Perfect on Paper (9 page)

“I get it,” she said. “You don’t want to commit to anything. That makes sense. You’re young.”

“It’s not about commitment,” he retaliated. “But nothing changes the fact that life is made up of moments, and all we ever have is the present moment. None of us can predict the future.”

“No, but we can make plans.”

“I guess. But think about all those planners whose lives were ruined by hurricanes and typhoons.” He looked around. “Not to mention illness and death.”

Nadine’s heart fell. What had she expected from someone so young? She felt like a romantic fool for having any feelings for him at all. There was no way she could join him on Hippie Island. No way they could be beach bums together. For a week or two, maybe, but what was she thinking?

Nadine was in her head completely. The two sides of her nature dueled within her. On one side there was her free spirit, the part of her that questioned the impulse to get married and start a family with a socially acceptable mate. On the other side, there was the Nadine who played it safe, who believed in self-reliance and hard work and good investments. That was the Nadine she’d been with Allan. She wanted to change that part of herself, but she didn’t know if she could ever get that safety oriented part of herself to chill out. She had never felt so confused.

David put down his brush and walked over to her. He put his arms around her and held her. She clung to him.

“I’m here. Right now. And this moment with you is all that matters,” he said.

“Really?” she asked. It seemed like a line.

“Yes. And I don’t have anything against people who make plans. I just don’t want to fall prey to the fallacious idea that we can predict what the future will hold.”

“I don’t either,” she said. “But that said, I’m still saving for retirement.”

“Me too, but I refuse to live my life for RRSPs.”

Nadine eyed him. “Benefits and savings plans are the main reason I returned to the bookstore.”

“But you want to leave it to run your own business. That’s pretty ‘in the moment’ of you.”

Nadine smiled. David was a lot more perceptive than she gave him credit for.

“Let’s finish up so I can take you upstairs,” David said.

Nadine nodded. Her confusion was over. It was true that she didn’t know what the future would hold. But she knew that right now she had a gorgeous man who was helping her and she would never regret spending the afternoon with him. She could never regret letting him dote on her and help her out with her new endeavor. It was terribly sweet of him and maybe this was her good karma to have this brief tryst with this sweet, puppy dog guy. She didn’t know what it all meant and it didn’t matter. One more coat of lacquer and they could call it a day.

Nadine wanted to ask David more about his travels, but she was afraid. It was a trigger—a reminder of all the unsatisfying years she’d spent behind a desk doing less than what she loved, being less than fully alive. She didn’t have an opportunity to ask because David had questions of his own.

“So, what’s it like to be back at the bookstore?”

She rolled her eyes. “You really want to talk about that place, don’t you?”

He shrugged. “We did meet there.”

“It’s okay, I guess. It gets me a little depressed sometimes because of all the old, familiar faces.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean Sue Ellen, Hank, Amarjit, Toby and the whole trade books floor were all there when I started ten years ago.”

“So?”

“So, have you ever heard them complain about their lives? Sometimes at staff meetings, I just want to wear earplugs because their conversations are exactly the same. Nothing has changed.”

“Some people don’t like change.”

“I know, but most of these people complain about stuff they could totally fix if they wanted to—like Hank and how he wants to make a short film. He’s still talking about that. Like, just make the damn film, you know?”

He nodded respectfully. He listened.

“What?” Nadine asked.

“Nothing.”

“Seriously. What were you just thinking?”

“Well, just that it’s not really your business what they do or don’t do with their lives, so I don’t know why it’s getting you down.”

“I’m just afraid of being like that, being one of them.”

“Nadine, you are nothing like them.”

“You say that so confidently, but sometimes I’m not convinced.”

She had stopped applying lacquer. She stood up and took a step back to look at her accomplishment. The wardrobe was complete. It just needed to dry.

“I don’t believe you,” he said. David saw an artist standing before her glorious work. He saw her reverence for wood, for historical pieces, for understanding exactly what needed to be highlighted from the past, modernized and protected.

“No?” Nadine said in a low and humble tone.

“No. You left your other career to follow your heart. I don’t believe for a second that you’d do that unless you believed deep inside that you’d be successful at it.”

Nadine looked at him. He was still squatting on the floor, still brushing an awkward area in the underbelly of the dresser that nobody would ever see but it seemed to matter to him—just as it did to her—that it was covered.

“That’s a really nice thing to say, David.”

“Well, I’m a nice guy.” He smiled and winked at her.

“I know.”

“But I’m not just nice. Don’t think I’m one of those pushover guys who’s just interested in your friendship.”

Nadine picked up on the animalistic suggestion in his words. She shared his instincts. She felt her own body’s magnetic pull toward him, a call she had spent several weeks trying to ignore and the past twenty-four hours trying to stomp out like an out of control fire.

David stood up. The moment called for something more than words and he knew it. This was his chance to show her exactly what he meant, and he intended to. He took her by the hand and she curled into him, accepting his embrace. He could tell that she liked being in his arms, even if she was afraid. She had different ideas in her head. He could respect that. David could tell that Nadine was caught off guard by their connection, as he had been, and he understood that it was a different thing for her to contend with their age difference than it was for him. Not only did he not care, he was excited. It was refreshing and new and he understood that she had things to offer him that no girl his age ever could. Nadine had life experience, wisdom and the quiet confidence that only comes from years.

He looked down at her and she looked up. He took the back of her head in his hands and held onto her as he slowly edged his lips toward hers.

Chapter Eleven

Nadine was melting inside. She could feel his touch everywhere and she wanted to fall into his arms and let him hold her completely. She wanted to lose herself in kissing him. Her body wanted desperately to give in to the feelings she had for him but still her mind clung to some noisy inner voice that told her there was something wrong.

“David,” she said, interrupting the moment, “I haven’t really made up my mind about what to do about us.”

“What’s there to do?”

“I mean whether we should take this further.”

When David looked in her eyes, he saw only her passion. It was the line on her forehead that revealed her reluctance. He let go of her and took a polite step back. “Well, do you want to?”

“Yes, I want to. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“Doing what you want is always a good idea.”

“I disagree,” she said.

David felt the fire in her. He knew she was torn and although he didn’t want her to do anything against her wishes, he also perceived that she wasn’t seeing the situation accurately and that if she only could, she’d see just how great they could be together.

“All right,” he said, and by the look on her face he knew he’d shocked her. Instinctively, she felt what his body wanted. She responded by wrapping her legs around him. He supported her with his strong arms. “We’re going to do this your way.”

“My way?” She giggled.

“I’m taking you upstairs where we’re going to sit down and write a civilized pro-con list. That’s how you roll, isn’t it?”

“Actually”—she nearly snorted she was laughing so hard now—“I
am
pretty fond of them.”

“It figures,” he said, as he walked in through the garage door, turned the corner then walked her up two flights of stairs until they were in her living room. The whole time he held her in his arms she laughed. He knew that whether she was ready to admit it or not, she loved every second of being with him.

Upstairs, he put her down on the edge of her sofa. He took a notebook from her bookshelf and picked up a pen from the coffee table and handed them to her.

“First con,” David said as though they’d agreed that she’d take dictation. “Age difference.”

She nodded and wrote it down.

“Pros,” he said. “Instant connection, incredible physical chemistry, mutual respect.”

She smiled as she tried to write with the same speed with which he rambled off justifications for their possible union.

“Different life experiences,” she said.

“Good one,” he said, taking the notebook from her to write the words down.

She looked at the notebook.

“Hey!” she cried. “You wrote that down as a pro.”

“It is a pro.”

“I thought it was a con.”

“Well, you’re wrong,” he smirked. “It’s a great thing to have different experiences of life.”

“I guess,” she relented.

He continued the list of pros by noting their shared love of Hitchcock, Thai food and working with their hands. Within a couple of minutes, the pros could no longer fit on the page while the con side still only had one point.

“And there we have it,” he said playfully, holding up the list. “An overwhelming argument in favor of kissing.”

It was impossible to not be charmed by David and Nadine stopped trying. She shook her head at him as if to suggest that at a different moment in time, perhaps when she was not under his spell, she might be able to create a list. Clearly in his presence her mind was blank and she gently licked her lips, longing to kiss him.

She took the notebook from him and tossed it on the couch. He let her take control. She took his arms and wrapped them around her and she looked longingly into his eyes for a long time before she kissed him. The sensation was unbeatable, like sinking into a hot bath after a day in the cold. Everything about their connection was perfect. She pressed herself up against him. His body fit hers. His scent aroused her. The feeling of the skin on the back of his neck beneath her fingers was divine. He was so sexy to her. Their undeniable physical chemistry was so profound that it felt as though the world around her disappeared completely when they were together. It was as though they existed together in a bubble, just the two of them.

She longed to be naked with him. She wanted him to take her and have his way with her. The ache of her longing overwhelmed her. An hour or so later, she knew she had to either send him home or take him to her bedroom, but her conscience wasn’t ready to accept their co-written pro-con list as an argument. She opted to bid him goodnight.

* * * *

Nadine got to the lounge earlier than she had expected. She was seated at a table for two in the window and took the opportunity to examine herself in her compact. Though she had the beginnings of some faint laugh lines, she really looked the same as she had when she’d been David’s age. She applied a sheer peach colored lip gloss that accentuated the coral dress she wore. She’d put her hair up in rollers so that it was full of body and cascaded over her shoulders, exactly as she’d wanted. Good hair days felt like little signs from the universe that everything would work out. She hadn’t seen Marnie in a few weeks and she was looking forward to telling her about her biggest sale to date.

Before Marnie had even sat down, before she’d even taken off her coat, she said, “So tell me about the boy toy.”

Nadine got up to hug her friend. “There’s not that much to tell. Hi,” she said. Marnie’s immediacy was jarring. Nadine couldn’t help but notice that she seemed like an addict looking for a fix.

“Whatever,” Marnie said, as she sat down and flagged the server over. “Spill it, sister.”

“Hey, ladies,” the server said. “Can I get you started with a drink? We’ve got Bellinis on special.”

“Great. Two of those,” Marnie said.

Nadine took Marnie’s ordering as a gesture that suggested dominance, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to submit to her friend’s curiosity.

“So…” Marnie smiled. “What’s going on?”

Nadine was not used to being the one with the latest gossip. It had been fun to tell Marnie about David back when he’d been just an abstract idea—some young hot guy who worked with her, who accepted her orders with enthusiasm. It had even been fun when they’d joked about her little boy toy, but now that she had developed real feelings for him, she wanted to protect David from Marnie’s scrutiny. Or maybe it was herself she wanted to protect. She wasn’t sure.

“You first,” she said.

“Fine,” Marnie scoffed in a joking way. “Let’s see. Well, Tracy’s finally pregnant. The IVF worked. Maybe she’ll have twins.”

Marnie’s idea of news usually involved other people’s news before her own. She gave updates of everyone at the office before finally sharing the news that was relevant to her. “And I found out that Cameron and his girlfriend moved in together.”

“Oh no,” Nadine said, remembering what a mess Marnie was after she and Cameron broke up. “How are you handling it?”

“It’s fine. I mean, I heard they’re getting a dog and trying for a baby. So, good for them. I’m over it.” Marnie’s tone was unconvincing but Nadine respected that Marnie was trying to tell herself a new story. After months of scowling or crying whenever anyone made mention of Cameron, Marnie’s delivery of this news was surprisingly unemotional.

“Well, good. You were never a dog person or a baby person, for that matter, so yeah, it’s probably for the best.”