Phoenix (33 page)

Jack continued to stroke her face. “It’s okay to think back on the good stuff, you know.”

When every memory made the gap in her heart that much wider? “It hurts too much,” she said. “I hate thinking about it.”

“You have to stop letting it make you feel that way.” He traced his fingers along her neck. “I miss you, sweetheart. So very much.”

She wasn’t ready for this. For so many reasons. “Jack, please don’t,” she whispered.

“Why not?” he asked. “You miss me too. I know you do.” He smiled again. “And you’re apparently having very vivid recollections of some of our most impressive achievements.”

“I can’t do this right now,” she said.

“Of course you can. You want this. You want me. Let me make you feel good.”

Tears pricked her eyes. There were so many places his hands could roam. So many wonderful, beautiful places. But if she let him do that, he’d discover the truth. He’d feel the scars. See them. “Please. We can’t-”

“Forget everything that’s between us and just
be
with me,” he whispered, kissing a trail down her throat. “I love you. I want to be close to you.”

He made it sound so easy. Like they could step through a mirror and magically erase time. Caroline wanted to lean in further, let him touch her, let him do all the things she knew he wanted to do since she arrived at the base in February. But she couldn’t do it. Even if she wanted him to.

She told herself to push away, but instead she stupidly grabbed the front of his shirt. “I could never say no to you, Jack.”

He kissed her neck again. “Then don’t. Say yes.”

He’d keep pressing until she gave in. Until she wanted to give in. She was already giving him mixed signals. And she couldn’t let him take them down that road. She shook her head back and forth, letting go of him. “I can’t. Please don’t do this. Please go.”

“You deserve this,” Jack said, his lips grazing her cheek. “You need this. And you look so fucking beautiful right now.”

Did he think she wouldn’t see through that lie? He’d keep touching her and she’d lose her train of thought and bad things would happen. Caroline began to shake. “Please don’t make me do this. I can’t.”

Jack swept his fingers across one of her breasts. “You don’t want me to stop. I want to do this for you.”

He’d put his hand under her shirt next. Start unbuttoning her pants. Take her clothes off piece by piece. And then he’d touch and see that puckered, damaged, fucked up skin and he’d
know.
Caroline shoved him away from her. “I do want you to stop,” she said. “I can’t do this.” She started to cry. “Please go.”

Jack held his arms out. “Sweetheart-”

She didn’t want his comfort or his pity. Or anything else. “Stop pushing me, all right? I know what you want. You want to get laid. Go somewhere else for it.”

His face fell. “Caroline, that is not what I wanted. I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ll leave.”

At least it hadn’t taken him long to figure out he’d screwed up. “Good. Have a nice night.”

Caroline turned her back to him and didn’t move until she heard the door click shut. She grabbed her phone and called Natalie’s number as fast as she could.

They were in her apartment. Caroline had just woken up. She’d been thrashing in the sheets but she hadn’t been in distress. No, she’d been thinking of him. Calling out his name, whispering how much she loved him, whimpering and moaning as she hugged her pillow, rubbing her legs together in a crystal clear indication of what she’d been doing in her sleep. It hadn’t been an innocent little dream. It had been much, much more. Jack had the proof he needed. He knew how much she missed him.

That night in Pittsburgh had been incredible. Their marriage had been incredible. He ached for her. Every time she rejected him was a blow to his manhood, and he was done playing her games.

“I miss you, sweetheart. So very much.”

“Jack, please don’t,” Caroline whispered.

“Why not?” he asked. “You miss me too. I know you do.” He smiled again. “And you’re apparently having very vivid recollections of some of our most impressive achievements.”

“I can’t do this right now,” she said.

“Of course you can. You want this. You want me. Let me make you feel good.”

“Please. We can’t-”

“Forget everything that’s between us and just
be
with me,” he whispered, kissing a trail down her throat. “I love you. I want to be close to you.” He caressed her shoulders, her back, her arms. All the places she liked to be touched. He felt her pull back slightly. A fluke. He brought her closer to him.

She grabbed his shirt. “I could never say no to you, Jack.”

“Then don’t. Say yes.”

She was nervous. Understandable. But she’d loosen up once she calmed down. “I can’t. Please don’t do this. Please go.”

“You deserve this,” Jack said, kissing her cheek. He’d get to her lips soon enough. She was afraid of intimacy but not for much longer. “You need this. And you look so fucking beautiful right now.”

Caroline began to shake. “Please don’t make me do this. I can’t.”

Jack swept his fingers across one of her breasts. “You don’t want me to stop. I want to do this for you.”

She tugged on his shirt again. “Oh, Jack.”

“Don’t make me leave,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to leave you alone. I need you.”

“We can’t,” Caroline said. “I’m not ready.”

He couldn’t let her walk away. Not anymore. Not when she was so goddamn close. “I can’t take no for an answer. Not tonight. Please, Caroline. I miss you so fucking much.” He unbuttoned her pants.

She pulled him to her. “We shouldn’t-”

“We should.” He pulled her hoodie above her head and tugged at her zipper. It came easily, and he yanked her pants down. “Please, baby. I want to do this for you.” He teased her through her panties and she moaned. “You like that, don’t you?”

Caroline grabbed his shoulders for support. “Jack, we can’t – please stop.”

He slid one finger back and forth across the thin cotton material, pleased at her physical response. She always reacted quickly and tonight was no exception. “You’re so wet,” he said. “Wet and wanting, all for me. You’ve missed me. Haven’t you?”

Caroline scratched his back as he pressed his finger harder against her underwear. “You’re not playing fair.”

After the way she’d treated him for the last six months? “I’m not here to play fair. Was it fair when you fell into bed with another man? Fair when you rejected me, time and time again?” He shoved his hand down her panties and thrust a finger inside her. Her knees buckled. “Was it fair when you denied me this even though you wanted it as much as I did?”

She leaned into his neck. “Please, Jack. Don’t do it this way.”

Her protests would get her nowhere. Not when she was so fucking turned on. “You love it,” he said quietly. “Don’t pretend you don’t.” He stroked her clit. “Did he give it to you like this?” He thrust his fingers inside her, deeper this time, and she cried out. “Was he better than me?”

“No,” she gasped.

“What was that?” he asked, working his fingers in and out.

“No one…like you,” she choked out, tugging on his hair.

Jack smiled. “That’s what I thought.” He brought his fingers to her clit again and grasped the back of her neck, holding her steady. Her legs were shaking. She was close. “Come for me, baby. You know you want to.”

“Please-”

She collapsed against him. He let her ride out her orgasm, her mouth at his ear, until she was clawing at his shoulders, begging him to stop. He brought her down to the floor, pulling her underwear and pants completely off in the process.

“Wait,” she said. “I don’t-”

“You want this. Don’t deny it. You’ve wanted this ever since I walked in your door today.” He unzipped his pants and smiled as Caroline eyed his cock. He knew she’d missed it and thrust inside her as hard as he could, the way she’d always liked it.

She screamed and tried to push him off her. “No,” she said.

“Yes,” he whispered, and thrust inside her again. She moaned, relaxing under him, and he forced her arms above her head. “I knew you wanted it. Does that feel good?” He thrust inside her again. She felt warm. Tight. And entirely his.

He moved in and out of her as she moaned into his ear. Whispering his name. Part of him wanted it to last but the rest of him wanted to remind her of what he could give her. He knew she’d come back for more.

“Did you like the way Gabe fucked you? Did you whisper his name the sweet way you whisper mine?” He moved inside her again. “Did you?”

Caroline struggled in his grasp. “Jack, stop.”

He gripped her wrists tighter. “You want this. You know you do. Your body is begging for it. And I’m the only man who can give it to you.” He slid in and out of her, slower this time, and she began to moan again. He leaned toward her ear. “Let yourself feel it, baby. You know you missed this.” She grasped his hair, stirring beneath him, and he sped up. “You always liked it rough,” he said.

Caroline gasped again, unable to speak as he moved inside her. He kept going. He was more than willing to render her speechless. Maybe he’d get lucky and she’d let him do it more than once before the sun rose.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I love doing this to you.” He thrust inside her again and knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Jack finished in a shudder, kissing her temple. He pulled back, expecting to see Caroline smiling up at him. But instead she thumped her hands into his chest, scrambling out from under him. She slipped into her underwear and rose to her feet.

“Did that make you feel like a big man?” she asked, her voice trembling.

Jack knelt on the carpet, zipping up his pants. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, you bastard. Did you enjoy that?”

“You wanted it,” he said.

“The fuck I did.”

“You were moaning in my ear, tugging at my hair. You loved it.”

“I was trying to get you off of me!”

He frowned at her. “Give me a break. You can’t very well have buyer’s remorse now. Not after you let me finger fuck you into oblivion. You couldn’t get enough of my cock when we were together. You begged for it all the time.”

“Get the fuck out of my apartment,” she said.

Jack stood up and adjusted his shirt. “You don’t want me to stay?” he asked, surprised.

“No, I don’t want you to stay,” she snapped. “I want you to leave.” There were angry tears in her eyes. “You’re such a manipulative asshole.” Jack took a step toward her and she shoved him away. “Don’t touch me.”

What the fuck was going on? “Caroline-”

“No.” She let out a sob. “You took advantage of me. You did exactly what you did to me in your office, except this time you got the whole show, right? Do you feel good now? Get out.”

She needed to listen to him. Why was she so upset? “Sweetheart-”

“Don’t pull that shit. Get out before I cut your dick off.”

Jack ran his fingers through his hair. She’d wanted it. She’d practically begged for it. With that fucking wet dream, the way she responded to his touch, the way she whispered his name and grabbed his shirt. What the hell was going on? “Fine,” he said. “I’ll leave.”

She beat him to the door, opening it wide. “Leave,” she said frostily.

“I said I would.” Jack pressed his way past her. “Goddamn tease,” he said under his breath.

Caroline glared at him. “You’re exactly what she said you were.”

Shit. When had she ever spoken to him that way before? “Caroline-”

She shoved him a final time and slammed the door in his face. Jack could swear he heard her crying through the door, but instead of taking his chances he walked back to his own apartment.

*              *              *              *              *

Jack lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He’d been replaying the dream for hours, unable to let go of it. This was by far the most disturbing one he’d had, and it had started off in her apartment. The same way it had ended earlier in the day.

He couldn’t wrap his head around what he’d done. This one had seemed real.
Too
real. Not in a good way, either. It reminded him of other things, more so than when he imagined himself sadistically abusing her in his office. He flashed back to an earlier time, long before he met Caroline, when he’d done everything in his power in every aspect of his life in order to get what he wanted.

At least this time he felt nothing. No physical reaction at all. He’d never been so happy to have a limp dick.

There was no way around it. He could try to rationalize, try to say that he seduced her or convinced her that she wanted it. He assaulted his wife. She said no, she told him to stop, she gave him every single social cue he needed, and he kept going. He couldn’t think of any possible way to explain his behavior that didn’t lead to the conclusion that he committed a crime. It didn’t matter that it was a dream.

He stole a peek at his alarm clock. Only a few more hours before his day was to begin. He had a couple of morning meetings he couldn’t shirk out of, but had to make time to clear his head tomorrow. It was late, but he texted Natalie anyway. It seemed less rude than calling.

Need to speak with you in the afternoon. Vitally important.

She responded almost immediately. Maybe she couldn’t sleep either.

Come by at two. Need to talk now?

Jack typed quickly.

I’m okay. Thanks, though.

His phone vibrated with a response within a minute.

No problem. Try to get some sleep. I’m sure everything will be fine.