trust you or control you. It’s too easy to lose track of right and wrong when you … when you’re part of me.”

He didn’t respond, but I felt his sadness turn into the familiar resentment I’d grown to know so well.

“Parker?” Jack’s voice was more than hesitant. It was tense, afraid.

“Yeah.” The throbbing in my head from Darkness’s screams had dulled and I sat back on my knees. The dream had changed, like I’d thought. Dad was gone, the beach, the Hummer. Everything was settled back into Mom’s office and she hummed as she sorted through a stack of files on the desk in front of her.

“You okay?” Jack took a couple steps toward me, but stayed far enough away that I couldn’t reach him.

“Yeah, but you’re lucky you still are.” I climbed to my feet and glared at him. “I almost—what were you thinking? Bringing
him
into the dream?”

Jack relaxed a little and his gaze went back and forth between Mom and me. “I didn’t realize. I didn’t think about how seeing him how he is now would affect either of you.”

My eyes were on Mom, but in my head I kept seeing her sobbing in my dad’s arms. “Will she remember?”

“Hard to say. She shouldn’t.” Jack rolled his shoulders back and then pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I tried to bury it in as many other dream layers as I could, but you never know.”

I nodded, but my voice was ice cold when I said, “Fine.”

“Any questions?”

Turning my back, I studied the office, trying to focus on the dream and not my anger. “What’s the point?”

“Um … what are we talking about now?” Jack sounded hesitant.

“Being able to bury something in dreams, being a Watcher … all of it.”

“The point?” Jack’s expression was incredulous. “We don’t even know for sure what our limits are yet. So many of the early Watchers died so young. We can uncover secrets, make someone forget something, change their minds—even alter emotions and feelings about things. We’re like spies of the mind. Takers can manipulate Dreamers’ bodies, but we are able to manipulate thoughts, feelings, personalities … anything.”

I pivoted to face him, the ramifications both fascinating and appalling me. “And you do all that?”

“No.” Jack’s expression was grim. “We try not to. The rule we follow is simple: we try not to harm anyone. Otherwise, we’d be no better than the Takers.”

I nodded, but knowing we had that kind of power was unsettling … no matter how it was used.

“Now, you need to test your limits and try it. That was the point of this whole dream.” Jack sighed. “Sorry I got us off track, but my mistake is a good lesson. You can’t be sure where the Dreamer will take something or how they will respond. You might think you’re helping them by changing a bad nightmare or something, but you have to be careful when you’re messing around inside someone’s head.”

“You think?” I muttered under my breath. As much as I liked the idea of having some control over whatever dream I got stuck watching every night, Jack’s mistake had already made it crystal clear that it wasn’t something to be taken lightly. “What do you want me to do?”

He acted like he hadn’t heard my first words, but I was pretty sure he had. “You can touch Dreamers now, right?”

I nodded.

“Try to go back to what it was like when you first became a Watcher, before you fully developed. You could pass through the Dreamer. You need to be like that again. Try to picture yourself more as part of the dream, and then reach into her mind.”

“Officially the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me.” I shook my arms out by my side and took a few steps closer to Mom. I tried to think of the office as real and that I was coming to visit her. Walking to her side, I reached my fingers out and pictured them passing through her hair. At first there was a little resistance, and she froze in the middle of searching through a folder. I tried harder to blend in, pictured her going back to what she’d been working on, and she did. Then my fingers passed through easily.

The second they did, my mind was filled with her thoughts:
Where did I put the Kellers’ contract? Did they schedule the time for closing? I need to hurry or I’ll never finish all this up in time to make it home for dinner with Parker.

She sighed, closed the file she was working on, and counted the ones in her stack again:
Eleven. We had dinner together the other day. He’d understand me missing tonight, right? I need to make another sale this month to make the house payment. The Stevensons are so close …

Even as she thought all of this, her intense feeling of guilt swept over me. I jerked my hand back. The emotions I felt in a dream were always powerful, but this was even stronger. It was like the new connection had amplified the emotions.

“It worked? You heard her?” Jack had taken a seat in the chair across the desk from Mom.

“Yeah. It worked.” I felt a little shaken by the stronger emotions, but it had actually been easier than I expected.

“Good. Now do it again and try to alter the dream. Start small, nothing big.”

I leveled my stare at him. “Right—I saw how well you did that.”

Jack’s jaw closed with a click and he looked down but didn’t respond.

Taking a deep breath, I focused, and my fingers passed into Mom’s head with no resistance. I felt nothing but a slight tingling sensation at my fingertips. Ignoring her thoughts, I came up with something small, something I’d seen her do every time I’d stopped by her office for a visit. Then I tried to mingle my thought with hers and send them back to her:
Coffee sounds really good right now.

Mom kept flipping through her papers, but after a moment, she reached out and punched a button on her phone. “Cindy? Could you grab me a coffee?”

Cindy’s voice came back through the phone. “Sure, no problem.”

I dropped my hand back to my side and faced Jack as the ramifications sank in. “So I can alter any dream that way? I can make someone switch from a nightmare to a good dream? Make my mom stop making out with Mr. Nelson? Anything I want?”

“Mostly.” Jack shrugged. “Some dreamers are more resistant, and sometimes you’ll do more harm than good … like you saw before.” He winced, then continued. “Again—I’m sorry about that, really.”

I nodded. “Okay. I get that it wasn’t intentional.”

“Sometimes I just think … ” Jack hesitated and then hurried on. “There’s so much that you don’t understand about him and his life.”

I held out my hands. “Like?”

Jack’s face flushed with anger. “Like that he lived with other Night Walkers before he met your mom. He was involved with a Builder there. Her name was Sarah.”

I stared at him for a minute. “So?”

“So she loved him and chose him to be with, to dream with. She made him stronger. He never loved her, though, and she knew that, but they were happy together. Until he met your mom. Then he left.”

“Left the Builder?”

“Left everyone.” Jack popped his neck on one side and watched me. “He was important to the cause, a leader in starting the rebellion against the Takers. Then, a year in, he met your mom and left all of that—along with his chances for a long life—to be with her. And then to be with you.”

My hands fell to my side, but my jaw twitched with anger. “What am I supposed to say? I’m sorry? Well, I am. I’m sorry he’s unreliable. The only thing this history lesson teaches me is that he’s had years of experience at leaving people he’s supposed to care about.”

“Oh, poor, poor Parker.” Jack spat out my name as he stood and started pacing back and forth on the other side of my mom’s desk. “You can be so selfish sometimes. I don’t know how I’m supposed to trust you with information when you don’t understand so much about our world. So many like us have sacrificed, have been murdered. The Takers became monsters, so we rebelled. Even after your dad left the rebellion, he still worked on the drug to help us beat them. But that failed spectacularly, and he stopped making it the moment he realized what it actually did. Now we’re nearing the end—either they win and force him to make Eclipse, or we find a way to defeat them once and for all.”

Stopping, he pressed the palms of his hands flat on Mom’s desk and stared up at me with wild eyes. “This isn’t about being happy, Parker. Screw being happy. For us it’s about survival. But your dad—he risked survival for happiness. He sacrificed everything, left everything and everyone he knew and called family, all to make a new family with your mom. The only thing that forced him to leave you two was when he found out the Takers intended to hurt you to get to him.”

I didn’t know what to say to any of this. It was so much information that I still couldn’t really understand. I knew nothing of their world, of their code. And I didn’t appreciate the way Jack acted like I didn’t have a right to my own emotions anymore. My breath came out slow and choppy. “Do you have a point?”

Jack groaned and flopped back in a chair. “My point is that you barely knew your dad, and you know nothing about our kind, let alone this entire world you’ve been thrust into. You, Parker, are in over your head with all this, and you’re going to have to learn to trust me a little until you can discover the truths for yourself.”

“Fine!” I barely kept from shouting my response. We stood in silence, watching each other as our anger dimmed. “Did he go back to her?”

Jack flinched, but immediately acted like he hadn’t. “Who?”

“The Builder. How has my dad survived as long as he has without one?”

“He used to visit her to be healed when he could, but he hasn’t gone back to see … to see Sarah since he left you.” Jack pivoted the chair away and gazed out the window at nothing. Mom’s attention wasn’t focused there, so outside the window there was nothing at all.

“Why not?” I watched him close. His jaw twitched and there was the slightest tremble in his hands.

When he finally turned to face me, his expression betrayed no emotion. “Because the Takers killed her when they came looking for him.”

I closed my eyes tight. “You knew her?”

“Yeah.” He was facing the window again when I opened my eyes. “She was my sister. I was twelve. They said it was to get even because your dad had stopped working on their drug.”

Rubbing my left arm with my opposite hand, I felt abruptly cold. I relived everything I’d ever said to Jack. He and I hadn’t ever gotten along, but I’d never really given him a chance.

“I’m really sorry,” I said.

“He left you and your mom as soon as he heard about Sarah. He was terrified the same thing would happen to you.” Jack shrugged, and the motion seemed to ripple all the way down his body. It was silent for almost a full minute before he spoke again. “We should get back to the training before we waste the whole night

He cleared his throat, but emotion was still evident in his tone as he went on. “The same way you just altered your mom’s dream, you can send the Dreamer’s mind on tangents. Bury something in dream layers. It all depends on how specific you are and how hard you push.”

He leaned toward Mom’s desk, his eyes searching an old picture that sat near the edge. I’d almost forgotten she had it. It was from my eighth
birthday. Dad was in it, smiling wide, one arm around each of us. When Jack sat back again, he said, “This is all going to come with practice. I can’t really teach you in one dream. Now that you know how to do it, you just need to use it and figure it out.”

“I can do that.” I stepped back around the desk, but Jack stood up and pointed to the chair next to him. When I took the seat, he stepped around to Mom’s side of the desk and looked at me.

“That was just step one. This is step two.” He raised his hands and leaned toward my mom.

“Wait!”

He dropped his hands to his sides and raised one eyebrow at me.

“Just, nothing to do with my dad this time, okay?”

Jack inclined his head and then lifted his hands back to Mom again. This time he physically touched her, like I’d done with Addie and Mia in their dreams before. She turned to look at him, not at all as surprised to see him there as I’d expected.

“Do you trust me?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“How can I make you trust me?”

“Take care of Parker.” Her eyes were honest; there was nothing hidden. It was so much like when I’d talked to Addie in her dreams. They were so vulnerable in here.

“You can trust me now. I have already helped Parker.”

“Okay.”

“I’m welcome to stay in your house as long as I want,” Jack continued, and Mom nodded before he’d even finished his sentence. “You want me to stay. You don’t even want to ask about it.”

“Yes. You should stay.” Mom smiled and I fought the urge to push Jack away, to make him stop manipulating her.
He’s not hurting her. He’s not.
I repeated it a few times in my head. This was harmless.