Penny Serenade (19 page)

True to her word, Colleen had tea on the table, along with French toast and bacon. She filled her aunt in on her day, about meeting Lucas, and learning about where the money had come from.

“I wanted to tell you love, but he insisted I keep it a secret. He worried you’d want to pay him back, or not take it at all.”

“Hm.
I suppose he’d have been right. Ah well, I feel bad I can never thank him in person.”

“I don’t think he ever needed your thanks.”

After a breakfast she went through some of the boxes from her youth. The only thing she kept was a photo album with pictures from school. Lucas was in one, and she wanted something to remember him by.

The morning flew by and before she had time to consider a walk out on the dock, she had to get going or risk missing the ferry. Audrey gathered her things together, packed up the car, and went inside the house to say goodbye to Colleen.

“Don’t be a stranger,” her aunt said.

“I promise, I won’t.”

She’d be back soon, without an agenda or expectations.

“Here’s a thermos of chowder. Enjoy.”

Grateful, she took the thermos and hugged her aunt. This whole time she pictured coming home to be full of dread and regret.

Audrey tucked the thermos in her carry-on pack and drove to the port to wait for the ferry. Five minutes early, she got out of the car and leaned against it, looking out at the water. A dense layer of fog clung in the air, the mist making her skin dewy. She took out her cellphone and phoned the shop. Heidi sounded good and let her know the shop had been in good hands. It surprised her that she hadn’t worried at all, so unlike her to give up her control over things with such ease. If anything, it allowed her to know she could count on others to help her. Still, she looked forward to going back to work, and anxious to get back to her routine.

She inhaled the smell of fish and a hint of bacon coming from the inn. It felt good to be going back home. This time she wasn’t running or escaping. She wasn’t trying to get away from anyone or even her childhood memories. Audrey wasn’t the same scared little girl filled with anger anymore. She’d grown up.

The ferry arrived on time and she hustled back into her car, driving along the ramp into the same parking spot as before. Soon she’d be on a plane. Audrey took out the thermos her aunt packed for her and enjoyed the chowder. She missed her bed, the hunky fireman calendar, her shop, and…Dominic. He’d never strayed far from her mind.

Now that she’d taken care of one chapter of her life, it was time to examine the other one. If she could face the ghosts of her past, surely she could tackle something as simple as an apology. Somehow she figured that like everything else in her life, this wouldn’t be easy.

*****

Audrey heaved a sigh for the tenth time in a row. Pathetic, she knew, but it was all she could think to do. It had been a week since she’d returned from
Maine
and a steady sense of restlessness crept through her. The euphoria of closure had been short-lived. Her backroom was a mess with all the new shipments that she hadn’t bothered to open. She’d made little progress on her inventory and twice she’d forgotten to mail off new orders. Work, hell her life, had come to a standstill since she’d returned. She’d dealt with her past, but now it was her future that was uncertain.

She glanced over at the sleek black phone that all but begged her to pick it up and dial. She’d had the phonebook open and bookmarked to Dominic’s work number, with the idea she’d call him. But every time she picked up the receiver, she lost her nerve. Half a dozen times she considered walking right over to his store, but stopped herself before she ever made it out the door.

On the plane ride home she’d made up her mind to confront him. Once she landed in
Oregon
the confidence diminished and by the next day she knew she couldn’t do it. It didn’t stop her from thinking about it, though, actually obsessing over it sounded more like it. Even the Hunky Fireman calendar had lost its appeal to her since she’d come back. She didn’t find the same guilty pleasure in getting off to a stranger no matter how big his pecs and other body parts were. Dominic’s face and the way he’d touched her became her ultimate fantasy. She’d made so many mistakes over time, and Dominic now topped that list.

Too much time had passed now, and she worried that he didn’t want anything more to do with her, and she didn’t blame him. Audrey wished she could forget him. Being in her shop didn’t
help,
it served as a reminder of all things Dominic. Where he stood, how he looked, the way he’d called the tarot cards, terror cards. She missed his smile and the paint stained clothes, his charming smile, and his scent. Whenever the door opened her stomach fluttered and she’d hold her breath. At this point he was the last person who’d come in, but it didn’t stop her from wishing for the impossible.

A stretch of sunlight spilled along the floor as the door opened. Audrey raised her head, hopeful as ever, and exhaled at the sight of Betsy in a stunning red sundress, clutching her big jewelry bag. Someone else she’d missed since she’d been away.

“You’re back,” the elderly woman said. “I thought you’d still be off on some exotic vacation.”

“Hardly.
It was a short trip,” Audrey explained. “But don’t worry, I’ll be leaving again.
For two whole weeks this time.
No work.
Just me and solitude.”

Betsy’s eyes crinkled as she smiled.
“Excellent to hear, dear.
A true vacation would be good for you. I enjoyed meeting young Heidi. She told me all about your idea with phone orders and her idea of a website. The Internet will help boost sales and gain you new customers. I’m certain of it.”

She crossed her fingers. “Here’s hoping. I do think it’s a wonderful idea, and I’m grateful for Heidi’s willingness to help. I don’t know the first thing about computers.”

“When I first learned how to work one, I cringed. Now I can’t get enough of it.
Great fun for keeping up with old friends and swapping recipes.”

Great, Betsy knew how to use a computer and she didn’t. “I guess I’m old fashioned or something. I’ll always love the feel of writing on paper.”

“I believe a nice balance of both is in order for this day and age, dear. But we must all find what works for us.”

“Sound advice.” Audrey closed up the phone book, deciding she’d never make the call so why bother torturing herself? “Heidi left me a note that you’d wanted to talk to me about an idea you had for the shop. I’d love to hear it.”

Betsy set her bag on the countertop and clasped her hands behind her back. She always reminded her of a school teacher when she did that. “You know I adore being in your shop,” the elderly woman began, “and the energy in here is astounding. I’ve yet to find anywhere else with such strong positive power. I wondered if I could give readings here for a few hours one day a week, or whatever works best for you.”

Audrey brushed a stray hair from her face. “Are you serious? That would be so much fun. I could get a sweet little table and chairs set and, let’s see, maybe set them up in the corner? Oh yes, we’ll definitely need to plan this out more. I’d love you to do readings here.” What a great way to get more people to come in, and give Betsy more exposure.

“I’m glad you like the idea,” the elderly woman mused. “I’ll be honest,
dear,
it was Heidi who talked me into approaching you about it. She wants so much for you to succeed here.”

At one time she’d have balked at the idea, not wanting to share the spotlight with other people. Now the idea sounded perfect. “You know, I used to think I could do all this business stuff on my own, but I’m enjoying the thought of working together. It just seems right.”

Well, almost everything was right, but she couldn’t fix everything.

Betsy walked up beside her and gave her a scrutinizing look. “How are things with you, dear? You seem…preoccupied. Your—”

Audrey raised a hand. “Don’t even start on my aura today. Please.”

“Of course, dear, though I’ve been meaning to ask how your date went.”

She winced. “It wasn’t a date, remember?”

“Oh, humor me, dear.”

She’d been reliving that day about every other hour since returning home. It would be easy to sum up. “We went out, and then I ruined things with my big mouth. I gave him a bad time for speaking without thinking first, and then I went and did it myself.”

“It happens.”

Audrey clicked her tongue. “Not with me. Truth
be
told, the evening started out fine.
Actually, more than fine.
I found myself comfortable with him in a way I never expected, and it scared me.”

“Go on,” Betsy prompted. “What happened?”

“I blurted out stuff that I didn’t mean. Well, I meant them in the heat of the moment, but not the way I said them.” She groaned and rubbed her temples. “Ugh. I don’t know. I’m not any good with relationships.
Never have been.
I’m not comfortable with getting close to any man, and not one I care about.”

“Because you believe you’ll be disappointed?”

She chewed on her lip while considering the question. “There is that.”

“You’re holding on too tight to past memories.”

“I suppose.”

“People make mistakes, dear. People leave, and people die. You can’t control any of it.”

“But I can control whether I fall in love or not,” Audrey argued.

Betsy narrowed her eyes. “Do you believe that nonsense?”

“I-I think so.” What did she even know about love?

“I haven’t met many people who do,” the woman continued.

She shrugged in response.

“You need to speak with him, dear.”

“He hasn’t bothered to try and speak with me.”

“Were you the one who dismissed him?” Betsy stared her down so hard there was no way she could
lie
.

“Well…yes.”

“Then it’s up to you to take the initiative. You need to approach him. He’s likely too afraid to confront you at this point.”

She doubted Dominic was afraid of anything. “Are you kidding me? How would I start? You forget
,
I didn’t have anyone to help me out with all of this stuff. No one prepared me for what to do.”

“Do what feels right, dear. Tell him you’re sorry for the way things turned out. At least find some closure so you can move on.”

All this facing her demons stuff was getting to be too much. She was still coming down from the exhilaration she felt after her trip to
Maine
. It felt too soon to tackle another fear. Audrey’s shoulders slumped. “I want to, but I’m too scared. Every time I think I’m ready to talk to him, I chicken out.”

Betsy reached out and patted her hand.
“An even better reason to face him, dear.
Don’t let the unfinished business between you two just hang there or you’ll regret it. Do it before you go on vacation or you won’t enjoy yourself.”

“I think it might make things worse. I never wanted to get involved with him or any other guy just for this very reason. I’m not good at letting people in.”

“Being alone doesn’t mean you’ll never hurt again,” Betsy reasoned.

Audrey straightened. “It helps.”

“No, dear, it means you’ll hurt alone. But I know you don’t want to hear my take on things.”

Arms folded, she faced the woman, almost certain she didn’t want to hear the harsh truth that was about to be thrust on her. “No, go ahead.”

“I see a woman who creates illusions as a false sense of security.
Admirable, but unrealistic.
Life isn’t scripted, dear. It’s messy and full of surprises. To create your shop and your home so that nothing can happen to you will definitely help you have nothing happen, but you’ll always be stuck in your void. You’ve made this unrealistic fantasy world where you think you can’t get hurt and by not letting someone in you’ll have a better life. What you’ll end up is alone. Reconnect and allow others in.”

Audrey’s jaw almost hit the counter. Betsy knew her better than she knew herself.

“How do you do that? How do you know how to sucker punch a person with the truth, and do it with such unbelievable poise?”

“I read people, dear, and I’ve gotten to know you well over the months.” Betsy glanced at her watch, her brow furrowing. “Oh dear, I’m afraid I have a luncheon to get to with the ladies. I’m already late. I’ll leave the lapis bracelets in your capable hands. You’re a strong young woman. Give this man another chance to know the real you. Make it under your terms if you want, but let him know you didn’t mean the things you said. You were scared. I’m sure he’ll understand.”