Personal Jurisdiction (29 page)

Ben took her hand and she pulled him up from the piano bench. She led him out into the chilly Chicago night and they walked over to his apartment together. He opened the door wordlessly, then walked in and went straight to his bedroom. Whitney flipped on the light and looked around. She had never seen Ben’s apartment, which was surprising since both Ben and Alex lived here. It was spacious, with minimal decoration. The living room boasted a giant flat screen television, and an expensive looking leather couch. Alex was apparently not home. His room was right off of the living room, and the door was open, revealing a bed with a dark wooden headboard and matching dresser. The bed was made, and other than a pair of sneakers in the middle of the floor, the room was perfectly neat and clean.

Whitney went to the kitchen and started heating up water in a teakettle that was sitting on the stove. She rummaged around and found mugs and peppermint tea, then waited a few minutes for the water to boil. She glanced at her watch. It was almost midnight. She wondered where Alex was this late on a Thursday night. Then she remembered that tonight was Bar Review. He was probably out taking advantage of the drink specials. The teakettle started whistling and Whitney poured the water over the teabags, then took the mugs to Ben’s room.

Ben’s room was a complete change from the minimalist appearance of the rest of the apartment. Almost every inch of his bedroom wall was covered with some sort of artwork. Several kinds of paint, colored pencils, and even markers had been used to create colorful paintings and drawings. Some were drawings of the city of Chicago, some were of the law school, and many were of exotic looking places that Whitney did not recognize. A few were on framed canvasses, but many were just sheets of paper taped to the wall. They were all signed “B.Parks.”

“Holy shit, Ben. I thought you said you didn’t get any of the artistic genes in the family. These are amazing.”

“It’s just a silly hobby,” Ben said. He was sprawled out on his bed, still wearing his shoes. Whitney set the two mugs down on his dresser.

“I made tea, if you want some,” she said. Ben nodded but did not move.

Whitney walked slowly around the room, admiring Ben’s artwork. She had been friends with him for the better part of a year now, but his paintings made her realize that there was so much she did not know about him. She looked over at him as he stared up at the ceiling with a sad expression. He was still gorgeous, but at the moment he reminded her of a lost child. Whitney glanced at her watch. It was nearing 12:30, and Ben was going to have an early morning to catch his flight. He needed to get some rest.

“Where’s your suitcase?” she asked, and Ben pointed to his closet. Whitney went into the walk-in closet, and found several suitcase options. She chose a medium-sized one and dragged it out. She shoved Ben’s legs over a little bit and laid the suitcase across the bed. Ben sat up and started sipping one of the mugs of tea, while staring off into space.

“Do you want to tell me what to pack?” Whitney asked.

“Just whatever,” Ben said. Whitney did her best not to feel exasperated, reminding herself that he was in a rough spot.

“I’m just going to poke around and pack some stuff for you, okay?”

Ben nodded, and Whitney got to work, packing a few business casual outfits and a few casual outfits. Ben’s closet was overwhelming. Whitney decided to pack him a suit, and she was shocked at the number of suits he had. She counted at least fifteen. Whitney only owned one suit. She shook her head in amazement, chose a classic-looking black suit, and carefully placed it in the suitcase. She threw a few pairs of shoes in the suitcase as well, and then went to Ben’s bathroom to figure out toiletries. She found a bag on the counter already packed with travel sized toiletry items and grabbed it. It must have been leftover from his Greece trip.

When she came back to the room, Ben had kicked off his shoes and fallen asleep. Whitney quietly closed the suitcase and put it on the floor. She turned off the light, then tiptoed out of the room and shut the door. She had to stay. If she did not wake Ben up in the morning, there was a good chance he was going to sleep in and miss his flight. Whitney looked around for a closet that might hold extra blankets, but could not find anything. The only blanket in Alex’s room was the one on his bed, and she did not want to take his only one. So, she just lay down on the couch and used one of the decorative couch pillows as her pillow. She was not going to be sleeping much tonight, anyways. She needed to get up at 5 a.m. to make sure Ben got to his 7 a.m. flight. A quick glance at her phone showed her it was already after 1 o’clock. She set the alarm on her phone and passed out on the couch.

A few hours later, Whitney woke up with a start when the living room light was suddenly turned on. She moaned and shielded her eyes, groggy, and confused about where she was.

“Whitney?” Alex’s startled voice exclaimed. He shut the lights back off. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I had no idea you were here. What
are
you doing here, actually? And why are you sleeping on the couch.”

“I ran into Ben when I was leaving school last night and he was a total mess. His grandma has cancer ,and they think she’s going to be gone within a few days.”

“Oh, no!” Alex said, walking over and sitting on the edge of the couch. “He’s super close with his grandma. I thought she was doing better.”

“Well, his family thought so, too. So the fact that she’s on her deathbed now is a big shock, I guess. I found Ben in Levy Mayer hall last night, playing piano and—”

“Ben plays piano? I had no idea.”

“Yeah. Me neither. He’s really good at it. He was playing last night, and I found him when I was trying to see who was playing. He wasn’t planning on going home to San Francisco, but I convinced him he needed to. He has a 7 a.m. flight, and I’m afraid if I don’t wake him up he won’t make it.”

“And you’re sleeping on the couch?”

Whitney shrugged. “He fell asleep on his bed while I was helping him pack. I didn’t want to wake him up, and I felt weird sleeping in there when we’re…well, I don’t know what we are.”

Alex nodded. “Wow. I’m so sad for him. Look, why don’t you let me take him to the airport tomorrow? Then you don’t have to worry about it.”

Whitney shook her head. “I can do it. You’re going to get even less sleep than me if you drive him, since you just got home. Besides, I’ve been looking for an excuse to get behind the wheel of his Mustang,” Whitney teased, then looked at her phone. It was 3:30. “Where have you been, by the way? You smell like a vat of grease.”

Alex sniffed his sleeve and made a face. “Yeah, sorry. I went to Bar Review and then to some random diner afterwards. I think their French fries were basically grease with a little bit of potato.”

Whitney wrinkled her nose at him. “Gross.”

“I know. Not my best culinary experience ever. Hey, why don’t you at least sleep on my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

Whitney shook her head again. “No, I have to be up in an hour and a half anyways. You might as well just take your own bed.”

“You’re so stubborn,” Alex said. Even in the near darkness, Whitney could see the sparkle in Alex’s eyes.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind a blanket, if you have an extra one somewhere.”

Alex got up and grabbed the one off of his bed. When Whitney tried to protest, he held up his hand. “No more protesting,” he said, throwing the blanket at her. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

Whitney did as she was told, drifting into a dreamless sleep until her alarm went off ninety minutes later. She went into Ben’s room and shook him awake, then made some coffee while he stumbled to the shower. She poured the coffee into travel mugs for the ride to the airport. She was probably going to need at least three times this much caffeine to make it through the day, but at least this was a start.

Ben came out of the bedroom, not looking much better than last night. At least he was going to make his flight. He threw a long-sleeved heather gray t-shirt at Whitney. “I thought you might like a fresh shirt to wear,” he said. Whitney nodded gratefully. She took the shirt to the bathroom and changed into it. She felt weird changing in front of Ben right now, even though he had seen her half-naked before. She washed her face and brushed her teeth using her finger and toothpaste from Ben’s bathroom.

When she came back out, Ben had his suitcase by the door and was ready to go. “I can take a cab, Whitney,” he said. “I don’t want you to have to drive me all the way to the airport.”

Whitney hesitated. “Are you sure?” She was exhausted, and the last thing in the world she felt like doing was driving to the airport. But she did not want to abandon Ben if he needed her.

“I’m sure. Stay here and get some more sleep. You’ve done so much already. Seriously, thank you. I would not be heading home right now if not for you. I just hope I make it in time.”

Whitney nodded. “Okay. Call me if you need anything.” She gave Ben a quick hug. As soon as he left, she went to his bedroom and collapsed into his bed. She inhaled his scent on the sheets and on the shirt she was wearing. Then she looked around the room at his motley collection of artwork. There was so much more to him than she knew. He was an artist and a musician. He was close to his grandmother. And, apparently, he did not function well in difficult situations. Whitney stared for several moments at a drawing of the city of Chicago done with markers, then finally closed her eyes and allowed sleep to take over again. The last thing she remembered thinking was how ironic it was that she was finally sleeping in Ben Parks’ bed.

When Whitney woke up, it was late morning. She had missed two classes already, and decided there was no point in going to class at all that day. She tentatively walked out into the living room, but Alex was gone. He was probably at the law school. She gathered up her backpack, stuffing the shirt she had worn yesterday into it. Then she put her jacket on over Ben’s shirt and left the apartment. Thankfully, the door automatically locked behind her. She had not thought to ask Ben for a key.

The weather was surprisingly warm compared to the day before. Whitney took her time walking to the bus stop, enjoying breathing in the spring air. She felt overwhelmed by the events of the last twenty-four hours. She had learned a great deal about Ben—things that made him feel more human and less like another one of the power-obsessed elite that law school seemed to attract. But, somehow, seeing new sides of Ben made her feel more distant from him. He had never opened up and shared his art or music with her. He had never mentioned his grandmother, or confided in Whitney that she was struggling with cancer. Rather than feeling closer to Ben, she felt further away than ever.

Ben had good moments. He had given Whitney a birthday party. He had taken her to dinner. He had studied with her and laughed with her. But it was clear to Whitney that he did not love her. Whitney’s ex-boyfriend, Ethan, had acted in a similar way. Whitney had drawn out her relationship with Ethan, convincing herself that he just needed time to fully open up to her. In the end, all she had done was waste a year and a half of her life loving someone who did not love her back. She knew deep down that she could not make this mistake again. She had to admit to herself that Ben did not feel for her the way she felt for him. She had to let him go. She could not keep holding on and hoping he would change.

Whitney got off the bus and stopped at the Walgreens near her apartment building. She picked up a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream and a bottle of wine. The wine was a Merlot with a lion on the label. Not the cutest wine label she had ever picked out, but the choices at Walgreens were somewhat limited. She still had not drunk the bottle of wine Alex had given her for her birthday, but he would never speak to her again if she paired that with a pint of ice-cream.

Whitney got to her apartment and changed into the same fluffy pink sweatpants she had worn constantly when Ethan broke up with her. Somehow, they seemed appropriate now. She opened the wine and the ice-cream, and sat on her couch consuming them while mindlessly watching TV shows on Netflix. Ben’s t-shirt was folded up on the arm of the couch. After her second glass of wine, she glanced over at it. She picked it up and inhaled Ben’s scent on the shirt, then collapsed onto her side on the couch. She buried her face in the shirt and started crying.

She cried for the year and a half she had wasted with Ethan. She cried for the months she had wasted pining over Ethan after he left her. She cried for the way Ben used to kiss her, and how much she missed it. She cried for the time she had spent waiting for Ben to call, or text, or even just turn and say hello when he saw her. She cried because she looked for Ben every time she knew he might be nearby, but he never looked for her.

She cried because she wanted to be okay with being by herself. She cried because she knew she had wrapped up too much of her identity in what Ben thought of her. In fact, she had wrapped up too much of her identity in what
everyone
at law school thought of her. She sobbed for almost an hour, and she promised herself that this was the last time she was going to let herself cry about Ethan or Ben. One last long, ugly cry, and then she was going to move on.

The next day, Whitney was scheduled to meet Elise and Jamie for brunch. Whitney had not heard about their trip to Saint Thomas yet, and she was looking forward to an update. When Whitney woke up and looked in the mirror, her eyes were still red and swollen from her breakdown the night before. Whitney took a long hot shower and carefully applied her makeup, but she could not completely hide the puffiness. When she arrived at the restaurant, Elise noticed it right away.